"I know."
Just because we'd made a LINE chat didn't mean I'd
formed a community with me at the center. I mean, my
group had to be on the same level as Nakamura's group or
Konno's group. Also, we'd hung out as a group of four, but
the LINE chat only had three members.
"So your next assignment will be an extension of this one.
I want you to go somewhere outside the prefecture with at
least three other people, or go anywhere with at least five
other people. Please aim for one of those two options."
"Got it. Backward compatibility, huh?"
"That's right. It feels like climbing a staircase, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
But even as we were reviewing the desired outcome of the
assignment, I wanted to ask her about something else.
The same thing I'd asked Takei and Mimimi.
"Hey, Hinami?"
"What?"
I tried to stay on the surface, as if I was touching a wound.
"I was wondering…what's your family like?"
"…What do you mean?"
"Um…"
I told her what Takei and Mimimi and I had talked about,
about how each family was so different and how that
affected people's path in life and way of thinking. I guess the
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question was too abrupt without some context.
"…So I was wondering about yours."
"Well, let's see."
Actually, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't partly motivated by
a less-than-noble curiosity about that bit of information
Kikuchi-san and I had stumbled on when we were
interviewing people about Hinami. But I'd phrased the
question so that she only had to say as much as she wanted.
And I wanted to know, both for the sake of informing my
own thoughts on life and out of simple interest in her as a
person.
"Both my parents work, and I have one younger sister. I'm
your typical little princess who grew up wanting for
nothing."
"Do people normally call themselves princesses?"
"It's the truth."
She sounded as confident as ever, and I didn't sense she
was lying or hiding anything.
But she hadn't said anything about what we'd heard—that
she used to have two sisters. If she didn't want to talk about
it, then I wasn't going to force her to. Everyone has one or
two things they don't like to talk about. Except for me,
maybe.
"My parents let me take whatever classes I wanted, and
they always praised me for whatever I made or did. Other
people might see them as overprotective. There was a time
when that made me happy, but now I find numerical results
are better proof of my own efforts. It's far better than
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praise."
"That last part was pure Aoi Hinami."
But it was interesting. I wonder if the constant praise
contributed to her ridiculous level of self-confidence. Or
would she have been super strong either way?
"As far as your future goes, you'll be fine as long as you
keep up with school right now, so you need to keep your
focus on assignments from me and schoolwork. Don't get
drawn into anything unnecessary."
"'Unnecessary,' huh?"
I caught a little on those words. I'd brought up Hinami's
family partly out of curiosity, but basically, asking various
people about their future plans in order to figure out what I
wanted was what I needed to do in terms of my life.
It would connect to fulfillment as I understood that term
—and I thought Hinami was definitely lacking in that realm.
Which is why…
"Hinami?"
"…What?"
Usually, when I use her name like that, it's the lead-up to
an annoying comment or question, which was why she was
so clearly irritated. Not my problem.
"Actually, I got this invitation."
I showed her my phone. A LINE chat with Harry-san was
open on the screen.
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The content was straightforward. This weekend, he
wanted to have a meetup with four or five well-known
players, and he was inviting nanashi. He'd promised to let
me know the next time an event happened, but only the host
of a regular meetup could have done it this quickly.
"…A small meetup. I see."
I couldn't tell if she was interested or not. I think she was
intentionally hiding her feelings.
"You must be at least slightly interested."
"Oh, I am, slightly."
She sounded vaguely dissatisfied.
"He said Ashigaru-san's coming. You know that name,
don't you?"
"…Really? The one who uses Lizard?"
"Yeah. Of course NO NAME would know."
The fact that I could casually throw a name out and she'd
know who it was proved again what a top player she was.
She didn't slack when it came to gathering intel.
"I bet we'll hear a lot of interesting stuff. Why don't you
come? …I mean, will you please come?" I said, joining my
hands in pleading.
She gave me a dubious look. "Why do you want me to
come so bad? Is this some scheme of yours?" She frowned,
taking a step back.
"I told you. I'm going to teach you how to enjoy life."
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"And that means going to an Atafami meetup?"
"Yes."
After all, the only two things I was aware of that she
genuinely liked for no logical reason were Atafami and
cheese. As far as I knew, almost everything else she did was
determined by her own brand of rationale.
But I don't think what a person wants is logical.
"You have nothing to lose by going, so why not? Right?" I
pressed my palms together again, and this time, I bowed my
head, too.
"If you're this desperate, it actually makes me not want to
go…"
"Hey," I whined.
She seemed tired of me, but all the same, she sighed and
said, "Fine, as long as I don't have other plans. What day is
it?"
That was a yes, if a reluctant one.
"You will?! Um, it's next weekend! On Saturday!"
She opened the calendar on her phone. "…Dammit, I'm
free."
"Why do you sound so upset? You're available!"
"I sure am."
I grinned. "Okay. Then we'll both go. I'll get in touch with
the details later."
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"Sigh… All right."
"Why are you sighing?"
I had plenty of opportunity to poke at her, but the
important thing was that I'd succeeded in snagging her. By
the way, I'd already gotten permission to invite Hinami.
Harry-san said that if she'd fought like that with Wigglypoff
against nanashi on stream, then she should do just fine
against Ashigaru-san.
"I have no idea what you are trying to do…"
"Don't worry about that."
Like I told her before, I was trying get her to understand
what I meant when I said "what I want." Call it a favor for
the magician who painted the world for me.
"Well, playing Ashigaru-san is kind of exciting, so it's
fine…"
"Right?"
I wasn't sure if I glimpsed a light in her eyes as she spoke;
I could only see the outside of the mask.
But all the same, I plan to keep moving toward what I
want.
* * *
School was over for the day.
"Ooh, this place is so nice!"
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Today, Kikuchi-san and I had walked to the station
together and gotten off the train at a different stop than
usual; this time, we were going to a fashionable café I'd
looked up online. Since I'd turned down her invitation to
walk to the station the day before, I wanted to make up for it
by inviting her here.
"Wow, it's just like in the pictures I saw."
The café was full of antique furniture, and the walls were
practically covered with rows of foreign books that
apparently were meant as decorations. The multiple
chandeliers, old-fashioned lamps, and other stuff like that
was actually for sale, with price tags attached in unobtrusive
locations.
"I read that they sell the furniture, too," I said, showing
Kikuchi-san one of the price tags.
"Oh my goodness…!" she replied, her eyes darting all over
the place. She was as innocently awestruck as a little girl.
"This is so fun!"
We hadn't even ordered drinks yet, and she was already
saying that. I was so glad I'd brought her here. My heart was
thumping.
We both ordered sandwiches and black tea, then settled
into our usual chitchat.
"Really? Hanabi-chan's family runs a cake shop?"
"Yeah!"
I told her about my visit to the shop, making the story as
interesting as I could. After all, I'd turned down her
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invitation because I already had plans, so I wanted to share
as much of what happened as possible with her.
"That's amazing. I want to try their sweets, too."
"I'll bring you some! She said they'd be fine for two
weeks."
"Really, you will?"
Her expression suddenly brightened. It was too bad I had
to skip walking with her that day, but if it meant being able
to tell her about all the yummy things we got and then
actually bring her said yummy things, maybe it wasn't so
bad after all.
Kikuchi-san watched me as I nodded smugly to myself.
"And…on the way home…?" she asked in a quiet voice.
What did she mean?
"On the way home?" I asked, puzzled.
Her eyes darted anxiously around the room.
"It's j-just that…the other day, you were telling me…how
you talked to Nanami-san about your future…"
"Oh yeah, I did."
"I was wondering what happened on the way home
yesterday…," she said, glancing over at me. Why was she
tiptoeing around the subject? I guess she wanted to know if
I'd made any progress, since I'd been so unsure last time we
talked. It was unusual for her to ask such a specific question.
"Well, we talked about…"
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I thought back to our conversation on the way home, and
this was what came to mind:
"I do know who I like. "
"…"
Those were the words that stayed with me most from that
day.
I knew it was one of Mimimi's mean little jokes, but even
remembering it felt like a punch in the gut—
"T-Tomozaki-kun?"
"Huh?!"
Kikuchi-san was acting concerned.
