There are dreams that feel so real. Real to the point of affecting your physical being. That is, causing your physical being to involuntarily react to what your subconscious mind made up. Your reaction can be screaming, kicking, or crying, among others. Joy's eyes snapped open and she felt the moisture on her face and blanket. She wiped her eyes, and sat up, feeling her heart ache. The room had become pitch black, the embers dying in the grate. It was too dark for Joy to notice Khaya who was sleeping on a different rug next to her. She stood up to go outside but tripped over the boy and fell with a thud. Khaya let out a whimper, sounding like an injured puppy. Joy gasped, covering her mouth, her heart racing in her chest. The whimper sounded again and this time she recognised it.
"Khaya?" She whispered, crawling towards the sound. "Khaya is that you?"
"Yes," his small voice sounded and she moved closer.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were here." She felt around for him. "I'm so sorry nana(baby)."
She felt his body curled up into a little ball, his hands clutching his chest. "Did I hurt you?" She pried his hands off his chest and took him into her arms. "I'm so sorry." She rubbed his chest and back, and hugged him.
Jude stormed in, a lamp in his hand. "Khaya? Joy?" He growled, looking around the room. He shined his light on them, Khaya whimpering in Joys lap.
"What happened?" He moved close, examining them both.
"I'm so sorry Jude. I didn't know Khaya was in here and I tripped on him. I think I really hurt him. I'm so sorry." Joy spoke in one breath, still rubbing Khaya's chest.
"Pup?" Jude knelt in front of them. "Show me where it hurts."
Khaya faced his father, his damp face shinning in the glow of the lamp. He pointed to his chest and Jude raised his shirt to take a closer look. There was no mark or bruise. "It's okay pup, it's just a little pain thats all. It'll go away just now."
"It won't go away," Khaya mumbled. "It's deep inside and it won't go away." Tears began to flood his eyes and Joy covered her mouth with both hands, immediately understanding him, her own eyes tearing up.
"What do you mean pup?" Jude asked, wiping away Khaya's tears with the back of his hand.
"He wants his mom," Joy sniffed, pulling Khaya close to her in a deep embrace. The little boy cried on her chest, his tears seeping through her fur top. Jude placed his hand on his son's back, rubbing it. His eyes kept traveling to Joy's tear stained face. Her lips which she kept firmly pressed together. Her runny nose which she kept wiping. Her teary eyes which she let drip. In that dim glow, she had never looked more beautiful and just the possibility of her being his ignited a fire within him. She had to be his.
***
"He must have had a bad day." Joy sat herself on the ground next to Jude right outside the hut. It was almost dawn, a mist covering the village. From Judes hut was a clear view of the whole village and beyond. She could see the vast bowl they were in, containing trees, huts, kraals and wolves obscured by the cloudy matter.
"And I didn't even notice," Jude let out in a low growl. "My son is suffering and I didn't even notice."
"It's hard to notice these things," she consoled him.
"I'm his father Joy, I should see these things. You're not even his mom and you did."
"Hey, I only noticed because I've been there before. I know what it's like to not have a mom and to want her so bad. It's like my heart could feel his because it's been through the same pain. Don't beat yourself up so much," she placed her hand on his arm and he glanced at it, then looked into her eyes. "You're a really great dad. You did such a good job of raising him and I've only known you for a week. I'm sure Flint and Jemima and Adonis Krii would agree with me." She gave him a soft smile and he felt his heart take a small leap out of his chest and return. His gaze travelled to her lips for a moment, then back to her eyes. He inched his head closer to hers but stopped, his guilt causing him to hesitate. He searched her eyes for permission and she gave it by nibbling on her bottom lip. That action alone drew him closer and they were breathing the same air, touching lips. They moved at a slow pace, taking their time to taste each other. Her lips were pleasantly cold, relieving the heat within him. His lips were warm, embracing hers. He placed his hand on her cheek, pulling her close as she clutched his shirt.
'She opened up to you just now and you're deceiving her.' Jemima's voiced echoed in Jude's head and he pulled away, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking away from her.
"For what?" She huffed a laugh. "Kissing me or pulling away?"
"Everything," he whispered without looking at her, then shook his head as if to clear a fog in his mind. "Both," he corrected.
