That day we flew back to Austin, the four of us. It was nice to be back in the home we had made.
It was not considered a small house, it was a two thousand square foot home, with four bedrooms and three baths. The outer walls were painted beige, with a dark green trim and red brick along the edges. It was a standard color for the townhouse complex. We could either choose this or any of the other four combinations, so one out of four houses looked just like ours in this three hundred home community. The one difference that separated our house was the bright yellow door that Alaina had chosen. Saying that the color yellow was welcoming. Well, today, it is definitely a welcoming sight.
Stepping through that front door, I could see that Alaina had not changed many things these few years. Except for all the documentation on top of every flat surface, the decorations of the house were exactly like it was five years ago.
I walked in and the girls followed and immediately bolted to check out their rooms. Alaina walked in just as she usually did, dropping her keys in the bowl at the entryway and then dropping everything else on the floor. Kicking her shoes off and letting them lie where they fell, even though there was a shoe rack right under the credenza. Then she walked off to the kitchen to look for a snack. These little things used to annoy me so much, but now I found it oddly comforting. I carried her shoe one at the time and placed it on the rack.
I left everything else where it was, there was definitely a limit to what I could carry in this feline form. I walked over to the piles of paper and read the open files. The ones on the coffee table were all about missing children. These must have been the false leads that she had followed trying to find the girls and I. A wave of guilt poured over me like a bucket of ice water. I knew so little of what she had gone through these five years. I read some more files and they were all the same. Did she follow every single one of these leads? There must have been thirty or forty here. As I walked on the paper, they started to shuffle under my feet, and some fell on the floor.
At this time, Alaina came out of the kitchen biting on a Twinkie and holding a glass of water. As she saw I was looking at the files, she quickly took the Twinkie out of her mouth, swallowed the bite and said, "Hey, get away from that."
She pushed me off the coffee table, then placed her cup of water on the table and stuffed the rest of the Twinkie in her mouth. Her hands were busy shuffling paper into an organized stack and with-it all-in hand, she walked off to the bedroom. I heard a thump; she must have just dumped it all in the corner of the room. I heard her open another door, then I heard water running.
I walked around the house as she was in the room. I walked to the kitchen and then the computer room. There were just piles of paper everywhere. I jumped on the desk and started looking through those as well, figuring they must have been more of the same as the ones on the coffee table. I opened one of the files with my paw and saw that I was wrong. It was one of the case files from her work. She worked as a Child Protective Services (CPS) Social Worker, so this was one of the children she monitored while they were in foster care.
I read a bit more, the child was three years old and was having developmental issues and was not able to formulate full sentences yet. They believe that this was due to the fact that the mother had used drugs while pregnant and caused the developmental delays. Supposedly the foster parents have been bringing the child to a speech therapist in hopes to correct the speech delay. I saw some photos in the file, next to the bio. In one of the photos the kitchen table was in view, I saw under the table that there were some cracked tiles, and one seems to be lifted a bit. To me it looked like an opening under that tile, I wonder if it was. While I was shuffling through some of the photos to see if there was another view, Alaina walked in. She was mad, "What the hell are you doing? That is my work, and you know that it is confidential." She walked over and closed the file.
"I am sorry, I thought it was just more of the other files from outside, so I was curious and opened this one. Sorry!" But Alaina, there is something wrong with that house." I tried to voice my concern.
"No! I don't want to listen to anything that you say right now. Please just get out." as she pointed to the door.
I didn't say another word and I walked out of the room with my head down. I walked into Skylar's room. She and Avari were playing with the playhouse, moving around the miniature furniture to decorate the house differently. "We heard mom yell." she stated.
"Yes, I did something wrong again," I stated.
She patted me on the head. I felt ashamed that I needed my daughter to comfort me.
We stayed in the room and played for a little while until we heard Alaina call, "Girls, what would you like for dinner? I have to go to the grocery store."
Avari bounced up and yelled out the door, "Mom, I want to have your spaghetti.". Skylar chimed in and said, "Yes, yes! Dad's spaghetti just doesn't taste the same."
