I am an addict. I though i was an addict to what made me numb.
I realise I wasnt. I was addicted to feeling alive. And i had to numb the slow death i felt.
There is a saying that was always one of the most important in any theology.
That i start to think about deeply.
As within as without,as above as below.
What does it mean then?
At least now for me, what you do or add inside, will show outside.
What you show or do outside will show inside.
And we eat so much shit in our live we regurgitate too much.
This world is unfair. It comes as no surprise to anyone but childrens.
But if you ask someone, he will tell you we can't do anything about it.
What do we have inside we teach outside that made us like we are, the love or the apathy?
The care of material thing is a bad exemple we do everyday.
As an exemple : Moms often yell at dirty clothes.
How can a children live without feeling the earth everyday you numbskull.
You didnt stay with him to draw so he took it to the wall. Now you yell? When no one care about walls really. Is your child less important? but that's how it feel for him, who cannot see value in a wall,because there is none but the security your brain think it need and the 'art galery' of shit you bought to put on.
How you react to things is important.
What is around you is important. What you let in is as important as what you let out. Care for things you care, not for the things you take to fill the space.
Here is an other problem.
What do you fill your space with?
Now the people consume others life like it is normal.
This is how the world works,we say, to them children who saw possibilities where everyone close their mind.
How can any one really believe that? We slave people to keep this lifestyle of buying and selling.
You eat an other soul. What you buy is their lives while selling your own.
A normal transaction where everyone loose something of themselves.
You have a rabbit at home but you eat some at dinner? Arnt you a bit too monsterous? What do you teach to your child? it's ok to eat your pet?What is yours is important but the rest not? THINK goddamn, Think !
And the only thing you have to do is to stop.
Stop obeying. Stop following their plans.
Stop the nasty habits we took from our lobotomised parents.
Stop buying the new shinny. Stop eating the bad tasty.
Stop being little mechanism in a giant meat grinder.
A good little soldier for the president to send to war.
To 'be productive force' that never produce for anyone but rich dude.
You may not live well without money, but will you really sleep well knowing you got innocent blood on your hand?
You may act like you dont, and it is less important than feeding your families.
But there is always a way,you may just not want to think about but i know.
And i wil remind you. So you don't forget you are also here. You also count, and you always had an effet on this world.
I know, it is a drug. Misery love compagny.
But a live is a live. If you dont respect it in the general sense, why would it?
Just like meat. Meat eating is just habit and addiction, and it is as nocif as smoking.
More so when it hurt the whole planet. Think about it for once instead of ragequiting, bitch, it arnt about you.
That meat you ingest rot your inside, and you have won your anal checking after 45, or your cancer.
If your inside are not already dead.
I'm sure eating blood isnt healthy for any part of our being. Muscles...Who gives a fuck? They are not a part of you, they are tools.
Will you feel weak ? For what? The strengh of your principle, of your soul, is what is important.
Who are the ennemies that threaten you? Who do you fear? What can they steal?
Muscles are made to protect, but do you? You could be as flimsy as a spaghetty, if you never hurt anyone, you were the strongest.
And as i love you, even if you hate it , i will remind you again.
Because i can't let myself down anymore, i dont want to hate myself letting people do things i don't condone.
I dont want death within me anymore, i dont want my money to kill anymore.
And i certainly dont want it for anyone else.
I hope you figure it out before i get my humanity back in full
At that time, i fear it's me you will try to kill, eat or exploit.
You may even see me as the ennemie of your 'peace'.
Let me tell you, You are not at peace, others fight for you and your turn can come at anytime.
Peace come from inside first.
But i won't hold it against you.
It is an addiction, so a violent defensive habit or reflex is expected.
But it doesnt mean i'll be able to stay watching people selfishly offing themselves and everyone else.
Whats the difference between me, an african,a chiken and a dogs life?
Why would you rage at one's death and delect at the other?
In the end, you are unfairness.
You buy an iphone built by kids with pillaged ressources.
You eat from compagny financing war killing children by thousands everyday to eat cheap industrial burger you will still be hungry.
Buverage so acidic it clean toilet better than anything.
Just because it 'taste good', you allow yourself to eat an other live. It arnt about you, once again.
Poison ourselves, poison others. By simple exemple.
Just because it 'taste good', we allow anything to taste it again. A divine right.
What kind of fucked up god do you think you are?
That's what pedophile say when they rape kids.
That's what serial killer say.
That's what any one who do something bad say.
Are you a man having a pleasure or a slave to your addiction?
I know now i'm a slave to a lot of one.
I'm fighting the urgent while taking note of the less visible, no less important things i hide from myself.
Can't you see the problem?
You pay no attention to your action.
Is it because the world didnt make you rich, are you still angry? For how long will you be.
Arent you alive today? Did the world never help you?
Friends, families, annimals, taste, sound, touch...everything come from the world, they put them where you would be,how can you say that?
You are an ungratefull person and anything people will do for you will never be enough if you don't open your eyes.
I was like that.
But Since i learned of what it financed, i never once bought their product.
Since i know i was missing important thing, i'm learning gratitude.
I owe a lot to a lot of people.
Some, sure, i expected more, but could they expect anything of me at that time i'm not sure.
Maybe they tried and i didnt pay attention.
And i owe a lot to this world in equal mesure. I woulndt be there without a planet to walk on.
Even if it took me a life to accept, living was always a gift i spat on from early on.
