Edward
Only I know how I'm still standing after all those words punched nails all over my body, only I know how I still didn't drop dead when I'm bleeding all over. Bleeding and panting and stuck on this wall holed inside like a rodent trying to make its presence unknown. I couldn't make a noise, I couldn't let her know I heard all she said, I couldn't confront her betrayal and let myself see what her true self is. For all these years that I've kept myself strong, it must have all been a lie, I've never been weaker, I've never been a coward. I'm nothing but a coward.
I can say I know in this exact moment how my mom would've felt, how she would've lived those years being the mistress of a man who never loved her for more than she loved all her conquests, the only difference that she was the only one of them who gave birth to an abomination. I hated her from the depth of my heart. I hated her to love the man who destroyed her life and mine with it. It was always stung in my heart how she was able to still love him, I couldn't understand the love of a human to another monster. I just couldn't, even if I tried to. but in this moment I understand what she felt when the man she trusted her life with trampled over everything she ever believed in. he burned her down to the ground. And even though her love for him was the reason of her misery, I know why she chose it. because without it, the life seems so scary and empty, like there is a monster hiding, waiting to pounce at the first misstep. It's misery whichever way I choose from here on. But, I won't want to live in that misery all by myself.
I will still marry her, not because my love for her is as immeasurable as my mom's for my father. No, I will still marry her because she has to complete her intentions, marry me until I'm destroyed. I will act as I do, for as long as she can to be in love with me. that will be her punishment, and that will be mine.
I turned to only go back to the alter waiting to wed my beautiful bride.
"Alex!" I screamed in a hushed tone. I don't even remember how long I've known this person, long enough for us to look at each other and know what we're thinking.
He pulled me back to my room. "You're not marrying her."
"So, you heard her."
"I did." I smile that scares him. "You're not marrying her, Ed." He pulled me by the collar.
"I will." I pushed him away. "I will marry her, today in front of everyone. She will be my wife, she will be with me and she will never get a single penny out of me."
"Come on Ed, you know she's not worth it."
"My revenge will be." I pushed him, but before I can walk away, she threw me hard on the wall jerking my whole body to an unexpected pain.
"You and I both know this has nothing to do with revenge. I know you better then you know yourself, you don't care about revenge. You just want her because you think you're not capable of love."
This is the first time I've ever really thought it from his point of view. Maybe he is right, maybe I don't deserve love, maybe I will never be. "My fate was sealed the day I was born. Everyone knows how I was born, no one dared to even be near me. don't you remember."
"I also remember you never cared about that. you never let it come between your ambitions. And you've proved your ability."
"Why does it even matter? I will never be able to trust anyone. At least I'll be married."
"You know I've always feared that you'll be less like your father and more like your mom. if you still love her, and hope that she will truly love you in the future, you are doing the same mistake you hated your mom for."
I pinned him on the wall. "I don't care, I'm not my mom. she was a weal woman to love someone like him. I'm not her, I will never love Camille. I will never love her." I left him gasping on the floor.
"You will regret it Ed. You will. And you will hate yourself." his words did nothing to stop me.
I don't have time for regret. I will show her what she could've had, and what she sacrificed for a man who couldn't even care after his child.
There was peace and beauty just how I have imagined, flowers and petals and rosy scent. Just how imagined there would be. A hall as big as two stadiums full of people I couldn't care less about, except all my employees, my brothers and Alex. I've just put a huge dent on our friendship. We've never had this kind of disagreement before, I'll apologize once I'm more settled.
I stood firm on my position never the pastor on the elevated stage. I don't understand, I did everything she wanted, everything she wished. Why would she still not love me? did I never love her enough? Did I never pay her enough attention? I've done everything in my power to make her happy, then why?
My eyes filled up with tears as I looked at the aisle, she was walking towards me. the same smile, she same flirtatious gaze, stuck at me. this could've been so much better, at least for me, if I never had heard all that. there is no change on her part, she still hates me. pastor looked at me like those tears were the one of over whelmed emotions, but it wasn't. it came from the shards of my heart ripping my chest open.
I still smile, take her hand from her mom and helped her up the stage.
We are going to get married. I smile at her like she is the most beautiful person there is on earth. I smile like I mean it, like I've always meant it, before today.
'I loved you when we were in the top on my car cuddled up, watching a marathon of her movies, I loved her when she cringed. Every moment we're together after this, I'll hate so much more.'
The pastor commenced the ceremony.
"I, Camille Jenkins, take you, Edward Jordan, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." Her each word more and more unsure, timid, weak.
"I do." She was shocked, like she expected me to say I don't. I look back at Alex, this bastard told her I know her intentions. I still won't let it go.
"Without you I am nothing—with you I am more than myself." I watch each of her expressions change. "You are loved more than any metaphor can ever express." I wrote all these line like I meant them, well with a little help, but nothing in it didn't mean a world in my heart. I didn't know I could turn all those emotions over and forget all about them in a matter of a few years. "I vow to make my life forever yours and build my dreams around you." I smile like I still love her. "I promise to be the man that I see now in your eyes—today, tomorrow, and for always."
"I'm sorry, Ed." Loud gasps went array in the air. "I can't marry you."
My world shattered before my eyes, I didn't even realize she was running away.
No, the hell she can't.
She can't humiliate me in front of these many people and still run away. She hasn't yet paid for what she had don't to me.
No, I won't let her run away. I ran after her, to catch her, to confront her, I don't know. But I need her back here, right now.
"Pastor, don't go anywhere." I yelled before I grab my key and ran after. She swift right in front of my eyes in her car. I followed her.