School was out for the day. The sun slanted low in the west,
casting shadows from the two of us in the classroom. I was
there with Tama-chan, who'd just asked me how to fight.
"What do you think I should do, Tomozaki?"
"Well…first…"
For the past few weeks, Erika Konno had been harassing
Tama-chan, but now the whole class was subtly victimizing
her. This chain reaction had spiraled out of proportion like a
multicar pileup, and she was the innocent casualty. That's
why I was there this afternoon, promising to fight back
alongside her.
"Yeah?"
She waited solemnly for my next words. Tama-chan was
confident that she'd handled the situation correctly up to
this point, but she'd made up her mind to change so that she
wouldn't cause Mimimi any more heartache. I wanted to
support her with everything I had.
"I think you need…to learn how to dodge."
"Dodge…?" Tama-chan echoed thoughtfully. Our voices
were the only sound in the classroom. The whole school was
practically abandoned.
"Yeah. You tend to counterattack every time instead, so
everyone else is getting caught in the cross fire…"
Tama-chan listened, staring intently into my eyes.
"Konno was the one who started it all, so you're not
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actually in the wrong. But when you two fight, everyone
feels…"
I wasn't sure how to put it delicately. Tama-chan
finished my sentence without hesitating.
"…Uncomfortable around me?"
"Um, yeah."
She had no problem saying the hard stuff. I still wasn't
used to how perceptive she could be, and I couldn't help the
slight grin that found its way to my face. Despite the
situation, I was enjoying myself. Seeing her strong,
unshakable core was reassuring; no matter what, Tama-chan
would always be Tama-chan. Wanting to respond in kind, I
continued talking as directly as I could.
"You're not doing anything wrong, but your response
makes people uncomfortable and lowers their opinion of
you. If you want to resolve this, I think you need to be a little
savvier about how you handle stuff."
I looked Tama-chan in the eye. She nodded.
"I think you're right."
She bit her lip with a hint of disappointment, but an
instant later, she shook it off. She focused her eyes and filled
her voice with fighting spirit.
"You're definitely right," she said resolutely. After all,
she'd made up her mind before we even started talking. I
smiled at her, hoping to boost her mood even more.
"That's what you meant when you asked me to teach you
how to fight, right?"
She opened her eyes as wide and round as acorns,
peered into my face, and smiled warmly.
"Yup. I'm counting on you!"
* * *
A proper gaming-strategy meeting always begins with an
assessment of the status quo. Tama-chan and I sat next to
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each other at some desks by the window and got to work.
"To sum up the situation…first, Erika Konno has been
harassing you for a while. Each thing she does isn't much on
its own—she's just kicking your desk or saying something
mean where you can hear her. It's all stuff she can pass off as
a coincidence. She doesn't leave behind any evidence like
mean graffiti or something along those lines, right?"
Tama-chan nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much what's
happening. My pencil leads keep getting broken, but she just
says I must have dropped them myself. I've got nothing I can
pin on her."
I nodded. "But you know it's Konno who's doing it, so
you push back."
"Right."
"And then she plays innocent, and nothing gets resolved.
She says it's a coincidence and denies there's any
harassment going on to start with. And…" I hesitated for a
moment.
"Everyone in class has started to think I'm overreacting."
"…Yeah." Once again, I was letting Tama-chan say the
hard stuff.
I thought over the situation for a bit.
"And you want to do something to change all this, right?"
"Yeah. It's upsetting everyone," she said softly, looking
down at the field far below the windows. I followed her gaze.
The track team was having practice. Among the several
dozen students, I found myself looking at Mimimi. She was
easy to pick out of a crowd, but I think my gaze went to her
because I could tell even from a distance that she was giving
her all to the practice. I watched as she waved at Hinami,
who had finished her lap, and started to chat after taking a
drink from her water bottle.
That's when I noticed something else. For some reason,
Hinami seemed to be laying low today.
"What should I change first?"
Tama-chan's voice brought me back to my immediate
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surroundings. I looked at her, and our eyes met. Something
in her gaze struck me as unsure. Maybe she was anxious
about changing herself because it was new to her.
"Hmmm…"
I ran through the realistic options in my mind, but
nothing jumped out at me. Still, I started with what I knew
so far.
"I think the first thing you should work on…is the way
you speak to people, maybe?"
"You don't sound very confident!"
Tama-chan instantly called me out on my wishy-washy
answer. She was definitely quick on the draw.
"Well, I'm a work in progress myself, you know…"
Tama-chan grinned at my excuse. "That's why I thought
you'd be a good model."
"…You did say we were similar."
She nodded. "I'm not great at getting along with
everyone…and I thought someone in the same boat would
understand me better than someone who's naturally good at
making friends," Tama-chan mumbled introspectively. She
looked kind of lonely.
I made a silly expression, hoping to cheer her up. "Well,
that's good, because I can confidently say I used to be a lost
cause. Leave it to me."
"Ah-ha-ha. What are you talking about?"
