[Ah! The sun! Dear archons, I almost forgot how bright you are!]
That was the first thing I heard the moment the four of us exited the house and began making our way towards the meeting place we've agreed upon beforehand.
Having someone living in the inside of your head was a strange enough experience, let alone being able to visit him at my own will whenever. But having someone speak directly into my mind during my waking hours is something that will take time to get used to.
When was the last time we spoke like this? Jean's office, I think it was?
'You have the power to basically create anything over there, surely you can emulate the sun if you feel like it?'
Even without being able to see him, just from the way he tuts in response, it's easy to imagine how he would look like right now. A hint of disapproval, shaking his head exaggeratedly, the carefree attitude; it makes me wonder how I have managed to live this long and not have someone punch me in the face yet.
[There's only so much an imitation can do, you know?] He replied, the image of him shrugging in shoulders is strangely clear. [Sure, I could create anything I want, but when you know that everything is a fake, why even bother?]
'In the past, I would kill to be able to do something like that.' I wistfully sighed. 'Locking myself in my own little bubble, free from the burden of expectation… god, that sounds like the perfect getaway from reality.'
[Uh huh. And what would you do if you inevitably ran out of things to do? By that point, it'll be no different than a luxurious prison. Unless, of course, you're able to put together something out of your admittedly lacking creativity?]
'That's a problem for the future Yuu of that hypothetical scenario to worry about.'
I could practically feel his disappointment coming from a mile away.
[Being a shut in is not good for your health, Yuu.]
'A puppet can't be sick, Kamiyama.'
[Maybe not in the world of dreams, but your mind sure can. Give it a couple of years, and you'll suddenly find yourselves surrounded by a gaggle of crazies that shouldn't be there.] He paused, before I felt the mental snap of his fingers. [Speaking of health, I should probably explain how to properly maintain yourself. Can't believe it didn't cross my mind last night.]
'Maintenance?'
Ugh, of course. It should've been obvious. And here I thought self-care is a thing of the past.
[Yup. It's not exactly time yet considering you haven't been exactly straining yourself too hard, but the sooner you familiarize yourself with the process, the better. And before you say anything, no, it wouldn't be painful, and no, it's not complicated at all. You just have to be very careful as to not break anything you shouldn't.]
'Which is every single part on the inside, basically?'
[Basically.]
'Very encouraging.' I drawled, not bothering to hide the sarcasm. 'Surely, a complete novice in machinery such as myself wouldn't make such a rookie mistake, right?'
[Don't worry, I'll be with you every step of the way. But if you somehow ended up breaking something… well, we'll figure something out.]
'Excuse me? Shouldn't you have contingencies for something like this?'
[Unless you can get me out of your head into an entirely new body, then you're shit out of luck, Yuu.] I once again felt him shrugging his shoulders, before a feeling of being patted in the back suddenly washes over. [On the bright side, if everything goes well today, you'll have someone to fall back to.]
'That's a big if.'
[Come on, have some confidence in your plan. I certainly do. Do you really think she'd be able to resist the offer?]
'Only one way to find out.'
[You'll be fine.]
I hummed in response, thankful for the encouragement.
Having reached the entrance of Liyue Harbor, I paid half a mind to walk towards the wooden railings, resting my head on my hand and began looking towards the horizon absentmindedly.
'So. About that maintenance thing. How do we go about it?'
[Personally, I would prefer a complete disassembly, but that's not really possible with the way I am now, and I'm pretty sure you're not exactly keen on being taken apart.]
'Not really, no.'
[In that case, we'll just have to go about it limb from limb. It's probably best if we start from the bottom up, get you comfortable with doing it using both hands before we move on to your non-dominant hand. After that, we go to your chest and then your back, which I don't recommend doing by yourself unless you're absolutely confident in your elemental control.]
'Even if I am confident, how am I supposed to look at my own back? Mirrors?'
[I'd like to say that we can just take your head off so you can see for yourself, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. So yes, mirrors. Lots of mirrors.] Once again, I felt a mental shrug. [Or you can ask someone to do it for you, someone you trust. For example, that blonde girlfriend of yours.]
Hearing his suggestion, I took my eyes off the gently swaying boats and turned to the side, towards the sight of a girl happily humming away as she too stared towards the sea.
Feeling my gaze, Lumine turned her attention towards me with a smile.
"What is it?"
I stared at her for a bit, before eventually shaking my head.
"It's nothing."
"Is that so?" She giggled as she gave me a light nudge. "Well, if you ever need anything, just ask, okay?"
"Sure thing."
Seeing as she was back to minding her own business, I let her stew in her giddiness before turning away from the sight of a deserted harbor towards the open area behind me, where the other two were, lost in their own discussion.
I could do without the occasional glances though. Seriously, what's with that?
[Who knew you could be so oblivious?] Kamiyama quipped with a teasing tone.
'What is that supposed to mean?'
[Nothing, nothing.] He replied, clearly feigning ignorance. [You'll figure it out eventually.]
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. 'People like you who like to dance around the subject are exactly why I find socializing tiresome.'
