It's been a month since the battle of Geonosis, the battle had left such a bad taste in my mouth that I wished to take a break from what would slowly become head bangingly, absolutely insufferable, bad tactics from every battlefront the clone army would participate in. So I hadn't returned to the star wars galaxy in quite some time instead focusing on increasing my jack of all trades career path I'm attempting to have.
My infamy on planet DIRT seemed to have grown as I even had irken soldiers from other parts of the planet occasionally make an appearance. Even drones being sent over in order to buy my baked goods. As time continued passing and I slowly sucked up the monies from all my coworkers, their resentment began slowly piling up. They never did anything, but I could sense their growing anger. Some tried to replicate my business model but I guess when you don't have god magic making your cookies taste better you can't really compete
I suspected that a few of them would have probably attempted to beat me into submission if not for my curious growth spurt. After the battle of geonosis I had grown a miraculous 4 inches, no doubt related to my increase to CHA. I was still 2 inches short of a clean 4 feet, but I was now considered the tallest irken on the base, the next tallest only a half an inch shorter and he was essentially the overseer of the facility. This seemed to give me enough respect for the others to not act out on their anger toward me.
I was the TALLEST….irken on this base
However I considered very carefully that every independent being has a breaking point. And all the soldiers on base no doubt had near identical pay to me, the only difference was that they had actually accumulated hundreds of years worth of work in order to get the money they had spent on me. To suddenly have what could be considered one's life's work in the pocket of another would no doubt push someone to the edge. And with a simple plasma pistol being the great equalizer among soldiers it's not a joke that a mere shot to my PAK would end my life.
So in order to gain some goodwill while also expanding my abilities I had started a little project, using my accumulating profits to hire most of the base staff to work as laborers. If there's one thing planet DIRT had, well it was dirt, and I had several soldiers clear out fields worth of space for farming. I had decided that while working with herbs was beneficial it would save me more money in the long run to grow the plants myself.
Of course I had to be very selective about the kind of seeds I was purchasing as planet DIRTs environment couldn't support the most expensive plants. Ordering farming tools, seeds, fertilizers, and several all round pesticides. I had my workers carefully prepare a field, till the soil, and place down the fertilizer.
I had offered the same job to my friend Scat, but after my return from Geonosis he had been avoiding me, it was easy to discern why, I wasn't completely stupid. It seems my sudden increase in height had turned what was an equal friendship into suddenly a one sided one for him. And seeing how lonely he became had been slightly…disheartening. I made a small mental note to help this old friend of mine later on.
In exchange for the labor, the workers would receive a singular piece of dessert made by me and 2 monies a week. While seemingly small it was a huge increase in pay from what they have been doing so far. I still only get paid 10 monies every 2 years!
Seeds in hand the farmland was the neatest piece of land within sight possibly on the entire planet. The Irken empire dumped all types of stuff on planet DIRT most of it damaged or obsolete. Around my barren field were deserted starships, tanks, damaged weapons, old S.I.R. units, cheese dispensers, soda machines, and so much more. Almost everything is covered in a layer of dirt, as if sinking into the planet itself.
Starting from a corner of the plot I slowly bent down, seed bag in hand. The seeds were shaped like almonds and were to grow into a herb suited for irken taste buds, supposedly when crushed into a paste and mixed into batter could make bitter food much sweeter, though by irken standards bland food was pretty bitter…
I rolled the seed around in my hand for a moment, this was the beginning to what I dreamed to be a massive farming empire. Dipping a gloved finger into the soil below I gently placed the seed and caressed dirt over it, patting the dirt softly
DING! SKILL GAINED!
[Farming] - LVL 1/10
Seeds smile in the palm of your hand
That brought a smile to my face, the routine had changed….
"Grow strong…."
~LATER~
During my free time I had managed to level several of my skills, still constantly repairing B1s, making potions, studying plants, practicing geomancy, and using whatever force abilities I could. I had stumbled across a curious discovery, by imbuing the force into a material, that material gained better properties. I had been working on a blaster when I imbued the force into it, making its parts both studier and even slightly impossibly lighter. Up until this point only using the ability to temporarily enhance my physique suddenly a treasure trove of possibilities opened up to me.
