Chereads / Insanity, Obsession / Chapter 3 - Date night.

Chapter 3 - Date night.

It had been a week since I had seen the news of Romere Hordsin being released. I hardly slept. Nightmares invaded the beauty of dreamscape, a place between the thoughts and the movies my mind subconsciously made up to comfort me as I slept. I was bewildered at my own consciousness. Why was I still afraid of Romere? Why do I think he's going to come for me? I brushed it off, blaming it on the trauma he had inflicted on me in the past. Yes, that was it- it was my thoughts being controlled by fear. Trauma can happen so fast yet it can linger on and on until there is a chance for real healing and a real resolution. It manipulates and terrifies my mind. That's all. I'll be fine.

I had something else to worry about- Skylar. It was our date night tonight. I looked in the mirror, eyes trailing down from my hair slicked back to my polished shoes, laces done up perfectly. I sprayed on some perfume that sat on the corner of my desk and exhaled slowly.

Since that phone call, Skylar hadn't called me once. She only texted me yesterday for the time and location of our date.

I turned around to look at the bouquet of flowers on my bed. Skylar loved flowers. She described them as a dancing rainbow, as if light and music had found a new way to blossom together. I just had to hope it was enough to make her happy.

***********

Waiting outside the bar, I rubbed my hands together to keep the warmth from escaping. Cold mist escaped from my mouth as I exhaled, trailing forwards into the street. The sky was black tranquillity married to a poetry of stars, as ribbons of moonlight lit up the street. I looked at my watch. It was almost 9pm and I had been waiting for over an hour. At first, I thought it was Skylar's way of getting back at me, but then I scolded myself for thinking such things. She wouldn't do something like that, I'm sure. I took out my phone and dialled her number. She picked up almost instantly. Before I could say anything, I heard her sniff loudly before saying, "I was waiting for your call. You waited an hour for me?"

"Of course! Are you crying? What do you mean waiting for my call, is everything okay?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm fine." She said, gasping quietly.

"No you're not! You're crying. I'm coming over." I said, getting my car keys out of my pocket.

"No, don't!" I suddenly stopped, startled by her voice.

"Skylar...is everything okay?" I asked again.

"Carlos...I-" She let out a small gasp before continuing, "I don't think I want to be with you. I just can't take it anymore!" she cried.

My mouth dropped open. I swallowed hard, willing my eyes to remain dry and my mind focused before I spoke, "Skylar, darling please talk to me! What happened? Why are you suddenly wanting to break up with me?"

"I just don't love you anymore. You never have time for me! We've been together for years and we both still live separately, alone! It's like you don't want me here anymore." She sobbed.

My head was pounding as I pushed the hair on my forehead backwards. I pressed my lips together, hard and firm to stop myself from making a sound as tears formed at the sides of my eyes. "I love you, Skylar. I'm sorry I haven't had time lately, but I'll try harder! You should've spoken to me about this instead of keeping it inside for so long! I didn't live with you because my home is my personal space, I use it for work and rest. Work is not my choice, my boss is stubborn and you know that! Be reasonable, Skylar!" I begged. My mind flooded with self-doubt. I was confused- How did I not notice this before? I exhaled loudly and pitched my nose bridge, waiting for her reply as she cried loudly. Citizens on the street glared at me as they walked past, whispering under their breath. But that was the least of my concerns.

"It's over, Carlos. I really thought you were the one, bu-"

"I am! I still am, Skylar! You aren't giving me a chance to make it right!" I yelled, infuriated.

"That's the problem, Carlos! We've been together for 3 years and you still can't see when I'm upset about something." She yelled

The sad reality of what she was saying to me had disappeared. I was suddenly filled with rage. I gritted my teeth and yelled back, "I can! But what did you want me to do? I can't cancel my work just for you, Skylar!"

"I'm not telling you to! I'm just asking you to spare some time for m-"

"Enough! I've told you this already, I work my ass off everyday making money for us and you want me to use the only spare time I have for you? I need to rest too!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face. I moved to the side of the building now, trying not to be heard by too many people.

"That's why we don't work, Carlos. Have a nice life, please don't text me again. Don't call again and don't come over. If you do, I'll call the police."

"Call the police? Skylar I-" I was speechless. My own girlfriend, the person I had cared for and loved had suddenly changed in an instant. Where did it all go wrong?

"Carlos, please. Let me go, I don't want to see you again." She wiped away her tears and spoke calmly now.

I didn't speak back. All I felt was anger, all I felt was that I didn't want to be with her at all; she could never see how hard I tried for her, how much I truly loved her. It was safer, easier to choose not to stay. And I knew I was hiding a truth from myself, of how much this is really to do with sadness and the scars that just won't heal. Yet these fists clenched and my teeth locked up once the sound was out. I'm just gonna have to walk away and let her go.

