"Here my baby."
My mother patted me on the head after she put me down in our new kitchen.
It seemed like in this illusion or in whatever type of world I was, my mother was still alive.
Not only that, but I soon realized that she quit her position as the head of the mage tower and seemed to focus on me and spending her time with me.
She also didn't go on the expedition, which meant that everyone in that expedition died.
However, she didn't.
And that was all that mattered.
While I still couldn't confidently grasp the situation, I stopped caring.
After all, she was still alive, and, thus, my one and only goal was fulfilled.
This familiar warmth that I was feeling, the feeling of being loved, and the feeling of belonging.
I didn't know if it was real, but whether it was real or not didn't matter to me anymore.
I wasn't willing to let her go again.
"Do you want to eat something?" My mother asked as she turned on our stove, preparing to make breakfast for us.
"You really don't have to do this." I stopped my mom with an apologetic smile as I pushed her away. "I will do this."
"Come on, Zeniii." she pouted, furrowing her eyebrows.
"No," I firmly shook my head. "I don't want our kitchen to start catching fire."
"I am not thaaaat bad."
"Yes, you are."
"I am not!" My mother crossed her arms, huffing.
If someone else would have looked at this scene, they would've asked themselves who really was the kid in this situation.
While my mom sat in her seat, with crossed arms, acting like an insulted little kid, I stood in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for us two.
I small laughter escaped my lips, as I thought about that amusing scene.
Turning around, I grabbed the food and walked over to the table, as I put a fried egg on her plate.
"Here, mom." I flashed her a smile before turning around to take care of my own breakfast.
"Zenith?" she suddenly asked when I went to the stove again.
The tone of her voice changed slightly.
While it was only a slight change, I couldn't help but feel dread building up inside me.
"Yes?" I hummed.
"Why." Her voice abruptly turned cold, losing all emotions, as she slowly turned her head in my direction, facing me.
Her eyes grew unusually cold, reminding me of the eyes of a dead person. An expression that I never saw on her face replacing her usual smile.
"..Mom..?" I took a step away from her, not sure what I was supposed to do in such a situation.
Silently, my mother stood up, approaching me with slow steps, slouching.
Watching her movements made me compare her to an undead, rather than a human. A thing that I should have been wary of.
However, it was my mother.
She would never do something to me, right?
After all. She was the one who always looked out for me.
"Why?" she began, her voice trembling with every word, making her sound like a defective automat, rather than a human. "Why did you leave me to die?"
Suddenly, she crouched her back, dashing forward, as she grabbed me by my neck.
My mother — no, whatever had the appearance of my mother — strangled me, looking straight into my eyes.
She had a crazed, almost maniacal smile on her face as she glared at me.
"Why did you leave me to die?"
I didn't respond — no, I rather couldn't respond to her question.
While I logically knew that it wasn't my fault she disappeared, something about that sentence just resonated with me.
For some reason, I believed her.
It actually was also partly my fault.
I shouldn't have let her go.
She disappeared because of me.
I should have been the voice of reason.
With a heavy heart, I faced my mother with a smile, struggling to catch for air, as our eyes locked.
Even though I knew I had to defend myself, I just couldn't.
I couldn't hurt the person that was the most important to me.
Raising my trembling arms, I softly her touched face, as my eyes gradually grew softer.
Managing a grin, I forced those words out of my throat
"..it's okay."
I deserved it. After all, I was the one who made her disappear.
So it was just fair for her to make me disappear too, wasn't it?
Thinking such absurd thoughts, I closed my eyes with satisfaction, accepting my death without even trying to retaliate.
I held my breath, but instead of my consciousness fading, I felt the pressure on my neck disappearing.
As I opened my eyes again, I found myself in another child's room.
However, contrary to the first time, this room seemed familiar to me.
I lowered my head, looking at my hands to make sure of my current state.
This time, I was in my current body.
Immediately I knew the familiar scene.
Turning around, I spotted the familiar scene of the kid lying inside his bed.
***
***
Another time, I found myself on the battlefield amidst a horde of corpses.
Sighing, I turned my head toward the ground, just waiting for the first corpse to start moving.
After going through multiple scenarios, I realized what the effect of the curse was.
It wasn't a sleeping inducement.
No, it was something much worse than that
The curse of the arrows forced me to relive all the traumatic moments of my life.
While all those events weren't accurate in any way, my own perception of those things just made it worse.
Over and over again, I had to face the undeniable truth that I was running away from all this time.
The cries of my victims, the call for help from my mother, and the silent acceptance of the kids.
In each one of those scenarios, there was a thing that didn't change.
I was the reason why they died.
I was the murderer.
So it would be just fair for them to take revenge on me, wouldn't it?
After all, I deserved it.
In the end, I am worth nothing more than trash.
And thus, I just silently watched as the corpses on the battlefield all came to life, grabbing my limbs and pulling me into their horde.
Like bloodthirsty beasts, they collectively began to rip my body apart, crushing limbs with their teeth, and breaking every single bone in my body.
It was painful.
But I didn't react.
I deserved it.
"I can't believe you're doing this."
In the far distance, I could hear a familiar voice sighing.