APRIL🥵🤫
I managed to get home after being wasted and super excited.
And as usual dad isn't home and now there's always a note attached to the microwave from Charlotte telling me to heat the spaghetti for dinner and promising to return home with dad before 12.
Normally I would care, cos dad is doing me dirty, he's tarnishing mom's image by dating someone so rude and pretentious like miss molly replica.
But I didn't care cos today was good to me
Today probably counts as my best day cos wtf !!!!!
I sat on my desk reminiscing About my day.
It started weird and annoying. Imagine starting your day with miss Molly and then realizing you didn't do the homework she gave out.
"Traumatizing!!!" I said out loud
I looked at the clothes I threw across the room when I was in an hurry to miss Bloom's place.
I think the V necked cardigan served it's worth. At least she noticed me and called me over.
I brought out my diary.
DAILY ENTRY 10
I'm super excited today there's no particular reason. Actually there is,
Bloom my summer school teacher invited me to her house and it was sooo fun it was the coolest but we didn't end up learning.
She kept my company real good we ate and danced.
And I felt like something was missing in me I felt a connection like I was meant to be there. Like she's my place in this planet.
I felt safe and secured with her
I felt different
She is different.
I like her.
Her personality is great.
Today was just the absolute best.
I closed my diary and returned it to its place in the drawer.
I went to pick up my clothes so it won't litter the room. I put the clothe in my laundry basket and went to the En Suite to take my bathe.
I needed a cold shower to clear my mind
After my short shower I laid on my neatly made bed thinking about what's happening to me.
Why I'm I suddenly excited by a girl,
That's certainly a trait for a lesbian right???
I kept asking questions back and forth to no one in particular.
I'm a Christan I love Jesus and I was even baptized I can't possibly be a lesbian.
I can't be gay !!!!!
I can't like girls !!!!!
I shouldn't be excited by girls !!!
And no !!!! I'm not in denial I'm straight I know my self I even have a boyfriend Blair.
But.....the way she looked at me.
And the moment I entered her house she looked so damn sexy in her white towel barely reaching her knees.
Her wet red hair complimented her looks even more and the peck at the end.....
I wanted more and I know I shouldn't
The way my body reacted for her touch when we were dancing I wanted more I wanted to be closer and closer.
I think I'm drawn to my teacher.
I'm gonna ask Leslie and the guys tomorrow I doubt if I've ever been In love.
Come to think of it summer's almost over and Blair hasn't called. The last time we spoke was when he told me about Sam's accident. Sad.
"God why I'm I thinking about all these today I need to sleep!!!" I cried out loudly to my self.
Once I start thinking it takes the grace of God to stop I be making a whole conversation to my self.
Speaking of Blair I should call him.
I dialed his number and it just kept ringing and rolling into voice mail.
I sat down upright on my bed thinking why Blair isn't picking up when my phone rang.
"Hey Blair ?" I asked immediately I answered the call
"Who's Blair? It's your mom" I heard my mom's voice from the other side of the receiver.
"Omg I've missed you mom, summer's ending in two weeks I can't wait to see you mom" I said trying to hide the fact that I really miss her. And dad has a new girlfriend.
"I miss you more baby, how's your dad?" My mom asked with her voice matching my shaking one.
We talked about everything except the fact that dad has a girlfriend for another hour and planned my arrival.
I've missed my mom she's my best friend, she's my mom and my dad combined she's my everything.
My phone rang again.
"Hey?" I questioned
"Baby who's that??....." I heard a girl ask from afar
"Shhh I'm on the phone" I heard a guy say
"Blair ????" I questioned again
"Hey Baby I've missed you" Blair said to me.
Yeah .....missed ....I scoffed and kept quiet
"April ??? You still there?" He asked after like thirteen seconds silence
"Yeah"
"Oh it's her" I heard a girl say again. The voice really sounds like sam's voice
"Is Sam there ?" I asked Blair
"Yes she was recently discharged" he said slowly
The conversation kept going in a very boring direction till we were done and hung up
Yeah .....I'm not in love I was in lust. I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't feel anything for Blair no more I never did.
And why's Sam always with Blair This is the second time they are calling each other baby.
And I guess Blair has been trying to tell me things about Sam.
Yo calm down don't jump into conclusions yet.
You call Sam's boyfriend baby too rememberer ????
"Thank you subconscious but you are not needed now .!!!!" I yelled to myself inwardly
Though I'm not the wayward type but I was really popular in high school.
I was the lead cheerleader with a killer vibe, shape and cute face it's only right I date a hot quarterback In the school football team and be friends with the second best dancer in cheer that's where Blair and Sam enters into my life.
Our friendship is mostly staged and acted.
Blair and I act like the perfect couple out doors and we take every opportunity to kiss and hug each other in public.
I bet he doesn't know my birthday or my age.
We became close by omission and not by Necessity or love.
And I'm aware of the fact that Sam has been eyeing my spot in cheer classes and always practicing twice as hard. Against all odds they wouldn't betray me like that by dating riiii??
They are not in a relationship riii???
They are definitely just friends.
I bet my feelings means something to them.
I wish I was sorry I don't know how to stay away.
And again the fact that we almost had sex should be enough reason why Blair won't have someone else especially not my best friend.
I took my phone and called Sam.
It kept rolling into voice mail.
She isn't answering her phone.
******************
After one straight hour of thinking, Blair called me back saying stuffs like Sam needs emotional support and we are the only friends she has. He cleared all my doubt and told me how much he loves me and he can't wait to see me. He said summer school isn't the same without me.
Complaining about how no one hypes him during his games.
I felt rest assured and confident.
But definitely not In love.
I turned around to face the wall when my phone rang again.
Who's is this time.
"Uhnmmm....sorry to disturb you, just wanna check if you got home safe"
Omg it's bloom.
I sat upright and cleared my throat.
"Yes ma'am I'm at home, in my bed, in my very thin night wear" I said back very excited.
"Bloom is alright, it's bloom to you" she giggled a little bit.
"Yes bloom" I said almost in a whisper.
"Bye" she said and cut the call.
***********
Fuck!
Why did I even tell her what I was putting on !!!!
I just messed it all up !!!!
I sounded like a gay person deprived of love!!!!
That's not what I wanted. Now she will think I'm gay, the way she said bye was like she was irritated.
I laid in my bed thinking about how I choose a short gown to go to her house on purpose.
My recent actions and decisions are so messed up.
I have a boy friend that loves me and I'm still figuring out my self.
Someone tell me I'm not going Crazy cos all I seem to care about is Bloom and all I see are pretty girls
What is love anyway?
Who needs love ?
Right ???!!!
Right???!!!!
I'm not gay pls stop staring !!!!!
***************
"Briiiiiiiing!!!!!!"
And of course this has to go off when I'm finally getting a hang of my sleep.
I literally thought all night.
I rolled to the other side of my bed to snooze my alarm, Ten minutes just ten more minutes.
I cried to myself and drifted back to sleep