"Oh, s-sorry."
"Wh-what's wrong…?"
"Oh, um…nothing."
I had nothing to feel guilty about, but I also couldn't tell
her what had happened. I wasn't sure what to say.
"Really…?"
"Yeah. Um…you were asking about the walk home?"
"Y-yeah…"
I chose my words carefully. "We were just joking around
and stuff."
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"…Oh. Okay."
She nodded, lowering her head slightly, then said softly,
"Everything is okay, right?"
"Wh-what do you mean?"
"Um…," she said, then paused for a moment and smiled a
little sadly. "Well, um, I was a bit worried…"
She pulled her phone out and started searching for
something.
"About what?"
"Um…actually, I was looking at your Atafami account…
and I saw this tweet."
What she showed me caught me off guard.
"…What?"
She had a tweet pulled up on her phone.
The handsome, much-discussed nanashi has a
meaningful chat with Rena (original tweet deleted).
A chill ran down my back when I saw the attached image
—a screenshot of a tweet.
You're so mean, Fumiya-kun.
It was yesterday's reply from Rena-chan that I had her
delete after one hour. That was what was attached to this
other tweet.
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"…Can I see that?"
Panicking a little, I took her phone and clicked on the
profile of the person who posted the tweet.
Their avatar was a male Ameba Pigg, and their username
was masa. Scrolling through their past tweets, I saw that
they posted really short comments about Atafami and other
video games every couple of days, and besides that, there
was a lot of stuff about current events and retweets from
content aggregators. A lot of the retweets were political, so
maybe the account's owner was a little older than me.
Most of the tweets were only a short sentence, but
suddenly, these longer extreme statements would pop up,
like The poor are exploited and become even poorer. That's
Japan. and We need a new government now! To make
things even weirder, about one in ten tweets was a retweet
from a bot called @languageofflowers that put out
information on the symbolic meaning of flowers.
"Wh-who is this…?"
I kept scrolling back and noticed a retweet that didn't
quite fit with the rest. It was one of Rena-chan's tweets, with
a selfie attached of her holding some kind of mechanical
gadget.
This is what it said:
The face massager from my wish list arrived! Thank you,
masa-san!
The pieces fell into place. So that's what was going on.
"This guy must be some weird fan of Rena-chan's…," I
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muttered, frowning. I realized Kikuchi-san was probably
confused, since my comment kind of sounded like it was
directed at her. To tell the truth, I was freaking out a little.
"Wh-what does it mean…? Is this girl…Rena-chan?"
I nodded and decided just to give her a quick rundown.
This wasn't worth avoiding.
"Um, this woman named Rena-chan was at the Atafami
meetup I went to, and I think she has some weird followers
since she posts so many selfies… My guess is that masa is
one of her 'fans,' and when he saw her acting like we were
close, he got pissed off or something."
It was true that she'd deleted the tweet right away, which
could have made it look more meaningful than it was.
"Yes, she did call you Fumiya-kun…"
"Um, yeah…"
I realized that Kikuchi-san now knew that Rena-chan was
calling me by my first name with the chummy kun attached,
which made me freak out in a whole new way. Okay, now I
had to explain that, too.
"She's a lot older than me, and that's why she calls me
Fumiya-kun…"
"O-oh, okay… I did see some pictures of her with alcohol."
"R-right!" I said, clinging to the lifeline. I'm sure Kikuchisan was forcing herself to stay calm, but she still managed to
smile, like my explanation was enough for her.
"But…is that okay? Your name is public now…"
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"To tell the truth, I don't care that much…"
Honestly, Fumiya is a super common name, and as long
as my whole name wasn't revealed, I didn't think I'd suffer
any real harm. And even if my full name did get out, I was
fairly sure none of my other personal information was
scattered around anywhere.
"I might just get some hate…but that's the worst of it.
Unpleasant but not that bad."
"Yes, you're probably right…"
She still seemed concerned, which made me want to
reassure her.
"But from what I can tell, it's just this one person. It's not
like he has a bunch of cronies."
I studied the tweet again. It had been retweeted five times
and had zero likes, which was sort of strange. I checked who
had retweeted it, and only one person showed up. The other
four must have private accounts. Puzzling.
By the way, when I checked the replies, I saw that Renachan had tweeted masa-san would you mind deleting this?
I'm sorry! She was probably trying to avoid causing me any
more trouble, but wouldn't her reply just increase the chance
of other people discovering it?
"I don't mind if people find out, so I'm not going to worry
about it. Actually, I feel like Rena-chan is the one who
actually might be in danger…"
Masa-san was Rena-chan's fan—and if she got too friendly
with anyone other than him, he'd probably go after her, not
me.
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"Um, can you wait just one second?"
"…Yes," Kikuchi-san said, nodding anxiously. I handed
her phone back, took my own out, and opened a LINE chat
window with Rena-chan.
[I saw masa-san's tweet. Is everything okay?]
After sending the message, I closed the LINE app and
went to masa-san's Twitter account from my own phone. I
saw that he had followed me. He probably followed anyone
who seemed to have a connection with Rena-chan. For a
second, I considered blocking him, but then I quickly
changed my mind.
"Blocking him…would be bad, wouldn't it? For now, the
important thing is to not upset him…"
"Blocking…?"
Kikuchi-san didn't seem to know what that meant, but I
just went back to my timeline and anxiously refreshed it for
no good reason.
Just then…
"What…?"
The Twitter app was suddenly replaced by a selfie of
Rena-chan, with red and green icons below it.
"…Oh, she's calling me."
The timing was suspicious, and I'm not used to getting
calls to start with, so for a second, I wondered if she'd been
hacked by masa-san, but that was unlikely. Rena-chan
probably saw my LINE message and decided to call.
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But…I glanced timidly in Kikuchi-san's direction. She was
looking back and forth between my face and my phone with
a vaguely uncomfortable expression. Understandably so. I
mean, she'd just seen Rena-chan's selfie on my phone. It was
a really trendy picture; seeing that on your boyfriend's
phone would not feel good.
"Uh…I won't answer."
"What? No, don't worry about it—pick up!"
"No, it's fine." I swiped the red icon, rejecting the call.
"B-but what if she's in danger…?"
She sounded worried, but I shook my head reassuringly.
"It's not like something's gonna happen today or
tomorrow, so I can ask her about it later."
Kikuchi-san glanced down, then echoed the word later.
"This is our time," I said soothingly. Kikuchi-san's
expression stiffened, but once again, she smiled. She was
forcing it.
"Yes, you're right. You should ask her about it later."
She reached for her handbag and softly stroked the
amulet we'd bought together, which was attached to the
zipper. I looked at my own bag. There was the amulet I
bought with Kikuchi-san, and the charm Mimimi had given
me and our other friends.
After a minute, Kikuchi-san suddenly checked her phone
and jumped up.
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"Oh, look at the time! I'd better head home soon."
I looked at my own phone and saw that it was already
seven. I could see her parents being worried if she didn't get
home soon, but her timing was a little odd.
"Y-you do?"
"…Yes, I have to go."
We called the waiter and paid our bill.
As we walked outside, a cold, dry wind chilled my face.
Kikuchi-san was avoiding my gaze, and her lips were pursed.
"K-Kikuchi-san…," I said timidly, but she still seemed offkilter, and I couldn't tell if she was angry or apologetic.
"Yes?"
"I was just wondering what was wrong…"
"…It's nothing!"
Her tone was slightly emotional, which was unusual. She
looked down.
"O-oh…ha-ha."
I had no clue what to do in a situation like this, so my only
option was to smile and hope for the best.
At that moment, Kikuchi-san abruptly turned toward me.
She was pouting, and her eyes were full of determination.
Yeah, I had no idea what she was thinking.
She glanced down, then looked up at me through her
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bangs.
"…Your hand," she mumbled.
"What? My hand?" I repeated. She nodded, and then…
"Can I hold your hand?!"
Wow, wasn't expecting that. Her tone was emotional
again.
"Uh…o-okay. Huh?"
A second ago, she seemed angry, and then she said that? I
couldn't keep up. I managed to stick out my hand, but I had
no idea what was happening.
"What, wh-why…?" I sputtered.
