I stand at the foot of the podium and watch as Jacob addresses his pack and the guests. In my eyes, he's at his best when he displays his dominance like this. I can't pull my eyes away from him, even though admittedly I haven't heard a single word he's said.
I've been lost in his presence, the way he commands a space and demands attention. He is a true Alpha and it's beautiful to see him in moments of strength.
I still feel a thrill from dancing with him. The adrenaline courses through me. I've never felt so alive. I still feel breathless. I'm reeling in all the experiences tonight is giving me. Tonight I have felt seen and accepted. I have felt confident.
Dare I say it? I felt sexy.
I notice how emotional Jacob is becoming. His speech has been going on for longer than I had expected. Since he became Alpha, he's been sentimental in a way that I've never seen from him. As a child, Jacob was rarely in an emotional state.
Jacob's eyes gloss over. I'm uncertain about whether he's about to cry, but it's clear that he cannot control himself. The crowd rustles, and it seems he's saying something that's provoking them.
I look around and observe a crowd of bulging eyes. I tune back into the long lecture he's giving.
"Thank you all for the support you've given me during this time," he says.
I know he's been struggling a lot internally. I want to hold his hand during this time and be the one to hold him up when he's unable to have his own back.
"I will always extend the same sense of love and duty back to each one of you. My loyalty, my heart, is with my pack and you alone. There is no greater honor than standing with you and beside you!" Jacob, my Alpha, continues.
His words are met with a wave of cheer. They love him and they want him to know. There is a massive uproar over the crowd of wolves. Jacob barely cracks a smile. It isn't his first rodeo. He knows how to deal with love and attention.
I find it funny that I struggle with the mere idea of taking a compliment. Hearing I am beautiful immediately turns me as red as a tomato. Meanwhile, he can stand in front of thousands who are emphatically expressing adoration for him and he doesn't break a sweat. It's like he's designed for the limelight.
"He's born for this!" I hear a wolf beside me saying.
"We love you, Alpha!" I hear from another somewhere behind me in the crowd.
In that moment, it clicks how he and Gisele can have so much in common. On the surface, they barely have anything to say to one another. And just as well, because he alludes to her in his speech.
"This pack deserves a Luna who will represent it with a sense of pride," Jacob roars into a microphone.
He's only focus is getting a big reaction from the crowd. He's using the type of words that work for the occasion. The kinds of words that cause wolves to shower him in raucous positive feedback.
"A Luna who is going to put this pack's needs above her own. One we can depend on to make sacrifices if the need for it occurs. A Luna who will give her life for the good of the lives of others," Jacob said.
He sounds like he's making this speech for a specific reason; I think to myself. I would not describe Gisele like that. Yes, she has her virtues, but he can't really be thinking he can convince the pack she is Luna material.
Can he?
Just as I have the thought, the crowd proves me wrong by cheering on their Alpha with even more sounds of approval. They are eating up every syllable he speaks.
"Which is why, Gisele," he says, and then he allows the crowd to respond with dramatic gasps and whispers. There's even a triumphant sounding whistle.
Oh no, I think to myself. I realize what she had predicted earlier will probably come to be in momentarily. And I have a front row view of the show as it unfolds. The crowds behind me are too large for me to make a breakaway without drawing attention to myself.
My knees get cold and my feet want to run. I can't stand here and listen to this. Gisele is amazing, sure. But is she the most powerful female wolf? Can she truly stand up next to this man, this natural born leader.
I can't tell if it's my own bias or if I am right. There's no one for me to discuss this with, no one close enough for me to talk about my true feeling of the 'perfect couple'. Or anyone who would speak against them, for that matter.
I am already the least accepted member of the pack. Showing any kind of disdain or disapproval of the Alpha's decision will only further isolate me from them. I can't risk the loneliness of losing my only two friends in the community. I stay put and wait to hear what more Jacob is going to say, even though I don't want to hear it.
"Which is why I want to have this sentimental moment in front of our Pack," Jacob says. "They deserve to know why I am choosing you to walk this journey beside. You are my dream girl in every way. I trust you and so does this pack. I want to take this relationship to the next level."
More cheering. The crowd is as besotted as our Alpha.
More applause. It's deafening.
I look around to see if I can spot Gisele in the crowd. She's standing a few paces away, blushing bright red. Her eyes are sparkling and dewy with emotion. She has both hands cupped over her mouth like she's just experiencing the most wonderful surprise she could ever dream of.
She does look gorgeous and she shows no fear towards all the attention being drawn to her.
"Gisele, I will undoubtedly love to spend the rest of my life with you," Jacob continues. His voice cracks as he says the words. He must really mean what he's saying, I realize.
"And we always said when the time is right, we will take another step toward making our bond even more permanent. We will do what works for us. I think the time for that is right now. I love every moment I have with you. I want to spend my days with you," Jacob says.
His words stab me right in the chest. I can't help but to shed a few tears. At least I'm not the only one in the crowd welling up.
"Gisele, you are my Luna," Jacob says. "Move into the Alpha house and be with me for the rest of the days of our lives."
She climbs onto the podium and embraces him with a lingering kiss. The crowd seems ecstatic about their new Luna.
I am heartbroken, but I am standing in the front row, in their clear line of vision. When they look over into my direction, I fake smile and clap my hands like I'm overjoyed.