And one of my first tests was taking out a fully repaired and reprogrammed B1 from my inventory. The droid stood before me waiting for my PAK to ping it an order. I put my hand on its chest and attempted to imbue the force into it when–
DING! SKILL GAINED!
[Mechu-deru] - LVL 1/10
Turn machines to your will, granting them a new perspective to existence
I took a step back while the B1 suddenly jolted. The droid suddenly raised its arms and stared into its hands before staring into my eyes.
"What is my purpose?"
The question startled me slightly but the answer was pretty simple "You fight wars"
"Oh my god…" they droid stared down at itself "...that's so cool"
Fidgeting a bit in slight amusement I just stared at the droid while it began admiring itself, seemingly 'flexing' its body. It seemed the droid hadn't gained an intelligence boost but perhaps could learn things much easier. It tested its range of flexibility and began doing strange bodily motions, probably testing its capabilities.
"Make sure to call me Master…"
"Roger Roger!"
He saluted and stood before me, perhaps waiting for an order. His self awareness had been a shock but what even stranger was when i tapped his chest trying to store him into my inventory only to learn that it was impossible…
Warning: cannot store living material!
Living?! I had really created some sort of soul? Not sure what to do with the new found ability, I had the droid, which I named Roger, I know extremely original, begin looking over the new farm lands. He seemed to almost be in anticipation when I began giving him an order and the way Roger's bodies began slouching from the disappointment almost made me break out into laughter. This poor droid designed for war suddenly demoted to looking after plants.
I'm sure having truly sentient living droids as servants would be a huge boon in the long run but my inability to transport the droids through my inventory made Roger the only one of his kind for now.
Several days later, while actually performing my real job of maintaining weapons and tools, I suddenly noticed an eerie silence take hold of the room. Extremely unusual considering irkens are constantly working, having conversations, and generally just making noises with their movement. Looking up from my desk I spot a soldier standing enraged, his hands clenching his weapon tightly, 3 others dropping their tools/weapons onto the ground entirely looking in the same direction. Looking around some faces show blank expressions, some angry, and some on the verge of sadness. Confused, I walked my way over, spotting a monitor displaying some type of emergency broadcast. In bold breaking irken letters
Tallest killed by an infinite energy absorbing monster!
Ahh Zim…
and while that thought hits me the irkens in the room flood with a mix of reactions. One begins silently shedding tears, another yelling any profanity that comes to mind hurling his fist any which way. One keeps a straight face, almost not reacting but perhaps merely in denial, his eyes portraying his internal turmoil the best. It's as if time in the room slowed seeing such emotion come out of these usually stoic irkens, our leader gone. Worst yet they were said to be the best leader the irken empire had in hundreds of generations. Irken generations were quite literally thousands of years
There goes the peace, galactic conquest here we come…
~LATER~
The Empire was in uproar, the only thing keeping the cogs in the empire turning being the control brains. The base had abandoned its duty and the few officers managing the planet didn't seem to care. The few ships in orbit that ensured our security and supremacy over the planet took off as soon as the news hit. Probably toward Irk…
With Thousand of Irkens disobeying orders and threatening acts of violence against one another, the control brains had somehow managed to gain order through the announcement that the next tallest was currently being carefully considered at this very moment. This put the entire irken military on edge. Its future leaders would literally decide the fate of the irken race. They had announced a short waiting period of 2 months while they analyzed the potential prospects for tallest.
During this it seems I had been completely forgotten, no more strange requests for massages or baked goods. It seems the dire nature the irken empire was in had taken over everyone's thoughts. Like everyone had decided to isolate themselves, the base had become something of a ghost town. Not a single irken was roaming the halls or doing their duty, I even went to Scats room and despite knocking on his door for several minutes there was no response.
I had assumed that perhaps an irkens reliance on our PAKs was causing some type of mental glitch within the average soldier but if even Scat was the same way then perhaps the problem was me. Sure my leader was gone but overall i knew the empire would be fine.
Perhaps…perhaps it was because I knew that the empire would be fine that I ended up not affected, a terribly stupid theory but still a possibility. Afterall I also knew beforehand that the Tallest was gonna die.
