Mandy
"It's been five years." I smile, a smile that rarely is ever dancing on my lips the way it does now. The blush that creeped up to my lips when I say those words, 'five years' long reminiscing years. I sprint in front of the full-size mirror decorated with fairy lights and glitter around with lots of pictures of my happy hours, just like how I smile today, throwing my brown cashmere jacket over my shoulder as I settled my hair to my right. I'm ready. "I'm late." I add, looking over my shoulder at Chris through the mirror. She was watching me, amused, standing against the door of my room. My hands feel chilled against the nervous flush that rushed my cheeks, but everything else is warm and cozy, the way I know my night would go.
"Is it not too extra for a date night?" Chris chuckles. She knows how much I detest dolling up in dresses and face full of makeup and shit, that's not my style. I've done everything I can against it. But every girl should know how to put on an eyeliner, she says. With my hands practically shaking fixing my heart earrings, she gave me this look, like she's happy for me. I never thought I could be this nervous going on a date with Jake. Dating him never challenged me to change, I was still the comfortable Mandy I was before. We were always casual, but he also likes it when I dress up. So, I did it for him. Throwing away two precious hours when I could've read a book, going to get my nails done, and I didn't forget the Brazilian wax. The night is going to be so special, the best we've ever had.
"I think he's gonna propose." I finally confess to anyone else than myself. I've had this suspicion for as long as a month. Her eyes widened at my confession. And I just nod, like I know what I'm talking about. I know she wouldn't expect me to get married at just twenty-five. Marriage was never been in my to do list, especially after I've seen broken marriages way too closely, but here I am, the perfect example of how much a human can change. I hope she will change too, and be a little less possessive for me. "I'm gonna say yes."
"Wait! What?" she took a few steps closer, grinning just as pearly as I was. I waited—I've been waiting and wanting to tell her, but I wasn't sure how to feel about finally getting married to the love of my life, my Jake. I think in all the nervous and excitement, I didn't mention this. But that's no excuse.
"I'm sorry I'm telling you now."
"I didn't know things were this serious between you two."
"Yeah! I didn't know I was ready before I found out. I barely had time to take it all in." I know she won't be angry for not telling her before. she is not like that. I know she'll be happy for me, we will always be happy for each other. There was a reason I've put on all the bests in my collection I refused to touch before. This black silk knee-length dress, thigh booths and furry brown jacket. All because this is it, the moment I've been wating for, not really knowing I've been waiting for. "I'll be engaged by the end of this evening." The butterflies of my stomach take turns into nervous knots, but my stupid heart just dangled like a crazy kid with anticipation. All the emotions I'm not a fan of on a regular day excite me, it's different, it's special.
"Congratulations, though I'm not really sure you should be taking this step this soon in your relationship, I'm still happy for you."
"We've dated five years. I know he won't hurt me."
"You barely even meet on weekends, it's like you're doing long-distance in the same town." I almost laughed at her theory.
"We'll have all the time from now on." I sighed scrutinizing once more still not satisfied entirely. "My god I'm shaking!" I shuddered taking out a warm shaky breath turning back to face her. "Wish me luck."
"He's waiting outside." she gave me a hug I never knew I needed. "But if he doesn't propose? Don't you think you'll make a fool out of yourself?" typical Christine… always so cynical and protective, so concerned. I'm too happy to feel bad about it.
"I'm sure of it." I smile faintly. "You'll see."
"You know I like a confident Mandy more than I like the meek one." I've been feeling too overwhelmed ever since I found out about his plans for us, every little thing threatens to make me cry.
"You know he's been acting sneaky." I kissed her cheek. "And I saw him looking for a ring online, and I even know he booked a suite. does it clear you doubts?" if I was stupid, I thought he wanted me to know about it so I can come prepared.
"How did you know he booked a suite?" her demeanour suddenly changed, flipped, stiffened and I almost slapped myself to let this information out. She's back to her cynical self completely.
"Because—actually never mind." I just turned back for a few final touches. Smearing vanilla-scented perfume on my wrist and neck. "I know what you'll say if I tell you how I find out."
"So, it means he used your card again." I sighed heavily, half from nervousness and half from the fact that even after we've dated for long five years, she still hates him just as much he hated his flirtatious ass all through college. She thinks he's using me for my money. I'm out of arguments to make her change her mind about him, I gave up long ago, what can I say it still hurts me to know my boyfriend and my best friend don't do well. At the end of the day, I want both of them to be in my life. I can never choose just one. They're my heart and soul. How can I be with one without the other? "I hope you're being careful. You know history has a tendency to repeat itself."
"Come on Chris, you know he's not doing well enough in his job these days." She scoffed, I still continued. "And if I can afford it, what's the big deal." She makes me sit on the bed. "That's what couples do right? Support each other through good and bad. You told me not to give up on just because I had a bad incident." She sighed frustrated, defeated, like mocking me for my naïveness. "If he was doing the same for me, you'll think it's only natural for a guy to support a girl but not when it's the other way around. It should be equal on both sides, no big deal."
