I have written a lot of novels, but couldn't publish them because of how inexperienced I was. In fact, I didn't have enough inspiration or ideas to continue the flow of my stories.
The reason I could not finish a novel was because I had a wild imagination. Because I had a wide and wild imagination I could not stick to one plot. I want to remake it, over and over again, until I dropped it.
I had already amassed a lot of characters on my Text and Documents Folders. I wanted to finish at least one novel, but it seemed I didn't have the talent for it.
I wanted to widen the options of readers like me who were looking for something adventurous while developing romantic feelings with each other. Instead, I was tired of the repetitive plot that would let the main character jump the male lead. We were talking about Boy's Love, so let's not be confused with harems.
I wasn't a fan of Harem, unless the main character didn't spare them any attention or feelings. As long as the main character would only view it as unnecessary, then I would love to read them, wanting to jump the main character while being dense with their intentions.
Harems were popular with male audiences, but for me who longed for that one true love, I prefer slow yet true romance. It was my selfish wish, to find that person that I would spend my life with.
Thus, the will to write a novel that conformed to my preference was born. Everyday, I would think about what plot would be good and how to start the story.
I would create a plot while thinking how a main character should be and how he would be different from others. I would think about it for awhile then write at least two to seven chapters then in the end I would drop it. It was as if I was cursed, like a cursed cycle.
"I hope to find some inspiration tonight! Let's sleep."
...
"Alcantara."
When I regained clarity, I was inside a classroom. The teacher was calling the surnames of my classmates. I was at the back where my seat was at the fifth column, first row.
The seats were arranged by two, where I had a seatmate like my classmates in front. I was on the left side nearest the wall but there was a gap for me to walk on so that I didn't have to wait for my seatmate to stand up before I could go out.
The teacher continued to call the surnames of my classmates while I was still thinking randomly.
'Such a lucid dream.'
It was the thought that came to mind after I realized that I was in a dream. I looked at everyone who had received a card from the teacher.
'Is it their report card?'
The students that received their report card didn't even look at it as if they were scared of the content.
Bored, I looked outside the window. The dream I was having was too vivid for me that a thought came to mind but I dismissed it because of how absurd it was.
Instead of clear blue skies and the school ground, what I saw was a barren land. 'What a weird dream' was all I thought before I was nudged by my seatmate on my right arm.
Following the direction of where the hand was coming from, I saw a handsome young guy smiling at me.
"It's your turn."
"Huh?"
Before I could register what he was telling me, the handsome guy pointed at the front. I turned my head on the front and saw everyone looking in my direction. I saw the teacher looking at me pointedly before gesturing me to come.
"Me?"
"Yes, Mr. Velasco. Please get your report card."
"Oh."
When I realized I was the one being called at the front I laughed nervously, but instead of being laughed at, my classmates only watched our teacher's expression.
The dream I was having was getting weirder as the time passed by. I stood up and approached the waiting teacher.
When I was ready to receive my report card, the teacher stopped me and told me, "You should try harder, your scores barely increase. I worry about your future."
Instead of answering him, I only nodded. The teacher didn't care anymore then handed me my report card after telling me a piece of advice.
When I sat down, the teacher continued where he left off.
"Next week will be your final exam. You only have 10 days before graduation. I hope to see you outside."
'Outside? What does he mean by that?'
As if he was telling information that everyone knew about, the teacher didn't ask if someone had a question. Instead, he bid us goodbye before leaving the classroom.
When the teacher was out of the door, my classmates slowly went to their friends. I was waiting for someone to approach me but unfortunately, it seemed that in the plot of my dream, I was nobody.
Instead of caring, I opened the report card I received. What I saw greatly confused me and an uneasy sense of foreboding came to me before it vanished as quickly as it arrived.
If I wasn't in a dream then I would have thought that something terrible would truly happen, but as I was in a lucid dream, I could control how it would flow. So, I cleared my thoughts and focused on the report card I received from the teacher.
Name: Alex Velasco
Class: A
Class Standing: 40
Campus Standing: 223
Strength: 1
Agility: 3
Perception: 6
Stamina: 2
Recovery: 2
Endurance: 2
Resistance: 4
Intelligence: 17
Overall Stats: 37
'What the fuck?'
After seeing the report card the sense of foreboding feeling that I had earlier came back twofold. I suddenly felt scared of the sudden thought I had. I couldn't help but pinch myself. The pain I felt when I pinched myself was real.
'It was not a lucid dream, but a reality.'
I turned my gaze towards the handsome guy who poked me earlier. Seeing his calm demeanor watching our classmates busying themselves, I couldn't help but want to know why he seemed detached when he was clearly the popular type.
