Waking up in my own cold sweat, I rub my eyes and face with both hands. Removing the covers from over my legs, I could see a watermark surrounding my whole body. It wasn't surprising, I knew the cold sweat was a result of me having a nightmare. A recurring nightmare to remind me of that fateful night, 3 years ago. But the difference between my nightmares and that day, is that I know at some point I'll wake up.

Every night, the dream always starts the same, I'm surrounded by a dark abyss, until I hear a female voice say "Save her" and I appear in the middle of a street. And yes, it's always the same street because, this particular street, you can actually see from my bedroom window, and whenever the street manifests I'm always facing toward my apartment, that's just a couple blocks away. After realizing where I am, I notice a young girl, who looked to be about my age at the time, lying in the street unconscious and clothes completely drenched. Of course, thinking that the voice was talking about this helpless girl, I always immediately try to aid her by taking off my jacket to cover her and then hold her close to me to get her warm. And at this moment, with dreams working in mysterious ways as they do, my clothes become completely wet and I notice a slight pain on my shoulder. After immediately analyzing the pain and realizing that I'm bleeding out from my shoulder, I hear the voice repeat those same words again. I start to feel confused and irritated because I didn't understand what more I could do to "save her" when I'm clearly caring for the young girl as much as I could.

During my inner frustration, I hear the girl in my arms trying to speak. I console her and tell her not to worry and that the ambulance is on the way. But with her in an obvious daze, she was mumbling something to herself. I leaned in to hear her more clearly and all I could hear her say was…."mom". Now, the most annoying part about my dream is that even though I know exactly what's going to happen, what I should do, and all that, it's as if I'm in a virtual reality game where I'm in obviously in first person, but I don't make all the decisions as far as what to say and what to do. So my actual subconscious is just along for the ride.

As the dream continues, I hear the ominous voice again, and this time I'm drawn to the reservoir that has now appeared a few feet in front of me, and being that it was raining all that day the water was almost overflowing. Staring out at the water, I saw bubbles rising to the surface, disrupting the natural flow. As I sat there, watching, all I could hear were the same words being said over and over again, "Save her….Save her….You must….save her!" I think that maybe there's someone that still needed to be saved in the water, but when I try to move I couldn't. Go figure, right? I keep trying to move, and I try to scream out to people that appear a few feet away from us, but as hard as I yelled, they couldn't hear me. Feeling frantic, I look back out at the reservoir and the bubbles have now subsided and the voice had finally stopped ringing in my head. With that, I hold the girl's sleeping head close to mine and whisper to her that I'm sorry I couldn't save them. This part of the dream hits me the most because, after apologizing, the girl says, in my ear, "What do you mean, 'you couldn't'? You didn't even try." Hearing that, I go to look the girl in the eyes. Her body is completely blue and her veins were black as well as her eyes if she were already dead. As she looked at me with her now demon black eyes she says, "You should've just let me die too." And every time, after I hear those words, I wake up.

The doctors at the rehab facility told me that it's a big possibility that since my dreams are a part of my memory, my mind is making me relive those moments so that I don't forget what happened. Rather than me being able to change certain aspects of my dream. The part about the girl being dead in my arms and speaking to me obviously didn't happen, but the doctors said that could be just my regret And grief expressing itself. So to sum it all up…I was basically causing my own self torture. And that is why, to this day, the brain is the most complex organ that nobody fully understands. But although my dream was a reminder of that night, it's also a simplification of my life: full of regret and surrounded by obvious failure. Of course, not everything in my life was complete shit, but if I had to list out everything, shit definitely out ways anything good.

After looking at the time and seeing that it was only fifteen minutes before my alarm would've gone off, I decided to get up and start my day. Being so early in the morning, my room was still dark. But with my curtain slightly open, the rising sun light shone through to make just one object visible: A violin case that leaned against my bedroom wall, across from my bed. As it faced me, it felt like it was mocking me.

"Good morning to you too."

I don't know if it's because I was being forced to get up before my alarm, or because I have to go to school, but the more I had a stare down with the case, the more pissed off it made me that it was there. 'Why did I place it there again?' It's been 3 years since I had it, from that night and I never really questioned it before, until now.

To the left of the case was my body sized mirror. Wanting to get a better look at myself, I rose from the bed, walked in front of the mirror, and slowly examined myself. It's also been 3 years since I was able to look in a mirror and It was kinda weird to think this but…'I hardly even recognize myself.' My hair has grown down to my shoulders and I've definitely gotten a lot more muscular. Maybe even a little too muscular, for just a senior in high school.

Rehab facilities take up a lot of precautions. For example, in case someone would attempt to hurt themselves or others, anything that could be used as a weapon wasn't allowed on the grounds(including mirrors). Since the facilities were strict on our possessions, passing time in those places was pretty difficult. Not even masturbating was possible without someone catching you. As a result, working out and reading was pretty much my go to.

