The very next day prince Cain already asked me to stay in his bedroom when I informed him about the changing of the guard.
I gulped.
Of course I was nervous. The aphrodisiac yesterday made me seem more confident than I actually was. If I had any self-confidence at all. In addition, my head had been extremely foggy and I could no longer think clearly. I simply gave in to my first urge and impulse.
But now I was completely sober again.
Even though Prince Cain was totally my type, I still didn't know if I liked him so much that I really wanted to sleep with him. And somehow I was afraid of what was to come too. After all, I was still a thoroughbred virgin.
That kiss with him yesterday was also my very first kiss.
Somehow I had always imagined it a bit … different. But it always turned out differently than I expected anyway. So it didn't surprise me anymore.
"Come here. Sit down." He said, pointing to the luxurious armchair that stood across from him.
I sat down hesitantly. I was afraid that I might soil it with my clothes. I could never in my life afford the cleaning of this chair.
Still, I did what he said. If you refused orders as a subject of the royal family, most of the time your head would land on a spear. I've seen this horrible spectacle a few times and it's always been a nightmare. So I always did what I was told to do. Even if it was uncomfortable. But at least it was a way to survive.
"Um... well... about yesterday, I-"
"Are you nervous?"
"I-y-yes..."
"Don't worry. Today I just wanted to talk to you." He said calmly and dropped onto the sofa next to me.
"R-really?" Somehow I didn't quite believe him.
But he still hadn't dismissed me. So I had to stay.
"Don't you believe me?" the prince asked with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile.
"You know, there are pretty extreme rumors about you..." I started slightly hesitant and kneaded my hands out of nervousness.
"This might be true. But I don't care."
"How can you not care?! You are the crown prince! The future ruler of the country!" It escaped me a little more energetically than intended.
It was often the case that people who didn't care about their rumors actually corresponded to what was said.
"Do you really think so? I think you're on the wrong track there." He said with an almost bitter smile.
"What do you mean by that?" I was genuinely confused.
Prince Cain was still the crown prince, or had I misunderstood something in class back then? He was the king's only son. Besides him, the king only had two other daughters, but because of the patriarchal rule, they could never become queen just like that.
"My father intends to disinherit me and remove me from my current position if I don't stop only being interested in men and - how does he still put it so nicely? - 'doing sodomy'."
My mouth fell open for a moment. That's what a father would do to his son just because he was... different?
I briefly remembered that we weren't in the 21st century anymore. Strictly speaking, we wrote the year 1367 here. So it was quite possible that something like this could happen.
"But if it's your true nature, how are you supposed to do anything about it?" I asked anyway.
Even now, as a man, I somehow couldn't imagine entering into a relationship with a woman. Somehow I just felt more attracted to the male sex. I couldn't do anything about that. How the hell can you even change something like that?
"Well, I don't know either. I just can't get it up with women. I have no idea why that doesn't work. Maybe my father is right and there's something wrong with me. That I'm … unnatural."
"Nonsense! Even animals sometimes have same-sex relationships. So you can't call it unnatural. It's just who we are. There's nothing you can do about it."
"But still … as an heir to the throne I'll have to produce offspring at some point. And men can't give birth."
"But-"
"Let's not talk about it anymore, okay? I don't like to think about my future." He just mumbled the last sentence bitterly.
"I rather want to hear about the great rumors that are being told behind my back." He now said and leaned forward with interest. A small smile stole onto his lips.
"... well... I was told at the beginning that you're not into women." I started carefully.
"That much is certain. But I'm not really hiding that either."
"... and... and that sometimes you would force handsome young men to... sleep with you." I said then, trying not to look him in the eye as much as possible.
"Hmm, have I ever forced you to do anything like that?"
"Well, you ordered me to undress you and you gave me the prepared tea with the aphrodisiac. I can't disobey my orders, so I did what you wanted...that's why I thought you could order me quickly to spend the night with you or something..." I honestly confessed.
"That's not entirely correct, my dear. I just ordered you to help me change and I ordered you to confirm my suspicions that something was wrong with that tea. Besides, I've made my intentions clear to you from the start. I never hid any of that from you."
"T-that's true, but-"
"Besides, it's no fun when the other person has to be forced to do it. I rather like to conquer. So that people lie at my feet and beg me for it. That always gives me this feeling of power. It's incomparable." He said enthusiastically and a wide, almost sinister grin appeared on his lips.
Somehow a chill ran down my spine.
He was delusional. He was... obsessed with power. You could tell by looking at him.
I even imagined that his eye color had changed slightly. From the radiant yellow to a bright orange. But it was probably just my imagination playing tricks on me again.
I didn't answer him because I was still a bit scared of his behavior. He was probably ill. Mentally ill.
"In the end, they were probably embarrassed that they gave themselves to me so much and then preferred to say that they were forced to do it. Has that ever crossed your pretty little head?" He asked while his facial features normalized a bit.
"Well … yes, but the rumors are pretty widespread among the guards, I don't know if I can just... if I can believe you just like that." I said and lowered my head a bit humbly.
"You've probably never been the target of such ugly rumors anyway. That's why you probably can't understand it."
I immediately looked up at him again. My hands gripped my pant legs tightly, turning my knuckles white.
"You're wrong. Something like that also happened to me before." I said seriously, thinking back to my classmates who used to bully me. But they didn't even have the respect to do it behind my back.
"Oh? And still you would rather believe these rumors than what you have experienced yourself? I would have thought you were smarter." He said, even sounding a little irritated.
"I think you misunderstand me, your highness. It's your ... actions that confuse me even more. I have the feeling that you sometimes send me mixed signals. And I don't know how to react to that... "
He just looked at me with an expectant expression on his face. That was probably his way of showing me that I should continue talking.
"Sometimes you're pretty bold and flirty, sometimes you ignore me completely. Sometimes you're loving and tender to me, and sometimes you're really mean. I... I can't make sense of you." I tried to explain my dilemma.
"And it bothers you that you can't put me in a box, am I right?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant."
"A moment ago you were still making big speeches about the fact that everyone is the way they are. And now it suddenly bothers you that I'm like this? Somehow I find it amusing." Laughed the prince.
"I'm just wondering... which of these personalities is the real Prince Cain..." I murmured.
"What if I'm all of it?" he asked, standing up from his sofa unceremoniously and leaning over me menacingly. His hands were now on the armrests of my chair. He had me cornered.
"I … can not imagine that."
"Ha?" He just said and looked down at me intently.
"..."
I didn't say anything. I just bit my lower lip in embarrassment and stared away, my cheeks flushed. I could no longer withstand his intense eye contact.
"Oh I know your kind. You're one of those hard to get people, aren't you? You're hard to get, but not because of your pride, no... it's because of your shyness and reticence. But don't worry: now that I've figured out what type you are, I won't have any problem breaking you. So that you can finally be mine." He whispered the last sentence to me very close to my ear, so that I shivered.
I just looked at him with big, round eyes and he looked back at me like a predator with his amber, almost orange eyes.
It was weird. I just thought they were back to their normal yellow color. Now his eyes looked almost orange again. Was it maybe the light that fell into his room?
An awkward silence fell over us for a short time. Prince Cain seemed to be thinking about something. Then he seemed to snap out of his thoughts again.
"Okay you can go now. You're dismissed." He then said suddenly, so that I winced.
I got up frantically and bowed briefly to say goodbye before I left his room. My legs still felt like pudding.
What the hell was that?