I fell asleep on the couch and woke up around 3:46am when it dawned to me.
My mom is dead.
Cos tell me why no one is answering the phone and why no one is calling me back. I'm so scared right now should I just call my dad.....
'April calm down she's gonna be fine' the inner voice said
'Are you sure?' I asked with a shaking voice looking around.
'Not exactly, but instinct tells me she's fine'
'You have bad instinct'
I picked my phone from the floor where I left it before my inevitable nap that turned into a deep slumber with the hope of calling my dad.
My phone came alive with 5 missed calls from an unknown number.
I called the number back with my mind in a turmoil and my hands sweaty and voice shaky.
"Hello is this miss lopez"
Being called by your last name is never a pleasant thing it means you've gotten in trouble or more.
"Hello ??" The voice repeated after some beats of silence from my end.
"Ha yes this is she" I said trying hard to mask the obvious fear in my voice.
"Your mom is currently at midway hospital she got knocked down by a collea....."
My phone fell off my hand as I dropped heavily on the coach with tears tickling down my face. "Yeah this is it ! This is where I meet my demise. I knew there was something wrong with loving bloom. Why can't I be a normal kid with a normal life. Why!!!! Tell me why karma has to hit hard through my mom. I know this is my penalty for loving a girl. Love shouldn't be contraband it shouldn't be controlled by beliefs or what others think, why I'm I being punished like this!!!!!!" I cried loudly while bawling out my eyes.
Is it my fault I can't control who I fall in love with???.
I got up after realizing my tears means nothing to karma and it's only gonna prolong time.
I went in briefly and packed my mom's clothes and essential toiletries before leaving the house for midway. "Fuck Midway" I said inwardly
'Hurry up April, you move like a snail'
'You be quiet I thought you said my mom was fine, your instinct is ragged'
'I believe she's fine hurry to the hospital'
I hurried out of the house with a peaceful argument in my head.
I went straight to the subway and took the 5am train then took a cab right to midway. The smell of aspirin and injection hit my nose the moment I stepped into the hospital like mr Olsen's breath.
"Good morning my name is April I here for Mrs lopez?" I talked to the nurse at the reception.
"Oh right, good morning sweetheart" the kind nurse smiled at me but I wasn't having any of it "just take a right down the hallway she's in ward 2087"
"That's a hell of a room 2087 ???...." I muttered under my breath while walking away.
As I neared the room I heard laughter, precisely jobless and sophisticated women laughing so loudly without a care in the world.
"Oh my gosh Zoey is that your daughter ??" A lady in a blue dress probably in her mid 30s asked my mom while pointing at me
"Yeah there she is" my mom smiled and gestured with her hand for me to come nearer.
Ok what's happening? Mom's ok in-fact she's alive and bobbly.
"Oh my she looks exactly like Gerald" Another woman with a band aid on her nose said.
"Tell me about it" my mom said and scoffed.
"She's an asset zoey you bagged the good one" a short woman with bandage around her head said and all 8 women started laughing.
Ok what was funny ??....
"Uhnmm mom I got a very disturbing call around 3 am claiming you were unconscious or so"
I said to my mom in the most confused expression while I dropped the bag I brought and sat down on her bed.
Then everyone started laughing again. Holy hell I don't want to loose my sense of humor when I get older cos what's funny to them I looked around frustrated and they laughed again.
"Oh zoey you are lucky your kid came mine's a delinquent" the woman with a band aid said.
"Tell me about it, I have four" the woman across the room said.
"Ion have kids they're a handful of stress" another weird looking woman muttered.
"My son is actually a good kid" a short woman stated
"That's a surprise judging by how mean you are" another woman answered her.
"I know right" my mom said and they all laughed again !!
They kept talking about how bad their kids were and how lucky my mom was to have me.
Apparently nothing's wrong with my mom they played ruby earlier at work and they all kinda got scratched.
Knowing how the office protocol or shit like that be doing way too much, they were all rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Some actually got hurt real bad but my mom was just knocked down by a very fat colleague so she fainted.
Once again I jumped into conclusion by worrying and overthinking things way too much, I let my anxiety take over me for the millionth time.
Well I'm glad I'm not being punished by karma or anyone and I can continue my life loving bloom and being a popular shadow in school.
At 6:00am I crawled on the bed with my mom and hugged her so tight she's literally my everything.
"Hey mom" I called looking up to meet her eye
"Yes pretty lady" she replied kinda stressing the pretty way too much.
"Didn't ever disappear without no trace again, you had me worrying" I whispered against her body as I pressed my face to her side.
"I Promise I won't do it again" she said and kissed my head slowly.
"Thanks sweetheart, make sure she use this daily" the nurse said to me on my way out of the hospital with my mom. I collected the pills and examined them before shoving them into the pocket of my pants.
"We finally leaving you was in an hurry" mom said the moment we stepped outside into the fresh air.
I nodded "yeah for real it smells like my new teacher's breath I was literally suffocating" I said and gagged.
"He must really have bad breath" mom said and laughed in her annoying way.
Yeah she's back I missed our bond these days she's been working her ass off to be able to send me to a good college. And best of all I missed my mom's clean house, nothing beats the fresh scent her house.