[And yet when it comes to Mora, you're willing to go the extra mile.]
'When there's something tangible to gain, it's a completely different story.'
[Ever the opportunist, aren't you?]
Before our little back and forth could continue, the sound of footsteps approaching broke the relative quietness I've been enjoying.
"I wasn't expecting you to come so early."
Turning towards the source of the voice, I was met with the sight of Yelan, who was waving her hand in greeting as she made her way towards us.
"Better early than late." I nodded in response, while looking towards the other person that was accompanying Yelan. "Is everything set on your end?"
"Yes, there should be no problem." Yelan replied, before urging the person that was concealing herself from behind her. "Why don't you introduce yourself, Ganyu? Don't worry, they won't bite."
The secretary in question rapidly shook her head in response, before beckoning for the taller agent to bend down and began whispering something into her ear.
Yelan shook her head in exasperation, discreetly mouthing 'sorry' toward us before dealing with the clearly nervous half-adeptus.
"I don't remember her being this nervous before." Xinyan commented as she rejoined the group with Paimon in tow. "On the few occasions I managed to run into Ganyu while she was working, she seemed calm and collected throughout."
"You think it has to do with her secret being outed?" Lumine asked as she lowered Paimon from Xinyan's shoulders and began holding her close.
"Must be." I replied, as I continued looking at the two government workers whispering towards each other. "Despite the necessity, I imagine she's not exactly thrilled to have something she kept secret to be exposed without her knowledge."
"Is it really something to be anxious about though? I mean, it's not that big of a deal, right?"
"Keep in mind that we're not exactly sure why she's hiding her nature in the first place, Paimon." Lumine explained in a slightly chiding tone. "While it might not be a big deal from your point of view, it's clearly a different matter to her if she's behaving like this."
Ah yes, her reasoning.
It's been such a long time ago that I nearly forgot about it.
[Quite the lonely one, isn't she?]
Kamiyama suddenly said, his voice reverberating inside of my mind.
[The woes of the half-adeptus, not feeling like she belongs on either the solitary clouds of the illuminated, or the busy streets where the mortals reside. How pitiful.] I felt him shaking his head, before an imaginary weight began to settle on my shoulder. [I suppose, in some way, the two of you are quite similar to one another.]
In response to his statement, I took a closer look towards the half-adeptus.
Gone were the panicked look on her face, replaced by a now doubtful eye as she took a peek from behind Yelan's back.
And the moment her eyes met the glowing blue slit of my white mask, she once again hid herself behind the safety of Liyue's greatest informant.
'Are we?'
[More than you'd think.] He reassured, with a strange confidence in his voice. [Even as she was surrounded by the people of the harbor she sought to maintain, she thought herself inhuman, someone who would never belong in the human world. Yet in the high mountains of the adepti's abode, she's reduced into nothing more than a cloud gazer. Thus, an isolated and lonely secretary she became.
[As for you? For the sake of upholding other's expectations, you end up becoming someone you're not. Dancing on an empty stage in order to please the spectators while you carefully navigate the treachery that is reality. So used to donning the mask that you forget who you really are, who you wanted to be. In the end, you voluntarily isolate yourself from the outside world, cutting ties with anyone you've ever known because all they see is the actor, and not the man behind the mask.
[Two souls, equally as lonely as the other, for a reason completely different from one another. While it's not quite a 'birds of a feather flock together', it is as close as it can possibly get, wouldn't you agree?]
I was silent. Both from being surprised at the comparison, and from not knowing what to say.
I stewed in the thought for a bit, but in the end, I couldn't come up with a concrete answer.
[I can practically feel the gears turning in your head. What's on your mind, Yuu?]
The imaginary weight pressing on my shoulders started to become heavier. I could feel the contour of an arm wrapping itself around my neck, and as I turned towards the side, I could swear I saw him standing right next to me.
'...let's say that you are correct. That we are similar to each other. What do you expect me to do about it?'
[Nothing.]
Now that's an answer I did not expect.
'...what?'
[I said, nothing. You don't have to do anything.]
The faint silhouette of the not-Balladeer began to let go of his grasp, bringing with it the weight that was not supposed to be there.
He began to walk forward. Slowly, step by step, he began to come ever closer towards the cowering half-adeptus.
[I am nothing more than a remnant of what once was, a vestige living inside of your mind, a voice in the back of your head.] Despite the distance, his voice has never been clearer. [I can't do much of anything towards what it is that you want to do. All I can do is give you my own observation, and perhaps an advice or two, should you ever need one.]
Kamiyama stood behind Ganyu, his see-through arms grabbing her tense-looking shoulders.
[Perhaps this girl will end up being nothing more than a passing face in your journey, or perhaps she'll end up becoming something more than a mere spectator. That is not for me to decide, you know?]
He let go of her shoulders and began walking back, before eventually stopping right in front of me.
[What you do with this 'observation' of mine, is totally up to you.]
Slowly, his image began to fade, until not a trace of his silhouette remained.
[Because ultimately, your life is your own.]