"Um…I—I just want to!"
She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the station.
"Wait, wait, what?"
I couldn't make heads or tails of this, but I was really
happy to be holding her hand, so we walked like that all the
way to the station. A-am I doing okay?
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* * *
"Oh, don't worry. That guy won't come after me in real
life."
"Well, that's good to hear…"
That night, I was talking with Rena-chan on LINE. After
everything that happened with Kikuchi-san, I was slightly
hesitant to talk to her on the phone, but when I sent her a
text message, she called me again.
"He could see me if he came to events, right? But he never
does, so I think he doesn't have the guts to meet in person."
"So you don't have to worry about him?"
"I don't think so. Were you worried about me?"
"Of course. If I thought I was putting you at risk…"
"Thank you. That makes me so happy."
Her tone somehow sounded more grown-up than when
we'd met in person. The conversation was going very
smoothly, although I'm not sure whether it was because she
was leading me along or because I'd installed Mizusawa in
my brain. I couldn't help feeling reassured by the calm
atmosphere that contrasted so sharply with the confusion of
earlier.
"I should be apologizing to you for using your name on
Twitter!"
"Oh…don't worry about that."
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"But that's what led to all this in the first place."
"Ha-ha-ha, that is true. But nothing bad actually
happened, right?" I said, trying to sound as casual as
possible.
"You're very kind," Rena-chan said with a surprising
amount of emotion. "Can I ask you something weird?"
She was building up anticipation in the conversation. It's
a skill that confident people like Mizusawa and Hinami use.
"What…?" I asked a little defensively. She lowered her
voice, like she was telling me a secret.
"I was wondering…"
Her grown-up voice took on a silky, breathy tone as she
asked:
"…have you ever had sex?"
"Wh-what?!" I yelped. I was not ready for that.
"Ah-ha-ha. That's not so weird, is it?" she said teasingly.
"I—I guess not…"
I was getting swept along at her pace now. She was an
adult; I was a seventeen-year-old high school student. She
had way more life experience than me.
"But have you? Slept with a girl, I mean," she asked again.
She was so blunt about it, too, like she wanted to underline
the question. I'd never heard those words come out of a girl's
mouth before in my life, and they were a shock to my brain.
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No, no, no, channel Mizusawa fast!
I took a deep breath, let it out, and said slowly, "No, I
haven't."
I'd taken my time summoning my inner Mizusawa, so I
was able to answer her without sounding too shy. I bet
Mizusawa's done that already, but even if he hadn't, I was
sure he'd answer her confidently.
"Oh, you haven't?" Rena-chan's voice was slowly taking
on its usual sweet, caramelly tone. "But you must be curious,
right?"
This conversation was going in a different direction than
the ones I had at school. Each word reverberated more in my
body than my mind. I didn't even know what I should be
thinking right then.
This bug in the system was threatening to shut down my
brain entirely, so I struggled to make Mizusawa diagnose the
problem.
"If it's with someone I like," I said, trying to put an end to
the conversation.
"Really?" Rena-chan asked, caressing my ear with the
word. "Guys usually are interested even if they don't really
like the person."
"No way."
I was upset by how she was trying to define me, but her
voice was so alluring, it had the power to overcome my
discomfort.
"Okay, I have another question."
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I braced myself.
"Would you want to do it with me?"
"No. Not at all."
I instantly shot her down, which is the one thing I'm good
at, but for some reason, she just giggled. The truth was,
when she asked, I had a flashback to when she touched me—
but I managed to shake it off.
"Is that so?" she asked with seductive sweetness, then
giggled. "Are you free this Saturday, Fumiya-kun?"
"Huh?"
My heart skipped a beat. My brain automatically conjured
up an image of the scene, as if the momentum of the
conversation had taken over me. As if I wanted to know what
came next, even though I didn't like it.
"…Um…"
That desire to know was too strong to hide. Forcing
myself to ignore the images unfolding in my mind, I pulled
myself back to reality.
Then I finally remembered. "…I have plans on Saturday."
Saturday was the meetup with Ashigaru-san and
everyone.
"Oh, okay, then never mind."
"…Yeah."
She casually withdrew her offer, which was more
disappointing than I'd like to admit. I mean, I was in such
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mental chaos that I even forgot about the meetup I'd been
looking forward to.
"I'd better get going. I've got to take a bath."
"What? Oh, okay. Talk to you later."
"Okay, good night."
"…Good night."
Before I could hang up, she was gone. It was strange. She
was the one who came after me, but now I felt like I'd been
dropped in the dirt. What was with her? She was like a cat or
something.
I mean, that last line of hers!
"Did she really have to say that? …About the bath."
Especially after she half forced me to imagine that
suggestive scenario.
It was like she'd just casually pushed a button she
shouldn't have and then sauntered off.
The sensation of her touching my thigh…the warmth of
our shoulders touching…the fully displayed curves of her
body—it was all forcing its way from my subconscious into
my conscious mind, and I couldn't get it out.
"Arghhhhhh! Dammit!!"
I dived onto my bed, started up Atafami, and buried
myself in my winrate to escape.
"…God! Come on!"
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After playing for an hour, I finally felt calm again.
I'm not sure, but I had a feeling that my winrate for that
day was pretty low.
* * *
A few days passed, and the weekend arrived. It was just
before two PM on Saturday.
Hinami and I were outside Ikebukuro Station.
We were twenty minutes early. Five of us, including me
and Hinami, were supposed to meet there and go together to
a space that had been rented for the meetup.
So far, Hinami and I were the only two people there. I'd
gotten on the same Saitama Line train as her because I
thought introducing ourselves would be easier if we showed
up together, but we ended up getting there really early.
"…But honestly, are you sure I don't need to worry about
it?" I glanced at the clock on my phone, fretting over
something entirely different.
"You mean what happened with Fuka-chan?"
"Y-yeah."
"I already told you, it's not a problem," Hinami said,
sounding slightly exasperated.
Even though things with Kikuchi-san were getting back to
normal after the café incident, I still felt too awkward to ask
her what all the holding hands was about. Also, I was having
a hard time talking to her about Rena-chan after that phone
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call.
I told Hinami enough to get her advice without going into
details, and she said I shouldn't worry, so I'd been acting
normal around Kikuchi-san since then…but I wished
Hinami would tell me why.
"A-are you sure?"
"Why would I lie to you about that?"
"O-okay, I know, but…"
I swiped my message log and pulled up the LINE text
Kikuchi-san had sent the night before. Even though we were
talking about completely different topics by now, I was still
fixated on the café. But I didn't have the courage to ask her
about it.
"At the end, she said she wanted to hold hands, right?"
"Uh-huh."
"In that case, you're fine however you look at it, right?"
"I guess so…"
I nodded half-heartedly. She was right that Kikuchi-san
had asked me shyly at the end, which I guess led to that
interpretation. It would also explain why she didn't want to
talk about it.
"Okay," I said. "I believe you."
"Good. You should."
Having forced the vague worries out of my mind, I turned
to responding to Kikuchi-san's LINE message. Since we
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started dating, we'd gotten into the pattern of sending each
other one or two longish LINE messages every day, and that
slow-paced exchange was our main interaction outside
school. I'd gotten a message from her the previous night,
which meant it was about time for me to respond.
"Hmm…"
I typed and retyped for a while until I had something I
was fairly happy with. That was one thing taken care of.
As I let out a long breath, I spotted a small group of
people heading toward us.
"Nanashi-kun and Aoi-san! Hello!" Harry-san called,
waving at us. Max-san was next to him, along with one other
guy—so that must be him.
"Hey, nice to meet you," the third guy said in a quiet,
pleasant voice. There was a longish pause, although not a
nervous one, and then he bowed politely to us.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Aoi."
"I'm nanashi. It's a pleasure."
In response to our cheerful greetings, the guy raised his
eyebrows and nodded slightly.
"Right. I'm Ashigaru."
His voice was slick and aloof. He didn't strike me as
driven, but at the same time, I didn't sense any timidity,
either. The best way to put it is that I couldn't read his
thoughts on his face—but I guess that's a given so soon after
you meet someone.
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This was the pro gamer who used Lizard.