She laughed a little. Okay, good! The overall situation
was so hard on her; at the very least, I wanted her to have
fun during this time. Being able to make her laugh if I
wanted to was huge, even if I had to use skills that didn't
come easily to me.
"Just be aware that your lifeboat is made of mud!"
"Hey! That sounds more like a sinking ship!"
I smiled, relieved to hear Tama-chan's sharp comeback.
But she was right—you can't do better than me when it
comes to understanding how it feels to fail. I'm a one-in-amillion genius on that front.
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But if that was the case, then what about Hinami? Was
she born a star? When I first met her, I remember she said
something about not being very successful at life to start
with, but I'd never asked her about it. As I was lost in
thought, Tama-chan started giggling and pointed at me.
"That's what I'm talking about!" she said.
"What?"
"You couldn't make those jokes in the past, could you?
Like saying you're confident that you were a failure?"
"…No, not really."
I got her point. Before, I never could have joked around
with a girl from my class, even in a self-deprecating way.
Making other people laugh wasn't an option for me then.
Whenever I tried to crack a joke, I could practically see all
the Fs in the chat afterwards, so this was a big step forward.
"What did you do to get to where you are now?"
"Well, I…"
I thought back over everything I'd done, believing the
most effective way to help her would be found there. Of
course, it was embarrassing that Tama-chan had to throw
me a life preserver when it came to teaching strategies.
Let's see. The first thing I did, back when I didn't have
any friends in class, was make an excuse to talk with Izumi
by asking her for a tissue. That led to a conversation with
Kikuchi-san. Then I fixed my posture and expression, and
then…
"Oh."
I remembered something that would be perfect for
what's happening now. Strategy meetings always begin by
assessing the current situation—and that should go for this
one with Tama-chan, too.
Master, I'm about to steal one of your tricks!
"…Wait a second."
I dug through the bag at my feet. After a minute, I looked
back up at Tama-chan without taking anything out.
"What's wrong?" she said suspiciously, eyeing my empty
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hands.
"Oh, nothing."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She looked at me blankly, but I brushed it off, and she let
it go. I had to keep my plan secret for the moment, or else it
wouldn't work. I coughed and continued with the
conversation.
"So you were asking me about what I did, right?"
"Yeah."
"I put a lot of practice into controlling my face, my
posture, and the way I talk."
"Really?"
I nodded.
"I didn't use to be one for facial expressions. I was pretty
much deadpan all the time. I tended to slouch, too, and I
mumbled a lot. It was like I had a sign saying 'socially
awkward' attached to my forehead."
"Oh yeah, you did use to be like that."
"Hey, you could at least pretend to disagree!" I feigned
chagrin using my well-honed skills, and Tama-chan giggled.
Okay! A bottom-tier character has to work so hard just for a
light chuckle. It's tough, but I'll do anything to cheer her up.
Tama-chan pressed her hand lightly over her mouth like she
was trying to hold her laughter in and smiled at me.
"But you sound a lot more cheerful now. You've got a
totally different aura."
"Oh, um, you think so…?"
I shifted my gaze around, embarrassed by the sudden
compliment. I made a weird semilaugh. Damn, looks like
I'm still low-level for endgame.
Of course, Tama-chan picked up on that right away and
pointed at me. "You still get embarrassed and awkward,
though!"
"Gimme a break! I knew you'd say something like that as
soon as I laughed!"
I used the comeback tone I'd been practicing lately.
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Tama-chan giggled a little again. I'd gotten good at
delivering these comebacks; I'd analyzed and broken them
down, using a basic combination of contradicting whomever
I was talking to and speaking in an emotional tone.
Basically, I'd be dramatic and complain about something
they said. I'd mastered both of these skills through repeated
practice, and now I was able to use them together. Slow and
steady wins the race.
I'd been doing a good job of creating a relaxing
atmosphere for Tama-chan. I brightened up even more,
continuing on.
"Anyway, that's how I came to be the cheerful guy you
know today!"
Tama-chan giggled at my theatrical tone. Don't let up the
pressure. In Atafami , I always get good results by riding the
wave when I hit my stride.
"True. But should you be the one to say that?"
"Well, I worked hard to get where I am, so I've gotta
have confidence in that! And you said yourself that I've
changed a lot," I said a little anxiously.
Tama-chan looked me over from head to toe, then
turned suddenly serious. "But you're also obviously still in
training."
"Oof."
I felt that one; she wasn't pulling her punches. Whoops,
she put me in my place. Her words carried that weight
because she never lied.
"I'm working on it, I'm working on it," I said, mostly to
myself. Tama-chan nodded solemnly in agreement. She
wasn't fawning over me or teasing me—she was just
accepting me as I was. Pure Tama-chan.
"Uh, um, so…we were talking about what you should do,
right?"
"Yeah."
The wind had left my sails a bit, but I managed to steer
the conversation back on track. "I think the first step is to
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take a good look at where you are so you can decide where
you want to go."
"Where I am?" she asked, tilting her head.
"Heh-heh, that's what I said…"
"Yikes, why's your laugh so creepy?!"