I found myself alone with Roger and the force.
Days passed with this complete plunge in productivity and while most seemed to stay connected to any information source I found myself focusing entirely on my abilities even further. Of course not a single monie was made during this time leaving my pockets quite empty especially after the farming business just started. But I managed despite that. The first real achievement happened while repairing another group of damaged B1s, managing to max my mechanic
Skill.
DING! TRAIT GAINED!
[One with Machines]
Machines feel your presence and prepare accordingly.
At the time I had not a single clue what the benefit of the trait provided but as I was working on a rusty computer, trying to browse recipes for me to copy to level my cooking skill I noticed the rust slowly peeling away. It was as if the computer was shedding very slowly. I curiously looked over the process for the next few hours, the computer seemed to cleanse itself with dirt visibly disappearing from its surfaces. I conjured a few more damaged B1s privately and slowly their deformed components ever so slightly melded back into place. It was an excruciatingly slow process, one I could accomplish much faster given my own effort, but it was amazing nonetheless.
I NEVER HAD TO DO MAINTENANCE AGAIN!!!
That revelation had me smiling my entire day, while I shifted my focus to baking. Wanting to max another skill.
It would be a few days later, and hundreds of batches of cookies, brownies, cakes, and other sweets later that I had also managed to max the cooking skill. This time the benefit of the skill much more obvious
DING! TRAIT GAINED!
[The Chef]
Your food is to die for, you can even make sewage taste delicious with enough effort
While I had never explored the nuances of the skill, I imagined that if I had rarer ingredients and pushed myself toward quality instead of quantity I may be able to produce foods with permanent beneficial effects. For now all the food I made only had temporary bonuses from increases to stats to health restoration, this made me temporarily shift toward quality but nothing changed but I was just happy all my effort paid off.
I was in such a good mood that I decided to laze around for the rest of the month while waiting for the news on the new tallest…
~LATER~
Finally after the two month period had ended the control brains announced the broadcasting of a new tallest. One who I was completely unfamiliar with. I settled in my room, sitting on a chair I had stolen from Naboo.
Strange…I don't remember another tallest before Red and Purple ever being mentioned
The tallest himself had small green eyes, the color not unusual but the size would be considered tiny by irken standards. They were also more wide apart, much more similar to a human. His physical appearance had me quite perplexed. Funnily enough it looked like he was in the great convention hall on planet CONVENTIA, the same hall where the GREAT ASSIGNING would take place decades from now. His appearance had me so off guard I barely realized that he was going on some aggressive rant and just as I was about to actually start paying attention—
!BOOOOMMMMM!
A huge giant green blob monster suddenly bursts through the back of the convention hall, the fresh tallest being grabbed instantly by a multitude of green slimy tentacles, my jaw dropped in absolute shock just as the tallest screaming for his life was dragged into the maw of the humongous monster.
Right as it crunched on his body the broadcast fizzled out with a 'TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES: PLEASE STAND BY' text appearing. I Barely managed to recover from the shock as I just stared at the screen.
….
Well at least i know why i was completely unfamiliar with this Tallest…
~LATER~
Just as I had given up hope of having any type of social contact or profitable venture I had decided to visit my friend one more time.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Scat! You in there buddy?"
A few moments of painful silence passed. I had tried to sense some type of response through the force but there was none, no type of emotion pervaded the air, in fact the entire base had less 'feeling' than usual. Which is weird because most irkens don't feel anything. Who knew there can be an absence greater than that.
I was about to knock again but softly planted my hand against the door instead. Sighing i turned around right when i heard the door behind me
*WHOOOSH*
Door sliding aside, I glanced over my shoulder before facing Scat. The poor soldier looked…nasty…
His dark green skin was extremely pale, with his eyes being heavily sunken in. He had a dead look in his stare, staring straight forward without any focus.
"SCAT!"
I happily stepped toward my usually cheerful comrade, taking a peek behind him. His small room seemed awfully dark, the PAK dock in the back was still whirring softly, a sign that it had been in use. Were all the soldiers currently keeping themselves docked?
"Dabo…"
"Oh my irk scat! Where have you been?"
