"Are you following me?" I ask Lucas during lunch break.
"No," says Lucas nonchalantly without even taking his eyes off of his salad.
"Yes, you are!" I say a little bit too loud now. "Why are you following me?"
"Don't be too self-infatuated," Lucas snorts at me.
"It's been almost three months since I've been here," I say, pushing my own salad away. "The last and only time you were tailing me was on my first day of training."
"It's my job to keep an eye on everyone in this camp. Now eat your food and shut up!" He's staring deep into my eyes, and I can see my own reflection in them. As beautiful as his green eyes are right now, I hate them.
Lucas left me when he already made sure I was in practice with Mason, which ended an hour early. But I'm not planning to go back to Daisy's, so I go take the journey back to the diner before leaving the camp again today.
The sky is already turning into a purplish color when I get to the creek. I go to the tree trunk to look for any note Liam might leave me, but there is none. I am too tired to go back to the camp, so I sit down and rest my back on the piece of wood.
Tears suddenly fall down my face when I try to control the influx of oxygen through my lungs. I didn't know I'd been suppressing my disappointment all this time, pretending I was fine with this hopelessness. I can't stop them from flowing, so I let myself cry for now.
I'm so done taking the risks that lead me nowhere, but I can't seem to stop. I keep going back here, and I don't care if Lucas will find out and deport me to Faubourgh. I just want to see Liam. I have to.
I almost give up and leave the creek, but then I notice a murmur from across the stream. I hear the splashing sound of water, and when I open my eyes, the sky is already dark.
I didn't realize I fell asleep after bawling my eyes out. A pickup car that I usually see during the day has already parked in its place. But why aren't they coming for me? I'm lying here... out in the open, and I am exposing myself.
Panic kicks in a little bit too late as I stand up abruptly with my eyes still red and blotchy from the cry. I take my bag and then turn my body around, but I'm surprised by what I see. The forest is so dark I can barely move my legs that suddenly go weak, they refuse to walk in.
Damn it, I forgot my torch!
"Ava," someone calls my name from behind me.
I've heard that voice before in my life. The way the voice calls out my name tingles something in my memory. It's so familiar, yet so strange in my ear. A drop of cold sweat trails down my left cheek. I want to wipe it away, but my body feels so stiff.
"Ava, is that you?" his voice is so close to my ear, I can feel his warm breath brushing against my neck.
A hand touches my shoulder, and my body moves in a defensive position under my own command. Mason taught us how to protect our fragile body parts with our hands and how to fight back. But tonight, I let it slip from my memory.
The figure that touched me a while ago takes several steps back, raising his hands up in retreat. "Whoa, calm down."
"Go away!" I scream loudly, and I don't care if the other guys across the stream will hear me too. I don't care if they are going to attack me because I will lose eventually. I am unarmed and still lack self-defense.
He puts his hands down and carefully walks towards me. In reflex, I take a few careful steps closer to the dark forest behind me. As much as I hate the thought of going inside that pitch-black wonderland, I keep moving closer to it hoping for sanctuary.
I am going to die for sure! It's either inside the forest by wild animals or hung up in a tree by these people.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Ava!" he says like he can read my mind. He stops in his place, knowing I am not brave enough to attack him or even walk further back. I don't know what to do.
"Who are you?" I put my weak and useless defensive hands down. I am struggling to search for his face under the dim moonlight as I get closer to him.
One little reckless step at a time, I start catching his figure.
I gasp, literally the most dramatic gasp I have ever made in my life. "Liam?" my voice is trembling as I mention that name out loud. I was about to say it in my head, but I don't know why I just said it out loud. I want to call his name again, but I'm scared of mistaking someone else for him.
I brave myself to touch his face when there's only an inch of space between us. His skin is soft, and it is as cold as ice. A shrieking voice escapes my lips
He feels so real. He feels so alive under my touch, and suddenly I'm going back to my 14 years old me.
