Sleep is easier lately. My body seems to do better. Well, that is what I have been told by Robert. However, my muscles still ache from having to stay in that bed the whole day.
Derek had surprised me with a visit a few days ago. It was awkward to have him so close. Although we did not know what to say to one another; being in his presence was amazing. Getting some attention from my mate soothed me, even if it isn't the attention I have been craving.
The first few visits were always silent. Derek would visit me in the morning, a book or some work accompanying him as he sits near me.
"Hey," is all he would say before going back to his work or book. "Hi," I reply, my voice quiet as I greet him.
Today is no different. I notice the pile of paper in his hands as he makes his way to his chair, ready to work.
I try not to stare at him while he works, but I can't help it. He has to work to fight the boredom, since I can't do much except stretch every now and again. He would glance up every now and again, when a whimper leaves my mouth causing me to glance away. I would blush with every whimper, cursing myself for letting it escape, but I couldn't help it when he was so close to me and yet still so far.
A content sigh fills the room and I look back at him. Seeing how relaxed his body language is and how he is slouching in the chair. His hands coming up behind his head, flexing his muscles and causing me to lick my lips at the sight of them.
I clear my throat, deciding now is the perfect time to ask Derek the question that has been bothering me for days.
The sound catches him off guard and he looks up at me, his hands still behind his head as he continues to relax. He raises an eyebrow at me in question.
"Derek, why are you here?" I flinch at the way my question sounds. I can see the hurt flash across Derek's face, which makes me rush to correct myself.
"Not that I don't like you being here, it's calming," I blush at my confession, "But you weren't here the whole of last week, so why now?"
His sudden visits confuse me as I think about how he had been trying to avoid me in the last few weeks. I remember how he admitted his inability to love me. My head swirls at how he has been coming here in the past few days. Even if the visits were awkward, he still came.
He lets a laugh escape him at the way I panicked to ensure my question didn't come across as harmful as what it originally sounded like.
The sound sends pride coursing through my veins as my Omega relishes in the sound of his laughter, a smile on my face as I watch him.
"We need each other, Ana. You weren't healing without me. And we both weren't sleeping. The goddess knows I need my sleep," Derek replies.
I know his answer would not be what I wanted to hear, but I can't help the crestfallen look on my face, nor the grief that fills me. My eyes move to my hands, focusing on them as I wring them.
I hear Derek sigh and the sound of the chair scraping against the floor as he gets up. I hear his footsteps. I think I had overstepped for the day, knowing he is most likely leaving. I wonder if he will be here tomorrow.
I feel a presence next to me as a hand lands on mine, stopping my hands from fidgeting as I stare at it. I fight the whine in my throat, knowing Derek's hand is on mine. I look up into his jade eyes.
The feeling of being so close to him causes my body to erupt with quivers of anticipation.
"I'm not here just because of me, Ana," Derek says, his eyes still staring into mine.
I can see the battle waging on behind his eyes. His wolf was pushing him to be here with me. And as much as he tries to fight the urge, his body would end up fighting for something else if he had to leave.
"You aren't healing, and Jacob thinks it is best for both of us to be near each other," he adds.
I can't help feeling hurt at the idea of Jacob planning this arrangement because he didn't want to deal with me anymore.
I pull my hand away from Derek's not wanting him to touch me if it is just a chore for him to be here.
"Oh, well -uh- thank you?" I answer, my statement coming across as a question, as I am unsure of how to respond to Derek's words.
His face falls when I shift from him.
"You can leave if visiting me is just a chore for you," I say after a few awkward minutes, turning my head away from him. Not wanting him to see my face and the way it falls at the idea of him leaving.
"Ana," Derek starts, "It's not a chore for me to be here. I don't come here so I can get some sleep. You need to heal and sleep yourself," he says gently, continuing to confuse me with his absurd new behavior towards me.
"Look, I can feel you are hurting right now. I didn't mean to do that to you, but if I leave and let you just waste away, we will both experience excruciating pain," he adds.
His hand is combing through his hair as I look back at him. Thinking about his words, I can't help the venom in my words as I bite back at him.
"You could never love me, so why not reject me?" I say, knowing I had hurt him. I can sense it through our bond as he expresses his hurt.
