It truly won't matter if I go outside and do not stay contented. As I grow older, I feel the world is growing duller and duller. The sheer struggle to live on and not kill yourself is immense. The want is always present but not the will. As I spend the rest of the day talking to my father, I realize something of great importance.
'Isn't it queer for me to be a Psychologist, son?' Said my father when we were sitting on the stairs.
'Why is it so?' I asked while exploring the undiscovered parts of my chip's packet.
'I don't know. I'm terrible at getting to know someone and I ask way too many questions.'
'Isn't it normal?'
'Yeah. Perhaps it is.' He replied with looking at the ceiling.
'Then do you regret being what you're?'
'Absolutely not.'
'Then why think it queer?'
'It's the constant pressure of not letting stuff get out of hand. You do one thing wrong, boom! You damage that person's life. Even after 24 years of experience, this fear doesn't let go but rather I've managed to live with it.'
'Hmm.' I nod.
After a minute or so, I asked him. 'Dad, should a person be quick with expressing their true purpose to somebody?'
'If that is love then not.'
'Why so?' I asked while being a little more attentive.
'I think before telling someone, let them feel it. Your glance, your behavior towards that person and their close ones, and everything, in general, should seem and be full of love, kindness, and beauty.'
'And what if as a consequence that person doesn't realize what we feel?'
'I'm not saying to never tell them. Just wait and make a place and more want of that person in your heart.'
'I see.'
Nevertheless, I thought that this was going to turn out bad but thinking about it, I felt it made much more sense.
When I went to school the next day, on the way I met Elizabeth; much awkwardly. She habitually stretched words and sentences much longer than they ought to be, and sometimes way shorter, and I liked that. I didn't see her at school after a break yesterday so I asked her about it.
'O, my cousin got sick and she lives in the same room as mine so I had to take care of her due to Mom and Dad being outside the city and her being alone and no one to look after her. So I had to look after her.'
'What's her name. If you don't mind?' I asked, quite casually.
'Elsa.' I almost spill my coffee.
'The one who-'
'Yeah. She got dizzy a little.'
'Is she- alright?'
'Yep.'
'Good for her. Did she come today?' I asked while sipping my coffee.
'Yep.' She replied while me being an absolute idiot.
As we were entering our classroom, I saw her and took great notice of her than usual. She had a rather brown complexion with blue eyes, which was quite queer. She wore a red hoodie over a skirt, which wasn't as queer. She was doing some assignments, which was weird, at least for me. I was not much famous for being a hard-working student, but rather a gifted one. I didn't have an excellent memory, but I ought to write more on my own. Only Professor Sinister appreciated my attempt at doing something on my own.
I was being more casual than usual. So I frankly asked, while looking back, how she was doing.
'I'm fine,' She said. 'Thanks.'
'Alright, take care.'
She nodded and all of my existence nodded within.
We had little to no time for it was our Physics test today which I did terrible at, even though I'm mesmerized by the subject. Also when I was still in the process of, by some way or another, figuring out the formula which I forgot; I saw Elsa's test done within 20 minutes and she was, perhaps habitually, moving her legs. She sat on a new chair today so she was struggling to do so. I knew later on that she did absolutely brilliant at the test while I...
'You! You're Shelly, right? Get your concepts right or else I'll get your mind right.' Sir Isaac, our Physics teacher, said while weirdly moving his head around. Sir got some weird spell going on.
'Draco, you're a good boy, but Shelly's doing no good.' He said to my friend in such a sweet tone that I was almost on the verge of envying him.
'You, dear,' He says while calling Elsa.
'Help him with his concepts, would you?'
Elsa grew pale from the question but nevertheless nodded in affirmation.
My imaginations break all laws of physics. One's imaginations are like God; not bound to time and space, as some might claim. The way I found her shying away from me was evident but what was even more evident was my random interest to her; which she no doubt noticed, and I subconsciously pleaded of it. Nothing was to be done except me getting close to her and making her feel even a little comfortable. So, I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day and things got worse.
Our Physics' teacher, Sir Isaac, enters the class while cursing someone, perhaps himself. He sighs and starts up. 'Alright, so apparently Undalas has decided to hold your Science Model Exhibition quite early this year and I was not quite prepared. I'm dividing y'all into three groups so the work can be done as soon as possible. I've talked with Sir Antony and Sir TK and we will thereby assign different tasks to y'all.'
And as fate would have it, he didn't put me in the same group as Elsa. I upheld myself and acted as if I don't care but it was all that mattered to me. What came with it was that I was assigned Chemistry's project. I had to do something and that I surely did.
Kim, my fellow mate, who was in the same group as Elsa; amazing at Chemistry but absolutely despised Physics' complexities, which, quite frankly, intrigued me the most. He wanted to get into my group and had failed to consult Sir Isaac. 'Quite frankly, young man; I don't give a damn.' He said to Kim.
Consequently, me and Kim made a plan, quite Sherlock-like. We intended to deceive Sir Isaac into thinking that we were doing the absolute opposite of what we were supposed to.