"It is a big deal many Mandy. When a guy makes you feel special, they don't need to brainlessly spend your money without permission. They would do it without treating himself with the luxuries he can't buy himself. They do it in some other way. You're not married yet that you have to share everything." I can feel the disappointment in her expressions. I don't know if I can ever make her believe. I don't think I can ad losing one of them because of it is too scary of a thought.
She noticed my trouble, a few tears might've shed my eyes. She stopped. She backed off. "But—you know what I don't want to spoil tonight for you with what I think. So, go and enjoy your night with your boy. These times rarely comes." I almost shrieked out at her claim. This is what she tells me all the time, live your life, have some fun. I do have fun, just not in the traditional way as she does or Jake.
I buckled my knees straight. Pulling the chained belt of my purse over my shoulder. Sliding a kiss on her cheek before I made my way out. "I'm so damn nervous."
"Good luck tonight. And… I won't be waiting around I'll watch a movie. Don't mind if I eat your popcorn." I laughed, we would've fought for the popcorn, but tonight I don't care about that. Just the thought of being in the suite with him made me forget about anything. The only things mattered was us.
I know he booked a suite, but I don't know what else he's planned after we're there. I'm looking forward to finding out. I know it will me monumental.
I suck up a breath one last time, putting on a genuine smile before I walked out the foyer to him. I stopped at how breath-taking he looked standing, waiting in the blue Cadillac talking on his phone. But he disconnected as soon as he watched me coming out. He is just as nervous as my ass was.
He walked out of the car to hold the other door for me. But before he could, he stopped. He noticed I look different; he noticed I might know what his plans are. He didn't prepare as much as I prepared myself, still my heart skipped a beat with how handsome he is. There was never a day when his handsomeness didn't surprise me.
My smile never seemed to curb watching him. I thought he'd finally ditch his biker jacket and jeans for once when he's proposing and wear more formal attire. I would say I'm a bit disappointed, but still he looks as stunning as he does always. It's hard to take eyes off those dimples when he smiles. He'll be mine after tonight. As ethereal as it sounds, I should start to accept it. It's hard to believe the university stud would fall in love with me and we'll come this far as to have plans for marriage.
His blue eyes scanned me, twice, lighting up into a restricted smile. Something was holding him back. Maybe he's nervous too, just like I was. Just the thought of how this day would end crippled me, I almost couldn't walk anymore. Uh! I love him so much.
I kissed him just as he reached to hold the door. From happiness or nervousness, I don't know but he didn't deepen the kiss. He let it remain as a peck, so I pulled back too. Why is he so nervous that he won't even kiss me? kisses were always his favorite part. I didn't care to find out more all I know is that I love him too much, too freaking much to care about anything else but just one thing. And I am going to say yes. That's all I want to do for today.
"Hey!" he finally breathed taking a step back. "You look—different."
Because unlike him, I dropped my jeans and tee for the night. Today is gonna be historical, might make it more special. "Yeah! I thought it will be a good time to make some changes. Like you always say."
"You should've done it sooner." I asked slipping on my seat.
"What do you mean?"
"You'll find out." As I did, he kissed the side of my head. This kiss was weird, it didn't have the sparks he usually leaves behind. Something is off, I get in.
I saw him walking to his seat and getting in. there is so much going on in my mind.
"Where are we going?" I tried in an attempt to tease him, to make him confessed his plans, but he is more tight-lipped than I am. Though, I know where we'll be going, it's fun testing him. I wanted to tell him so bad, but won't it spoil it for him, all his efforts down in the drain. I restrained all the exit points for those words, my heart was going all ballistic. It's hard for me sometimes to hold back.
He took a different route that what I thought, the hotel needed the right turn he just missed. "Where are we going?" now I want to know if he's changed his plans or something. Maybe he forgot where we'll be going. Did he not know the way? I haven't been there before, but he might've. He loved exploring. I'm losing my patience. I look back on the road from his stoic face and wait… why are we going there? Why would we rather go there? We haven't been back there since we graduated. "Jake?" my heart began to beat on my chest.
"University." He said, though he can see I already realize it. His voice so indifferent, I can hardly recognise it. Almost as if he's blank, devoid to even the basic emotions. My heart sank, deeper than the floor beneath our feet. Deeper with the realization of what's to come. For all I've thought before, breaking up was never one of them.
"You know why." he gave me an all-knowing look. Like I might have seen it coming. He was buying me flowers last week, asking for kisses, cuddling me at nights. Is this what it meant? At that moment, I remembered one thing, one thing I've told him, today, five years ago. One thing he still didn't forget. One thing that's easier to do than putting them in words.
"Don't ever tell me to break up with you. If you really want it, just bring me back here and I'll know what you want to say."
We started dating five years ago, I was in a very bad state of my life, my parents just broke up and dad was going to go live with his girlfriend. I hated how they broke up so easily, like those years weren't worth anything. that was why I said those words to him. if I was going to be in it, it's for forever for me. but let's be realistic. Even people in love break up and cheat. So, I told him to bring me back to the room where he asked me out so no hurtful words will make way out of our mouths.
