I open my eyes, and feel as though I'm choking on something. It takes me a minute to remember where I am.
I'm in the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital, and I've just come out of major lung surgery. The surgeons removed a whole half of my left lung, and I feel the chest tube working on my left side.
Ryan is next to me, on my right. He tells me to stay calm, yet I can't stop the anxiety that is welling up inside of me.
CatRina is on my left, and I turn my head to look at her. She walks away, and eases herself into a chair across the room. She starts crying, too.
I reach out and punch the right side of the hospital bed. I start to cry harder.
A nurse comes out from behind a curtain, and Ryan takes a step back.
She leaves, and enters with my Stepmom, CeCe, close behind, along with a team of nurses. CeCe doesn't notice my friends at first, but then she hugs CatRina with all her might.
I'm in full panic mode. I'm slamming my wrist against the side-rail. Ryan grips onto my hand mid-slam. His mother, LeLe, says to him:
"Hold her arms, they're going to remove the respirator!"
He puts his hand on my arm, and holds it down. I stare into his eyes, as if he can read my mind and know that I just want to slam. But he doesn't let go. He knows that he can't. And I silently wish that I could go back under Anesthesia all over again.