I'm still debating whether I should read the letters or not. After he declares his feelings the other day, I am now suddenly uncertain about what I should do.
As the letter lay flatly on the table, beckoning me to open them, I couldn't help but wonder what would my father tell me if he was here.
I didn't listen to him before and it has gotten me hurt, now that I can longer hear his voice I suddenly feel lost. Not knowing what to do, I took all the letters with me and headed straight to the cupola.
When I reached the top, I began to read the letters. All of it bears the utmost urgency to meet me to explain himself and proclaimed his feelings for me. Even then, I could form no conclusion as to what I should do. I have yet to give Giuliano an answer.
If I'm being honest with myself, I have truly developed feelings for Giuliano. Things have been going pretty well for the two of us until Lucrezia started to act upon her disagreement. It isn't difficult to like Giuliano. He's the kind of man that's so agreeable it's impossible not to like him even when you barely know him.
Giuliano reminds me of how I have envisioned medieval knights will be. Charismatic, chivalrous, tactful, and honorable. Just like the knights from literature I used to read, they don't just marry normal women. They pick an advantageous match just like what Lucrezia is doing for his son.
Despite the many dresses that my mother and Aunt Simona have thoroughly provided for me, learning how to make one is something I have been learning recently. With my lack of experience and knowledge, I have been pricking my fingertips with the needle unintentionally.
Making my cloak seems too big of a task for me and I'm so frustrated. However, I couldn't bring myself to give up. I need to finish it now that I have started it. Suddenly, Franzia came into the room with a stoic expression. "Madonna Medici is here to see you." She said then opens the door only for Lucrezia to come in. She left the room and closes the door behind her.
The middle-aged woman, with her dark eyes wandering around the room, her beautiful face then balefully glances my way. She stops by the settee and sits down on it while she arches her brow toward the cloak I'm sewing. "I see you are enhancing your needlework." She then paused and continued. "What an amusing attempt."
Sighing, I place the cloak next to me and stub the needle on it to not lose it. "I'm quite sure you didn't come out here to insult my sewing skills. Is there anything I can do for you, Madonna?" I said as politely as I can muster impassively.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, there is something I would like to ask you to do for me." She stood up and slowly and intimidatingly walk around me like a shark stalking its prey. "When I first saw you, I initially thought you are just an unimportant, temporary woman Giuliano has taken a liking to. A fleeting infatuation he needed before he marries. I have never had any problems setting my children a perfect marriage for them until you came into our lives. As you may know, I have chosen a match with Semiramade Appiani for Giuliano."
"Yes, Madonna. How can I forget." I said as I feel my heart feeling heavy as I remember the dreadful night.
She stops in front of me with a hostile look on her face and says, "Having influence from a Neapolitan lord would greatly help the bank, and my family and I would do anything for it to make sure it happens. To ensure it's a success, I want you to leave my son alone. If he proposes, reject him. Break his heart if need be, so long as you stay away from my family."
"With all respect, Madonna, I have been distancing myself from your son. I am very well aware of my place. He is engaged and I am not. If there's anyone in need of reminding, it should be him." I said as I hold my hands together on my lap.
She scowls at my statement. "Very well." She then started towards the door but pivots to face me once again. "If I see you with Giuliano once more, I'll make sure to remind you not to cross me." She then smiles menacingly and exits the room.
As soon as she left, I didn't realize that I have been holding my breath until I had to let it all out. I just received a threat from a Medici and I'm frightened.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
of those who were older than we—
of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
of the beautiful Annabel Lee
It was my favorite stanza from the poem Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe. He wouldn't be born for another 400 years but my admiration for such a poet, constructed by the genius that will influence a lot of contemporary writers to create such dark tales for the public, go beyond space and time. He is one of my favorite poets.
As I write it down on paper, I couldn't help but miss my books from the 20th century. Briefly lifting my hand away from the paper to read it, the wind picks up and took the paper with it.
I immediately place the quill on the table and rush out of the room to follow it in fear that someone might take and keep it. I do not wish to tamper with history more than I already did.
When I reach the street, I look around in search of a tiny piece of paper on the muddy ground, which seems impossible. I'm sure it wasn't taken that far by the wind, I hope.
"I can only assume this odd scripture is what you're looking for?"
I turn around to see Botticelli, holding out the paper with a few specks of mud and dust. I immediately sigh in relief knowing he, of all people, saw the paper first. "Yes, what are the chances."
He then handed it over to me with a smile. "What is it about anyway?"
I took the paper and look at the words before replying. "A stanza from my favorite poem."
Nodding, he said, "I see. Is it of this time?" He whispers.
"Not really," I said, chuckling nervously. "It's the reason why I rushed outside to look for it."
"Well then, I think I should go now." Smiling, he started walking away when I spoke.
"Wait!" He stopped and turn around to face me. "I'm feeling a bit lonely in the house. Aunt Simona and Semiramide have gone to Genoa. If you don't mind, would you like to come to the house? I'm in need of a company."
I was sure he'd turn me down, but he only smiled and then nodded his head yes. "Of course. I have nothing better to do anyway."
Once inside, Franzia immediately went towards the kitchen and prepare some refreshments for us while we sit by the fireplace in the parlor. "How is Tre Rane by the way?" I said as soon as we were both situated on the chairs.
"It's good, although I must admit that I am starting to participate less and less because of the commissions I have been receiving."
"It's lovely to hear you're having steady paintings to work on. How is Leonardo?" Before he could say anything, Franzia immediately gives us some tea and pour it for us then leave.
"His true passion is engineering and crafting. He has been tinkering with types of equipment that would reduce the time in the kitchen so I believe he's enjoying himself." I smiled upon hearing the news. As I look away, however, I'm reminded again of the threat that I have received a few days ago from Lucrezia, making me lose my concentration. "Antonia?" When I look back up at his amber eyes, concern is visible on his face. "Are you alright?"
I nervously blink too many times and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine."
He leans forward before speaking. "I know something's bothering you. You can always be frank with me. I'm always here to listen."
In truth, I have always been comfortable speaking my mind to him. He's my breath of fresh air, and I have always been myself around him. However, telling him about Lucrezia worries me. I didn't want him to be involved. Especially when he's the favorite artist of the Medici family. "The last thing I want to do is drag you with me in the situation I'm in."
"I'm already involved either way."
No longer able to withhold anything from him, I decided to give in. "Giuliano and I have spoken with each other a week ago and he's professed his feelings for me. He's been asking for another chance from me and I haven't given him an answer to this day. A few days after that, his mother stopped by and insisted that I should leave his son alone and his family..." I trailed. It's not the sinister look she gave that fears me, it's her capability that chills my bones. At this point, I don't know what she could do to keep me at bay. I hope it does not extend to my family.
"She threatened you, didn't she?" Botticelli said, as his face became clearer in understanding.
Looking down, I nodded. "She did."
Botticelli reaches out to grab my hand encouragingly, something I badly need at the moment. As our hands touched, he spoke, "You have nothing to fear, Antonia. You have me. I'll protect you 'cause you're my friend."
I know I'm not supposed to, but I couldn't help but be disappointed when he emphasized our friendship. I knew then that perhaps what I feel for him is far greater than the feeling that I have for Giuliano.
Now, riddled with regret, I recite the words of Annabel Lee as I lay in my bed.
It was many and many a year ago,
in a kingdom by the sea,
That maiden there lived whom you may know
by the name of Annabel Lee—
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
She was a child and I was a child,
in this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the winged seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
in this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud by night
Chilling my Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
in this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me;
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud, Chilling
And killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling-my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulcher there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.