I didn't believe in God. I knew he was there out there somewhere, lazing about and disregarding the existence of his creations, and the messes they've made. But Mother told me he put everything into being. Everything. The big glowing ball in the sky that brightens the day, the fluffy clouds that swayed about in the air, a beautiful, star-studded night.
I was sitting on the ledge below the clearing eye, peering out at the star-studded expanse of black, blue space; mesmerized by the twinkling bodies that were so high up there, flicking over and over again.
No..."God" couldn't have made something so marvelous. It was impossible for anyone to make something like this...he didn't have the capacity to do this. For Drats sake, he couldn't even find a way to balance the scale of good and evil in the world, so how could he make all this?
From where I sat, it was bright. The ethereal illuminance of the white, round ball in the middle of the vast, dark sky. She was shining so brightly, even brighter than the stars that surrounded her.
She was the most noticeable body in the sky, the main event, the show to this spectacle that nature held every night! I forgot what Mother called her. I think she said it was a more. Or was it a....mo? I couldn't remember the precise name of it. I'll ask Mother about it tomorrow.
The white, glowing ball had a name. I believed it to also have a gender, and it just had to be Female. She came up there every night and just wowed me with such grace, such beauty...Only Females moved like that. So, whenever she showed herself, I came to watch.
Some nights she was there, some nights she wasn't. But tonight, she was showing off, shiningly brilliant, so high above all of us. We were nothing but peasants that she looked down upon. I wonder if she felt sorry for us, or she scoffed at how small everything else was in comparison?
I began to imagine the view from up there. It must have been so breathtaking. So empowering to be in a position where everything else was smaller than you. The flowers, the clouds, the holdings. The dogs, the cats, the birds...Everything. All of those things were so minuscule in comparison to the more. Or the min. The mon? Whatever it was called..... it had so much power and influence from where it was, even though it only ever came out at night.
Contemplating on its position and size a deep, bitter jealousy began to stir inside of me.
"Why couldn't I be that big and high up? Bigger and better than everyone else..." whispering to myself I sighed deeply, coursing my fingers through thin, frisky whiskers on the side of my face. My eyes began to dry up, I blinked quickly, having forgot to blink whenever I looked up at her. I was so immersed, not wanting to shut my eyes for even a second. There was nothing bigger, or better in comparison to her. She had nothing to be afraid of, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
This big, round thing in the sky didn't have to spend its days digging about in garbage bins to find something to eat. Didn't have to scour cupboards for rice and sugar grains or crumbs. Didn't have to squeeze under fridges or between cramped spaces, all to hide from The Giant.
She didn't have to look out for poisonous foods....Did she even eat?? She didn't have to sneak under furniture. She wasn't constantly told and preached about how small and minuscule she was, because she was huge. For her there was no need to be extra careful, there was stronger, faster, and bigger than her.
In other words, she wasn't a rodent. She was her big, towering, magical self.
She stood outside in the fresh, cool air at night, and she went wherever she wanted to go in the sky, whenever she wanted; however, she wanted.
She even changed sizes and positions when she wanted to.
Sometimes she would be a half. Other times she would be curved, leaned on the side, like the shape of the pizza crust when Cheesy took a bite out of it.
She would be in the middle of the sky, or she would be to the far left or the far right, but whenever she wanted to, she would step to another place.
No being stuck, no being confined no restrictions. She did any and everything she wanted to, whenever she wanted to.
I would sell my soul to have such freedoms...
Instead, I was imprisoned in this box the Giant lived in. Well, it was a huge place really, that could hold maybe even over a thousand rodents but, it was still a prison for me.
I was born here, I was raised here, I took my first steps in these holdings, and I had never gone any other place, than here.
In sad truth, this was the only place I knew.
I stepped outside before, but not very far. On the patio, a bit down on the steps. As far as two inches out into the grassland that was in front of the yard.
But I never got to...roam... To run about in the grass. To climb trees.
To eat fruit from those trees. To climb up and down those trees. To run around in the forest, running from limb to limb. To have those adventures...
Mother forbade us from ever stepping foot outside. She said we simply weren't ready, that she had lived this way her whole life and it was too dangerous out there, that we were better off being stuck in a house, wasting our days scrapping in bins and hiding to get food.
"So the only thing I have to satisfy myself is to look at her..this is the closest I can get to being free...'' I opened my paw and pressed it against the clear eye, grateful that the glowing ball was merciful enough to show me what I was missing from the outside.
The clear eye was a huge rectangular thing with translucent, solid, material that allowed one to have a view of the front yard and the porch, the garden, and the trees of the lush surrounding area. We called it the clear eye because it was like looking through the eyes of the house. I stepped back a little, noticing it in its entirety, my paws tracing the white pane that encompassed around the four corners of its ledge.
I was happy that I got to at least see outside... I spent most of my nights out here when everyone else was asleep. I had to. It was the only chance I would get to sneak away. If Mother ever found out that I was sneaking out she would hang me by my tail....She doesn't want us to go anywhere by ourselves, not even in the Kitchen.
That I found to be unreasonable. How could I sit in one place and just be content?? Content about what?? The days that were wasting away before my very eyes??? Long and boring nights that were slow and drawn out?
The routine everyday was the same. Wake up, go out to the kitchen to get breakfast, (If Mother hadn't already had everything prepared by the table) wash up, play games, talk smack until it was dinner time.
Eat. Shit. Talk more nonsense. Hear terrifying stories about the outside. Then it was supper time. Then, I ended up here.
Every day, every night, in and out.
I was tired of playing boardgames with my brothers and going out into the kitchen for food. I wanted to go outside and climb trees. I wanted to eat those fruits I saw high up on their limbs. I wanted to feel the cool breeze going through my fur, feel the heat of the sun pelting on my back.
I wanted my freedom.
"I have to get out of here... "I grumbled lowly, easing my paw off the clear eye. It was getting late. I had better sneak back in before Mother woke up.
I huffed and straightened up, turning off from the ledge and sticking my claws into the wall the clearing eye was on, taking my steps to climb down, reach the floor, and run back home.
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Behind the bend of the counter within the Kitchen, two eyes peered out of the darkness. Having watched the young Buck sit on the ledge, looking out into the night sky.
"Hmmm....so this is how he spends all of his nights. Wasting away, dreaming about things he had no business wishing for...nothing is free. Even Freedom, has a cost attached to it....." The mysterious eyes melted back into the black, hiding before it was noticed.