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Tuesday 26th July 2016
State of New York
"It'll be alright, Steve." Natasha patted Steve reassuringly on the arm. "Nothing is going to happen to him."
Steve didn't look convinced.
Today was Bucky's first meeting with government officials regarding his actions as the Winter Soldier, meetings Bucky had agreed to.
Natasha was to sit in on the meetings. It should have been Tony but he had asked the Accords Committee to consider Natasha for the role instead.
After a consultation, Natasha had been selected. Steve had wanted to sit in himself but had been denied due to how close he was to Bucky.
He had been allowed to sit and wait outside if he was that concerned.
"Trust me, alright?" urged Natasha. "It's going to be fine."
Steve sat down on the bench outside the office they had chosen to hold their meetings in.
Natasha opened the door and walked into the brightly lit room.
Bookcases were stacked against the wall, filled with numerous books, the desk had been pushed to the side and three sets of chairs had been set up around a table where glasses of water had been provided.
Natasha sat on a stool outside of the circle: her role was to observe and only intervene if it was necessary.
Bucky sat on the sofa, his shoulder slightly tensed as he considered the two government officials in front of him.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes. My name is Simon. I am a CIA agent as is my colleague, Miss Charlotte DuBank. We will be meeting with you every month for the next twelve months to discuss your history with Hydra and any intelligence you may be able to give us, whether it is relevant now or no longer something we can act on."
Charlotte leaned forward. "Miss Romanoff will be sitting in on these meetings to ensure you remain comfortable and we are not pushing you past the limits. These meetings can be long, can be short… It all depends on you. We are here to gather intelligence, not to interrogate you or to make you feel uncomfortable."
Bucky nodded. "I already feel uncomfortable."
Natasha watched their reaction.
"If you do not wish to proceed today we can always rearrange?" Simon suggested kindly.
Bucky shook his head. "I think I will always feel uncomfortable. No, I cannot avoid this… Let's start… Even if I give you only one thing, it will be a start."
Natasha nodded. This would be difficult for Bucky but she admired him for pressing ahead. The two agents were being very kind and helpful.
All these meetings were supposed to be on Bucky's terms and no one else. They were supposed to help him heal and accept what had happened to him had been out of his control, though she suspected Bucky knew that.
"We will start lightly. Please let us know if you wish us to stop," said Simon. "Charlotte?"
"How much do you remember since you were captured by Hydra?"
Bucky remained silent for a short while. "I remember a lot more than I want to. They used to brainwash me so I would forget but it wasn't making me forget, they just suppressed the memories. If I look deep enough I can recall certain murders. I don't want to remember them… to know that these hands were responsible for multiple deaths and I wasn't in control…"
"It must be terrible living the knowledge," Simon said carefully.
"I killed people I knew, I worked with… Some even recognised me and I didn't care. I killed them with my bare hands." Bucky admitted.
"Are there any you want to talk to us about today?" enquired Charlotte.
Bucky inclined his head. "There is one… Steve told me he already knows… He, I mean Tony…"
Natasha's eyes widened slightly. She hadn't expected Bucky to admit to Howard and Maria Stark's death this soon but it was good he was doing so.
She didn't feel she needed to intervene: this was Bucky's choice to do so, to correct a misconception in history where it had been revealed to the public Howard had been drunk.
"Hydra wanted the new Super Soldier Serum Howard Stark had created. I was sent to retrieve it and leave no witnesses. I caused the car crash that night… I killed Howard and Maria Stark on Hydra's orders. Howard recognised me but I paid no notice. I knew him… I had fought beside him with Steve… And I killed him."
Simon and Charlotte exchanged glances at the reveal of information.
Charlotte clasped her hands together. "I see. Were you aware you were killing them at the time?"
Bucky shook his head. "No. Once the Winter Soldier takes over I'm not in control. I followed orders. I remember the event after it but do not recall carrying out the orders."
"The Winter Soldier is a separate personality to you then? One who takes over when the codewords are given?" Simon continued.
Natasha had briefed them on how Bucky had been activated. It was information they had needed to know prior to beginning their sessions.
"Yes. It's not me. He has never been me. Those words are just a way to control me. Make me do things I would not do. I have no recollection of physically being there but I remember my victims, some more than others. The Starks are some of the more notable victims… I think Hydra wanted me to remember them, know what I did to people I worked with… Remembering some of them was another way for them to control me. I was never in a position to fight back." Bucky turned his head away. "I wish I could have fought back. I'd have ended it before they could force me to do more."
It was an admission Natasha had expected. Bucky's life had been one of pain and horror. Hydra had never given him the freedom, only when they were in control of him and even then it was limited to the missions he was given.
"Would you say, now that you have been freed from Hydra's control for two years, that you still feel that way?" Charlotte pressed carefully.
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