After a few weeks of boring flight through space, I finally arrived on earth. And let me tell you, it wasn't fun. Pretty much nothing going on. I accidentally smashed through a spaceship from the Kree Empire after the fiasco in nova corps territory , which was why I decided to fly safely.
Entering the atmosphere with a sonic boom, I found an empty place to switch my clothes. I forgot to mention, I have a dope suit. Much better than the one Sentry had, and this one was controlled with thoughts.
Much easier to access quickly.
After swapping my hero suit for civilian clothes (because landing in a cosmic glow-suit is just asking for attention), I strolled into Brooklyn like I hadn't been gone for weeks.
The city was its usual chaotic self: car horns blaring, tourists gawking, and hot dog vendors yelling about "today's special" like yesterday wasn't the same.
I straightened my jacket and stretched, my muscles still buzzing faintly from the cosmic chaos I had just been wrangling . After achieving feats that would make most gods weep, I was hoping for a little peace and quiet back home.
Spoiler alert: I didn't get it.
I walked steadily towards times square after going out. What I didn't expect to see, however, was my face on a freaking giant billboard!
It was displaying an image of me with the following caption:
MISSING: David Faust—$10 MILLION REWARD FOR ANY INFORMATION. CALL EMMA FROST.
I stopped in my tracks, staring at a billboard where my slightly more heroic-than-realistic face was gazing heroically into the distance.
"Well," I muttered. "That's not unsettling at all."
My jaw dropped further as I looked around. "You've got to be kidding me."
It wasn't just the billboard. My face was on every lamppost, bus stop, and even a hot dog stand umbrella. The bold letters of "$10 MILLION" practically screamed at passersby. And if that wasn't enough, a crowd of people nearby was holding up the missing posters like paparazzi waiting for a celebrity sighting.
Before I could even process the sheer absurdity of it, someone in the crowd squinted at me. Before I could take a step to vanish from this madness, someone nearby gasped loudly.
"Wait a second… that's him! That's the guy from the posters!"
Cue the incoming mob.
Within moments, I was surrounded by a stampede of people waving flyers in my face, phones ready to dial Emma's number faster than you can say "cash grab."
Someone even tried to take a selfie with me.
"Hey, buddy! Smile for the 'gram!"
"Buddy, I'll give you a reason to smile if you back off!" I snapped, vaulting over a cab.
"Oh hell nah!" I yelled, seeing people popping up from every corner with shining eyes with money signs, and I turned on my heel and ran for my life.
Dodging people with an agility that would make Spider-Man jealous, he darted into another alley, leaping over trash cans and scaling a fire escape like a man possessed. Behind him, the crowd wasn't giving up.
Apparently, $10 million was enough to turn New Yorkers into Olympic-level sprinters.
"You'd think this city would've calmed down since the Avengers cleaned up!" I shouted over my shoulder.
"Ten million dollars, man!" one particularly persistent guy yelled back. "We're not letting you go!"
Oh, the irony. I'm worth a trillion exploding stars, and here I am running from people who think they can cash me in like a lottery ticket.
One particularly ambitious guy threw a pizza box at him, yelling, "Get back here, ten mil!"
"Ten mil?" David shouted over his shoulder. "You're throwing carbs at a guy worth ten million dollars? At least try harder!"
Dodging into an alley, I thought I'd lost them. Nope. More flyers taped to walls. My face stared back at me in bold, judgmental silence. "Great," I muttered, ripping one off.
I vaulted over a rooftop, landing with a superhero pose he didn't entirely mean to strike. Standing, he dusted off his jacket and muttered, "Thanks, Emma. Really appreciate the bounty on my head. Super romantic."
Nihility tried to laugh and mock me for running away from pathetic ants. I just silenced him with a single threat: " You live inside me, dude. Do you want to spend an eternity listening to the Baby Shark song while watching Boku no Pico?"
He looked at me with pure fear. " You're a monster!"
I shrugged and replied, " Deal with it."
Finally, after several blocks of high-stakes parkour and more creative insults than he cared to count, I found himself at the doorstep of the New York Sanctum.
I slammed my fist against the massive door.
"Open up, you mystical jackasses! I need answers!"
The door creaked open, revealing Wong's unimpressed face.
"Back already?" Wong deadpanned.
"You knew this would happen, didn't you?" David said, stepping inside and slamming the door behind him. "The posters, the mob, the whole 'Where's Waldo: David Edition' circus?"