"Goodbye, Skylar. Thank you for letting me experience the happiness I went through when I was with you. I'll never forget it." I said, as I hung up the phone. But that pain, that realisation, when I let her go, was more than I could take, more than I had ever felt before. If I kept on being angry, how could I love anyone right? How could I begin to love myself?

I slouched down on the ground, wiping my tears away with the sleeve of my coat. I sat on the ground, looking up into the bar. Even in the velvet darkness of the sky, it was in the black of night where the blinding disco light was most comforting. In all loneliness, these were times it felt as if the music was teaching my brain how to flow, how to be peaceful. It's as if the slowly changing tone touches different parts, a sort of auditory massage for my mind. It was an invitation to feel the presence of myself, the ever lonely version that longs for somebody to love. I pulled myself up with the minimal strength left in my arms, and trudged inside the large glass doors of the building. The bar was hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the rock music that dominated the atmosphere. It was a perfect place to be after having your heart broken.

I threw myself onto the bar stool and slouched on the desk where the bartender came up to me and patted my head. I looked up at him, he was tall and muscular, eyes seductive and hair slicked back perfectly. "You were very loud out there." He said, his deep voice making me sit up.

"Sorry?" I said, confused.

"Even over the music, I heard that phone call. You good?" He said, raising an eyebrow and putting his hand on my shoulder.

"No. Can I have your strongest drink please?" I said, placing a hand on his arm.

"Sure." He smiled, revealing the set of white teeth arranged perfectly in his mouth.

As the drink was being made, I rested my head on my arms and a tear streamed down my face. I could think of nothing but Skylar, her beauty, her smile, her voice. It made me feel even more lonely knowing I could no longer love her anymore. She had cared so much about me- that was what made her beautiful. That she saw me for who I was and made me feel special, that's what had got me for life. She wasn't just beautiful, she made the space around her beautiful too. She was the flower that made me bloom. And now she's the shovel that plucked me out of the ground.

"Your drink's ready." He said, interrupting my thoughts. He placed the shot in front of me. "I've prepared some more. Drink to your heart's content- it's on me." he said, patting my back.

I said nothing. Instead, I sat up and drank. Drank as much as my body could take. Drank until Skylar's face disappeared from my head, until her name was no longer memorable. I continued for hours into the night, not stopping until I could no longer take it anymore. I heard the music; it was like liquid adrenaline being injected right into my bloodstream - not so strong as to freak me out, but just enough to make me tingle and start to move my body. I swayed my hips to the beat, my drink spilling everywhere- but I ignored it. I was too drunk to notice anything around me. I danced; not the type of beautiful moves people did to express their feelings, it was the type where I was aggressive, taking out my anger through my moves as it spread from my mind to the tip of my toes. I danced until my body was so exhausted I could no longer walk straight. The alcohol didn't just calm my pain, it robbed me of my self control, took away my consciousness and let my subconscious take control. I smiled, seeing the kaleidoscope of dancing figures around me.

I walked unsteadily to the bartender's desk and threw myself onto the table. "Ano-another o- '' I slurred, half asleep and finger in the air. The bartender grabbed my wrist, pulling my body towards him. "No. No more. You're too drunk, Carlos." He commanded, squeezing my wrist tight. I was too dazed to realise or be concerned about how he knew my name. Instead, I yelled with half formed words, "You're hu-hurting meeeee! Let go!"

The bartender grabbed my chin and pointed it up towards him. "You've had too much to drink." He said, his eyes staring down at me.

"No! I want mo-" He threw his hand down onto my mouth. "Shh. No more drinks for you."

I looked up at him, my vision blurred. But one thing was still clear- he was handsome. I trailed my eyes down his body to see his large, broad shoulders and the muscles on his torso that could be seen through the thin shirt he was wearing. I looked back up to see him smiling. He knew what I was thinking. His smile was one of happiness growing, much as a spring flower opens. I could see how it came from deep inside to light his eyes and spread into every part of him. I looked back with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away. "I'm tired, I wanna sleep!" I yelled, squirming in his grip.

"Don't worry, I'll take y-" Before he could finish his sentence, my head dropped down as I closed my eyes. "Hey! Hey, don't sleep here!" I heard him yell. His words were muffled as my mind slowly drifted away. It was as if my heart had suddenly stopped beating and all the blood had run down into my shoes. I swayed for a moment as dizziness took over all consciousness, and I felt his rough hands grab my arms as I fell to the side before I travelled away into my dreams.