"Shit," Derek says under his breath. A smirk forms on my face at the idea of knowing I had hurt him. "Okay, might as well do this now," he continues, sighing as he takes a few seconds to think of the way he will say what he needs to. "Yes Ana, I could never love you," he starts, my eyebrows rising as I stare at him.
"Great start," I interrupt him, sarcasm licking my words as I intend on hurting him.
He shoots me a warning look, testing me as I aim to push his buttons, blurring the line of his limits.
"As I was saying, I love Medeia and I know I always will," he says. I roll my eyes as the words leave his mouth. "But it doesn't mean I can't care for you, Ana. I want to be your friend," he says, looking away from me as a red hue graces his cheeks.
I smile at how adorable he looks. He is waiting for me to give him an honest answer. His willingness to leave me to endure all that suffering again makes me consider my actions. Knowing if he had to leave, we would both be in a never-ending cycle of sleepless nights and lethargic days.
"Okay," I reluctantly agree, knowing that Derek didn't want to reject me at the moment. Thinking the pain of being rejected would cause me to stay in the clinic's bed for longer than necessary. All I want is to get out of here.
He sends a small smile my way, as if to say thanks. He makes his way back to his work. A small skip in his step as he walks back to the small table in the corner. That's how the time passes.
After about an hour of more awkward silence and not being able to do much, I decide it is time to do something. Derek watches me as he tries to play it off and pretend to be busy with work. But I feel his eyes on me as I sit up, my back clicking as I stretch my arms above me, trying to ease my aching muscles.
"You, okay?" he asks, trying to find something we can talk about.
"Yeah, my muscles are just sore." I say, still stretching my back. The pull of my muscles is a welcomed change from its usual ache.
I move my legs from under the blanket, swinging them to the side, letting them hang off the bed.
"Ana, what are you doing?" Derek asks, slightly concerned.
I look over my shoulder to see him standing now. His eyes darted over to the door, most likely wondering if he should call the nurse. I can see the fight in him as he considers the options and the most logical way to go about this.
"I want to stand; I haven't moved from that bed in ages, and I want to do something," I groan decisively. Hoping Derek won't force me back into the bed.
He sighs before I hear his footsteps approaching my bed. I see his feet on the floor below my hanging ones and I look up, waiting for him to moan at me, for the anger to show. Instead, Derek holds his hands out for me to take. I hesitated at first. Holding onto him, I slowly shift off the bed, allowing my feet to touch the cold tiles. My legs wobble from actually being used.
Derek just stands there as he lets me adjust to being on my feet again. I know I am leaning heavily on him, but Derek doesn't show it. He just holds my hands as I stand there, head thrown back at the feeling of my aches leaving my body.
I try to take a tentative step forward. Derek helps me. His eyes focus on my feet as he helps me slowly walk up and down the room a few times.
His touch soothes the ache that had formed since being here. He says nothing as we walk around. Excitement is coursing through me, and I focus on the task at hand instead.
As we walk past the bed, my knee buckles, most likely from not being healed properly, and I end up falling into Derek. He is quick to react, his arms wrapping around my waist as he catches me, sparks flying between us as he holds me against his broad chest for a few seconds.
"Umm, I think that's enough for today," he says and I nod my head, agreeing with his words.
"Do you need me to carry you to bed?" Derek asks, and his words cause me to blush as my mind runs wild with images of him taking me to bed.
"No, but can you help me?" I squeak out. Derek just adjusts me, his hand around my waist now as he helps me back towards the bed. His hand only leaves my waist once I am. The pull between us is harder to ignore now, and I can see the way Derek tries to ignore it.
I shift on the bed, getting comfortable, and Derek just stands there watching me. Once I am settled, I feel the weight pull the bed down. I look up to see Derek sitting on the bed.
"Feel better now?" he asks, his left hand on the bed as he leans on it, trapping my legs between his body and his arm.
"Yes," I reply, sitting up and moving closer to him. The bed shifts as Derek moves closer to me. The pull he has on me is inevitable, and I don't fight it, knowing I can't. I place my hand on top of his, his hand holding mine as we both lean in closer.