Tranquility. On any other day, he would be at peace.
It was a cool summer night as he sat underneath the tree. The storm that ensued the day prior had left the ground soft and the grass moist. He looked out on the valley. The red of the setting sun made the stalks of wheat illuminate with a warm glow. The shadows of the trees grew longer and longer over the field, extinguishing the beautiful orange hue. With dusk approaching, he would typically close his eyes, take one deep breath, and enjoy the bliss of being alone before standing up and heading back to town.
But he did not feel bliss. Only emptiness.
He shifted onto his knees and reached into his pocket to pull out an iron coin. It was about twice the size of a gold piece and fit nicely in his palm. The image on the front was a tree trunk which serpentine from the bottom of the coin to the top. The trunk split into two equal limbs three times, but one of each pair was broken. It was like no tree he, or anyone in the kingdom, had ever seen or heard of before. Among the roots of the trunk were the words Take the Risk. He turned it over. On the other side was the top of the tree, with its branches spreading and reaching to the heavens. All of them were rather thin and had gradual curves. The leaves on these branches were long and heart-shaped, yet they had somewhat of a wispy characteristic at their point. It was as if the leaves themselves ceased to exist when you worked your way from the top of the heart to the bottom. Above the tree were silver words floating in a gray sky: 'Request your Reward'.
Yet he would not seek a reward. 'There's nothing that could fix this', he thought, 'there's nothing else left for me here'. He gazed across the fields once more. He felt nothing. As the last light of day began to fade, he held up the coin and finally spoke for the first time in what felt like ages.
"Casus, I will take the risk."
The coin began to hum with a soft vibration between his fingers. He had seen this before, but never knew how it felt. The coin had heard his call. He balanced the coin on his forefinger and thumb and, after a brief hesitation, flipped it into the air. 'With any luck it would land on-'
'Request your Reward'.
His heart quickened for a second as what felt like a warm shock began to emanate from his chest. He felt the potential of his risk course through his veins. It felt good. But that did not matter. After a couple of seconds, the sensation disappeared. 'I must try again'. He picked the coin out of the grass.
"Casus, I will take the risk."
Again, the coin began to hum. He took a deep breath, then flipped it.
'Request your Reward'.
The odds were not in his favor. The same pleasurable feeling spread through his chest again. Before it subsided, he had already collected the coin. His nerves were getting the better of him. 'I can't back out now. I've made my decision'. He pressed on.
"Casus, I will take the risk."
He flipped.
'Request your Reward'.
His anxiety was beginning to make him impatient. Quickly, he grabbed the coin, spoke the words and flipped again.
'Request your Reward'.
He repeated the process.
'Request your Reward'.
Again.
'Request your Reward'.
And again.
'Request your Reward'.
And again.
'Request your Reward'.
His eyes started to water. 'How is this possible', he thought, 'why can't I land on the trunk'. Fear began to seep into his mind. Should he really be doing this? How many for flips of the coin will it take? 'No, if I stop now, I'll turn out like them. Like everyone else who used this vile coin'. He repeated the words for the ninth time and flipped.
'Request your Reward'.
Tears began to stream down his face. With a quavering voice, he spoke.
"Casus, I will take the risk."
He gripped the coin tightly in his palm as it hummed. It had answered his call the same way every time. The coin did not care what he was going through. The coin did not care that it ruined his life. The coin does not care about him. It sees him as the pathetic man he is, and that made him angry. He rose off the ground as his blood started to boil. He brought his arm back and, with a cry, hurled the coin into the valley.
At this point, the sun had already set, so there was no way to watch the coin as it sailed through the air. The soft hum it made was lost in the rustling of wheat in the breeze. 'Please let this be the one. I just want this all to end'.
The feeling of warm electricity spread from his chest, up to his head, out to his arms, and down through his legs.
He failed.
His legs went numb. He collapsed onto his knees as he began to sob. All of the sadness, despair, and loneliness he felt came rushing out of him like a roaring river. He buried his face into the cool ground, crushed by the weight of his own helplessness. 'What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn't I finally be at peace'?
"Janus?"
He knew that voice. Janus picked his head out of the grass. He cried for so long he felt dizzy, yet he could still make out the slender silhouette of the man calling to him. As dark as it was, the moonlight illuminating the man's face made it clear he was distraught. He must have been searching for hours.
"Gods, Janus, what have you done?"
Janus somehow found the strength to pick himself up off the ground. He hobbled over to his neighbor and wrapped his arms around him. He rested his head on the man's shoulder and continued to weep.
Realizing he could barely stand, the man returned the hug. When he felt Janus trembling within his embrace, he squeezed even tighter. They held each other for a short while, not saying a single word. He knew what Janus had been through. In fact, he felt the same way. It was not until he stopped shuddering that the man finally broke the silence.
"Let's head back, Janus. We can talk about this in the morning. For now, you need rest."
He sniffled before giving a small, shaky nod. The man put Janus's arm around his shoulder, supporting his weight. After their first few steps, Janus stopped and looked back. The valley had come alive with chirping crickets, dazzling fireflies, and a lone owl hidden in the distant trees. The wind traveling across the field made the wheat look like a calm, gray sea. Up above, the stars shone brighter than ever.
Yet all he could think about was that somewhere out there was a coin emblazoned with a tree.