"Don't be." The disappointment was evident in her voice. She stood up and turned to go back inside, but he followed suite and grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Don't get me wrong Joy," he rasped. "It's not that I don't like you or anything like that."
"You don't owe me any explanation. I get it if it was a in the moment thing."
"It wasnt. I- it wasnt." He reassured her.
"Okay," she smiled. "It wasn't."
"I'm attracted to you," he confessed, letting go of her arm. "Your smiling. Your crying. Your rudeness. Your bravery. Your care for my son who you barely know. I'm drawn to every inch of you and it terrifies me."
"Why?"
"You're already heartbroken. I don't want to make to make it worse."
"If it's worth anything I'm out to destroy him. My feelings for him faded the moment I found out he was cheating."
"That's good to know, but I wasn't talking about him," he licked his lips, "I'm talking about your mother. She was the first to ever break your heart. You lost your trust because of her and I don't want to make it worse."
"How could you possibly make it worse?"
"You could fall in love with me, but then discover I'm not the man I'm portraying myself to be."
"Look at you being humble." She chortled. "Who said I was going to fall in love with you? I'm attracted to you, yes. But I don't fall in love. I don't go that far wolfy."
"Are you sure about that?" He tilted his head to the side.
"Yes. I don't fall in love easily." She avoided his gaze. "It takes a lot for me to really like someone that much."
"Yet here you are." He took a step close to her, closing the distance between them. "You ran away to the woods because of a man. You, the heiress of Woodland Trading and CEO of one of the biggest fashion houses in the country." He mimicked her.
"I wasn't in love with him." She stood her ground, raising her chin. "But I did, kind of trust him enough to get engaged, and being cheated on sucks, so I needed to get away."
"Is that what you've been telling yourself? As if you won't just crawl back to him the minute he says something to melt your heart."
"I hate dishonesty and I suck at reading people. So, you can imagine my hardships. It's like this... If someone is dishonest with me, then that's the end, I can't trust them again because I don't know how to. I can never really be sure if they're still trying to deceive me or if they're being honest. That's why I've been trying to keep my circle as small as possible. People have called me snobbish, uptight and rude, but if that's protecting my heart then I don't care. That's why I asked you to be honest with me. I don't know why, but my heart wants to trust you."
He held her gaze for a moment, taking her in. He took her face in his hands, his eyes were that deep, sincere green. "Listen to your heart. Trust me no matter what happens, okay?"
"Oh crap," she muttered.
"What?" He breathed, the hurt and confusion evident in his tone of voice.
"Crap, crap, crap." She rubbed her abdominal area, her face contorting.
"What is it?"
"Crap. Ummm..." Her eyebrows furrowed, looking up at him. "Oh crap, you guys... oh this is bad. You guys don't even have toilet paper, what am I going to do?"
"Joy, what are you talking about?"
"You probably use leaves, don't you?" She bit on her thumbnail. "So, I'm probably going to have to stay indoors for the next four days. Crap, why do I have to be here now?"
"Joy, what is it?"
"Do I have to spell it out?" She hissed. "Do I really have to spell it out for you? Argh, go away you're irritating me." She covered her face with her hands and sniffed. "Could you please call your sister for me, because you are not helping."
"Okay." He stood up, scratching the back of his neck.
***
"How does it feel lying to her like that?" Jemima spoke as Jude approached her in a field near the village.
It was an herb field where most of the medicinal herbs came from. She would collect them there, then concoct in her hut.
"I don't want to argue with you Jem. I need you to prepare some more of the medicine. I'm going to train her again today. And she needs you for something."
"I saw the two of you," she stood up from her crouching position. "You kissed her."
"I like her Jem, and she might be mine anyway."
"Might," she hissed. "Which means there's a chance that she isn't."
"Lyssa told me that the connection we felt was possibly because of her daughter. She protected me to her death because she could feel that I was her daughter's mate."
"But as long as she hasn't shifted we will keep saying 'might' and you will keep your hands off her." She gritted.
"I won't do anything she doesn't want me to."
"You won't do anything full-stop. Not until we know that she's your mate for sure." She crouched back down, proceeding with her collection. "Go away, you irritate me."
