For a time, everything was but a blur, and only once the tears stopped did her senses come back to her.
Slowly, amidst the darkness covering her vision, she could once again feel the gentle winds brushing against her skin. Then, it was the sound of soft breathing close to her ears, along with the tingling sensation that came from the soft exhale that followed.
Next was the weight that came from above. She recalled, then, that the hand that was previously on her back has moved to the top of her head, its digits now digging into her scalp. She focused on its silent rhythm, feeling each and every one pressing against her.
It allowed her temporary escape from the world, far away from the worries that plagued her daily life. She felt liberated, and couldn't help but want more of it.
Letting herself sink deeper into this sweet abyss, Ganyu started to shift. First, her head began to tilt ever so slightly, allowing her to come closer to her newfound source of comfort. Then, her body naturally followed, inching forward until the warmth began to positively burn.
And burn her it did.
One thing that she seemingly forgot in her hazy state of mind is that, while she continued to press on closer, the other party did not.
As a result, the hand that was precariously located in between one of her most sensitive body parts accidentally brushed against them, finger and all.
The nerves within exploded, and her mind became the clearest it had ever been.
And the first thing the now clear-headed Ganyu did was to slowly separate herself from the honorary knight, even as her body shook under the sudden and intense stimulation. She then gripped both of her horns with her hands, before lowering her head towards her thighs. One in an attempt to suppress the electric feeling coursing through her body, and the other to hide just how much she was burning on the inside.
Both of which are equally in vain.
"Uh oh."
She could feel the remorse beneath the honorary knight's surprise. And despite wanting to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, she couldn't even form so much as a word. How could she, when she felt so embarrassed she wanted to die?
"Uhm… does it… hurt?"
Ganyu shook her head in denial, and that was the truth. It was closer to pleasure than it is pain, just as she remembered. The overwhelming shock she's experiencing was from the fact that it's been a long time since she had her horns caressed, and for that to be someone other than Cloud Retainer…
It was… different.
Though not in a bad way.
"…if you say so," she heard him say. Then there was a pause, the sound of fabric rustling against each other filling the brief silence. "Sorry, by the way. For uhm… touching your horn. I didn't mean to, I swear."
Ganyu lifted her head slightly at his words. After blinking away the welling tears, she was finally able to get a good look at the honorary knight.
His hand reached out towards her, though it fell short just a bit. It trembled slightly, she realized, seemingly torn between pressing on in an attempt to console her or simply pulling back in fear of making things worse.
It was a stark contrast to his previous calm demeanor and how reliable he portrayed himself. Now, he's like a completely different person, his apparent uneasiness making it seem as if everything that he was was nothing more than a product of some false bravado. Regardless of whether or not that's the truth, the thought somehow made her feel a bit better.
Seeing him like this, she felt a sudden burst of something within herself, overpowering her frayed nerves and the embarrassment it caused. Is it confidence, or perhaps a similarly false sense of bravado? Either way, before she realized it, she had closed the distance between them and her hand was now gripping at his wrist.
"It's okay," she assured him, before slowly pulling his arm towards her, "I'm not hurt."
"Are you sure?" he asks with a hint of skepticism. "It looked like—"
"I'm fine, Mister Yuu. Really, it doesn't hurt."
The honorary knight hunched slightly at her answer, moving his face closer as if to scrutinize her. Only when Ganyu felt the tension in his arm disappearing did the honorary knight back away as a sigh of relief escaped him. Faced with such worry, she couldn't help but feel giddy.
It almost made her feel bad for wanting to take advantage of the situation.
"It doesn't hurt, but…." Ignoring how quickly the honorary knight snapped back towards her, Ganyu placed his hand on top of her slightly lowered head. "I do feel a bit restless because of it. So uhm…" She looked towards him with upturned eyes, the previous rush kept her gaze unwavering. Without it, she would've folded in an instant.
"Would you be willing to lend me a hand?"
It was uncharacteristically bold of Ganyu, but since the stars seem to align for her this time around, it would be a waste to not take the chance.
She's already decided to indulge in her selfishness this one time, she might as well go all the way.
The hand that she guided remains still, its owner silently staring towards her. It's moments like this that made Ganyu wish she could see the man behind the mask, if only to gauge his reaction.
She didn't end up having to wait long, however, as a familiar — it's amazing how fast it turned out that way, she thought to herself — weight began to press onto her once again. This time, he grabbed a lock of her blue hair and twirled it around his fingers.
"I suppose I did cause you some grief, even if it's not intentional," the honorary knight said, his voice as gentle as the occasional tugging of his fingers. "If doing this makes you feel better, then it's the least I could do."
He then moved closer towards her, his voice lowered into a whisper as it took on a more teasing tone, "Though you could've just asked for it directly instead of going about it in such a roundabout way, you know?"
Still riding her high, Ganyu let out a giggle. She nuzzled up against his hand, the edges of her mouth curling upwards ever so slightly as she responded, "I'm not sure what you're talking about, Mister Yuu."
"Still a terrible liar, Miss Ganyu."
As the lock of hair around his finger began to untangle, the honorary knight slowly put more pressure onto his hand, causing her head to lower even further. Additionally, the previously gentle brush began to pick up in pace as the man started to make a mess out of her hair while steering clear of her horns.