I ended up getting a little bold, and Tama-chan cut me
right down to size. I dug into my bag again, and this time, I
pulled out a small device.
"…What's that?"
"This…," I said, holding it up next to my face, "…is a
voice recorder!"
"A voice recorder?"
Tama-chan gave me a dubious look, unimpressed by my
proud revelation. Our energy levels were totally different.
I was holding the recorder that Hinami had lent me so I
could record my voice and listen to what I sounded like
when I talked. I still used it every night before bed to make
sure the way I actually spoke was consistent with how I
wanted to come across. I carried it around with me even
now, too.
"What do you use it for?"
"Heh-heh-heh. Let me tell you…"
"I told you that laugh was creepy!"
As Tama-chan shot me down once again, I pressed the
STOP button on the recorder. After checking to make sure our
conversation had been properly recorded, I put the device on
the table and pressed the REPLAY button.
"Just listen."
Tama-chan looked down at the recorder as we listened.
"I put a lot of practice into controlling my face, my
posture, and the way I talk."
"Really?"
"I didn't use to be one for facial expressions. I was
pretty much deadpan all the time. I tended to slouch, too,
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and I mumbled a lot. It was like I had a sign saying
'socially awkward' attached to my forehead."
"Oh yeah, you did use to be like that."
"Hey, you could at least pretend to disagree!"
Tama-chan listened, blinking in surprise.
Yup, you guessed it. When I reached into my bag the first
time, I secretly pressed the RECORD button. The idea was to
capture a natural conversation. I'd stolen the technique
straight from Hinami, who'd done the exact same thing to
me. Like teacher, like student.
Eventually, Tama-chan shifted her gaze sharply to me,
pointing at the same time.
"Eavesdropper!" she cried, eyeing me critically.
"I know, I know…but just listen."
She made a skeptical noise at my concession, but she
listened all the same. The two of us fell quiet, and gradual
surprise colored her expression. I'd reacted the same way
when Hinami did it to me. Of course Tama-chan was
behaving like this; after all, this was what she was hearing:
"You still get embarrassed and awkward, though!"
"But you're also obviously still in training."
"Yikes, why's your laugh so creepy?!"
"I told you that laugh was creepy!"
The recording came to an end. I looked at Tama-chan,
not saying a word. Then I put the recorder away.
"What did you think?"
She answered very simply.
"I'm kinda harsh, huh?"
I burst out laughing at her objective and completely
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honest response. She sounded like she was talking about
someone else. That's Tama-chan for you—a woman of no
lies. But I'd achieved my goal.
"Right?! That's what I wanted to say!"
"That I'm harsh?"
There was no sarcasm in her tone.
"Well, that's a very simple way of putting it, yeah," I said,
losing my stride a little. I'm the type to say what I think, but
I'm still fairly careful about how I say it. Totally direct
conversation tends to catch me off guard. It's not
uncomfortable, though. I'd really like to get more used to it,
actually. Yup, Tama-chan and I are fundamentally similar.
"I wanted to show you that while you can intend to talk
one way or think you're simply saying what's on your mind,
it doesn't actually sound that way if you listen to yourself
objectively."
I thought back to how I felt when Hinami did the same
thing to me. That was the first time I'd listened to my own
voice for an extended period of time. And just like Tamachan, I'd been surprised by how different it was from what
I'd imagined.
"If you genuinely understand how you sound from an
outside perspective, you'll start to get a sense of how you
should change, right?"
I recalled what Hinami had told me and parroted it to
the best of my ability. Like teacher, like student, for real. But
just a little while ago, I couldn't control my tone at all; who
would have guessed that I would be the one giving this
lesson today? Life sure is unpredictable.
"Right," Tama-chan mused. "Is that what you meant by
seeing where I am?"
"Exactly!" I said, pointing sharply at her. As I said, a
proper game-strategy meeting always begins with an
assessment of the current situation. In this case, the current
situation did include everything happening to Tama-chan,
but even more importantly, it included Tama-chan herself.
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After all, she wasn't planning to change other people's
behavior—she was planning to change herself.
"Okay, so Hinami, Mimimi, and I know that's just what
you're like, but when you consider the basic principles that
govern our class, people thinking you're harsh is a
disadvantage."
"Huh. I can see that."
She sounded convinced, but she still looked down with
some consternation. In the classroom arena, you've got two
options: Read the mood or manipulate it by winning power
struggles or a battle of wits. Essentially, bow to the mood or
conquer it. If you just rebel because you can't do either, it'll
devour you.
Tama-chan fell into the third category, and she'd
suffered the consequences according to the rules of our
class. That was one way of wording her current predicament.
Of course, not adjusting to the mood isn't necessarily a
bad thing in itself. If anything, I think it's beautiful how
strongly Tama-chan refuses to change who she is at her core.
I'd go so far as to say it's a better way to live as opposed to
the majority of people, who fit themselves into a mold
because they don't have any values of their own.