Jude rolled his eyes. "You're the best spear instructor so I'll need you to help Joy later."
"I told you that I'm not taking part in any of this. And didn't you hear what she said? She won't be able to train today."
"Why not?"
"Argh." She rolled her eyes and walked out of the field. "Come with me." She led him to her private hut which was closest to the herb field. From it, she took a leather bag and handed it to Jude.
"Give her this bag. Tell her to chew on one of the roots per day. Although its really bitter and strong tell her to endure it because it will help with the pain. Ummm... if she looks carefully there's an incinerator behind the toilet, she can use it." With a blank expression, she turned, then paused and spoke without looking back. "Since you can't take her to the Enclosure make sure she's comfortable. And tell her that, soaking my feet in warm water helps me."
"Why can't you tell her yourself?"
"Because of you." She turned back to glare at him. "Unless you want me to tell her what's going on, you'll respect my decision to not interact with her. Like I have respected your decision to deceive her." With that she walked off, headed back toward the herb field.
Jude strolled back to his hut, taking a peek at the leather bag. First, he took out a small jar with Jemima's special melted chocolate. She made it herself, and never used to give it to anyone. He put the jar back with a pout on his lips and pulled out a packet of tampons. "Oh," he mouthed, putting them back and zipping the bag tight.
"Here you go." He waved the bag to Joy who was now lying on her stomach on top of the Thomas rug.
"Did she say anything?" She muttered.
"Yes. She said make sure you chew the root because it will help with your pain. And dip your feet in warm water. And there's an incinerator behind the toilet."
She lifted herself up and took the bag, opening it up. "What is this?" She whimpered, opening the jar. "Is this chocolate? She's so sweet." She brought the jar to her lips and slurped the thick liquid. She placed the jar on the floor and stepped out after mumbling a, 'don't touch my chocolate'.
When she returned from the bathroom, Jude had a large basin with warm water waiting for her on the floor. There was now a mattress in the room with a pillow and a brown, soft looking blanket on top of it. She could not quite identify the material, though it was not wolf fur.
"What's going on here?" She mumbled.
"I'm sorry for being dumb earlier." He smiled. "Come sit on the mattress and put your feet in the water."
She obeyed, and he handed her the bitter root from the bag. Her face contorted as the bitter root stung her taste buds, but she chewed on it without uttering a complaint. When the water was now lukewarm, Jude dried her feet and helped her under the blanket. She twisted and turned until she was lying on her stomach on top of the pillow, the most comfortable position she could find. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her eyes closed, and Jude was staring at her with concern on his face.
"What is it?" Joy uttered without opening her eyes.
"I wish I could take that pain away from you."
"Relax wolfy, it's natural," she yawned. "I'll be fine tomorrow. Hopefully."
"How do you feel?"
"I feel like..." She opened her eyes. "Like, a needle is stabbing me. Not like, those tiny needles you use for sewing. But like, the thick blood donation needles. It's like the nurse keeps missing the vein and stabs everywhere else. And it is very systematic. Cause she'll go, stab, stab, stab, stab... stabstabstabstabstab... stab, stab, stab, stab... stabstabstabstabstab. Like that." She sighed, closing her eyes. "And my whole waist has a headache. Waistache." She let out a soft giggle. "Tell me a story."
"About what?"
"Anything. A bed time story."
"Okay, let's see." He leaned back, balanced by his hands. "There once was a sheep, with beautiful, soft black wool and golden brown eyes. She was kind and gentle, and had the spirit of a warrior. One day she had an argument with her flock. It was about who she would marry within the flock. The argument was so insane that it turned into a fight. Everyone turned on her, bringing up the fact that she was different and that she didn't want to obey the rules of the flock. So, she ran away, bruised and injured from the fight. She searched for refuge for days until she met a humble... goat. The goat took care of her. Tended to her wounds and fed her until she regained her energy. When she was all better, she would follow the goat around, imitating him and..."
"Let me guess, they fell in love," she mumbled without opening her eyes.
"Of course, they did."
"Barf," she grunted. "But continue."
"So, they fell in love and even got married. They made a home among the goats and even had a little baby. Just when she was finally finding peace in her life, the sheep sensed danger and knew it was her enemies from the pack-flock. So, she ran away and in order to protect her love and her baby..."