As we heard footsteps and we all looked towards the door anticipating seeing Alaina. When she appeared, we saw that she had changed and was carrying her bag and car keys. "Would you like to come along, Zack?" she asked. "Girls, will you be okay at home? Skylar, you will be in charge. Remember not to open the door for anyone and don't turn on the stove," she instructed.
"Yes mom," Skylar answered.
"Good, we will be back very soon, you still remember that all the important numbers are on the fridge?" she asked.
"Yes mom." Skylar answered.
"Okay," Alaina said but looked a bit sad.
I followed her as she turned and walked towards the door. "We need to talk," her tone was harsh and unyielding.
We walked to the car, and she opened the door for me to jump into the passenger side. She closed the door and walked to the driver side and got in.
We drove in silence to the mall.
She parked in the west wing of the mall and without a word, she cracked the window and locked me in the car. She walked away and I was wondering what she was thinking about. Not very long later she returned with a cat carrier.
As she opened the door, she said, "Get in, we can't go into a store without the carrier."
As always, she was so thoughtful and planned for things that I never even thought about. I walked into the carrier without a single word.
"We can talk after I get the groceries," she said as she drove to the other side where the grocery store was located.
She carried me out to the store and placed the carrier on the shopping cart. "How many pounds are you? You weigh almost nothing," She then answered her own questions, "Never mind, I forget that I am talking to a cat."
She pushed the cart and started shopping; we walked around the vegetable aisle. She would sometimes ask questions about the kids like, "Does Avari still like eggplants? "Does Skylar still like lumpia like before?" How about you, do you want me to get some fish?" With each question I would meow, once for yes and keep silent and shake my head for no. Peering out the mesh of the carrier I could see that people started to look at her curiously. But just like before, Alaina was oblivious of that fact. She just did what felt right for her.
The shopping soon came to an end, and she placed me on the floor while she opened up all the reusable bags in the cart. She then started filling them with the groceries. Once she had paid, she started to leave. I meowed as loud as I could and she turned, remembering that she had left me. In one smooth movement, she grabbed the carrier and placed it on the top of the groceries.
After loading the car, she placed me on the passenger side seat again and she turned on the air conditioning in the car. Then turned to me and said, "We need to set some boundaries. We are no longer a couple and at this point I can't even consider you a friend. I can't have you in my house just doing what you want as if you still lived there. Treat yourself like a visitor and don't go where you shouldn't. The bedroom is off limits. I'll set up a cat bed in the computer room and you can sleep there. But all the files in the room are off limits. I'll move the desk into the bedroom when I have some free time. So, for now, just don't touch. I am tolerating your presence because of the girls."
"I understand. It all just felt so familiar, that I lost myself. I understand that everything is different now," I stated sadly.
She then signed and said, "I am not saying you should walk on eggshells, but I do need you to understand that this is no longer your home, it is mine. For the past five years, I have lived here alone while you left with our girls. You don't understand how lonely that was. I got used to it, got used to living without you."
"I am sorry. I did things without thinking it through and I hurt you. Words really cannot express how much I wish I would have done things differently," I apologetically said.
"I hear you, but I just can't accept it yet. I just need time and space to work things out. While we are here, you need to respect my boundaries. I am not ready to accept you back in my life," she sighed and took the edge off her voice and said, ''I agree to live in Fresno with the girls, but I will need my own place. I can't live with you." Then she smiled, "Actually, you in this cat form, kind of helps me accept you a bit more."
I stated that I understood and that I will try to be as respectful as possible.
"Okay, I am glad we came to an understanding," she gave me another faint smile and turned to start driving again.
While she was driving, she started to talk about her plans for the next few days. What needs to be done. What the girls and I would be able to help out to get things done quicker. First, she needs to go to work and tell them that she will cut her vacation short. She will hand off her cases to the other workers and once she has done that, she will be able to leave. In the meantime, she will contact a realtor to sell the house. The kids and I should start helping to pack what we can. I just listened as she planned out each and every move that she needed to make so that the transition to the new home in Fresno would go smoothly. She just talked and talked, mostly to herself to help her plan. I just listened; it has been way too long since I was able to do so. I lied down and just enjoyed the moment.