The next morning, I was ready to leave with my bags packed. Elena had taken charge for the carriage that would take me to kingdom of Erura, part of the dominion of pride.
From what I had read and heard, it was a well-developed nation but because of the segregation between the rich and the poor, the society appears happier and richer than it truly is. There are underground establishments for the peasants where they are born, live and die. A country of such divide makes a lot of sense given the age but then what about Furrina? Is she in favor of all this?
While I was putting my thoughts together, a maid knocked on my door and told me that Elena wanted to meet me in private.
Entering the room, I expected others too but only Elena was there looking troubled.
"Oi!" I called out.
"O-oh! Could you close the door behind you? and come sit here?"
I obliged and took the seat. She seemed nervous.
"So?"
"I'll get straight to the point. Marry me. It might sound out of blue and quite unorthodox but I wanted to say this before you left because I was worried that something might happen between you and lady Furrina." She blabbered.
Marry? Shouldn't it be dating? I think dating isn't exactly a concept here because of a lot of things... But regardless, the answer remains the same. It wasn't exactly unexpected. I had already noticed how Amelia and Elena's demeanor always changed at the mention of Furrina, a woman I'm yet to meet. Marriage was unexpected though but I knew Elena would confess first.
"I'm sorry." I answered. It can't happen. This isn't how it should be. Friendships are build and maintained on loyalty and honesty. I can't lie to her.
"There are lots of reason for me to reject you. First, who knows what will happen to me in the future. I'm not exactly a mentally stable person." I chuckled. "Second, I always said I was interested in marriage but it's not for me. I can't possibly love a person." This was more so related to my family. I had met people in extended family too and one constant between all couples were unhappiness.
'My husband ignores me.'
'Ah! She is so annoying... she never shuts up.'
'Why can't you just listen to me!'
All of it: Loveless.
They loved pretending that everything was okay but under the façade lied hatred. The closer we get to our loved ones the more estranged we become. We find more about them... more we don't agree with and in the end, things turn sour. Look at me own parents, I wonder if they even loved each other. All they cared about was their reputation. They wanted to keep themselves clean but I know how bad the things truly were. Fighting, cursing each other out and never being on the same page. I'm scared I might end up in the same position. I know the current Elena is good but who's to say she would stay the same.
People change for worse or for better but they do change over time. Look at me. A child who loved everyone is now nothing but a hollow being living because he is too scared to die.
"And last, the real me isn't worthy of love either. I know you took a risk... You risked our friendship but you're better off with someone who is not as dirty as me." I smiled softly before leaving the room.
Me who is covered in scars and bruises of my past isn't worthy of love. If my own parents couldn't love me then there must be a problem, right? I know I wanted to change but I can never say yes to such a confession. I feel scared of intimacy too. Whatever the case be, sex is part of any romantic relationship and to me, it's scary. What a man I am... Haha... scared of having sex. Can I even be called a man? She might start hating me for avoiding such an important aspect of marriage. I know it could even lead to her doubting my love for her and it would only snowball from there.
That's why it can never work out.
I think using her carriage now might be disrespectful, so, I asked the maid to take it back to their estate and apologized for causing them problems.
For now, I have time to take a different carriage and go to the kingdom of Erura. The queen had given me quite a huge sum of money to help me with my journey and so, I used some to get me a carriage for kingdom of Polana. It was in the dominion of pride too. It was the kingdom that bordered the kingdom of Deem while Erura was more towards the center of the dominion.
As I sat in the carriage, I wondered ... did I make the right choice? Yes. Yes... it's for the best.
...
I couldn't even look at him as he left. So, not only have I been rejected but our friendship might've ended too. I knew the risk but maybe I made a mistake. So stupid for thinking I had a chance.
"Lady Elena, Mister Kara has taken a communal carriage instead of the one we prepared for him." A maid informed me. I think he might've felt awkward taking my carriage.
I shouldn't give up though. I need to analyze the situation first. It had been a little over a month since we came across each other and I ended up not only falling for him but also learned things even Amelia doesn't know of. I'm yet to know who he is but given his past with that nanny, I should've expected this. Dad had suggested giving a little push rather than letting things play out. So, for next one month, I have to prepare for his return. I will make sure we are able to have a proper conversation where he is honest with me.