"I…i've been here" he gestured towards his room
"Mmm…doing what?"
"...waiting"
"For?"
"For the new tallest" he popped a brow toward me, as if confused why i didn't know that
"But like…why?"
"What do you mean why!?" the slouching irken suddenly livened, taking an aggressive step forward and having a scowl spread across his features
"...well shouldn't we be doing something….I don't know…productive?"
"WHAT!? DABO!!! Our leaders are gone! We've failed the empire!" he exasperated, his body stressing itself in his motions.
"But isn't it worse just doing nothing? Like the empire being frozen like this allows our enemies to get the advantage?"
Just as he was about to continue his screaming, he suddenly froze. The small whirring noises of our PAKs provide the only source of noise in the hallway. His body slowly relaxed, perhaps understanding my logic.
"Oh…"
His antenna drooped in what looked like embarrassment and shame.
"It's alright buddy I've got a job for you, follow me!"
I booked it before he could refuse, and I sensed his hesitation before jogging behind me. I eventually led us to one of the base's many storerooms, the only thing special about this one being the fact it's where I provided most of my black market service and leveled skills. I sprinted inside quickly conjuring a dining table and thousands of cupcakes, donuts, brownies, cookies, and more.
Just as Scat entered his antenna perked and eyes widened at the sight of a small mountain of delicious treats. His mouth even gulped unconsciously, it's possible he hadn't eaten for the entirety of the two months…
"TADA!"
"Dabo…what is this"
"This…this is..i needed someone to quality test my goods, yes! I need you to tell me if they're good before I sell them"
"Isn't this too much???"
"Nonsense"
I ran around him and began pushing his figure toward the table.
"You can start eating while I go and cook one last final product, a very special product"
Before he could reply I stuffed his mouth with a brownie and booked it toward the corner of the room, where my cooking utensils were.
I began carefully preparing everything I needed to make a cookie, a sugar cookie to be exact…I had done the same process i had performed hundreds of times by now, this time with a touch of worry as i wanted this one to come out to as close to perfection as possible, i won't make dozens of cookies like usual, but simply one good cookie. I even took it a step further and used sugar I had acquired from the galaxy far far away, while there shouldn't be any actual difference. I was hoping the uniqueness of the dish would have some type of effect.
Several minutes passed and eventually I extracted a beautiful sugar cookie from an oven, glistening yellow and looking very soft. A thought hits me and I begin to hover my hand over the cookie, imbuing the force into it, i feel the force follow my will and easily flow into the dessert.
Then I focus on it….
Special Sugar Cookie - Increase random stat by random value between 1-10
My eyes widened at it. Incredible! How have I never made something of this quality before? This had actually left me pretty perplexed because I definitely had put effort into making food for myself but had only ever gotten temporary effects…
You know what…I'll just keep this one for myself…
Just as I was about to store the cookie away in my inventory, a gloved black hand suddenly grabbed it outright and shoved it into a mouth, Scats mouth.
*munch munch* "hey that's pretty good"
I stared in shock as Scat had basically inhaled it, looking over my shoulder the mountain of dessert i had prepared was gone, there was nothing left! WTF! Scats complexion had improved significantly and he looked much happier
".......you're welcome"
"Yeah. you can definitely sell these"
He said with a dumb grin, one not as energetic as usual, probably still lingering on sadness, but it was good to see nonetheless.
~LATER~
The next day had come as a surprise, as I was working on leveling my alchemy, Scat had rushed into my storage room with a sly grin on his face.
"Dabo…hey"
Looking up from a few bottles of random alchemy components, I tensed when I saw my friend. What looked like the dumbest shit eating grin I've ever seen appeared before me, one rivaling the likes of Anakin Skywalker. Fully standing up we stared at each other. At eye level…
He had grown… not only that he had grown 4 inches, a full 10 CHA stat increase. There was lucky but wasn't this too lucky! Nothing was more valuable to an irken than height, and for scat to not only get a boost to CHA but to get the full 10 stat boost was insanely lucky.
I stared in silence.
"Just came to say hello" and with that Scat had turned around and began confidently walking away.
There were 2 tallest irkens on our base now…