He looked like he was in his mid to late twenties. He was
on the skinny side, wearing a basic outfit of blue jeans and a
black trench coat, and his longish hair was parted on the
side to reveal a good chunk of forehead. His eyes were sharp,
but more in an intelligent way than a threatening way. I'd
seen his photo online before, but my first impression in real
life was that he didn't look like a gamer. A brilliant young
entrepreneur was more like it.
"Anyone else coming?" Ashigaru-san asked Harry-san
casually. Harry-san said this was everyone, to which
Ashigaru-san replied in the same casual tone, "Then let's get
going," and started walking. I'm not sure if living at his own
pace is quite the right expression, but he definitely had a
distinctive tempo.
"Sounds good. It's over this way, nanashi-kun and Aoisan," Harry-san said.
"Okay," we answered, and the five of us set off toward the
venue.
* * *
"Are you two together?"
"No way!"
Ashigaru-san's question made it sound like that was the
obvious conclusion, so I was very forceful in my denial.
Hinami snickered. If you're gonna laugh, then tell him
yourself!
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"Oh, no? Well, I wouldn't want to date another Atafami
player, either. I'm sure we'd be fighting all the time,"
Ashigaru-san said flatly, with just a hint of humor. His tone
was somewhere between talking to himself and having a
conversation, but somehow, it was clear that the comment
was directed at us. Maybe the best way to put it is that he
was talking to himself with the intention of being overheard.
"Ah-ha-ha. You might be right!" Hinami said pleasantly
and smiled.
We were in a multiuse space a few minutes from the
station. A couple of monitors were set up on a long, white
table, with folding tables lined up in front of them.
Apparently, a lot of people use the place for small
tournaments, since all you need to bring is the console.
Incidentally, since there were only five of us today, they'd
only brought one console. I had to remember to thank them
for supplying it.
Harry-san briskly plugged the console into one of the
monitors, and a moment later, the opening screen for
Atafami popped up on the screen.
"All right. Should we start by testing everything out and
then playing some games?"
"You don't waste much time, do you? Can I go first?"
Ashigaru-san asked.
"Be my guest. The truth is, I think everyone here today
wants to play you," Harry-san answered.
"That's a heavy burden to bear…," Ashigaru-san replied,
raising his eyebrows as he slowly walked over to a folding
chair and sat down.
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He craned his neck around to look at us.
"Who wants to go first?"
"I will," someone said without missing a beat.
That someone was the one and only—
"Oh, nanashi-kun?"
Yup, it was me. When I glanced over my shoulder, I saw
that Hinami's hand was raised to around belly-button level,
which made me think she might have wanted to go first
herself. Too bad, my windup was faster.
"I've been wanting to play you for a long time."
"Ha-ha. Of course the guy who makes me the most
nervous has to be first."
Ashigaru-san scratched the back of his neck, like I'd
beaten him at something, but I didn't detect any panic or
nervousness in his face.
"What should we do about rules? Rock-paper-scissors to
decide who gets to choose the stage?" he asked. I gave him
my most serious look.
"No…," I said quietly, but with determination.
After all, I hadn't come here out of pure curiosity.
"I'd like to use the rules from pro tournaments, like the
ones you play in. Where we can anyway."
I looked him straight in the eye. He nodded, his face
blank.
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"Hmm…" His eyes remained uninterested, but his mouth
formed a smile. "Why's that?" he asked bluntly.
"…Uh…"
I felt vaguely resistant to saying the truth out loud.
But the guy in front of me was a pro gamer who actually
played in that world.
This wasn't the time to crawl into a protective shell.
"I want to know how I'll do playing a pro using pro rules."
I definitely hadn't managed to express all my feelings or
thoughts. But Ashigaru-san nodded and slowly shifted his
serious gaze toward the screen.
"Then you better be ready to play hard," he said.
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* * *
The match between Ashigaru-san and me began.
We were playing by the rules they used at the higher levels
of international tournaments—the first person to win three
games would win the match.
I chose Found as usual, and Ashigaru-san naturally chose
Lizard.
To decide the stage from a limited number of
predetermined options, we did rock-paper-scissors. The
winner got to rule out one stage, then the loser ruled out
two, and the winner chose from those remaining. That's how
they do it at international tournaments. The predetermined
options are slightly different in Japan, which always makes
me wish everyone would get on the same page.
"Here we go."
"Yup, here we go."
By the way, since I'm constantly battling for my online
winrate, I almost always play on either the Ends of the Earth
or the Arena. Sometimes, when I play Hinami, we choose a
different stage, but my guess was that I had way less EXP
than Ashigaru-san when it came to stages.
I won at rock-paper-scissors and ruled out Buono
Volcano, and Ashigaru-san ruled out the Arena and
Battleship Claycia. From what remained, I chose the Ends of
the Earth. It was a little bigger than the other options and
notable for its total flatness and lack of platforms. I had a
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hard time knowing what would give me an advantage
against Lizard, and my priority was going with something
familiar.
"Three! Two! One!"
As the announcer counted down, a ninja and a lizardman
descended to the stage.
This was my first offline match against a pro, so I was
pretty tightly wound up.
"GO!"
The game began. At the same instant, Ashigaru-san
started turning the stage into a minefield. Lizard's
firecrackers are essentially projectiles that go off at a fixed
time. One was at the approximate midpoint between Lizard
and me, and another had landed right next to me, creating
an advantageous situation for him.
I calmly evaded the firecracker with a short hop, then got
a throwing knife ready and launched it at the right moment,
hitting Lizard. Even though the damage was minor, it would
stack up.
Lizard kept me in check by firing skyrockets (his UAttack) and laying steel traps, while at the same time doing
low-risk pokes like down tilts.
My Found withdrew, then turned around at the right
moment and threw a knife, scoring some damage. At this
point, both of us were only using projectiles.
"Throwing knives can be a real pain when you're walling
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each other out."
"Yeah, 'cause they're so fast."
Harry-san and Max-san were chatting as they watched us
play. Compared with when they were broadcasting, they
sounded calmer and didn't talk as much.
By walling out, I meant how neither of us was going in for
a melee attack. Instead, we were keeping each other at bay
with a bunch of projectiles and trying to bait each other into
attacking. Found and Lizard use different but equally
powerful types of projectiles, so both are good at zoning this
way.
I spotted a firecracker, moved to a safe position, then got
a throwing knife ready.
The key when you're up against a projectile character like
Lizard is to make it risky for them to just drop a bunch of
explosives and wait for them to go off.
Since projectiles let you attack your opponent from a
distance, you're not very vulnerable to counterattacks.
Although it doesn't allow for direct attacks, it's a no-risk,
failproof move.
If you want to prevent that, you can create risk. If tossing
out projectiles and waiting results in taking damage, then
your opponent has to attack.
I was using throwing knives to do that. Since they're fast
and hard to dodge, they're tough to avoid after you see them,
despite how weak they are.
Even if they cause only a small percentage of damage,
they still put pressure on a projectile player and limit their
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options.
"What do you think of this matchup, in terms of
compatibility?"
"I wonder. Found is probably having a tough time because
he's good at hand-to-hand combat, but his opponent can use
projectiles to escape. And Lizard is in a bind because the
throwing knives are putting him at risk at long distance… I
give it five minutes."
"Yeah, these two characters have totally different fighting
styles."
Found wants to use the enemy's lag to swoop in close and
deal heavy damage with combos while skillfully reading
them, while Lizard wants to keep his distance and control
his opponent by showering them with projectiles, gradually
racking up damage while maintaining the advantage. In a
sense, their fighting styles are polar opposites.
"With this matchup, each player is trying to use his usual
strats and keep his opponent from doing the same. Of
course, reading each other on a detailed level is still
important, but a broader perspective might be even more
crucial."
"Interesting."
In a game like this against a projectile character, Found
was the one more likely to carry the psychological burden.
After all, at any given moment, some sort of enemy projectile
was going to be on the stage, so you always had to be
thinking about how to deal with that. Meanwhile, because
Found's opponent could constantly create an advantageous
situation, they were able to control the game. What I had to
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think about was how to break down the situation he'd
created.