The ticklish sensation, coupled with her emotional high, caused her to burst into laughter. Even then, instead of pulling away, her hand that was still holding onto his wrist began to tighten as it pulled him closer towards her while her free hand shot towards him in an attempt to retaliate.
Faintly, amidst her own laughter, she could hear a chuckle coming from the honorary knight as he evaded her attack with ease. A chuckle that eventually erupts into a full-blown laughter of his own as they lost themselves in this little game they played.
Perhaps at a later time, when she looked back on what transpired today with a clearer mind, she would lock herself in her office and drown herself in the neverending paperwork to distract herself from the embarrassment that awaits.
But that's for future Ganyu to deal with.
Right now, winning was the only thing the present Ganyu had in mind.
___________________________________
Fun wasn't exactly something Ganyu was familiar with. At least, not in the traditional sense. She did derive enjoyment from completing her work — especially when she could see the result of it firsthand — but it was something that stems from her sense of duty towards Rex Lapis and not the typical light-hearted merrymaking that she often sees people partake in.
Though there are times where she imagined a day where she would be able to experience such carefreeness, she never really gets the chance.
Until now, that is.
People say that time flies when you're having fun, and after the tussle she and the honorary knight had, she could confidently say that it's true. After all, even if it only lasted for a short while, her perverted sense of time wasn't as agonizingly slow as it has become.
Right now though, such thoughts were thrown to the back of her mind. As she felt herself calming down more and more, the aftereffects of her euphoria began to settle in. She felt as if her head was in the clouds, and perhaps that wouldn't be the only thing that'd end up in the clouds if not for the pair of hands on her shoulders.
She closed her eyes, focusing on the sensation rubbing against her back. The gentle yet firm pressing of his thumbs caused her to involuntary jerk whenever it brushed past her shoulder blades, but it was quickly followed by the rest of his fingers squeezing against her admittedly stiff shoulders, causing her to let out a rather undignified sound from time to time.
"Have you ever considered taking a break for once? You know, spend some time away from all the paperwork?" the honorary knight said, finally speaking up.
"Not really?" Ganyu answered, suppressing a grunt that was about to come out. "Like I said before, I enjoyed spending my time working, so why would I do that?"
"Minding your health, for one? I mean, with how stiff you are right now, it really is a wonder that you haven't somehow destroyed your posture with how often you spent your time with your back hunched over."
"I don't always spend my time behind a desk, you know. There are times when I have to do some legwork, few as that might be." She paused for a bit, before adding, "Besides, I always make sure to take a break every day."
"Hmph, you say that, but…" she felt his thumbs hovering over a certain spot near her spine before they pressed down. The pain was much more prominent this time around, though the relief that followed was similar in its intensity "…evidently, it's not nearly enough. Not with the amount of work you're subjecting yourself to."
Ganyu began to slouch as the grip on her shoulders loosened, but she was quickly pulled back before her body could keel over. She muttered a quiet thank you, to which he responded with a gentle squeeze.
"Still… no matter how much you love your work, there's a limit to everything, you know?"
Hearing the slight chiding tone coming from the honorary knight, Ganyu remained silent.
He's right. She doesn't want to admit it, but she knows he's right. For the past several thousand years she's been pushing herself past her breaking point every single day. She convinced herself that she's doing this out of her sense of duty, but was that really the case?
"Be honest with me, Miss Ganyu."
At some point, without realizing it, she found herself facing the honorary knight once again.
"Why do you push yourself so hard?"
Ganyu stared down at the soft blue glow of his mask, feeling the warmth of his hand through her thin gloves as he continued rubbing them gently.
She likes to think that the eyes staring at her beneath the mask were equally as soft as the voice that had been comforting her throughout everything so far.
And with that in mind, she took a deep breath, gathered whatever little courage she had, and gave an honest answer.
"Because that way I was able to forget."
Her voice couldn't help but crack towards the end, and she unconsciously gripped his hand tighter. Ganyu could feel the lump in her throat, causing her breath to shorten. Despite that, she gritted her teeth and continued.
"Forget that I was someone who was comparatively lesser than the other adepti, forget that I was afraid of the very people I surrounded myself with, forget that I was someone who doesn't belong anywhere in this world."
This time, she took several deep breaths, all while the hand that was desperately clutching onto the honorary knight's slowly loosened.
"The moment I sat behind my desk, I stopped being myself. All that I was, was another cog in a grand machine whose sole purpose was to maintain Liyue's prosperity."
Numbers, paperworks, endless amounts of data; those are the only things she focused on the moment she sat down. For each document that continues to flow in, she puts her all into organizing everything into something clear and concise so as to allow them to flow out in an equally continuous manner.
Day in. Day out.
As the words continued to pour out of her, Ganyu could feel the burden she had on her heart begin to lighten little by little. And, despite the deep sorrow that fills her entire being, there was an unmistakable tug at the edges of her mouth.
"Even if it was just for a short while…"
One that continued to curl ever upwards.
"...I was finally able to be just like everyone else."
Until it settled into a blindingly bright smile.
"And that made me happy, more than anything in the world."
This time, there was not a trace of lie behind her colorful eyes.