.
Drinking had never been my thing as a matter of fact before this day the closest I had been to drinking a toxin was Pepsi but on this day I was hoping the rum and the whiskey would live up to the hype. My eyes were swollen at least that's what I thought, I had been crying for two hours in a bar on a Sunday night and the only other person in the bar was the bar tender in fact in the two hours I had been sitting on the stool the closest I came to seeing someone else was when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I really couldn't recognize myself but how could I, my whole life and existence had been tilted upside-down in an instant my best friend was now my worst enemy and my soul mate was just another white line in the road of bad relationships that is my life and to be honest I still can't believe they satisfied their eros in my living room they didn't even care to lock the door. Then a fresh breeze entered the room and a cluck of the door followed as a new essence of perfume filled the room and the best voice I had ever heard came from behind me "Max how is business" she said greeting the bar tender who didn't seem eager to respond to the greeting, she then came over and sat right next to me her hand well spread straight at me " Hi always nice to see someone else in this dumb, it kind of gives me hope that Max might not be closing as soon as I thought" I reached for her hand and I must it was the best hand shake ever, her hand was firm with the grip of a python and yet it was was so soft initially I thought she was like a cosmetics sales girl but judging by the perfume I just assumed that maybe she worked at some massage parlor and judging by the handshake I might even say she shook hands for a living but we all know that there is no such job . We sat there and we talked and by that I mean she just sat and listened whilst I told her everything from how I got fired from work and got home to find my boyfriend for two years having sex on my sofa with my best friend and the more I spoke the more she made me drink then she dragged me to an old door at the end of the hall, I wanted to tell her I wasn't that kind of girl but I was too drunk to remember it tomorrow so I just followed her.
As soon as she opened the door the bar seemed a lot bigger and as soon as I entered I was greeted by this big old oak desk and she immediately sat on the other side and she indicated for me to sit on one of the empty chairs in front of her, as you may imagine I was very creeped out . "what is this place and why does it look like it doesn't belong in the back of a bar" I asked jokingly hoping for a funny answer "Well I guess I never introduced myself properly my name is Lucy, Lucy Far" she said spreading her hand towards me. "Wait your name is Lucy Far" I asked
"Yes is they a problem"
"No its just that if you say it wrong someone might actually assume it's Lucifer. "
"Yes"
" Wait so you were named after the devil"
" Actually no and I think devil is a bit much honestly"
" wait what"
"Tanya I wasn't named after Satan, I am Lucifer"
" I never told you my name"
" Tanya I am older than time believe me knowing your name was easy"
" This is a joke right"
" Why do you think it's a joke"
" Because you can't be the devil" I watched as her face turned with what seemed like anger.
" Why, cause I am not a man and I don't have big hornes on top of my head."
" yes kind of "
" Tanya what if I told you I can change your life tonight itself and all you have to do is shake my hand"
" I will say no in the name of Jesus"
" Really you will say no in the name of my step son"
" How is Jesus your step son."
" Because my husband had an illicit relationship with a some whore and from that relationship he brought home a bastard ."
" so Joseph is your husband?"
"Joseph?"
" He is the father of Jesus."
" Well Tanya let me tell you a story, perhaps the only true story about God that you will ever hear, see in the beginning they was God Jehovha, his word and his wife, me. Then we created the world, emphasis on" we" then your heavenly father saw what we had done and he said we need someone who will take care of all this someone who is almost as intelligent as we are so he made Adam and for two weeks Adam did his job perfectly taking care of all the animals and the garden and everyone was happy but then I looked at him and I took a very long close look at Adam and all I saw was this sad, sad boy so I made Eve and as soon as Adam saw her he seemed happy so I was happy. When Jehovha saw this he was very pleased and so I was pleased but now Adam was with Eve and Eve with Adam and yet it didn't take long for me to see how empty their lives were, they seemed to be wanting so I told your heavenly father and I even had a solution, see if Adam and Eve could make their own keen who were just like they then their lives would be complete again but your God said no it was too risky cause if we gave Adam and Eve all they wanted then they wouldn't take care of the garden so he forbid it hence the forbidden fruit but I was a mother to them, I couldn't just sit there and watch my children waste their lives and live in agony so I went on and told Eve about it then Eve told Adam and together they would enjoy the forbidden fruit. I watched in great joy but as history would not say so did a loose end named Gabriel who snitched and told the man everything and the man overpowered by his ego, he kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden and I couldn't handle it so I left also "
" You did not make Eve. "I said as fast as I could.
" That's all you picked from my heart warming story, seriously. "
" What do you mean Adam and Eve could make their own keen who were like they. "
" I meant what you heard Adam and Eve shanked in the garden "
" So that means the forbidden fruit was actually.... "
" Sex, libido yes. "
" that's not true I mean..."
" You mean you actually believe the apple story. "
" Yeah it's in the Bible isn't it. "
" first of all the Bible does not say apple and second what makes you think that Eve ate an apple and got pregnant."
" The Bible does not say anything about her being pregnant. "
" So where did her children come from."
" I still don't believe because if your story was true and you really are the devil, then that means you invented sex."
"Again with the d word, would you please stop calling me that." I could see her trying to keep her calm as she said this so I decided to side with my better judgment and change the subject or my even better judgment which was to leave and go home whilst I still could.