Joy lifted her head slightly, gazing at Jude. "She left them behind," she whispered.
Jude gave her a nod.
"She should have told her goat love what was going on. Maybe they would have been able to figure stuff out together. And her new goat family would have helped her too. Goats can headbutt."
"What?" He huffed a laugh.
"Nevermind. My point is that she should have been honest," she yawned, laying her head back down.
In the silence that slowly engulfed them, Jude spoke below a whisper. "It's not that easy."
***
There was an open area beyond the huts, that the wolves used for archery and horse riding. Jude had instructed Krii to bring Joy over there a few days later.
"Jude!" Joy screeched as they approached him. He was leaning against the stable wall with his hands in the pockets of his leather pants. His heart seemed to forget how to function properly as he watched her come closer. He took one hand out of a pocket and placed it over his chest, feeling the unnatural pulsation.
"Why didn't you bring me here sooner? You guys have horses!" Joy beamed. She looked like a little girl with all her excitement. Grinning from ear to ear.
"You like horses?" He chuckled.
"I love horses. I'm a horse-riding pro." She clapped her hands.
"Would you like to go for a ride then?"
"Would I?" She began to step around the stable and he followed behind her, leaving a pouting Krii behind.
"You'd think they're the only couple in the village," he grumbled. "Is Sage ready for me Rafe?" He asked the stable boy was approaching him.
"In a minute Krii. Owen will bring her to you," the boy answered with a slight bow.
"I need to go to a place with people that care about my existence."
"Which one do I ride?" Joy asked Jude, gaping at the horses.
"You can take my horse," he gestured to a majestic brown steed. "That is Nikita."
"She's beautiful," she gasped, moving close. "Hi Nikita. Hi girl." She stroked the horses face and it neighed in delight.
"Looks like she likes you."
"Of course she does, it's me were talking about." She winked at him, then proceeded to stroke Nikita.
"Rafe!" Jude called out to the stable boy who sped to them. "Yes Jude?" He bowed and Joy snorted. "Please saddle up Nikita and Storm for us."
"Oh good, a saddle," she turned to them with a grin. "For a second there I thought we were going to ride on bare backs," she giggled. "Thank you Rafe."
"We're not animals Joy," Jude huffed.
"Right," she muttered, raising her eyebrows.
Rafe bowed and headed to the back of the stable where the saddles were kept.
"Why is he bowing?" She inquired as they stepped out of the stable.
"H-He's like that to everyone. Respectful in that way." Jude scratched his head and cleared his throat.
"Cute."
Krii, now mounted on his white horse, approached the pair. He looked like a prince straight out of a tween fantasy story.
"Unfortunately, I'll have to leave you Joy," he started. "I need to go and teach the pups stuff."
"I don't care Adonis Krii," Joy spat, amusement in her eyes.
'Lyssa used to call me by my full name too.' Krii's voice filled Jude's head.
'I know,' he replied.
Krii clicked his tongue, driving the horse towards the huts.
Rafe returned to them with the horses, handing each one to its respective rider.
"Hello Nikita baby," Joy purred, stroking the horse then climbing on top of it. "You are a beauty."
"We'll race to the end of the field and back." Jude mounted on Storm, a black steed. "Winner picks the next activity from the list."
"Is sleeping on the list?" She yawned.
"No."
"Then keep your useless competitions to yourself." She stared at the rock wall further ahead, then smacked Nikita's reigns causing her to neigh and blast forward. The horses hoofs beat the ground forcing the dust of the field to rise. Storm followed closely behind, with Jude shouting for Joy to slow down.
"I feel so alive!" Joy yelled as Nikita turned at the wall.
"Joy, stay in the field!" Jude called out.
"Yes mom," she rolled her eyes, pulling at Nikita's reigns for her to slow down. She galloped around at a steady pace, allowing Storm to keep up with her.
"I won." Joy chirped, glancing at Jude with a smug look on her face.
"Yeah right," he snorted. "You cheated."
"No, I didn't cheat. You're just a sore loser. She stuck her tongue out at him. "What's on the list?"
"Archery with me or spears with Jemima."
"That's it?" She demanded, stopping Nikita.
"Yeah."