Found was hit by several fireworks and knocked back
slightly. I wanted to land on the stage, but more fireworks
and Molotovs flew around me, blocking my way. I remained
calm and observed my opponent, looking for moves that
resulted in lag and calculating where I'd need to be to punish
him, managing my distance. By rattling my opponent now
and then, I undermined his footing.
"I could never do that. I lose my cool when I'm that
outmatched."
"Ah-ha-ha. But that's the worst thing to do when you're
playing Lizard."
"I guess that's true."
"You're right that it's tough when your opponent always
has the advantage, but think about it another way. Your
opponent has to constantly be tipping the game in his favor,
right? And there are always openings when you can break
that down."
Dancing in midair, Lizard tossed out two firecrackers.
Then, in order to prevent me from attacking when he
landed, he launched his skyrocket U-Attack. It's a distinctive
type of move where the rocket is released into the air and
falls back down to the ground after a moment.
This was my chance.
I made my play during his ending lag. Underneath the
falling skyrocket, Found grabbed Lizard. Basically, the
fireworks would come down after a delay directly above the
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two characters. Since I was the only one who would take
damage, this situation wasn't good for me.
"But he's going to be hit by the—"
Before Max-san could finish his sentence, I waited a beat
and then input the command for a down throw.
The fireworks dropped directly onto Found—but my
character took no damage, instead smashing Lizard onto the
ground so he rebounded into the air.
"…Huh?" Max-san asked, confused, while I transitioned to
a true combo. I could read Ashigaru-san perfectly, and all at
once, I inflicted so much damage that it made up for all the
firecrackers that had hit me.
"Like I was saying, it seems like there's no lag, but there
actually are opportunities to break him down."
"…But what just happened? It looked like he took a direct
hit from those fireworks…"
"You don't know about that? When you go from a grab to
a throw, all characters get a few i-frames. Not many,
though."
"Oh yeah…now I remember."
"He dived under the fireworks his opponent launched,
then right as the rocket was about to hit, he got the
invincibility from the throw. Seems impossible, but he made
it out. Of course, it's really difficult; only a highly skilled
player could manage it."
Lizard's skyrockets come with lots of ending lag, but since
the attack itself hits during that lag, it's risky for the other
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player to take advantage of it. It's a unique move. If you do
manage to take advantage of it, Lizard gets hit by your
attack, but you get hit by the rocket. And since the rocket
packs a lot of punch, you usually end up taking more
damage than you dish out.
But if you're able to use the invincibility from a throw at
that moment, you can make the most of the lag without any
damage. It's even more effective for characters like Found,
who's got some really good combos that start with the throw.
I wouldn't call it no-risk since you can mess it up, but it's
definitely a low-risk, high-return strategy.
"Wow…amazing."
"You can say reads are like rock-paper-scissors, but there
are also things only very skilled players can do. It makes
watching a lot more fun when you think about the battlefield
experience you need to get to that point and the guts it takes
to do it."
"Man, there's a lot to this game."
After that, I kept on using strategies that depended on my
skill as a player to seize control of the match.
And—I won the first game.
* * *
"Well, that was interesting."
Ashigaru-san didn't seem upset at all after this first loss.
"…Phew."
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I took a breath, soaking in the situation.
I was playing a pro gamer. A real pro who played all over
the world.
But I hadn't fallen behind, and I'd even won the first
game.
I'd been unsure, but now I was almost certain that I—
"How long have you been playing Atafami?" Ashigaru-san
suddenly asked me.
"Uh, I've been playing since it came out, but I got into it
more…about two years ago."
"Wow, you're really good considering that. You know the
game inside and out."
"Y-you think so? Thank you."
"Of course, I probably shouldn't be on my high horse,
since I just lost."
"No, not at all…"
We both laughed a little.
"You said you want to play with tournament rules, right?
What do you plan to do after this?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, although I had a guess.
"About Atafami. I was wondering if you wanted to go
pro."
Rubbing his chin, Ashigaru-san casually dived into the
heart of the matter. It was something I'd pretended not to
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think about, but that was the world where this guy lived.
"Um…I do have some interest in it."
Maybe because it was Ashigaru-san, I'd given an honest
answer without even realizing.
"Uh-huh."
"But I don't know if I have what it takes…not that I lack
confidence in my ability. More like…?"
"It doesn't feel like a real option?"
"Yeah."
He was helping a little, but I was managing to explain my
feelings.
"And that's why you wanted to play by pro rules?"
"…Yes, I think so."
"Ha-ha-ha. Sounds like you don't quite know what you're
thinking." Once again, he hit the nail on the head in that
casual tone. He looked at me, then went on. "In that case—
your best bet is to give it a try."
"You mean…playing as a pro?" I asked, my voice shaking a
little.
"No, not that…," he said.
"Then what?"
Rubbing his chin must be a habit of his because he did it
again when he answered:
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"Play under the same conditions as a pro."
"Huh?" I asked, caught off guard. "Isn't that what we just
did?"
I'd gone out of my way to ask that we use pro rules for
choosing the stage and declaring a winner, and I thought
that's what we did.
But Ashigaru-san shook his head. "Nope. I mean yes, the
rules were the same."
"…The rules?" I was so lost.
"Okay…I'll give you an example." He glanced behind him,
then called out to Hinami. "Aoi-san, you said you're a friend
of nanashi-kun's, right?"
"What? Yes, b-but…"
I looked back at her. She appeared slightly confused at the
sudden question. She didn't seem to get his point, either.
"Do you know any embarrassing stories about him?"
She paused for a moment, considering this unexpected
question, then smiled impishly.
"Loads."
"Hey!"
I didn't know why we were on this subject, but Hinami
was running with it.
"Ah-ha-ha, great," said Ashigaru-san. "Okay then…Harrykun."
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"Yeah?"
"You know lots of embarrassing things about me, right?"
Harry-san scratched his neck. "Uh, yeah…including some
I can't talk about."
"That's not good…"
Ashigaru-san was talking to all of us in the same elusive
way, and I still couldn't figure out what he was getting at.
"So…why are you asking?" I asked him. He raised his
eyebrows.
"Okay. The first person to lose three games gets an
embarrassing story told to the rest of us."
"What the heck?!" This was pointless; what was he doing?
"What? Not following?"
"Nope."
Also, this could get really bad considering the secrets that
Hinami and I knew about each other. I was sure she could
tell embarrassing stories about me all day.
"Well, you'll understand once we do it. Of course, we'll
count the game we just played, so you've got to win two
more, and I have to win three."
"All right, fine…"
And so I was swept along into accepting his conditions. If
an actual pro gamer was saying this was analogous to how
pros played, then it must be true. I guess. It was terrifying to
think about what Hinami would reveal if I lost, so I just had
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to win.
"Go, Ashigaru-san!" Hinami said.
"Hey!"
She couldn't wait to tell some particular story about me; I
could see it in her eyes. What the hell was she planning to
say? I was already filled with dread.
"All right, ready for the second game?"
With that, we restarted our match, this time with
Ashigaru-san's mysterious rule added to the mix.
* * *
"Uh-oh! We're in overtime now."
For the next three games, Ashigaru-san and I took turns
winning, so we each had two wins under our belt—and I still
didn't understand why he'd brought up that odd rule.
"Damn, I wanted to end it there! Well, next game's the
last," I said, letting my emotions show. I was playing an
adult, but through Atafami, I felt like I could relax and enjoy
myself like we were both kids again. Of course, I was still
technically a kid myself.
Two-to-two in a three-win setup. The next game would be
the last, whether it ended in joy or tears. By the way, in the
four games we'd played so far, I think I had the edge by just
the tiniest bit. When I won, I won fairly easily, but when
Ashigaru-san won, it was usually a close win after a tough
fight. If I played the way I had up till now, I had a good
chance of victory.
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But I felt strange.
"I thought I'd be crushing it a little more at a meetup like
this. Nanashi-kun, what's your strategy?"
"Uh…it's a long story."
If I got into the situation with NO NAME, it would go on
forever. Also, I couldn't reveal anything about her.
"Ah…"
I couldn't tell if he was interested or not. The distinctive
way he phrased himself left me unsure where he was
headed.
"So should we get started?"