Now, despite everything about my body that was UNrecognizable, the one thing that continued to be visible and relevant was the scar on my shoulder. The scar wasn't too bad, it was 5 inches wide, starting a few inches below my collarbone and stretched all the way over my shoulder not even going past my scapula. Unlike my dream, it was now healed and no longer bleeding out. And just like the violin case, I can't help but feel that the scar was mocking me through the mirror.

Looking down at the case, beside the mirror, I ask myself, 'Do I really need two reminders? Is the one imprinted on my body not enough?' I've kept it all this time, thinking that I would one day return it, but realistically what's the possibility of that happening? I'm just torturing myself at this point. Without putting on a shirt, I snatched the case off the ground and quickly stomped out of my room to throw this pathetic excuse of a "keepsake" out of my life, for good.

Not realizing that my sister, Kikyo, was already in the kitchen, I put on my shoes and stormed out the door without telling her 'Good morning'. Supposedly, getting rid of the case was a big step, but why did placing it in the trash make me feel worse than I thought it would? Throwing it away is the right thing to do, right? At least, that's what those doctors at the facility kept telling me.

After doing what "needed to be done", I went back inside, with my sister still in the kitchen. I could tell she was waiting for me to come back. "Good morning. Sorry, if I startled you, going outside like that." I told her, so she didn't feel I was ignoring her.

"Like what, exactly? This is your home too, remember? You're able to come and go as you please." Not saying anything further to each other, I silently stood in the doorway. "Would you like some breakfast? I have some time before I have to leave. Come, sit down."

"Why so early? School doesn't start for another 3 hours." I sat down at the kitchen island like she told me.

"Since it's the first day, the student council decided to assist in setting up for the club fair, in front of the school today. It makes it easier for new recruits to sign up that way."

I was really impressed by my little sister, so I had to acknowledge it. "I take it you came up with that idea, right?"

"It was a group decision. I only made a suggestion."

"I see someone's still modest." Kikyo turned away from me, but I could tell what I said made her happy. I appreciated Kikyo for not pressuring me about why I rushed outside. She's always been pretty good at minding her own business. But being twins, we kinda know deep down what the other one is going through. We understand each other better than anyone. I'm the older one between the two of us, by a few minutes, but it's obvious who gets the title of being the responsible sibling. But even when we were kids, Kikyo has always been that way: Smart, dependable, and sophisticated. I mean, I am smart and sophisticated, but being dependable is asking for too much.

Kikyo places a plate of a freshly made omelet in front of me and says, "By the way. I have some news about your uniforms. Their shipment is running a little late, so you can dress down for today. They should be here by tomorrow."

"Is that so? And you're sure the school will be okay with me, of all people, being dressed down?" Giving my sister a teasing smile, I could see her drifting off in thought. I probably brought back an unpleasant memory. I let out a sigh and said, "I was only joking. Thanks for putting in a good word for me, sis. And thank you for the breakfast. Your cooking skills have definitely improved, from what I remember."

"Yeah, well 3 years is a long time, Kaname. It's only natural for things to change, right?"

Seeing that I struck a nerve, an awkward silence fell between us. But I could see that not everything has changed about Kikyo. She still has a short temper, just another similar trait we have. I knew better than to tell her that though, it would make the situation worse, so I decided not to say anything.

"I'm going to head out now."

Feeling guilty, I say,"Are you sure you're okay with going by yourself at this time? I can go with you."

"Who said I was going by myself?" Another wave of silence fell over us. I'm never good at this kinda thing: caring.

"Don't worry too much about me, okay. Just make sure you make it to school on time. I'll be looking for you to be sure."

With Kikyo sounding like a mom, I try to hold back my laughter and tell her, "Okay." But she's right, I should take things a little more seriously. I am basically getting a second chance at life, as it is. Kikyo knows that more than anyone, so it's only natural for her to want to look out for me.

"By the way." Bringing me out of my thoughts, I see Kikyo staring at me intently. "I wanna be the first to tell you, because I'm sure you're going to hear it a lot today."

"Tell me what?"

"Welcome back. And you should think about getting a haircut. People might actually confuse us even though you're my brother."

After seeing a genuinely sincere smile on Kikyo's face, she leaves for school. And that left me back to my thoughts. 'Am I really ready to be a part of regular society again?' Now that I think about it. All I've been doing is thinking. Before I knew it, I ran outside.

Kikyo wasn't far, so I yelled for her while she was still able to hear me, "Kikyo! Wait for me! I'll be ready in 10 minutes!" 'Am I ready for society? The right question is, is society ready for me?'