'Howa, Kim, what are you doing, mate?! It isn't your dear Chemistry!' I said as he was trying to put a chemical into a flask while that flask was supposed to be a show-piece for their Physics project. 'And what in the world do you think you're doing with Hydrogen Peroxide? You're supposed to put it in Potassium Iodide!' He replied with the same rash tone.
As per the plan, we kept doing this, getting into arguments, as Sir came into the classroom to check in at us. Others didn't understand what demon possessed us when Sir entered, and as expected, Sir took great notice of it. 'Stop it, you two! Do you think you know much about the subjects? I thereby change your positions and don't y'all ever disturb the work again!'
I took Kim to a nearby Shawarma shop that day and we laughed heartily. As we were talking about our interests, Kim asked me why I wanted to exchange positions while the assignment was not a tough one.
'I have a legit reason to do so.' I said, calmly.
As for my interest in Elizabeth, I actually lied to escape unanswerable questions of Draco. Draco was quite good at Biology, so Sir made him the head of the project. He was undertaking it really well. I got to know of Draco's interest in a strange fashion.
'And as is shown here,' Sir Antony says to us one day when the whole class was quite exhausted after Chemistry's test. 'Your heart quite literally beats in the same rhythm and in the same intervals, but there is an exception. What is it, you may ask?'
No one asked so Sir continued on.
'When you run, exercise, or are even a little bit nervous, your heart speeds up but the way doesn't change. The whole phenomenon of Oxygenation of blood remains the same and hence that's due to the growing need for oxygen for your body that you breathe much faster. Also-' His sharp eyes stumble upon Draco who's opened not only a whole other book but a whole other chapter about some complex stuff that I don't remember. Draco notices and says he's already done all.
'Would you like to bestow some knowledge upon our ignorant hearts, dear Draco?' He said while erasing all that was written on the blackboard.
'Sure, Sir.' He says while taking the chalk from Sir's table and deliberately starting to make an overly detailed diagram of Heart while using terms unknown to most of us, and as I kept searching my book, I didn't find those strange figures anywhere. After the little session ended, Draco handed the chalk to Sir and asked permission to sit again after bestowing light of knowledge upon us.
Before that occasion, I don't recall Sir Antony taking great notice of Draco. But now, he grew fond of him. Often when he'd be a little dizzy and felt low, he'd hand the chalk to Draco and ask him to explain it. Which significantly made Draco's concepts firmer and better. This strange way of his made me rethink my opinion on Biology which was formed due to a single chapter on Genetics. Also when I really think about it, I've always been fond of some of the concepts of Biology, especially Botany and Anatomy have always been my favourite.
Sir Isaac had a poetic personality; we often saw him reading Shakespeare and Milton, but what use has poetry if it doesn't come out of you like blood? Has it always been like that? Have the teachers also changed with time? Why even their righteous lectures don't lull us, don't make our hearts, mind, and guts think about our lives? Has it always been like that? If yes then from what came people like Dickens, Milton, and even Shakespeare? Have we not lost the true purpose of learning? Have we but no one to truly teach us? Is there not a God above seeing this and saying 'O, my dear creatures! What shall you do? Your truest gift has been taken away from you. It's as if you've been stripped naked, just like I left you in this cruel world of trials and agony. But did I ever leave you?'
Indeed, it is because of our being stripped naked that we're stripping everybody else naked. We're taking away from them the only eternal cloth they ever had, which provided them heat when suffering from cold; cold when dying from the heat. We've done it! We've done the worst thing a human being ever could!
It is in the heat that we feel a yearning for even a little bit of cold. We've not lost but just forgotten the sense of heat and cold. We still have time to embrace our last asset before we die out not by two universes colliding, but from the vacuity of the universe.
'Boys and girls,' said Sir Isaac, the very next day, 'Let's call it a day.'
I didn't do much that day; for I was more indulged in trying to talk to Elsa. But I felt that she wasn't going to be comfortable with it, hence, I quitted the struggle. But when we had a break and we went to the garden outside—the same one where I opened the book—I got a coffee and sat among the group; members discussing all sorts of stuff that occurred to them. Elsa was silent; expected it was. Kim—who was the only one outside of the group—told us how he felt when he first saw a cat. Ali, who was probably the best artist we had, told us how he once ruined his art while drinking coffee. Some stumbled upon a girl, some often felt useless, some regretted not doing something meaningful but still not doing it, and finally; some thought of life.
After some time of telling some of our and my stories; I asked Elsa to join in. Elsa scarcely felt nervous and talked well but preferred being silent.
She started out: 'I had a friend in the town, with whom I would play all sorts of games, would read all sorts of books, and would do all sorts of mischiefs. One day, he tells me about his brother who married a girl he liked. He talked about how his brother's wife would make beautiful art and would often help him too. I asked him to take me there and they all welcomed me, and his mother said: "My son has started going outside because of you, dear child. Take care of him."
I met with his sister-in-law and felt really inclined towards her ideas.
As I was getting closer and closer to the boy, his brother got separated. The sweet lady whom I admired so much went away. I found it really strange; how can two people madly in love with each other separate? He was sad and I tried to soothe him. It was two years ago. But then,' She stopped as she said it. Everybody else inquired why but I knew it. The dreams.