But in the context of the class rules, that virtue flips into
a vice. Virtue inevitably changes relative to the rules of a
given time and place, which meant our only option was to
fight on those terms. That is, assuming we'd made our minds
up to change the course of this situation.
Tama-chan continued speaking very quietly, her lips
trembling. "I have to change, don't I?"
I heard both determination and doubt in her voice. Her
expression still looked faintly disappointed, or maybe
frustrated.
"Yeah." I looked directly at her and nodded confidently.
Of course, it was frustrating for me to watch a person on the
moral high ground falling victim to ugly rules. A more
beautiful story would have seen her never giving in and
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sticking with her own vision of justice to the end. Part of me
even wished she would. But now wasn't the time.
I spoke my next words slowly, intending to solidify our
decision to become accomplices.
"Let's use those rules to achieve our main goal, which is
to protect Mimimi."
Tama-chan looked up at me in surprise, her mouth
slightly open. Finally, she smiled and pointed sharply at me.
"Right! I have my own reservations about trusting you,
but let's do this together!"
"Starting off honest, I see."
With that, Tama-chan and I began our strategy on a
slightly unsteady step.
* * *
"Yeah, like that!"
After affirming our decision, we started her initial
training. Based on what Hinami had taught me, I checked
her tone, posture, and expression and told her how to polish
them. At the moment, we were working on an assignment
Hinami had given me in the past.
"Are you getting the hang of it?"
Tama-chan nodded energetically, like a little kid. "Ey!"
Her voice was quite a bit more cheerful than usual.
"You're a quick learner, Tama-chan."
"Oooh!"
She pumped her fist, grinning. Looking good. Since she
was so petite, the gesture suited her really well. Yikes, I'd
better watch what I think.
"Think you can practice on your own?"
"Aye!" she chirped, giving me a perky thumbs-up. Her
eyebrows were arched, and her eyes were fearless. Wow. She
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didn't seem like her usual self at all. I was impressed by how
silly she could be.
Which is to say, we were doing the assignment Hinami
gave me when she took me to the café where Kikuchi-san
worked—the exercise where you're only allowed to use
vowels when you talk. The idea was to concentrate on your
tone, expression, gestures, and other nonverbal
communication skills by limiting the variety of words you
used. I was trying it out on Tama-chan. I wasn't sure how it
would go, but as it turned out, I felt like I was playing with a
small animal.
"…Okay. You can speak normally now."
"Oh, okay."
She reverted to her usual way of talking. We'd finished
stage one of training. I propped my chin on my fingers and
thought for a minute.
"Um…" I realized something. "…You're really good at all
this."
Before the vowel exercise, I'd checked to see whether she
used the expressive muscles around her mouth effectively
when she spoke and if she brought her chest forward for a
more imposing posture. This final exercise was my way of
testing how well she could control the tone of her voice. The
results—as far as I could tell, Tama-chan was at or beyond
the standard level for all three of those skills.
"Really? I am?"
"Yeah…I mean…"
I looked her in the eye and gave it to her straight. "You're
better than me at all of it."
"What?!" Predictably, my confession surprised Tamachan. "I thought you were supposed to teach me a bunch of
stuff!"
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"Patience, young grasshopper. There is yet much I can
teach you."
"Well, you haven't taught me anything so far!" she
scolded, her emotions clear in her face and voice. Yeah, she
was a master of expression. That was more of a comeback
than scolding, really—which made me realize something
else.
"Um…so the way you tore into me just now…"
"Yeah, what about it?"
She waited blankly for me to go on.
"If you want to get along with everyone—I mean, if you
want to be a normie—then it's important to have the skills to
mess with people or disagree with them, and to put emotion
into your words. Comebacks are a combination of those two
things, right?"
"They are?" She sounded a little confused.
"As far as I can tell, you do it perfectly."
"I do?"
"Yeah." I paused for a second, then went on slowly. "I've
only learned to do that very recently."
I let out a breath and waited for her reply. I knew the
barb that was coming, like I knew it; you are useless! Maybe
I'd even learn something from it.
But instead, she hung her head with disappointment. "I
knew I couldn't count on you…"
"H-huh, you've got range…"
Apparently, Tama-chan's repertoire of comebacks
included not only sharp retorts but also slower responses
like this one. Another variation on emotional content,
essentially. Interesting… Hey, wait a second! Something's
wrong with this picture…
* * *
After that, I had Tama-chan do several more exercises, but
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she was above average at all of them. Of course, I should
have expected that.
For example, take the vowel training. Tama-chan already
gets her emotions across using dynamic, nonverbal nuances
instead of a broad vocabulary. She speaks loudly and uses
big gestures, and her face is very expressive. She specializes
in all that stuff, unlike me.
Hinami gave me the vowel assignment because I leaned
too heavily on words to express myself at the expense of my
nonverbal skills. It was specifically targeted at me in that it
got results by shutting me up for a while.
Obviously, applying it directly to Tama-chan would be
pointless. What I needed right now was an exercise that
focused on the areas she was having trouble with. I needed
to think about the type of assignment that would help her—
right? So here were my ideas:
"I got nothin'…"
This teacher-student relationship was already on the
rocks within half an hour of its formation. Guess it's still a
bit early for me to be teaching other people how to live.