For some reason, I didn't feel like I was winning as we
chose the stage—the Ends of the Earth.
I'd won the first game on this stage—but Ashigaru-san
was the one who had chosen it.
Yeah, I had no idea what his thought process was.
"Here we go."
As our audience looked on with bated breath, the final
game began.
* * *
The game got off to a quiet start.
Whoever won this one would win the whole set.
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Whoever lost here would lose overall and have an
embarrassing secret revealed.
Maybe it was the pressure of the setup, but each action
felt weightier, and my level of concentration changed, too.
I'd been leading by one game up till now. I took the first
game, he pulled even in the next, and I pulled ahead in the
one after that. At that point, I only needed one more win, but
he pulled even once again, and now here we were.
In other words, I was within reach of defeat for the first
time.
"Nanashi-kun is being cautious."
"Agreed."
The words filtered through my consciousness and
abruptly entered my head. It was Max-san and Harry-san.
Of course I was being cautious—I had to be. Naturally,
being overly cautious wouldn't give me more abilities than I
normally had, but I needed to concentrate and reduce
whatever risks I could. I needed every bit of help I could get.
I turned my attention to Lizard, who was scattering his
fireworks. Ashigaru-san was playing cautiously, too—but
Lizard was the type of character who controlled the situation
and then waited, so he didn't go on the offensive to start
with. In that sense, you could say Ashigaru-san was playing
like he had in the previous games while I was playing more
carefully. The game as a whole was much slower than before.
"Ooh! He shielded against a throwing knife and got
grabbed! Nanashi-kun really knows how to keep his cool in
these situations."
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"He's so good at reading the other player… It's like he
grabbed him the second he shielded."
"Ah-ha-ha. That might be an overstatement. But I get
your point."
Threading between the fireworks and steel traps using
dashes, short hops, and fast falls, I feinted a knife throw,
then canceled immediately, dashed again, lured him into
shielding, and grabbed him. Since Found is a ninja, he runs
in a crouch, and he falls pretty quick; so as long as I didn't
mess up the inputs, it was possible to nimbly avoid Lizard's
projectiles.
Once I grabbed him, I threw him, then hesitated over
which combo to go for. There were two standard options: a
reliable one with slightly lower damage, and one that that
wasn't a true combo but could become a much higherdamage string if I made the correct read. Up till now, I'd
been playing it safe for a high expected return and basically
chosen the first, but this time, more from instinct than logic,
I chose the latter.
"Huh…"
"—Nice!"
It was a good choice. After a successful read, I inflicted
major damage on Ashigaru-san.
"Wow! Look at that damage! Is this where he takes
control?" Harry-san shouted enthusiastically.
But Ashigaru-san was calmly moving Lizard around. He
wasn't panicking even a little as he threw out more
firecrackers. It was like nothing had changed for him. Yup,
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he's a pro, all right.
But I was riding the wave now. Found readied a throwing
knife and swiftly jumped, then released the knife at a
downward slant toward Lizard. After provoking Lizard to
shield, I landed and approached for a simple read.
That's when it happened.
I heard a loud noise.
The knife disappeared, and Ashigaru-san stopped
shielding.
"No way! A perfect shield!"
Shit. He got me.
By releasing your shield in tandem with your opponent's
attack, you can shorten the lag from shielding. It's a difficult
technique that lets you quickly transition into your next
move.
It would be hard enough to perfect shield a landing aerial,
which is easy to predict in terms of timing, but to do it
against a throwing knife that takes only an instant to reach
its target, you have to basically read your opponent's mind
perfectly.
So did he know what I was planning?
He got me after I released the knife, landed, and started a
dash attack. At that point, I lost a read and took several hits,
which easily undid my lead from the first combo.
Yeah, he's a pro. The usual tricks don't work with him.
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After that, we went back and forth for a while until we
each had only one stock left.
I'd taken more damage than him, so if I was hit by a move
with enough knockback, I'd lose. But Ashigaru-san was in
danger, too. If either of us was hit hard enough, the game
would end, and the winner would be decided.
Right now, I was at the edge. I couldn't fade back any
more, which put me at a disadvantage. I was close to the
blast zone, too, and since Found is light, it would be easier
for me to be killed than him.
Ashigaru-san was throwing out heaps of firecrackers to
keep me from gaining ground on the stage. He wasn't trying
to hit me with them; he was destroying my pathways in. As I
waited to avoid them all, he came right up next to me and
shot off a skyrocket.
It was like the first game.
We were right next to each other. A skyrocket launched by
Lizard was over my head, falling toward both characters. We
probably had a little over a second until it landed.
If there was a difference with the first game, it was that
we'd both taken a lot of damage—in other words, whoever
suffered a major hit now would lose.
I traced the path of the rocket with my eyes, thinking
deeply and quickly with both instinct and logic.
What should I do?
The rocket is descending. I'm the only one who'll take
damage, so if I don't do anything, I'll get hit, the game will
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end, and I'll lose. Meaning I've gotta protect myself.
The easiest option is to roll quickly toward the middle of
the platform. Rolling brings an instant of invincibility and
will take me a certain distance, so if I use it now, I can dodge
the rocket and retake some ground.
But that option is fairly predictable, and rolls take enough
frames that if my opponent is paying decent attention, it
won't be impossible for him to take advantage of it even if he
acts after I start moving. At my current percentage, an up tilt
alone would be enough to kill me, so this option is slightly
risky in my present situation. At the very least, it's not
something I'd choose unconditionally.
Then another idea flickers across my mind—the move I'd
made earlier.
Grab my opponent, throw him, and weather the explosion
of the rocket with the i-frames. It's a difficult technique.
But it combines offense and defense, and if I do it well,
there's not much my opponent can do to defend against it.
The only problem is—the difficulty.
If I mess it up, the game ends then and there.
Matching up the invincibility from the throw with the full
length of the explosion only allows a few frames of leeway.
Of course, I've got a high likelihood of succeeding, and I did
it in the first game like it was nothing.
But—is it the right choice in such a high-pressure
situation?
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Like I said, it's a great move that combines offense and
defense, but at this percentage, I don't have a way to directly
kill Lizard after throwing him. Of course, if I throw him over
the edge and then edge guard successfully, I could end up
winning, but if I mess up, it's certain death. Defeat is a very
real risk now. I don't think the choice is worth it.
Another thought comes to mind.
Earlier, in a similar situation, I used the invincibility from
a throw and went into a combo.
It was the move that Harry-san and Max-san were so
surprised by.
I'm certain it's carved into Ashigaru-san's memory as
well.
Meaning he's probably considered the possibility that I'll
grab him right now. And if he lets me do it a second time,
he'll be at a disadvantage. Found will end up edge guarding,
which he's really good at.
In other words…
…right now, Ashigaru-san is likely going to anticipate a
grab. Of course, this is a read, and I'm unlikely to do the
exact same thing twice. I'll probably switch it up in order to
throw him off, like you switch up rock-paper-scissors, so I
bet that's not the only thing he's preparing for. But I doubt
he'll leave himself vulnerable to a grab either way.
In which case, the options open to him right now are to
spot dodge, step back, or do some other defensive move that
would allow him to dodge a throw or an attack at the same
time. Or if he decided I was definitely going to go for a
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throw, he could do a forward tilt or something in my
direction, going for a melee option. Those are the two most
likely scenarios.
Assuming he's read me that far.
Then what I should do right now—is shield.
Shielding will give me a draw or better in either case.
If he chooses to attack, I can safely use his ending lag to
throw him.
If he chooses to spot dodge, I still shouldn't have to read
him at a disadvantage, and at the very least, it won't lead
directly to a KO.
Most of all, unlike the option of using the invincibility
from throwing to weather the explosion, things will play out
in a more predictable way. I can't lose the game by screwing
up the move.
In the space of an instant, all those logical and instinctive
thoughts ran through my mind, and in the end, I decided to
shield.
All that was left was to watch Ashigaru-san carefully and
cope with whatever he did next.
"Gotcha."
I heard Ashigaru-san's cold, sharp voice.
The next instant, his Lizard was grabbing my Found.
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"…What?"
I couldn't figure out what was happening. That should've
been impossible. A grab? Here?
