NERVOUSNESS AND A WEIRD enticing feeling grabbed Ivan as the moment to meet Ashna grew closer and closer.
For once he thought, maybe she won't come, maybe she asked without reason. They were nothing after all. Friends, yes. But he did not know that to Ashna, he had become a true best friend.
Ashna had friends. They were fun, caring even but they barely had time anymore. They still met but they were numbered and in those little times, all they talked about was fun things, little pains and struggles and coaxing worlds.
They barely knew what Ashna felt or what life has been to her for the past few years, for she always kept things a secret. Many of them noticed her change but the reason, no one knew. Only her best friend Rishika knew.
She would always say, "Don't worry, everything will be fine." Ashna would humm in agreement every time but she knows, not one thing has gone right since that evening Ivanya left home.
Things were good before but they twisted into a doomed spiral all at once and Ashna was left all alone. Just when she thought life had no meaning left in it, no moon was ever going to rise, she met Ivan. For Ashna, Ivan came as her rescuer. Her healer.
Ivan was already walking down the street of the area he lived in when his phone rang. Thoughts came running to his mind ushering all other feelings away but of sweet nervousness.
A.
Just one letter of her name was with which Ivan had saved her number. Even when all letters of her name were imprinted in his heart all the time these days.
It was a different feeling as he was looking forward to talking to her. With no expectations but to hear her voice. It would be a lie that Ivan did not wish to meet Ashna. It was another thing he did not expect, not from Ashna even when every nerve of his body wished her to.
He always liked Ashna. Since the first time he really noticed her, in her beautiful red dress. He remembers the day clearly.
She wore a red embroidered Palazzo, hairs open and high heels that added inches to her height. She was so cheerful that day, all pretty smiles. Beauty graced her, and to Ivan, she looked prettier than anyone.
He always wanted her, liked her in his heart. It is another thing he never tried. Never hoped they would come to meeting ever, looking at the minimal contact they had in school. But more than anything, Ivan wanted her to want him.
"Where are you?" Ashna asks as soon as Ivan picks the call.
Not answering, he asks back, "where are you?"
"What? end of the flyover, just as you had said–''
They decided to meet outside his colony because Ashna did not want him to come anywhere near her residence. He was glad though, he did not know how he would have gone feeling so nervous.
Ivan was the sweetest, most intelligent, not academically but he was good at studies too when he wanted, friendly and favourite person of everyone who knew him.
Everyone who knew Ivan knew that they could be in need and they could call him for help as he always did. He was the beloved of his friend group, all whose members knew Ashna well too cause they were all her classmates too.
He had a weird intuition of reading people, knowing what they truly were. It was another thing that no one really knew Ivan, just that he was a private person. His feelings, his wants, choices and life was a mystery.
People knew as much as he let it, and so his friends knew the most about him.
Until Ashna.
The first thing Ashna had asked Ivan was to not tell anyone, especially his friends that they were talking or together anyhow. They were not dating and yet she wanted to hide. Ivan was fine because he was not going to spill anyway. For one among many qualities of Ivan was, he has always known to keep secrets.
Ivan was shy, introverted and minding-his own-business kind of person. He was one of those people who are considered the rudest when you see them at first because of this cool, unbothered expression they keep on their faces but as soon as you talk to them and start to know them, you realise no one is better than them. No one is sweeter than them.
Ivan was just like that.
In the school, only those who had talked to him, which mostly included people he allowed, knew he was a wonderful guy.
With the cleverest mirks, sarcastic humor and unbelievably deep knowledge about various things, and huge interest in tech and modern equipment, all sorts of things were known to him and still he behaved as if they were the most simple things.
He barely judged. He behaved as if nothing ever needed to be judged. Since the day Ashna had started talking to Ivan, and started knowing him piece by piece, she wonders how she could have misjudged him into a rude and occupied person when all he was a sweetheart.
Pretty sarcastic at times, but a sweetheart.
Ashna found Ivan was the best man there ever was. He was the moon, hidden behind the clouds to Ashna. But to Ivan, Ashna was his moon.
Ivan guides Ashna over the call which she does and his heart races inside him as he sees her. But she has not seen him yet. It was always like this, even in school. He saw her everytime and she never did. Not at least like him.
Amidst all the chaos on the road, which he was glad was not much for this city rarely had much traffic, he could spot Ashna on her scooty, looking pretty in her fluttering dress and pretty occupied as she held the phone to her ear.