Still, the situation was what it was, and if we didn't do
something, things would keep getting worse. Even if I
couldn't do much, I had to keep trying.
"Your training has had results, though, right?"
"…Yeah."
I nodded. It's possible that I misjudged Tama-chan's
skills, but I didn't think that was likely. I'd examined my
own skill level over and over, and Hinami had done the
same, so my perspective shouldn't be that out of whack.
"You're better at most of these skills than I am even
now."
"Huh…" Tama-chan sank into thought. "But then why
am I having so many problems?"
"…That's the question, isn't it?"
That was the issue, wasn't it?
I'll sound full of myself for saying this, but recently, I'd
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been getting along with Nakamura's group, and I'd been able
to have good conversations with Mimimi, Izumi, and
Kikuchi-san. I still didn't feel confident calling myself a
normie, but I'd been getting by fairly well, without any
arguments or anything. On the other hand, Tama-chan was
far beyond me when it came to basic social abilities, but she
still had trouble fitting into our class.
Every outcome has a cause. If you want to change those
results, you first have to figure out what that cause is. Of
course, some causes don't originate within the person—
they're external. In this case, Tama-chan had become the
target of Konno's continued harassment. The domino
cascade of events that led to Konno's shitty mood was a big
external cause of Tama-chan's situation.
But her subtle victimization by the entire class was
another story. My guess was that in this case, Tama-chan's
tendency to get into arguments with Nakamura and inability
to fit in without Mimimi's help was partly to blame. I'd
hypothesized the cause of all those issues was that she
lacked basic skills for interacting with other people, so I'd
given her the exact same exercises that had helped me
overcome the same problem. But that was starting to look
like a bust.
In other words, Tama-chan's current problem areas were
different from the ones I'd dealt with in the past. Clearly,
applying the same assignments Hinami had given me
wouldn't get her the results she wanted. I ran through
possible solutions in my mind as I hesitantly offered a
suggestion.
"For now…I think it would probably be a good idea to
stop fighting back against Konno's harassment."
"You might be right."
She nodded. Every time she fought with Konno, she got
irritated looks from our classmates. In order to prevent
those negative feelings from piling up, the bare minimum
she would need to do was to stop resisting.
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However, that was a surface-level response. It didn't
reach the root of the problem. It might temporarily alleviate
the situation, but getting to the deeper cause was ultimately
more important. I guess the "assignment" I needed to give
myself was figuring out what that cause was.
"Aside from that…"
"Oh!"
As I was thinking, Tama-chan looked down at the field
like she'd just noticed something. I followed her gaze and
saw the track team was starting to clean up their equipment.
"Looks like they're done."
"Yeah," she said, leaning out the window a little. "Looks
like Minmi is going home today."
"What do you mean, 'today'?"
She turned back toward me. "There was that period
where she was running herself into the ground, remember?
She was trying to keep up with Hinami's extensive
practices."
"…Yeah, I remember." I thought back to that rough
period for Mimimi.
"Well, she still practices with Hinami after everyone else
goes home sometimes."
"Really?"
I was slightly worried, but Tama-chan went on. "But
apparently, she's been going home when she feels like it's
too much, like today."
I let out a relieved sigh. "…So she's keeping her own
pace."
"Yeah." Tama-chan smiled warmly, nodded, and slung
her bag over her shoulder. She always lit up a little when we
talked about Mimimi. "She's fine."
"…Good to hear."
I picked up my own bag and walked out of the classroom
with her. We headed down the empty hallway, side by side.
The sound of our slippers squeaking on the floor echoed
through the school as evening fell outside. I was considering
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our next steps.
"…I guess we should talk tomorrow about other practical
measures you can take to change. You're probably going to
need to complete some special assignments, so I'll think it
over tonight."
I imagined someone specific as I spoke. There was only
one person I trusted to identify problems, come up with
methods for solving them, and efficiently turn those
methods into assignments. I couldn't help remembering the
times she'd helped me.
Tama-chan nodded, but I couldn't tell what she was
feeling from her expression.
"Okay, sounds good."
We changed our shoes and walked outside to the field.
The last of the summer heat was gone now, and the cool,
mid-October wind felt pleasant on my cheeks. The breeze
brought the faint scent of sweet olive blossoms to us and
played with Tama-chan's fluffy, chestnut hair.
"…Listen, Tomozaki," she said, turning toward me like
she was about to tell me a secret.
"What?"
She brought her finger to her lips.
"Let's not tell Minmi I'm doing all this for her, okay?"
Her smile was pure and full of warm thoughtfulness.
"A secret, huh?" She was so earnestly trying to protect
her friend, wasn't she? "Okay, got it," I said, and left it at
that. Tama-chan looked across the field at Mimimi.
Her eyes were so clear that I could almost see into her
soul. "She never told me what she did for me, right? So…"
She smiled kindly, and a little playfully.