I mean, if I'd chosen to grab him—which was the biggest
risk on his end—I'd have gotten him before he could get me.
I'd already shown him I could do that difficult technique, yet
he'd completely ruled out my performing it again. Why?
This wasn't among my standard tactics. It was an insane
choice.
He was still holding me but not doing anything else.
Because his goal wasn't to throw me.
"Shit…!"
I started shaking the stick around and pressing buttons to
get out of his hold, but I already knew.
At this percentage, it was impossible.
Once Found was in Lizard's grasp, he couldn't do
anything.
The helpless Found would be hit by the powerful
skyrocket.
I would be blasted off the stage.
And—game.
* * *
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"Whew. Good game."
"G-good game…"
I was staring at the controller in a daze.
The familiar background music for the character-selection
screen was playing over the speakers of the monitor. I felt
vaguely empty.
"That was close," Ashigaru-san said, then stopped. He
didn't seem to be seeking any response from me, so maybe
he was trying to be gentle.
"…Um," I said, still staring at the controller.
"Yeah?" he said in the same tone.
"At the end…"
"Oh, that."
He seemed to understand from those few words. Just to
be sure, I finished my question.
"At the end, when you grabbed me…was there a reason?"
I mean, most ordinary players wouldn't make that choice.
The most typical moves for me to make in the situation
would have been to short hop and quickly do a neutral air, or
simply roll onto the stage, or even pull out the offensivedefensive move that I'd done before.
A grab would lose to any of those moves—and he'd chosen
it anyway.
"It was like—"
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The move that no one would ordinarily make was—
"It was like you knew I was going to shield."
Ashigaru-san answered my question casually. "Yeah, I
definitely knew."
"…How?" I mumbled.
He sank into thought before he found the words. "That's
what it means to be a pro."
"Oh…"
What kind of logic was that? I've got an intuitive side to
me, but I could hardly believe that was something you'd
"just know."
"You mean since you're a pro, you knew intuitively?"
"Oh, no, that's not what I meant."
"So…"
Ashigaru-san nodded. Then he lightly flicked the control
stick in his left hand with his thumb.
"I knew that if you played under the same conditions as a
pro, that's what you'd do."
The click reverberated quietly through the room, striking
my eardrums meaningfully.
"It's like this." He tilted his head, as if what he was about
to say pained him slightly. "If you and I played a hundred
times, I think you'd probably win the majority of the games."
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"Huh?" I looked at him again.
His face was serious, and I knew he wasn't just saying it to
make me feel better.
"I mean, you sensed it, too, right? When it comes to
movement and precision, or even your ability to update your
strategies midgame, you're honestly better than me. By one
or even two notches."
"Uh, um…"
It was hard to answer a question like that, but he was
right that I'd held the lead for longer in our match, and until
the last game, I'd even thought that I'd win if I could keep it
up.
"But I'm the one who lost."
"Yes. You did." He grinned. Then he brought his hand to
his chin and slowly continued. "You probably realized this,"
he said, tapping my controller. "But the last game was our
fifth, after we'd each won two."
"…Uh-huh."
Then he shifted his gaze from my controller to my face
and said pointedly:
"You were playing differently, nanashi-kun."
He said it very clearly.
And he was right.
"…I know. In that last game, I was being cautious."
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"Yep." His voice was emotionless, aloof, and challenging.
"Were you nervous?"
"Um…yeah."
He smiled again.
"Of course you were. Your first set against me was
hanging on that game, and whoever lost would suffer
consequences."
I nodded silently. I've hated to lose since the day I was
born, and if I lost, who the hell knew what Hinami would
reveal about me. I was more nervous during this match than
I'd ever been before.
"You wanted to win, and you couldn't afford to lose that
last game. The nervousness and worry threw you off. When
you panic, you want to end the game more quickly. Instead
of waiting it out, you attack as an escape. All the same, in a
read where your own death is on the line, you can't even
bring yourself to take the risk you need to take."
"What do you mean?"
"Still not with me?" he asked, then seemed to remember
something. "For example… Yeah. In the last game, on your
first stock, when you went into a combo from a throw.
Usually, you go into a true combo, but in that instance, you
chose a read with more damage on the line, right?"
"Yeah…I did."
It was like he was looking right through me. I nodded,
thinking back to the game. But that choice had worked out
well, and I'd been able to inflict serious damage.
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"When I saw that, I knew you were escaping."
"…Escaping?"
"Yeah. A classic example of attacking to escape."
I was starting to understand his point. "From the
pressure, you mean?"
He nodded.
"I bet you've seen the same thing in a lot of online games.
Your opponent is nervous to play you, and they can't attack
because you've put pressure on them, but they also can't
bear to wait for an opening. Eventually, they break down
and do an easy dash throw or something even though it's not
the time for it."
"…Yeah, I've seen that."
That's usually when I'm able to take control of the game
and dominate until the end.
"They just want to be free of the pressure as quickly as
possible. They want to win. That's the kind of mental
weakness that gives rise to impossible attacks for the
purpose of escape. And this time, you did that."
"…Damn."
He'd critiqued me in very clear terms, but I didn't have a
word to say in my defense.
"If you lost here, you lost overall. And then you'd have
something embarrassing said about you. Regular online
games don't carry that anxiety, so you wanted to escape the
pressure, and you reflexively leaped for the possibility of
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landing major damage from a single combo, even if it was a
less reliable choice."
He was precisely describing my unconscious actions.
At that moment, I hadn't had any special logic for my
decision—I just made an instinctive choice. The result was
that I had won the next read and damage, but that was just
hindsight. The motivating factor was a desire to escape, and
that wasn't praiseworthy at all.
"I seemed to be attacking…but the truth is, I was running
from the slow and steady fight," I said, making sure I
understood.
He nodded. "Right. That's why I knew that at the very
end, you'd run away again."
"You mean…when I shielded?"
"Uh-huh."
That last showdown on the ledge. I'd thrown him in the
first game, and then I tried to outwit him by shielding.
But I'd thought it was a coolheaded, safe choice to avoid
the risk of screwing up the input.
Ashigaru-san looked at the ceiling pensively.
"You've probably practiced that move—the one where you
made it through Lizard's fireworks with the i-frames from a
throw—plenty of times in training mode, right?"
"Yeah, I have."
I'd used two controllers and practiced it obsessively until I
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was satisfied.
"Given who you are, your chance of success was probably
better than ninety percent, right?"
I nodded wordlessly, then realized his point. "…Oh."
"Yeah."
He nodded, too, and I put the thought into words myself.
"I was so afraid of that single-digit risk of failing…that I
ended up shielding when I shouldn't have."
Ashigaru-san grinned. "And there you have it. Since I
knew from your attack earlier that you wanted to escape, I
knew you wouldn't try grabbing me."
It felt less like he was doing a postmortem of an Atafami
game and more like he was talking about me as a person.
"But you know what? That wasn't where I felt your urge to
escape most strongly."
What he said next really got to me.
"It wasn't…?"
Because his next words truly were about me as a person.
"Remember what you said after the first game? You said
you weren't sure what you wanted to do."
He was right. I did say that to him.
"And that conversation…influenced the final read?" I
asked, stifling my frustration.
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"Of course."
He'd noticed—not nanashi's weakness or confusion, but
Fumiya Tomozaki's.
"So I was pretty confident," he said piercingly, then gave
me a gentle pat on the shoulder.
"That's what it means to play under the same conditions
as a pro."
I finally got it.
It could be an embarrassing story, or it could be anything
else.
In fact, the penalty we were trying to avoid this time was
too light.
The conditions pros played under?
On their battlefield, they had to win that game or else.
When Ashigaru-san played, he and his opponents weren't
just facing the possibility of an embarrassing story being told
—they were betting something more important.
It wasn't just their skill as a player on display; it was their
mental state.
Their ability to face themselves without running away—
their strength as a person.
"Playing with the weight of the game right in front of your
eyes…is that it?" I asked, feeling as if my own human
weakness were on a rampage. Ashigaru-san smiled.
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"It's like competing for the best winrate over the course of
a hundred games versus winning the game you're playing
right at this moment. Those two things seem similar, but
they're not."