...
While I was in the carriage, I had a few letters to read. These were details about a lot of different things sent to me by the queen.
First, about the dominion of knowledge, the dominion is being controlled by six sages and meeting lady Aisha isn't allowed. The reason being her age. They say they're being careful yet the grand order is never seen by the public. A lot of suspicions were raised initially but all quickly moved on with their lives.
Second, about dominion of pride and about Furrina. It seems like there is a racial discrimination related issue plaguing the entire dominion with introduction of beast-folks. The humans are relating them to monsters that have attacked the different nations and so the hostility is at its all time high. Furrina is yet to take any action but people's trust in her is not exactly broken. They still hold her in high regard.
Last, monsters are becoming a bigger issues on the borders of the kingdom of Deem but they're holding them off pretty well, especially because of my involvement in improving the magic spells.
Since I'm going to dominion of pride, I wonder how my experience would be. I'm not exactly fond of helping entire communities with discrimination problems. But I would have to meet up with Furrina anyways so I might get involved unwillingly.
...
A few days passed and I was in the kingdom of Polana. The cities were clean, people dressed neatly. It was entirely different from the kingdom of Deem. As I walked through the city, I overheard some people.
"Those species... Lady Furrina knows where they came from. How can we trust them?" A woman spoke.
"They can't be trusted. She has to be out of her mind to do something like this. How can WE, clean and sophisticated humans, ever coexist with those barbaric animals?" A man standing next to her responded.
I kept walking down the street slowly noticing the hostility that the people had towards the beast-folks.
"Hey! Commoners aren't allowed in the city!" Someone dressed as a knight approached me.
"HUH?!" I angrily looked at him and showed my badge as a representative of kingdom of Deem. "What's your name? Talking to me like that? Such presumptuous personality doesn't exactly deserve to be a knight." For some reason I was not in a good mood right now.
"I... I apologize." He was actually shaking in his boots.
"Name."
"I didn't know you were so important." He was probably trying to get out of the situation but I knew that this society was rotten to the core.
"You assumed the I was a commoner based on my clothes? I'm not only a representative of the kingdom of Deem, I'm also an outlander. You dared question my authority based on my clothes rather than just asking me who I was?"
He probably peed his pants. I wonder but I was annoyed by how people were talking. I am going to be getting involved with all of this... right?
...
I continued on my journey to the palace after toying around with the knight a bit more.
The throne room wasn't exactly that big but it was almost filled to brim by the aristocrats.
"Ah! I'm pleased to be acquainted with you, lord Kara." The king spoke.
"Right, right. Now answer me this first. Why did your knight tell me to leave the city because I looked like a commoner?"
"Why, of course, commoners dirties the city. They litter everywhere and create disorderly environment. I deeply apologize for how you were treated and I promise, he will be punished appropriately." His sweet voice annoyed me even more.
"Whatever... Anyways, what is the issue with beast-folks? My original reason to come her this dominion was to have a meeting with Furrina but all this talk got me interested. Dare I say, I heard a bunch of people bad-mouthing her and I would be pleased to inform you that I have their details on my person." Basically, I took pictures on my phone.
"B-Bad-mouthing? Lady Furrina? Impossible. Please give us the details and we will deal with them immediately." He sounded somewhat nervous now.
"Yea... no. I'm giving them directly to her once I meet her. Since I'm an outlander, my disappearance would not go unnoticed but I'm worried if I give you the list, those people might find a way to attack me as a revenge plot."
"Your issues are warranted given the situation." He somewhat smiled in an attempt to ease the tension in the hall.
"A lot of issues I see. Hm... I'll be reporting everything to Furrina and have her take action instead."
"It's Lady Furrina." Someone interrupted.
"Furrina and I are on same hierarchy. You, on the other hand, need to shut up." I responded. "I was planning on spending a night here before moving to Erura but I guess I'll leave now. I'm disappointed by what I saw. This will be reported to Furrina." With that I left the hall, quickly exiting the palace.
I know I would be followed but for now, I have nothing to worry about given they can't possibly be stupid enough to kidnap an envoy, right?