"No way, the spear stuff was enough. I'm not about to learn all your skills just because of one bad guy who broke in."
"Come on it'll be fun. Think of this as a recreational getaway. You'll learn all these skills while you're here, and when you go back you can use them to destroy your f-iancé."
"Ex-fiancé," she huffed.
"Ex-fiancé."
"Fine, lead the way to the archery place. There is no way I'm letting your sister hold a spear next to me."
Jude chuckled and he motioned for them to move back to the stables.
They went back to Reid's private hut in a comfortable silence. Reid was standing outside, an arrow in his hand as he directed two men to place the target at a further distance from where it was.
"Hey guys," he grinned as they approached.
"Hi Flint," Joy greeted him. "Where have you been?"
"Here and there. I heard you beat my brother in a horse race."
"Who told you?" She scrunched her eyebrows.
"Rafe."
"She cheated." Jude defended. "She just went off while I was still unprepared."
"Has he always been a sore loser?" Joy nudged Reid's arm.
"Yep," Reid picked up a bow and handed it to Joy. "Ever held one of these?"
"I own a fashion house, of course I have," she picked up an arrow from the quiver and assumed a shooting position, nocking the arrow. She drew the bow as she took in a deep breath with her eyes closed, anchoring it. Her eyes opened, aiming at the target, then she released the string along with her breath. Reid and Jude stood with their mouths agape as the arrow hit bullseye and she pulled out another one.
"I thought you were being sarcastic," Reid said.
"Three years ago, I launched a clothing line with a Forest theme, Evergreen. For the fashion show the concept was basically, life in the woods. A Robin Hood type of thing. All the models were archers. And for fun, we all took lessons in archery. I liked it so much that it became a hobby." She drew the arrow again, aimed and released.
'Coincidence?' Jude spoke into Reid's head as they faced each other. Their gazes showing hints of excitement.
'No. She's destined for this. She's destined to be a warrior.'
'So, you're convinced she's the one?'
'The chances are very high. But you do know that she might not be your mate, right?'
'She is Reid. Ash can feel it.'
'But-'
"Joy?" Jude narrowed his eyes. "Joy!"
She had continued to shoot arrow after arrow, her breathing turning shallow in the process. She felt hot tears blur her vision and moisten her cheeks. Rage taking over her being. Her eyes were a bright yellow, almost white. She continued shooting in different directions, and the men who stood by the target had to duck away, fearing for their lives.
"Joy! Stop!" Jude took hold of the arrowhead before she could release it. It pierced the skin in his palm, blood slowly seeping out.
"Jude?" She quaked, blinking a few times, her eyes turning back to their chocolate colour. She glanced at Reid whose eyes were narrowed, focused on her.
"What happened?" She dropped the bow, stepping back.
"Nothing," Jude answered, moving his bloody hand behind him. "You just got a little carried away shooting the arrows."
"Did I hurt you? Let me see your hand." She stepped close to him.
"No, I'm the one who held the arrow in the wrong place." He moved back, still hiding his hand.
"I was thinking of that idiot Mandla, my ex-fiancé, right? And I became angry. A little angrier than usual. It's like I was frozen in anger because I suddenly can't remember what I was just doing. Did I shoot more arrows? I only remember two and it's like I zoned out. I'm actually so confused right now." She buried her head into her hands.
"Don't worry about it, it was just a few more. You're probably just tired. Why don't you go and take a bath and eat then we'll do something else? Khaya's in the hut, he'll help you with anything you need."
"Okay," her eyes scanned around as she moved in the direction of Jude's hut.
"Her wolf," Jude hissed when she was out of earshot.
"I know," Reid mumbled.
"She wants to be released before the full moon."
"I know."
"What do we do?"
"What can we do?"
2 WEEKS EARLIER
"You have anger issues," Tanya said, setting herself down on a sofa in Joy's office.
"No, I don't," Joy leaned back in her office chair, twisting back and forth. "I'm the gentlest person here. My kindness is from another world."
"Your anger is from another world," she scoffed.
"I wasn't even that angry." She defended herself.
"Yeah you were. You made her cry."
"She wasn't crying… it's allergy season."
"You threw a glass cup on the floor."
"I didn't throw it. It slipped."