"Hey," the person in front of me casually says. That word comes out so smooth like a whisper from his rosy thin lips. His voice sounds deeper and huskier than the last time I heard it seven years ago.
He puts his hand on top of mine and presses it harder against his cheek.
"Liam?" I can feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach.
He is real, and I can hear his voice loud and clear.
His skin is even colder than this winter wind, and I channel the heat from my body to him reflexively. I probably get too happy to see him that my power kicks up a little too strong as he winces when I let all the heat transmitted into the palm of my hand.
"Liam?" It's all that I can say. I feel like this is all a dream, and I am falling into a deep sleep. This happened to me when I saw Lucas for the first time that evening in Daisy's living room. Am I dead? Are we all actually ghosts?
"Ava," says Liam in a hushed tone. "What are you doing here?" Although I can't see it clearly, I can feel him smiling.
We finally agree to sit down and have a talk tonight. I feel so stupid for crying, but I am also grateful that I did because if I wasn't so desperate and I would have run back to the camp, I wouldn't be sitting here with Liam.
"I..." I was waiting for you here, which is exactly what I do every day until I was about to give up 30 minutes ago. "Nothing, I was just enjoying the scenery." I bend my knees up to my chest and hug it tightly. I suddenly feel so awkward with my body like I don't know what to do with it.
"At night, when it is all dark?" he looks at me suspiciously.
I nod.
"Wow," he exclaims while looking around. "It is beautiful here! Even when you can absolutely see nothing at all."
I laugh before pushing him a little bit too hard, and he falls to the ground.
"I'm sorry!" I say while helping him up back to his seat.
"Woah, okay..." he says, pulling my body closer to him. Now, this I'm not ready for. "I didn't know that you're strong. Should I be scared for my life now?"
My gaze drifts down to his lips, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because my face is only an inch away from his, and his warm breath brushes my blushing cheeks.
"Shut up!" I quickly sit back in my place, feeling uncomfortably awkward.
Liam clears his throat like he can find us in an awkward situation too. "So, why are you here?"
What am I supposed to say now? Shall I tell him the truth?
"I got lost," I say, hesitating. "I came from the woods," I point my finger at the absolute dark behind our back.
"Do you have a torch or something?" Liam furrows his eyebrows, creating a crease in his forehead.
I shake my head.
Liam stands up, "What exactly are you doing here, Ava? I know it was you that day. You come here every day, don't you?" he shoves his hands inside his jacket pockets.
"How did you know?" my eyes widen after he said that.
"I will always recognize your dark auburn hair, and even from across the stream, I know it was you."
He offers me his hand and pulls me up to my feet. He walks past me towards the stream, "wait here, I'll go get my torch."
But before he can walk across the stream, I stop him.
"Where have you been all these years?" those words suddenly escape from my lips in a shriek. I grit my teeth to hold back a cry and anger that I didn't realize I was holding.
Liam turns his body towards me, and his face shows all of the guilt he's been holding back.
"You were gone just like that, Liam! You left me." As I say with tears rolling down my cheeks. I can't stop them from falling! The more I command myself to stop crying, the more it gets even wilder. "It's been 7 years, and now you're here like nothing ever happened. Like everything is just fine. You can't do this to me!"
And I thought I've had enough crying for today.
"I know," says Liam, stopping in his place when I retreat. "I know, and there are so many things I need to explain to you. But the timing was never right. I wasn't ready yet, Ava! You have to understand..."
As much as I want to punch him for pushing me to be perceptive about his feelings, I nod my head. Has he ever thought of doing the same regarding my own feelings all these years?
"I want you to be prepared for whatever it is that I am going to tell you. But promise me, do not ever tell Lucas about any of it even about you meeting me here tonight. Can you promise me that?"
"Wait," I hold up my finger. "I never mentioned anything about Lucas," I glance over at him but I can't read his expression, and he keeps locking those green eyes on me like a weapon.
"Promise?" he repeats that word without responding to me.
"Yes, but you have to tell me everything," I narrow my eyes at him. "Literally, everything."