I want to appear like I am happy for them because I know that's the most expected and polite way to go about this kind of situation.
But all I can think about is that we'll have to live in the same house and I'll have to do this same performance every day.
I'll have to watch Gisele living in a position which I feel belongs to me. I know it's ridiculous to think about. Especially considering my position in the Pack. But I feel it. Deep down, below all my scars, my trauma, my beating I feel like that should be me.
But because she's my friend, I'll have to show that I am happy for her.
Even worse than that, I must spend my days watching them holding one another like they are doing now. It already makes me ill.
Kissing and touching each other. Expressing their joy at having found each other. I have to watch as their bond grows. I must live in the same house as them and watch them fall deeper in love.
I feel sick to my stomach. I try to leave the Gala without making a scene. Slowly making my way towards the tent's entrance. I step to the side, pretending I'm mingling.
I move from space to space and try to blend in. I want to disappear.
"Where are you off to with that sad and twisted grimace on your face?" Kimon asks me, just as I am about to head out.
"What's it to you?" I ask him. Since when does he care how and where I spend my time? I wonder to myself.
As I step outside, I stand beside a tall tree and balance against it for support. I take deep breaths in and out as I fight back hot and heavy tears.
I feel a desperate and distinct feeling of rejection.
I feel small and unloved.
I am reminded of the day of Jacob's twelfth birthday. It was the last time I felt I mattered so little in the grand scheme of things. I hate him for the way he can control my emotions in this way, without even realizing his effect on me.
As I catch my breath and lean against the tree, I see Garett, the Omega that supposedly has a crush on me, approaching in my peripheral vision.
"Hey," he says to me. Even the sound of his voice is repulsive, I think to myself.
"I'm sorry for following you out here," he continues. "It's just that you look so beautiful tonight and I've been hoping to have time to speak to you on your own. I've been noticing you around and I really hope that maybe we get to know each other better someday."
I don't care to listen to what he has to say. I grab hold of him by the collar and put my lips on his.
His scent is strange and I try not to overthink things while he discovers my body with his tongue. His hands glide up and down my sides. I can tell he's grateful for this, he's wanted this.
I take him by the hand and walk him away from the lights. He suddenly pushes me up against a tree.
"I've wanted you for so long," he says. "I've had my eyes on you, I think everyone underestimates. You." He kisses my neck and grabs my breasts. He sighs deeply. "Fuck, you're amazing."
I don't say anything. His hands take me away from my thoughts and into my body. It's not the same addiction I have to pain, but it's physical and to me, it's like a punishment.
"I'm sorry I've been a bad girl, I didn't know you wanted me."
"Oh, bad I've needed you." He says and kisses me harder. He pushes his rock hard cock that's restricted in his pants up against my thigh. His sorrel drips down my neck. He's still following my tits.
"Oh yeah, show me how bad you want me then," I say.
Without waiting a second he pulls down my dress revealing my breasts to the moonlight. His eyes grow large and his mouth opens with lust.
"You're fucking perfect, who could resist you," he says and then he cups my breast before sucking on my nipple. He tongues me gently and even though I don't really want him, my body responds and my nipples become rock hard.
He pulls my dress up with his other hand and feels for my core.
"Well, well, well, It looks like you want me to," He whispers in my ear after feeling my wetness. He brings his fingers to his lips and sucks my juices from them. "You taste like dessert."
He reaches back down to my pussy and thrust his fingers deep. I let out a moan of pleasure as I feel my body getting warmer and opening up for him. Immediately I think about Jacob. Images of Jacob swimming in the sea, his shoulders, his glistening body in the sunlight.
"It feels so good, ″ I say with my eyes shut as Garett rhythmically massages inside of me. Instinctively my hands reach for his penis. I unbuckle his best and unzip his pants. His penis is fine. It'll do what needs to be done.
It's certainly engorged and happy to be released. I hold it in my hands and I can feel it's pulse. I gently begin to stroke. He clasps his lips onto mine and we kiss deeply. The lust is driving us both mad.
With his thumb he begins to massage my clit. He's thrusting my core and rubbing me simultaneously. It's a feeling I've never had and it drives me wild. The motion makes my exposed breasts jump slightly and his eyes are locked on my body.
"I'm going to fuck you now," he says.
He removes his hand and flips me around so that my face is pinned against the tree. He moves my hips back a bit and places my hands up on the bark.
"I want to play with your tits while I take you." I imagine Jacob's voice saying those words.
"Yes, I want it," I reply.
My breasts are now hanging down, my back is arched and he tilts my hips then lifts my dress up. He moves my underwear to the slide and slips deep inside of me.
Gently with his fingers and his thumbs he caresses my nipples as he begins to fuck me. Softly, at first. Jacob, I think to myself. It's easier thinking about Jacob when I don't have to look at Garett.
He starts going hard and grabs my breasts to keep himself close. We fuck like that. My legs feel light as he lifts me off the ground with each deep dive into me. His breathing is strained and his moans guttural.
It's clumsy, dirty and quick. When I feel him tense up, I pretend I am with Jacob. I think of Jacobs lips, his smile. I think of what he must look like naked. It feels so good and I'm getting close.
"Ah, fuck, I'm close," I whine it out, it's beyond my control.
Garett grabs me harder and I feel him about to come. He pulls out of me just in time.
Garett, and I climax together.