"Hey," she says, brushing her arm at her forehead removing beads of perspiration and Ivan realises he had not spoken anything for a minute now. He takes careful steps towards her. "Where are you? Ivan–"
"Shh! Stay there, I see you."
He says no more words, nothing as he reaches her, eyes fixed at her little frame and his heart was hammering inside him loud enough as if it could break out of the ribcage.
Ashna really did not remember Ivan from school. She knew he was tall, he belonged to their house, she knew she could recognise him but still, she did not remember him very clearly l as she did from the pictures she had seen in his posts and in those which he had sent her.
When her eyes finally find Ivan, tall and sculpted, lean muscular, taking quick athletic steps towards her, something inside her heart twists. 'Was he always this pretty?'
Her expression relaxes, eyes crinkling as her lips turn up into a smile. She swallows as he reaches her, blurred features she observed the night she had met him accidentally were clearer now. He had medium long hair, messy, clean shaven and hot.
But he did not meet her eyes.
Ashna opens her mouth to say hi and somehow, it comes out as a whisper.
He looks up, his lips part into a small smile, as if laughing at her reaction. She was always loud in school, talkative and blurting all the time. Even if that changed in Ashna in the past few years, she still spoke clearer and more confident than now.
Picking the cue his lips throw at her, she clears her throat and speaks, confident this time, "You should greet back when someone says Hi."
Ivan looks up, their eyes meeting for a quick second and sparkles tingle Ashna's skin but before they can light a fire, he looks away. His eyes were dark, deep enough as if they could pull out all secrets buried deep down.
Ashna's lips part in a gasp and she looks ahead, putting on her helmet back. Putting on a mask, he walks to sit behind her on the scooty. "Hi, " he whispers in her ear as he leans in a little closer, taking in the smell of her.
Goosebumps mark Ashna's neck and her lips part in a gasp. She swallows, trying to calm down her fastly pounding heart, afraid he could hear it.
"So fast," she remarks after collecting herself, her voice still small though. Starting the scooty, she asks for directions before driving off.
"I called you at gate no. 2, you just stopped at the flyover?"
Ivan' father was in the police force and so they lived in the government area reserved for them. Vast grassy ground which also had a helipad, trees lining the twisted paths, closed doors of all houses whichever the block be, and tall, all similar looking buildings, and complete silence filled the area.
The only time the area looked vibrant here was in the evening, when people came out for a walk or running or just to relax. The colony had multiple doors, each of which opened to a different area. The flyover was closer to the second gate.
"At least I came,— " Ashna says proudly, yet the sadness stays. She barely went anywhere, curfew at home did not let her. Ivan felt glad she did, even if he is not ready to accept the sweet dream coming true himself.
"Drive faster from here, " Ivan guides as they reach gate 3, one of the most well maintained roads of the city. "Why?" Ashna asks, while slowing down.
"Hey", Ivan tries to be angry but it comes out with a laugh, the tension in his mind does not ease though. He really did not want his family or anyone he knew for that purpose, to see him with her. Because he really had no answers to give to whatever questions that may arise.
"Same reason you decided to come instead of me coming to your area of residence, madam,"
"Okayy, chill," Ashna does not argue anymore.
They do not stop anywhere for the uncertainty of people making judgements, for the fear of someone they know might see them.
She drives through the road as Ivan guides her through which were mostly empty, and felt new to Ashna even when she had lived in the same city for all her life, talking to each other for the first time when they are not on phone. And it felt surreal to each of them.
Her heart beats at a fast pace inside her heart. It quickens at a sudden realisation that dawns upon her as she talks to him, as she laughs at his words, and as they smile together.
She was meeting somebody she should not. Ivan was sitting behind her on her scooty and she was driving on the road, and anyone could see her.
In this area, however, nobody she did not want to, which made her feel relieved. She was lying.
She was hiding. There was fear, anxiety and excitement mixed. She knew she was doing exactly something which she should not, which her parents would hate her for.
'But we are friends.' She tells herself. But, 'Ivan is a friend.'
She takes a deep breath, smiles and tries to forget things as she tries to focus upon Ivan and his words. This moment, when he was close to her. And God, it felt just right.
'You have lost it Ashna, think of home, your father—"
Her mind would not stop reasoning. And her heart, which was still beating at the rate of two more than usual, knew that this moment, she was planning her doom by herself.
Yet, it felt sweet.
Chaste.
Desired.