My life is falling apart around me. I've lost my job, lost my love and now I'm wondering why? did I deserve this? Was this just the punctuation on an already mediocre life? I sit behind this desk writing and lie to myself believing everything will be okay, but who am I trying to fool? You or me? I look down at my hands, they are shaking again. Is this due to my malnutrition? My fear? I don't even know anymore, nor do I care. Death seems to be creeping and I don't know if I want to stop them. What is the point? It is not as if my life matters. The backstabbing, the vicious remarks, and the memory of betrayal lie freshly in my mind.
So now here I sit waiting for death wondering if my mother would be proud of the man that I have become. Would she smile like she used to? Would she look at me the way she used to? Would she just hug me the way she used to when I was hurt? or would she look at me with those disdainful eyes? Those disappointed eyes that seemed to cry out for me to be better.
Telling my mother that I was depressed had been the hardest thing I've ever done. Telling her that I've become the one thing that I never wanted to be. A disappointment of the highest order. Telling her that I'd rather be dead then live another day on this unforgiving world. Only to be shunned by my family. Only for the one person that I believed cared about me, to look at me with those eyes. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have bottled it up like always, I mean what is so different about this bout of depression then the others. I should have just sucked it up like a man. I should have just stuck with it because than I wouldn't have to have seen the look on her face.
So now I sit here jobless, loveless, and lifeless wondering if it's even worth going on. What purpose do I have, just another meat suit waiting to die. The way out lies on my desk beckoning me to hear its voice. To let it sing for the world to hear. It gets harder and harder to push the call away. To embrace the darkness, let it wash over me like a wave. Maybe than I would no longer be a burden, A waste of space and potential. I feel my hand reaching without my consent, wrapping my fingers around the darkness. Bringing the dark eye level and examining it. Heavy, is my first thought. This darkness is heavy.
The pressure is heavier now than it's ever been. The dark in my hand begging for its voice to be heard. To sing to the heavens and usher me away from this dreary existence.
"Just relax" the dark spoke softly as if only to me.
"You are safe with me" the dark spoke again
I brought the dark closer to my head so I could hear its voice.
"Let me sing for you a lullaby" It spoke again.
The realization that I was crying had not dawned on me. Nor had the fact that the dark had spoken to me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was making the right choice. Taking a deep breath, I let the dark sing to me.
BANG!
[Game Over Thanks for Playing]
[Alpha Finished]
[Beta Commencing]
[Please wait Tallying Karma]
[2, 1, 5, -6, 2, 10, -11, 18...]
[Total Karma -7]
[NEW HIGH SCORE!]
[You Ranked: 9th]
The dark was immediately banished with the flashing of these textboxes. The white windows with gold writing seemed to pulse with every second. I couldn't see anyone or anything around me. Like I was wading through an endless void where the only thing I could see was these textboxes. Too far away to touch and so massive that I had to turn my... Body? Head? Spirit? To read the words written.
[For Being Placed in the top 1% you have received the following]
[1. Reincarnation to the Destination of Your Choice]
[2. An Ability of Your Choice]
[3. An Ability of Your Choice]
[4. One Random Rare or better item]
[The Countdown to rebirth starts now]
[60]
[59]
[58]
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