Because the condition where not what should have been, i blamed the world and those that brought me there.
If you are not gratefull for being alive, you have a hard time being really gratefull for anything, as nothing matter.
But the world was always there. A light in the night, the warmth of life in the day.
It cry for you when you are sad. It play with you when you are happy.
It left food everywhere that i just have to take from a bush or a tree and water to drink till i burst.
But we let big people steal everything for themselves, sell it to us like they own it, and..we still don't do shit.
The plants are made to be eaten and you can see it in the way they propagate.
Ingested Strawberries seed get enzime in the stomach and if you take a dump, you may see a bush soon.
Cut the part of the carrots you dont eat and it regrow.
Meat? Well, let me tell you something.
You never had carnivorous diet, you are a vulture. You eat the dead.
You are not a predator, you are a fearfull scavenger.
You wait for it to drop dead. I know i couldnt even kill one myself.
Can't you see intelligence in the eye of a dog? Happyness in the eye of a cow ?
As we can't see the biuty of the world with our own eyes, we don't see it's destruction at our own hands.
It brought me every joy i ever had. I dont hate because there is no love in me no. There is just too much.
But when you never act on your love, when you never get what is inside out, it amplifie, and it deform with bad thoughts.
The coldness will be there before you know it. The cold indiference.
Every meeting, every feeling; i owe to my presence in this world.
I dont want to be ungratefull anymore. And i was never really indiferent.
So thank you.
For you helped me become who i'am and the better version i will become.
I'm just trying to do the same for you.
Words arnt much i know, but those are not only words, it's a promise.
More to myself as i know you don't give a shit about what i write, when they are my feelings for you, wich explain a lot by itself.
Maybe you think you are already the best you could be or are you already too good compared to the rest of us?
The most important is you, certainly, but not because only you count.
Because taking care of yourself teach you how to treat others.
So now, don't offer me to eat shit with you. Don't invite me to support some wars.
I won't participate. Don't ask me to assist you in your suicide.
I'm addicted to misery because i though by eating it it could desappear.
But it only grew.
Today i'm fighting my own bad addiction, they are so numerous.
So it may sound like a lesson from someone who should shut up.
But no, i have every right to say it.
Because i live here too and i tried my best since the start to make it a better place.
For everyone,and even more for me, so i can enjoy it better.
Do you?
I spent my life to understand what fucked the globe.
It is the rich dude.Yes. But we all bless them to do it.
What a joke. You still buy nestle chocolate when they want to privatise water.
Because it is tasty, you may be condemning every water source of the futur.
You were angry at the previous generation, but are you any better now?
I'm a bit angry, as i end this text. At myself, for not always having the strengh to keep my principle intact.
No more. I never was a weak man who depend on the flesh of innocent to keep living.
I will not be a living sack of dead flesh anymore.
I wont let my addiction control me anymore. Even if that addiction is to you.
I love this world. But i really hate how it is.
How we all let fatality get us.
How we let sad adult with their inferiority complex make us believe we were less.
How we let dangerous cannibal people control the rest of us to be just like them.
I will pay attention. To what i do.
So i can do less wrong.
And i will share, se we can all do better.
Because meat is heavy, digesting it is energy costly and take a long time. You feel 'full'.
Even if you are full of shit. Do you know how many days you take to shit meat you ate?
No, not 8 hours. Between 48h and a weak. That's what's rotting inside you.
About 10-13 Kg of shit you keep in your ass at any given time. A shit is about 200g.
You are always full of shit. And that's why a fruit or veggies died will empty your bowel.
That's not sickness, that's a purge my dude.
Do you know? Meat isnt really as good as we make it out to be, its only subjectiv to familiarity and it's what we add to it that make the 'good'.
But it is a solid, firm feeling. I'm Full, i ate well !
Then, when you try to stop meat, you have to fight the empty stomach feeling.
Appart from some crunchy veggy, everything feel too light, there is never the fullness, so satiety feel unatainable..
You cannot understand if you don't try to quit.
This hunger seem to dig in your stomach, when you already feel like an empty hole but you just ate for two people.
We put less shit on it so the taste feel bland.
I could never persever, i don't know how long it will last.
I'm terrified it will never be better, a punition for indulging sinfully in the suffering of others.
And then you come laughing, saying i shouldnt care about little creepers lives? When they could as well be a loving pet?
Our souls are in danger.
But i cannot save it for anyone else,the only thing i can do is talk about it, how i go about it.
But maybe...you don't want believe in soul, as you already fear hell right, You try to think of it as a joke.
Ask your heart. Because it know.
I respect life, and myself too much now to continue throwing tautrum at the world.
I need to grow, and it is something vital for me as i hate that weak reflection of myself i see in the eyes of others.
But if you think it is a joke, i will not stay to let you mock me, life,and souls.
I will not be a joke anymore, i never was.
I won't take my own good as less important than the world, because i remember i'm part of it.
It exist within me, It cannot exist without. It made me within,afterall, and gave me it's everything. I cannot exist without.
The only part of the world we can control is ourself. So i'm starting here.
I have never let anybody control me, just my own addiction.
I'm getting everything back.
One way or an other, i won't have to deal with that bullshit inside me anymore but it also mean i won't accept it from outside.
please don't try to tempt me. At that time maybe i will be the one to see you as my ennemie.
As i am the world, if you hurt it, you hurt me
And every part of it, yourself included.