"I might've read something in the tea leaves," Wong replied, his lips twitching in a barely-contained smirk.
David groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Where's the Ancient One? I need to know why she thought rewriting Emma's memories with me being her shining knight was a good idea."
"She's meditating," Wong said, leading him into the Sanctum's main hall.
David raised an eyebrow. "Meditating? Is that code for 'messing with more people's lives'?"
"Depends on the day."
They found the Ancient One sitting cross-legged in midair, surrounded by floating candles. Her expression was serene, but David wasn't fooled. He crossed his arms and cleared his throat loudly.
She opened one eye. "Ah, David. Back so soon. How was the sun from the D-18XCP6 beta planetary system?"
"Oh, you know, sunny," David said with a sarcastic smile. "Now, about the 'Operation Rewrite Emma's Brain' and 'Turn her into David's lovesick teenage girlfriend' thing—care to explain why I'm basically Earth's most wanted bachelor now?"
The Ancient One smiled faintly. "Emma's devotion to finding you was genuine. I simply gave her a narrative that would guide her heart."
David's eyebrow twitched. "A narrative? You made me her knight in shining armor! There's a $10 million bounty on my head, lady! Do you know how many lunatics I just had to outrun?"
The Ancient One smiled faintly. "Emma saw you before she lost consciousness. Your presence became the anchor for her altered memories. A key figure, so to speak."
"A key figure?" I echoed, incredulous. "Lady, I'm being chased by half of New York for a reward big enough to buy a small island! Did you consider, I don't know, not making me her cosmic knight in shining armor?"
"She needed hope," the Ancient One said simply. "You provided it."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Great. So, her hope is my problem now?"
"Isn't it always?" Wong piped up, looking far too amused for someone who wasn't being hunted.
I shot him a glare. "You're not helping."
The Ancient One tilted her head. "It was necessary to strengthen her resolve. You, of all people, should understand the power of belief."
"Belief is great," David snapped. "But I don't need an army of desperate New Yorkers chasing me down like I'm the last slice of pizza on game night!"
Wong coughed to hide a laugh, but David shot him another glare.
The Ancient One lowered herself to the ground, her expression placid. "You'll find a way, David. You always do."
"Sure, because that's what I need—more vague prophecies." I threw my hands in the air. "Meanwhile, I've got to figure out how to get a city-wide mob off my back before someone sells me to Emma like a prize cow!"
"Yeah, well, the universe didn't put my face on every damn coffee cup in New York," David muttered.
The Ancient One opened her other eye, looking at him with a calm intensity. "Perhaps the question isn't why this has happened, but what you will do with it?"
David stared at her for a long moment, then turned to Wong. "Does she always talk like a fortune cookie, or is this just for me?"
"Just you," Wong said with a straight face.
David threw his hands up. "Great. Just great."
Wong smirked. "Better start running again. Looks like they've figured out where you went."
From outside the Sanctum, I could hear the distant roar of a crowd.
"Unbelievable," I muttered, rubbing my temples. "Next time, I'm staying in space."
Ancient one smugly replied, " Are you sure she can't fund a space shuttle to look for you there?"
David groaned, running a hand through his hair. "She's not that crazy . But if one more person throws a pizza box at me, I'm coming back here and shoving it in your mystical tea leaves."
Wong finally cracked a smile. "Looking forward to it."
As I turned to leave, the Ancient One called after me. "Remember, David, destiny often requires a little chaos."
"Yeah, well, I'm drowning in it!" I shot back. Then an evil grin formed on my face, as i looked at Wong, to which he paled and replied, "Hey man, I'm just a bystander.
I moved faster than times flow, and went to find Steven Strange, who was having difficulties with his practice. I shaved his head and stylish beard instantly while planting a note that said, "Wong did it."
Then I simply went back and yelled to the crowd, "Hey fuckers, Your 10 million dollars is right inside. Come and get me!"
To which even the Ancient One lost her composed smile as a vein popped in her bald head. I gave it a gentle slap before I ran away, avoiding the crowd that broke in before they could notice me.
As I left the Sanctum, I muttered to myself, "A trillion exploding stars, and I still can't catch a break."
Outside, the mob was closing in, and I sighed. "Ten million bucks," I muttered, cracking my knuckles. "Let's see them work for it."