"…I want to do the same for her."
* * *
When we got to the field, we walked over to Mimimi, who
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was glistening with sweat and smiling as she stood
surrounded by her teammates. Apparently, Hinami was
somewhere else.
Tama-chan waved dramatically with her petite arms.
"Minmi!"
When she heard Tama-chan's voice, Mimimi swiveled
her head toward us like a dog perking up its ears and waved
back energetically.
"Hi! You waited for me again today? Aww, you're so
sweet! I guess you just care about me thiiis much!"
She opened both arms wide, apparently to demonstrate
the scale of Tama-chan's love. Still as silly as ever. Her
teammates watched with smiles that said they were used to
her.
"And Tomozaki, too? This is a rare event!"
"Hey. I was just…"
"What? Falling for me?"
"Yeah, yeah."
I pretended to nonchalantly shake off her words, even
though my heart was pounding. Her teammates all looked at
me and then back at Mimimi as if to say, Who's he?
"Let me introduce you to my Brain!" she said, flapping
her hands dramatically. Her teammates looked even more
bewildered. Don't mind me; I'm just a random NPC!
But Mimimi smiled her usual joking smile. I'm fairly
certain she was trying to smooth out any awkwardness, and
Tama-chan knew it, too. That's probably why she returned
Mimimi's cheerful greeting with her own typical smile and a
roll of the eyes.
"Anyway, let's get going!" Tama-chan said brightly.
"You don't have to tell me twice!"
"Hey, get back! You're gonna get your sweat all over me!"
"Soak it up! Can't you feel the love in it?!"
"Love?! It's just sweat!"
Mimimi jumped over to Tama-chan and pressed up
against her, and the three of us started off the field. I didn't
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think my overactive imagination was to blame for the hint of
sadness I saw in Tama-chan's smile compared with her
smile; it was different from how she used to act before all
this drama began.
We really do have to solve this.
As we headed home, I silently made up my mind to do
just that.
* * *
The next day was Friday. Despite everything that was going
on, Hinami and I were still having our morning meetings.
Today's started with her questioning me in an accusing tone.
"You and Hanabi are up to something, aren't you?"
She threw me a sharp look. Instead of surveying
everything from a distance like usual, she seemed to be
anxious and under a lot of pressure. This wasn't the Hinami
I knew.
"…What can I say?"
Hinami snapped back testily to my vague answer. "You
said before that Hanabi should change, didn't you?"
"…I did, but…"
"You were waiting for Mimimi with Hanabi yesterday,
weren't you? What were you up to?" she asked with a hint of
warning in her voice. She must have seen me when we went
to meet up with Mimimi after track practice. "You didn't give
her any ideas, did you?"
Her tone was quiet but powerful, like she was intent on
methodically crushing me. I was a little intimidated, but I
met her eyes, determined to stick to my guns. After all,
Tama-chan had made up her mind to fight. I couldn't give in
now.
"I did give her some ideas, and they probably aren't ones
you would approve of."
I was taking her challenge head-on, and she looked a
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little surprised by that.
"…So you are trying to change her." She glared at me—
but was I imagining that flicker of uncertainty deep in her
eyes?
"…You're still against it, huh? You really don't want her
to change?"
"Obviously. Hanabi is in the right. She shouldn't have to
change."
She'd said the same thing when we talked about this a
little while earlier. Her argument wasn't fully logical; it
wasn't like her. For some reason, she was very obstinate on
this one point. And obstinately opposed to me.
But there was something I wanted to run past her. If
Tama-chan was going to stick to the path she had chosen—if
she was going to fight to the end—then there was no way
around the fact that Aoi Hinami was her strongest ally. I
tried to choose the right words to draw out the truth of her
feelings.
"…What if Tama-chan wants to, though?"
Hinami froze for a few seconds, then looked at me
questioningly.
"She wants to change? Hanabi?"
Her voice wavered. That definitely wasn't like her. Even
if she had internal doubts, she never let them show this
much. This situation was affecting her differently from
usual. I didn't know why, but it might be a way to get
through to her. If I could use her vulnerability to convince
her to help us, then that's the path I wanted to take.
I considered my next words. The root cause was a
mystery, but Hinami respected Tama-chan's principles. In
which case…
"Yes, she does. She said she wants to change because all
this is making Mimimi unhappy. She was clear about that,
without any prompting from me."
I emphasized the fact that this was Tama-chan's own
wish.
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"Huh…"
Hinami put her finger to her lip and sank into thought.
She looked very serious, but I didn't have the slightest idea
what she was trying to decide or what she wanted out of this.
"If you can, I want you to help her."
At long last, I got to the meat of my request. She stared
at me blankly for a few moments. Finally, she pressed her
lips together and nodded, as if she'd privately worked
through something in her mind. Her eyes were a bottomless,
impenetrable black; I felt like I would drown in them.
"…If Hanabi changes, everything is meaningless."
For some reason, her face was filled with unwavering
determination.
"Hinami…"
Normally, she didn't mind adapting herself to any rules
she felt were wrong if it meant she would achieve her goals.
