"What do you mean you couldn't save her?" Mr. Roywid grabbed the expedition leader, Famas, by her collar, pulling her to him.
His trembling fists, radiated the anger, that he felt, as he looked into the shameful expression of Famas, who avoided his gaze, adverting her eyes.
After the return, Mr. Roywid took the expedition leader by the side to confront her. However, she wanted to talk in her office, so that other people couldn't disturb us.
It was a clean one and designed in a simple and neat style, showing off her serious personality. Quite funny as she seemed to be the complete opposite of my mother.
"..while we did know, that there was something wrong in the second layer.." Fama explained, her voice shaking. "..we didn't expect, that it was the guardian who acted up.."
"That doesn't excuse why you left her behind!" Mr. Roywid yelled, gritting his teeth. For a second their eyes met and Famas shuddered from the burning inferno inside his eyes.
He then turned around, looking at me with a tearful expression, as he gestured his hand at me. "You fucking orphaned a child!"
"I..-"
"You what?!" Mr. Roywid subconsciously emitted his mana, suffocating Lamas in progress.
Seeing that, I approached him, tucking on his shirt to tell him to stop. "Calm down, Roywid."
My voice was blank and absolutely cold, completely devoid of any emotions, as raised my head, looking into his eyes.
Mr. Roywid widened his eyes as our gazes met, shocked by the dead look inside my eyes. "…Zenith.."
"Yeah?" I responded coldly.
Focusing his attention on me, he let Famas go and kneeled down to put his hand on my shoulder, as he spoke in an empathic voice.
"..are you okay..?"
I wanted to say that it was a stupid question. Of course, I wasn't okay. After all, my mother just disappeared and I had no way of knowing whether she was still alive or not.
However, I didn't want to worry Mr.Roywid unnecessarily and thus, just smiled in response, nodding my head.
While I had good intentions, I hadn't realized, that my reaction wasn't the way a child should've reacted.
I didn't know it at that point.
But on that day, something inside me died.
Thump.
Beside me, Famas fell to the ground, burying her face in her hands and crying. "..Serena..she saved us all.."
I glanced at her in the corner of my view, expressionlessly watching her, as she kept crying.
Although I expected myself to feel anger at such moments, I just felt nothing. I was completely detached and devoid of any emotions.
It was like I was just there.
Like an observer, who just watched everything indifferently.
While my emotional response was never strong ever since I could remember, on that day, I reached a point of complete indifference.
Even now, I couldn't differentiate whether I really felt something or whether I think that I felt something.
Emotion was an alien concept to me, that I just couldn't understand.
"Shut up, woman." Mr. Roywid hissed at her, judging that my emotional state was more important to me than her sobbing. "You're crying more than the kid you damaged."
He then reached his hand out to me, trying to crack a smile. It was a weak one, but one nonetheless. "Come on, kid. Let's go home."
"Yeah." I nodded, grabbing his hand.
Together we left the office of the sobbing woman.
One last time, I turned around, just observing her one more time.
Pathetic.
That's what I thought of her.
In silence, we walked back to Mr. Roywid's house. On the way, I just kept observing his facial expressions the whole time, finding his emotional response interesting.
After a few minutes, we arrived at his house. Although it wasn't very big, it was comfy and almost always had a positive vibe to it.
However, on that day, it seemed dead to me.
"Are you okay, Zenith?" He asked me, as we arrived in the kitchen of his house, pausing to look at me.
"Yeah." Again, I just nodded and smiled, hoping that he would stop asking me such a question.
While I was okay, I wasn't okay at the same time.
I just felt neutral.
"You shouldn't be, though." His voice sounded like it was just about to break down. "A kid shouldn't react like this."
"Maybe." I didn't bother to act like I was alright anymore and just told him how I truly thought.
"I am sorry." Slowly, he approached me, embracing me in a tight hug. "I am so sorry…"
I could feel his tears wettening my shirt, which felt uncomfortable to me. However, I didn't want to disturb his emotional moment and just waited.
I waited until he calmed down.
A few hours had passed since then and Mr. Roywid started making dinner for us, trying to cook my favorite food for me.
If my mother still lived, they would've been a good couple.
"Roywid." I said, blankly staring at him with a dead look. "I'll save my mother."
Mr. Roywid, who was preparing today's dinner, turned to me, raising an eyebrow. "How are you going to do it, kid?"
"I'll become a mercenary."
Mr. Roywid stopped chopping the vegetables in its track, looking at me as if I just said something outrageous.
"What did you just say?"
"I'll become a mercenary," I repeated, questioning if his emotional shock was so great that he lost his ability to hear correctly.
He shook his head, crossing his arms, as his face hardened. "No, you won't become a mercenary."
"Why?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. "You're not my mother."
"But.." He paused, not being able to refute my argument. "..you're still too young..!"
"You're right." A weak chuckle escaped my lips. "Too young to give up on my mother."
"..why won't you at least become an adventurer then?" Mr. Roywid suggested, hoping that I would at least be an adventurer so that he could keep watching over me. "..I can bring you with me so that we can look for her together."
Shaking my head, I gave him a lazy smile. "Not enough freedom. An adventurer is too reliant on the ranks. I would have to spend years to rise up in the ranks to be able to accept all quests."
In the adventurers guild, there are many quests, that are restricted by the rank of the adventurer, thus limiting my options.
"But you can't even use mana!" Mr. Roywid began to panic, as he realized, that I won't change my mind.
I just shrugged in response. "I will just have to adapt then."
***
***
"God." I shook my head, massaging my forehead. "I should stop thinking about this."
After the end of my class, I immediately went to my room to distract myself from all those unpleasant memories.
My students had asked me if I was alright to which I just responded with a smile and nod.
While I only spent a little more than a month at Sylpheon, I could already feel the effects it had on me.
I've grown soft.
However, it wasn't unpleasant.
No, quite the opposite, it felt good somehow.
Having people you care about and seeing them progress…isn't that similar to being a parent..?
I chuckled while staring at my notes with an affectionate gaze.
While I still wasn't a fan of ever marrying or having children, I could slowly understand the appeal of raising children.
I threw myself on my bed, letting out an exhausted breath, as I turned my head to the side.
The soft touch of the mattress, wrapped around my body, gave me a sense of comfort, as I could feel the tiredness entering my body.
Gradually my eyelids got heavier, and I wasn't sure if I could hold them open any longer.
"I wonder…" Yawning, I closed my eyes, letting myself sink into the comfort. "..how would you react, if you saw me like this.."
Would she be proud of me? Proud that I finally was doing something that I enjoyed?
A small smile formed on my face, as I reminisced about the times I spent together with her.
"…mother."
And with those last words, I fell asleep.