The words carved on the walls of my brain. This is what he's planning to do? Break up. "Stop the car!" I shrieked. "Why are we going there? He's stiff, so stiff, so plain. So scary. No, this night can't be going this way. my dreams can't shatter right before I've lived them. I've put so much efforts in this relationship.
He stopped the car on the empty road. "Mandy!" he finally turned to me. "You know what I mean. Remember what you told me the day I confessed to you in the computer lab?"
My body feel back to take support of the door. "Of course, I remember." I added. "I remember but I don't understand why in the world you're breaking up with me right before you're going to propose. Is this a prank?"
"Propose? Who told you that?" he looks genuinely curious. He's been leaving breadcrumbs everywhere.
"I saw you looking for engagement rings. I know exactly which design you bought. I know you've booked a hotel room for us. What more do I need to understand."
"No, I was looking for it, but that wasn't for you." he scrunched his lips, putting it shut in a straight line.
"What did you say?" my body began to fume. It used my cards without my permission and didn't even buy those things for me. what am I? a joke? "Not, for me? for who then." All his might flushed out of his eyes, like he didn't expect me to find out what he's using my money for. I don't know how long he's been doing this. It's the first time I've ever noticed where he's used my money in. "Who did you buy it for?" I reinforced all my words. He said nothing, not an explanation, not argument, no debate. "So, you were having an affair all the time you said you're busy with work." I wanted to know his reaction. I knew he won't do it to me. Five years we've been together. That's supposed to mean something.
"I'm sorry."
"So, you are having an affair." Tears began to shower out of my eyes. my hand raised up, out of my control, I slapped him, hard. As hard as I could. Slicing a scratch from my beaded bracelet on his left cheek, pearls ricocheting everywhere, falling down, like my heart is sinking. "Why?" a soft sob fell out when I grabbed his collar. "How did you think I am someone you can cheat on?"
That was it, it was the first time, I've seen him so angry. Maybe before he's seen me so angry for the first time. almost like—almost like he blames me for his infidelity. All the cheaters in the world would use this tactic to lessen their guilt. All the excuses my father made when he broke up with my mother.
"Because—" he let out a frustrated breath, combing his hands through his strawberry blond hair. Frustrated, angry, pained. I don't know what he was anymore. He can't be the man I loved. I was all and more that I no longer recognize in him. I don't know how he did it to me. "You're boring, Mandy." Words come out his mouth like they are just trying to hurt me.
"What did you just say to me?" I almost slapped him again. Is this his excuse? Even my dad had better.
"You—you, work with computers." So we're going there now.
"Is this your reason for the break up? I'm the fucking senior data analyst in my company, youngest, best at it. besides, among the two of us, someone has to earn real money. We can't survive on tips and my family's money." He banged his hand against the steering like I've plucked a weak spot.
"What did you just say?" his hands shiver with anger. "You know what, you are boring. You wear pants all day. You don't drink, you don't party, you don't hang out with friends. Hell, you have no friends other than that dyke you like with."
"Don't you dare say a thing about Chris. She is way better than a gold digger." I almost ripped my new nails in his chest. There has to be a good use of them now.
"And you don't have sex anywhere but on bed, you are not at all thrilling. Accept it, you are a fifty-year-old woman in a younger body. you hate everything young people love."
"Fine!" I exclaimed in defeat. I'm done with him. I'm too exhausted to care about talking to him. "You hate me so much—" Chris was right, I shouldn't have trusted him so much, "give me back the stuff you've been using without permission."
"What?" the color in his face changed again, like he would almost take back every bad thing he's said to me. "Give you back what? What did you even give to me."
I laughed, I laughed so hard, even he was scared. "Like this watch!" I pointed his wrist, that cost me more than a month's pay. "And my cards. This car. That Gucci belt, LV wallet. This jacket." I didn't realise it before, he's almost like my sugar baby. But with demands. Not a dog who would take whatever he gets. "They're all mine. I gave them to you because we were dating. Now, we're not. So, I would like it back."
"They're not yours." He didn't expect me to do this, did he? I was always generous so he never thought I could be stingy. I didn't even know I could be that. he really appalled from my reaction.
"You can give it to me now, or we can meet in court after I report you for stealing. It will cost us both money we wouldn't want to pay but trust me, I would pay, because I can, and you can't."
"You know what I meant now." he let out another frustrated hands across his scalp. How much I adored him doing this before, I loathe it now. "You've always been so proud of all this money you have. So proud, but you know what, if not for the money, no one will ever love you."
"You never loved me anyway, you loved my money. Now get out of my car." Even this car, he loved showing off to his friends won't be his anymore. His hand buckled at the handle after he surrendered the phone, my cards, the watch, belt, wallet. At this moment, I do feel happy, a little. A percent in the sorrow I feel altogether. "Don't forget the jacket." I said and his face twisted. That jacket cost me almost as much as all his things combined. "I want you to send the flat screen I bought, the play station and also the microwave and coffeemaker. I would use it from now. Thanks. Also, forget about the suite, since you swiped my card to pay for it, I'll be going there. Tonight." I saw the frustration on his face, like I've really hurt him, but I'm not going to charity an asshole. I can only deal with humans. Not a parasite that leeches off of a human.