I might have been staring for so long because the guy turned his head in my direction and asked, "What's wrong?"
I felt my hands shaking from nervousness and I could feel myself sweating. Instead of backing away, I pushed myself to say what I wanted to say. "Can I see your report card?"
The handsome guy's expression turned from curiosity to surprise. I clearly saw his change in expression but the handsome guy quickly changed it to a friendly smile.
I couldn't help but flinch from his warm and gentle demeanor when we clearly didn't know each other that much. If we were close, he would have called me by my name and he wouldn't have a guarded attitude when I only asked for his report card.
"Sure, you can look at my report card."
The handsome guy readily gave his report card to me without asking any questions.
I couldn't keep my curiosity so I asked, "You don't want to ask why?"
"No need, all our classmates are doing the same."
"Thanks."
After giving my thanks, I opened his report card which shocked me.
Name: Glenn Salvador
Class: A
Class Standing: 1
Campus Standing: 1
Strength: 9
Agility: 10
Perception: 17
Stamina: 9
Recovery: 11
Endurance: 10
Resistance: 10
Intelligence: 24
Overall Stats: 100
After I finished reading his report card, I froze from realization. It was more than twice mine. I wasn't sure why I was in the same class as him. Was it random or by grade? Or was it because my scores didn't increase while the others increased?
I didn't know the answer. I couldn't ask either. All I could do was observe. I cleared my throat before handing his report card back. I didn't forget to thank him again.
I pretended that it didn't concern me but I felt that he already saw my slip up. Still, if I didn't admit it, then it would only be speculation on his part.
I rubbed my arms with my hands while listening intently to my classmates conversations.
"How much did your stats increase?"
"It barely increased, what am I going to do?!"
"At least you are still better than others."
"Bro, I don't have time to compare myself with others. I'm barely hanging."
I didn't receive much information when I listened to the guys who were next to my seat. But from their conversation, it seemed that I was 'one' of the others that the guy was talking about.
The sense of foreboding was slowly making me conscious of the things I failed to realize. The barren land and the white sky as if we were locked in a white space.
I shivered just from the thought of the unknown. I felt nauseous. I felt suffocated.
Before I could continue to dive deeper with my suffocating thoughts I was patted by the handsome guy.
"Are you okay? You look pale. Do you want me to help you into the infirmary?"
"I-I... don't know. Can you help me?"
Instead of passing the chance to explore the place, I grabbed the opportunity even if I have to pretend that I still felt nauseous.
"Alright, let me help you."
Glenn stood up first before helping me to stand up. I almost blurted out that I could stand by myself but I quickly slapped my mouth before acting like I wanted to vomit.
When Glenn saw my action, there was an urgency in his eyes. I wasn't sure why but it seemed that the handsome guy was showing a genuine concern towards me. He put my right arm on his right shoulder while he put his left arm around me and his left and right hands on my side.
"Lean on me."
I felt embarrassed. I felt the heat rising from my face, but it only looked like I was really sick.
Our classmates also helped Glenn by pushing our desk and chair, and by opening the door.
Glenn kept reassuring me that everything would be alright and I should only think about resting. He didn't stop talking to me even if I wasn't replying.
Although I wanted to reply, I was doing my best not to act on the nagging feeling that I was having while I was leaning on him. I wanted to extricate myself from our intimate position.
I couldn't even focus on observing the school because I was too busy calming myself down. My whole body was screaming bloody murder but I couldn't let a misunderstanding bloom because of my own actions.
Glenn was only helping me! I unconsciously inhaled his scent while I was leaning my body weight on him. The handsome guy smelt fresh and with a hint of a woody scent.
I also couldn't help but realize that we didn't have a large height difference. It was only a couple inches but his body and mine were quite different. Mine's slim, his looked fit because from our biceps touching each other, I could feel how hard it was.
'Am I sexually harassing someone who's helping me?! Fuck. Thoughts go away!'
Good-looking men were really my weakness! I couldn't help but feel that I couldn't be saved. At first it was an unpleasant experience especially when a stranger suddenly touched you, but as time went on, the repulsion I felt slowly turned into... resignation and excitement?
'I really think I've lost my mind.'
I couldn't be redeemed. I was a sinner. I would receive any punishment from you.
'Please go easy on me.'
While thinking of dirty jokes, while dissing myself at the same time. I only realized that I was slowly losing consciousness. The only thing I remembered was a fresh and woody scent that sent me to a deepest and calmest sleep for the first time since a long time ago.