But in this fight, she had set aside that principle. Why would
she do that? Was she panicking because one of her closest
friends was in danger? Or was it something else? I felt like I
knew her, but I really didn't. I had nothing even close to an
answer.
Still, I'd managed to confirm one thing. My trusted
teacher wouldn't be helping me with this one.
* * *
It was the second-period break on the same day.
Bang! Tama-chan's desk jolted to the side. Konno had
kicked the leg on purpose, as usual. She still hadn't gotten
bored of harassing Tama-chan. I bit my lip and waited to see
what would happen. This was the start of the battle.
The class fell silent, and then that annoyed, despairing
mood fell over the whole classroom. Stop it already. Unfair
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as it was, their target was Tama-chan.
Konno brazenly ignored it all and sauntered over to her
groupies, as she always did.
Up till the previous day, this was when an argument
between Tama-chan and Konno would break out. Then the
class's frustration would turn toward Tama-chan, and
Mimimi would get upset. That was the usual pattern.
I glanced at Tama-chan. She glanced back and nodded
slightly.
"…"
She held her tongue. She didn't accuse Konno of
anything or scold her. Instead, she completely ignored her.
Konno shot her a slightly surprised look, but right away,
she feigned disinterest and turned back to her groupies. The
other students let out a collective sigh, watching the scene
unfold.
Okay.
This was the first tactic Tama-chan had at her disposal—
it was quiet but meaningful. She'd put up with the
harassment, even compromise her sense of fairness, in order
to soften the attack from the class in general—in order to
make Mimimi worry about her a little bit less. From the
outside, it probably looked like a tiny step forward. But for
Tama-chan, who hated bending to anyone, it was not only a
huge step but a hard one to take.
Mimimi watched in stunned surprise but quickly
regained her balance and called out cheerfully.
"Tama! Let's go get something to drink!"
That was the signal for the class to relax. Good. No
drama today. The unspoken relief was visible on their faces.
Tama-chan had done a good job of avoiding the usual
negativity, and for now, that was enough.
From this one scene alone, you'd probably think she was
a helpless, weak victim who deserved pity. But I'm fairly sure
it was a necessary step toward solving the root problem.
I looked around me, trying to observe my fellow students
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and get a sense of the current mood. That's when I saw
Hinami staring blankly into space like a mannequin. Her
gaze was turned toward Tama-chan and Mimimi.
"Aoi, come with us!"
At the sound of Mimimi's voice, she came to with a start
and made herself smile. The three of them walked side by
side out of the room and toward the stairwell with the
vending machine. To me, Hinami's figure receding down the
hall looked dark and gloomy.
At lunch, I felt distinctly uneasy. Hinami was chatting
with Nakamura and Izumi. Nothing special about that.
Business as usual.
It was hard to put into words, but…something was
happening with suspicious frequency.
Hinami and I have this relationship where we talk
honestly about our feelings and thoughts in private, so when
it comes to the version of herself that she shares with
everyone else, I play the role of the casual observer. That's
given me a general understanding of how she acts—and she
was talking to Izumi and Nakamura a lot. I'd noticed it
gradually starting this week, but today especially stood out.
She was probably working on some sort of strategy.
Unlike me, she was pulling strings behind the scenes.
What was her goal, and was it on a collision course with
mine? I had mountains of unanswered questions.
All the same, my only option was to keep moving ahead
with my own strategy.
* * *
After school, I killed some time at the library and then
headed to the classroom to meet up with Tama-chan so we
could talk about the day's events.
"Good work staying calm when she kicked your desk.
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Let's start with that."
Tama-chan nodded decisively. "It was really
frustrating…but that's what it's gonna take, right?"
"Yeah," I agreed. That was important for our goal. "But
that'll only keep things from getting worse. I don't think
there'll be any dramatic improvements."
Tama-chan looked at me uncertainly. "You're probably
right…but what should I do?"
I didn't have a clear answer, so I tried to put together the
information I did have.
"…I think we need a strategy to actually make this
situation better."
Tama-chan tilted her head quizzically. "Sure. Like
what?"
"Good question…"
I looked down, thinking. We had to improve two main
points. One was Konno's harassment. The other was the
general negativity directed at Tama-chan. Right now, we
were prioritizing the latter.
At the moment, Konno's harassment didn't leave behind
any evidence—which meant there were limits on how much
she could do. If Tama-chan could put up with the situation,
she'd be able to buy some time while avoiding permanent
damage to her image.
The class was a different story.
"The problem is, we don't know what everyone in class is
going to do."
"…What do you mean?"
"Right now, everyone is just watching, but eventually,
they may start joining in on Konno's harassment."
That's just it. Honestly speaking, I had almost no outlook
on what the class would do from here on out. At the
moment, the mood had stalled just short of a crisis, but I
had no idea what might push it over the edge or what kind of
cruelty might occur as a result.
During the sports tournament, it hadn't taken much to
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bring the class together. In the same way, a small event
could push them to come together for evil instead of good.