After that definitive statement, Ashigaru-san set the
controller down on the desk with a clatter.
* * *
It was ten or fifteen minutes later.
Ashigaru-san and I had handed over our seats to Hinami
and Harry-san, and we were standing behind them, chatting.
"So how do you feel now that we've played? Did you
decide anything?"
"Uh…"
Again, I didn't know how to answer.
Up till now, I'd been groping in the dark, but now I felt
like I had the compass I needed to move forward. What did I
want? What was I seeking? What did I enjoy doing?
I'd realized something when we went to Tama-chan's
house.
When it comes to career paths, what you want isn't the
sole deciding factor.
"This is a really practical question…but if you become a
pro gamer, is it…?"
"Is it enough to live on?"
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"Uh…y-yeah." I nodded, embarrassed.
"I get your concern. I mean, this job didn't even exist until
recently. Those practical issues are incredibly important. We
pay a lot of attention to them."
"I b-bet."
He rubbed his chin in his customary way. "When it comes
to working as a pro gamer, of course you've gotta be good at
the game. But that's not all."
"It's not?"
"For instance, it's also important to create a character for
yourself. In a sense, it's a popularity contest."
"Huh…interesting."
I'd seen some of that myself. When I started checking out
the Twitter and YouTube accounts of pro gamers and
commentators after the last meetup, I noticed that they each
had their own strategy for managing their image. It was
similar to making sure your cakes didn't just taste good, but
that they looked good, too.
"And if the game gets updated and your usual character
suddenly sucks, you can't just give up and say, I can't win.
You've got to practice using a new character you can win
with again. Or find a way to win with that weak character.
You have to be able to adapt to a constantly changing
environment."
"I can see how that would be true."
It's the same online.
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"And another thing. There's a mental aspect to it.
Experience counts for a lot in this world, but you gotta have
the personality for it, too. Will you be able to play as well as
usual even in a totally different environment or a foreign
country? Will you be able to stop yourself from panicking?
Those things are important."
"Like I panicked today."
Ashigaru-san nodded, smiling wryly. "Exactly. In a way,
being good at casual matches is different from being good at
tournaments… If you don't have the mental and emotional
ability to produce steady results over time, you won't make it
as a pro."
"Huh…"
As I listened, I felt like the hazy jumble of thoughts at the
back of my mind was slowly being brought into focus.
It was partly from the game we'd just played and partly
from the practical conversation we were having.
Or maybe it started the second I came face-to-face with
this actual pro gamer.
So I decided to ask him point-blank about something I'd
been strangely unwilling to put into words before.
"Um, I'm in my second year of high school right now,
and…"
I decided to see what Ashigaru-san had to say about the
thought that had been in the back of my mind.
I still knew practically nothing about this world—so I'd be
best off asking someone who did know. That's what I've
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always done.
"…do you think I should consider trying to become a pro
gamer without going to university?"
Ashigaru-san's eyes widened in surprise, and he paused
for a second like he was unsure what to say.
"Well…I wouldn't recommend that."
"…Why not?"
I hadn't expected that response. He went on in his usual
aloof and even tone.
"Some people might say that if you genuinely want to be a
pro, you won't have time for school. But you could also say
that you don't know how well or how long you'll be able to
support yourself as a pro, so it's best to go to university."
He rested his hand on his chin.
"Personally, I think it'd be hard to dive straight into being
a full-time pro."
"Um…because it doesn't pay enough?"
"Of course, that's part of it, but…"
"But?"
He answered like he was speaking from experience.
"…unless you have a certain level of numerical data to
point to, the people in your life won't be supportive."
"Ah…"
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Ashigaru-san looked to the side, hesitating. "Obviously,
the most important thing in deciding your career is what you
yourself want, and if that doesn't match up with what other
people in your life want, I think you should still go through
with it. But you're still in high school, right?"
"…Yeah."
"Then you're probably dependent on your parents…and
you can't just graduate from high school and immediately
support yourself as a pro gamer, right? You wouldn't have
enough income."
That reminded me of something.
When I went to Tama-chan's house with Takei and
Mimimi, we'd talked about something similar. When you're
choosing a career, you're depending on the support of other
people. You can't decide completely on your own.
"That means that you need to be just as serious about
gaining their support as paying the bills. I guess that's kind
of inevitable, since gaming as a career is in a transitional
period right now."
"Interesting…"
"It's tough," he said with a tired smile. "If you don't go to
school anyway, you'll have to get a job to pay the bills and
squeeze in your practice whenever you can, so you'll end up
having the same amount of time as if you were in university,
right? Maybe even less."
"…That's true."
His words were rooted in reality—and I'm pretty sure he
was talking directly from his own experience in that world.
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This was reality. This was life.
An innocent, happy expression came over his face.
"But making a living playing video games really is a kid's
dream," he said.
"Yeah. I've always wished I could do it as a job."
I bet every kid who loves gaming has had that thought at
least once.
"Right? And now that industry is being created."
"…What a time to be alive, huh?" I couldn't help smiling.
"But that's exactly why I want you to remember one
thing."
"…Yeah?"
"Yeah." He nodded, his expression tightening.
"Because it's a dream, you have to be all the more realistic
about how you get there."
Finally, he smiled kindly.
"Moving toward your goal one step at a time. That's how
we gamers do it, right, kid?"
* * *
We spent the rest of the afternoon playing each other in
various matchups and finally headed home at night.
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In terms of who won the most games, I think the order
was me, Ashigaru-san, Hinami, and then a bit behind us,
Harry-san and Max-san. But partway through, Hinami
started playing with characters other than Found, so it's
questionable whether that order really reflected our relative
skill levels.
"Thanks so much for inviting us today!"
"Yes, thank you!"
Hinami politely thanked Ashigaru-san and the others, and
I followed her lead.
"You're welcome. I had a great time. I never would have
guessed that nanashi once trounced a classmate at Atafami
in front of a big crowd. Like a bunch of kids!"
"Okay, let's not talk about that."
Ashigaru-san was teasing me about the story Hinami had
told the group after I lost. Friggin' Hinami had to choose the
perfect Atafami-related story to entertain them with, of
course…
We all walked to the station together and went off toward
our various trains. Hinami and I were the only ones taking
the Saikyo Line toward Omiya, so we split up from the other
three there.
"Well, nanashi-kun, the pro world is waiting whenever
you decide to join us," Ashigaru-san said casually.
"…Yes, I'll give it some serious thought."
"You seem like you've already been doing that."
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With that, the meetup ended.
Hinami and I were on the train together.
When I glanced at her phone, I noticed she had Twitter
pulled up. She was probably checking what people were
saying about today's meetup. It's not good to read over
someone's shoulder, though, so I swiftly looked away. It was
true that she'd been using Found quite a bit today.
"Hey, Hinami."
"…What?" she said, throwing me a quick glance while
continuing to do something on her phone, then looking back
at the screen.
"Did you have fun today?"
She smiled wryly. "What are you, my dad?"
"That's not it. I just…"
She was right, though. I did feel a little like a dad taking
his kid to the science museum.
"Well…that is why I invited you," I said simply.
Hinami turned down the brightness on her phone and
stared at the black screen. I'm sure she was looking at her
own reflection.
"Let's see…"
The train wasn't really crowded, but there wasn't room for
us to sit next to each other. The periodic clanging of the
wheels filled the space between us.
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"I did. A normal amount of fun," she said bluntly.
I didn't sense that she was lying.
"Atafami's a good game," she said, gazing out the window.
The outskirts of Saitama were already dark. I could see
Hinami's reflection in the window; the smile on her lips was
slightly amused, but the image was too hazy to tell.
"…Yeah, it is. I'm glad you had fun."
"Geez, you really are my dad."
She sounded fed up with my insistence. Well, I don't care.
I'm going to insistently make you have fun from now on.
"I'm not your dad. I'm your apprentice."
"Yeah, yeah," she said, brushing me off. Then she looked
at me and, just for a second, gave me a genuine smile. There
was something childlike about it, instead of the beauty she
usually used to hook people.
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I thought about teasing her, but just for today, I decided
to let it pass.
Soon, the train heading from Ikebukuro to Omiya was
going to pass Kita-Toda Station.