It was already dark when she got home. The entire ride was quiet but it wasn't awkward. She wanted to ask how he knew her new apartment's address but she just kept silent seeing that the man has all means to know everything. And when she was finally home, she quickly said her thanks and escaped. It was the driver who helped her with her shopping bags. Mr. Black didn't say anything, he didn't even look at her that disappointed her a little but she just shrug it off and went inside her apartment.
While cooking something to eat she realized all the things that happened in her today.
'It was inappropriate. I lost my rational thinking. I should have fought with him not kissed him.' She thought. The day went blurry, everything happened so fast that she forgot what are at stake.
"What would happen now?" she whispers to herself. After eating, cleaning, and arranging her supplies she finally has time to rest but her mind won't let her.
Her mind is like having a rerun of the past days of her life. The foreclosure of her house, living in a new home, losing her contract, Joset's mom, and her first kiss. She touches her lips, all her life she was never been that close to anybody, especially to the male species. How could she let that happen? If her Aunt Susan is still here she already burned her alive.
But that's the thing about life, isn't it? It's not predictable. For most of your life, you could feel emptiness, just like flat water, stagnant. But it only takes one occurrence and it will be havoc. Uncertain but exciting. But does she want that uncertainty? Does she want to move forward and step outside of her comfort zone or step backward and just live her life just the way it was before?
"As if I still have a choice, I've already said yes to his proposal." She mumbles. She felt her tears she didn't even realize that she was now crying. "I'm scared mom. I'm really scared." She whispers wishing her mom would hear her.
She was already awake at 5 am. She didn't have much sleep. But she wanted to escape her problems today so she decided to go to her escape place. Without her car, it would be hard for her to travel, but there's always a first time to everything. So she decided to take a train instead of a taxi. She felt excited about her adventure. It will give her temporary peace of mind and that is what she needed today.
After preparing everything she needs, she takes her seat first to write the direction on a piece of paper. Using her phone she searched for the location and the direction on how to get there.
'I should have listened to Joset before about getting phones. Now I feel so ignorant using this tiny thing.' She thought to herself. After 30 mins of searching and reading, she went outside, the sun is now painting the sky.
She walks a good 15 mins to the subway, she's lucky it's still early the station is not yet crowded. She asked for help with buying a card and now she's sitting on a train.
'This is very refreshing.' She thought and she smiles. 'This is what I needed.'
After a while, she gets off the train and now riding another taxi that will bring her to her destination. The place was located outside the city, it was secluded and placid.
'Sereen' was written on a big signboard outside the wooden fence. It was the Dutch word for Serene, the owner said she wanted to give the elderly a serene place to spend their last days, her reason for building a nursing home.
She found the place when she was searching for materials for her book. She doesn't have any idea what a nursing home looks like or what's the purpose of such a facility. So Joset advised her then to go and learn everything about it personally. And that was the best assignment she has ever received from Joset. She fell in love with the place and the people with it. Everyone was lovely and kind. She found comfort and solace.
"Hi Mer, it's nice to see you back here." She was greeted by a nurse walking with an old woman. She smiles and waves her hand.
"Hi Nurse Kate, it's nice to be back." She looks at the old woman beside her. "Hello Granny Mila, you're looking good as usual." She said with a big smile. It won't hurt her to be kind and polite.
"Hello dear, it's nice to see you. Visit us often, okay?" she nods and the two women continue their morning walk. She went inside and greeted everyone. Every time she visits the place, there is one person she always looks for.
"Nana Sabel?" she said while entering the old woman's room. She met Nana Sabel the first time she visited Sereen. She's quiet, she doesn't interact with the people in the nursing home. She's just there, sitting in her bed staring out of the window. She didn't know then why she felt so connected to her, until now actually she still doesn't know why. The old woman looks at her and smiles. Her heart is now swelling with love. Maybe it feels the familiar aura of the old woman. She puts the flower that she brought on the side table and walks closer to her. "How are you nana? It's been a while." she takes the woman's hand and squeezes lightly.
Her nana is not a talker but is a very good listener. So every time she goes to her, she would just sit beside her and tell her stories about her or everything around her.
"Nana, I met a man." She started as she positioned herself beside her. "He's something… he's powerful, he owns a high-rise building. He has a good car and he knows a bank manager. And he's a good-looking person." She turns her head to look at the woman and she saw that she's listening. "But you know what nana, he makes me feel strange things. I'm not myself when I'm around him. I was being irrational, like an ignorant person who doesn't know what to do or what to say. I am not sure if it's how everyone feels when they're with a man. Or is it just me?" she felt her hand being squeezed by her nana. "I'm scared nana." She said looking straight into the woman's eyes. "I'm not scared of him, but I'm scared of myself. Because in all honesty, I'm liking how this man makes me feel. It's as if I'm alive. Is that a bad thing nana?" she said almost whispering. She's pouring her heart into the woman she trusted.
"They say happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands but when you let it go, you'll learn at once how big and precious it is." The woman said.
"I don't understand." Nana's words are simple but the meaning is hard to understand.
"You're scared about how you feel but you're not scared of having no one to miss? Of having no one to love?" she always thought that the old woman is more than what meets the eye. "You've been like a moon who went through phases. The emptiness there is lingering too long now, my child." She said pointing at my heart. "Now is the time for you to feel full again. Grab that happiness, it might be small for now but it will grow over time."
"I don't think he is happiness nana." She chuckles. 'He's an indecent man with an indecent proposal' she thought.
She spent her day talking with Nana Sabel. The old woman always gives her words that she'll never forget. She doesn't want to admit but she came here not just to visit but also to seek answers. Answers about her heart's desire. Because she may be an adult but she doesn't know herself that much, she's still in the process of knowing herself.
It was nice to be around people who make your heart at peace. That's why it was always hard for her every time she has to leave.
"I'll be back soon nana. You take care okay? Thank you for today. I love you." She whispers to the old woman before she leaves the nursing home.
She was feeling sleepy and tired when the taxi abruptly stop in front of her apartment. Her eyes noticed a similar car across her. She hesitantly gets out of the taxi, she has this feeling that something bad is happening. And she felt it right when she found Colton leaning on his car and now looking at her with his eyes full of rage.
'Oh no.' she thought.