"Huh, that could happen," Tama-chan said, her eyes full
of realization. "Yikes."
"I know. But…it's possible."
There was already one person harassing Tama-chan, so
it stood to reason that others might follow suit. The mood
was tilted in that direction, too. Everything could change
simply because people let other people determine what their
values should be. That was the nature of the class.
To prevent that, I'd asked Tama-chan to stop fighting
back against Konno. It was an emergency measure, but the
antipathy from those daily arguments before could become a
major factor in moving the class.
"I think what we have to do now is focus on keeping
everyone from avoiding you and, if possible, turn them into
your allies."
"Everyone, huh?" Tama-chan looked down with
uncertainty. Everyone. That was probably the opponent she
hated most. She couldn't openly express her thoughts to a
bunch of people in the same way that she could one-on-one.
"It's so hard to know what the class as a whole is thinking…"
"…Yeah…"
I nodded sympathetically. Essentially, she was talking
about reading the mood. You had to think of the group
abstractly as a single animal and analyze the rules and
values that motivated it—or what Hinami called the
standard for right and wrong—in order to understand its
thought process and actions. None of that was easy.
"I can get what specific people are thinking, but when it
comes to the whole group, I have no idea."
Tama-chan looked around the class gloomily. So many
desks and chairs. The square space was so lifeless and
confining. Just over thirty people coexisted here over the
course of a year, filling it either with their excitement or with
a sense of claustrophobia. And through it all, the mood was
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roaming around like a monster on the prowl.
"But…sometimes, everyone makes a move all at once,
you know?"
"Yeah…"
When the mood of the group changes, it can be like a
muddy river carrying along helpless individuals. The process
isn't always fair, and it doesn't always make sense—that was
one reason I used to think life was a shitty game. But you
could also think of it as one of life's most important rules.
It's too powerful to ignore.
"Tomozaki, do you know what everyone is thinking?"
Tama-chan looked up at me uncertainly.
"Um…"
I paused for a minute, unsure what to say. I was thinking
about the monster tamers like Hinami, Mizusawa,
Nakamura, and Konno. I was also considering all the
experiences I'd amassed during my training and where
they'd led my mind in the recent months, as well as the skills
and new perspectives I'd gained. I ruminated over all of it,
reviewing the conclusions I'd reached, and realized
something.
"Well, recently, I've started to figure it out."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
I nodded with a bit of confidence. For example, I'd taken
one step toward boosting my self-esteem when I'd
completed the exercise on standing up for my opinions.
When I helped Mimimi with her speech for the student
council election, I'd gotten a sense of how to read the mood.
And when I successfully motivated Erika Konno's group to
participate in the sports tournament, I'd gotten a sense for
how to direct it. By filtering all these experiences through
nanashi's particular gamer perspective on battles, I'd
developed a fairly practical image on how to read the mood.
"I used to be bad at figuring out how people thought, but
I'm getting better at it after some experience."
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"You are?"
I realized something else: the reality—and also, I think,
the hope—that I was steadily improving.
"And if I was able to figure it out with some assignments
and training…you should be able to, too."
Tama-chan's eyes brightened. "You think so?"
"I'm sure of it." But then another realization hit me.
"But, uh…," I mumbled.
Tama-chan tilted her head. "What?"
It was a very simple but very basic problem.
"It took me about five months…"
"Oh. Right."
The excitement level quickly dropped. Hinami's training
was completely orthodox and straight as an arrow. It
involved slow and steady effort. That was the most correct,
most certain, and most powerful approach, but it took time.
As a gamer, I knew that real improvement always required
putting in effort for the long haul.
"Five months like this…is impossible."
"…I know. It's too slow."
The mood could turn at any moment. If Tama-chan
spent five months steadily training, something irreversible
might happen in the meantime and destroy the whole plan.
The chances of that happening were fairly high. She couldn't
take on this fight at a leisurely pace.
"We need something that will turn everything around in
a short period of time…," I muttered, but I knew that wasn't
how growth worked. Okay, technically speaking, there might
be a miracle solution that flipped the entire situation around
—if we could think outside the box, reverse our perception,
and outfox the enemy. After all, that was how nanashi
approached every game. I was confident I could do that
under the right conditions. But I had to fully understand the
subtler rules of the game first. And when it came to this one,
I wasn't there yet.
"…Hmmm."
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"Not looking good, huh?" Tama-chan said, peering into
my face.
"Yeah…"
Based on the leads I had at the moment, I couldn't come
up with a strategy I felt confident about.
"It's hard when time is so limited…," I said.
"Hey, you two!"
Suddenly, I heard someone calling theatrically to us
from the door of the classroom. I turned around in surprise
and saw a figure standing there with one hand raised
nonchalantly, a sardonic smile on his face. Mizusawa.
My surprise didn't take any of the wind from his sails as
he strolled over to us and placed one hand on my shoulder.
Then he raised one eyebrow and looked me in the eye with
an infuriatingly cocky expression.
"You seem troubled, my friend," he said with a smug,
overly confident smile.