I woke up after a long nap on Sunday evening dreading what's gonna come on Monday. I never look forward to a Monday.
"Hey baby wake up" my mom came into my room to do her usual thing.
Honestly how's this game even fun for anyone waking me up by 6:00am in her robe and a towel wrapped around her hair with a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth.
"I'm up mooooooom" I drawled as I forced my self out of bed ready for another compulsory 7 hours torture with Blair and Sam.
I got down from my mom's car wearing the first clothes I got my hands on in my closet
I wore my black leather pants with a hoodie that says 'sMiLe Be HaPpY' how ironic to what I'm feeling rn.
"Baby don't forget your coat" my mom yelled coming after me.
"Thanks mom" I said collecting the long coat from her looking around ensuring no one saw that embarrassing action.
Ok I'm safe. Mo one was paying attention to me I walked away in the hall way in the dullest spirit I have.
I reached my locker and stood there staring at the drawing bloom gave me. Ever since I met her I've been unable to focus on anything else again she's been my objective and the only reason why I found summer school fun. Now it's winter and I'm all alone, I missed the cute smiles she threw at me the random laughs the way she's lingers on when she touches me.
Most especially her change of aura when I'm around the way she just zones out in class and stares at me. Oh gosh I miss her and her intoxicating cologne she wears.
"Hey April baby I missed you" I turned back at the voice and saw bloom standing right there.
"Omg !!!! I missed you too" I went forward and missed her so hard it was so satisfying till ....
"Blair you can eat her whole at home we have chemistry now"
I was pulled out of my fantasy by sam's nagging voice.
"Didn't know you missed me this much, wanna finish this at home?" Blair asked me and smirked.
"At least you're being enthusiastic about something again" Sam said and hugged me.
I just stood there staring at them. Tears stung my eyes threatening to fall any moment.
"Excuse me" I said and ran to the bathroom.
I went to an empty stall and closed the toilet and sat on it and cried.
'You are literally over reacting to this whole scenario' I heard the voice say to me
'You think I'm exaggerating!!!! You think I'm being unbearable!!!!! You think I'm doing too much !!!' I yelled
'Well yes. It's not that hard'
'It's not that hard' I scoffed today the air ' try being me like said quietly
'I am you ....or I know what's like to be in you'
I cleaned my face and sat facing up.
'I'm confused'
'I can see. You want the girl ? Leave the guy and go for her it's not that hard'
'Easy for you to say' I said sadly
'I'll create a distraction so you'll see The GiRl In YoUr DrEaM again'
'How for all I know you are just an imagination you are just a voice'
'We'll see the. You'll be late Fr chemistry if you keep this on'
I stood up to leave. Honestly I think I might just be overthinking all these. She might be straight with a boyfriend for all I know.
I decided to focus on what's important now and forget all the trial things and my priority now is graduating well so I'll go back to Boston and see bloom.
Surprisingly classes went smoothly today. Monday I won I said inwardly and blushed but my happiness was short lived when I saw Blair approaching me with a smirk plastered on his lips.
Oh shit I need to run.
I said preparing my self mentally for what's happening.
"Hey babe" he breathes on my neck when he finally got to me. "I have football now gonna be a few minutes" he said and smiled at me "keep that zipper up till I return" he added and went to join the guys.
'We ditching riii'
'Yeah obviously'
I'm not gonna stay still waiting for the dickhead to fuck me and have his way with me when he's probably two Timing with that bitch that calls herself my friend.
'So that's it'
'What's what' I asked the voice confused.
'Wait a sec I need my headphones on before people think I'm going nuts again, i definitely don't wanna visit dr Thomas again he's weird'
I brought out my headphones and held my phone to fake a call scenario.
'So what's what ?'
I asked the voice as I made my way towards the double doors leaving the school.
'That's why you've been pissed and grumpy and annoyed since you resumed back to school'
'Voice get out of my head' I said holding my phone up and nodding to it when some people started staring.
'That's actually not really possible'
'Voice!!!! I'm being....
I was about to cross the road when I heard a loud noise right beside me a car suddenly screeched to a stop almost hitting me then from behind another driver was desperately trying to maneuver his car from the road to avoid collision into the car in front of me.
'April move !!!!!!' Voice yelled at me
I wanted to move ...
I wanted to run ...
But somehow my mind was not functioning with my legs I couldn't move them I couldn't run away, I couldn't avoid the car hitting me.
I stared at the car moving towards me in an unbeatable speed and I couldn't avoid it. The fact that everything happened so fast is still a puzzle.
I laid on the ground covered in my pool of blood fighting the pain and the urge to slide my eyes. I watched people surround me and they started calling 911.
My classmates started running out of the shl and that was when I couldn't fight it again I wanted a rest from all of this.
Finally I'll get to be alone and think all I want I'm finally going to a place where no one would judge me or force their will upon me, I'm finally going to where everyone is equal no judgements comments or destructive criticism.
I can finally talk to voice anywhere and anytime I can be with who I want without the fear of being hunted by anyone. I can finally be me and fear no one's speech over my actions.
I will finally find peace I'll be happy and content here
Maybe death is actually not a bad idea.
It's an escape from all the worries and it offers everlasting solitude.