"I'm fucked," he said to his retreating friend. "Aren't I?"
Beck hesitated. "Admitting it is the first step."
Then the door slammed, and Axel was alone with his heaping regret.
When had everything gone wrong? After he'd first taken Gemma in, he'd done everything he could to gain her trust. Eventually, they'd settled into a harmonious if odd coexistence. It had been all right.
Then…she'd turned eighteen.
He'd given her a surprise party because he'd wanted to make her happy. His fatal mistake.
Under the guise of taking her to dinner, he had sent her shopping with his credit card and told her to buy something pretty. When she'd returned, bags in hand, he'd urged her to get dressed while the guests secretly arrived.
When he went to retrieve her for their "reservations," Gemma had opened the door in a candy-apple-red minidress that clung to her every curve, accentuated her plump breasts, and ended with a slit at her lush hip. The sight had punched Axel in the gut.
He could no longer deny that she'd become a woman. Or that he'd been fighting his desire for more than a while.
But the worst had been her blue eyes shining with hero worship and a plea for his approval. No avoiding the fact she ached for him to want her. To love her.
He'd been so fucking tempted to give in.
And he'd been a tortured bastard ever since.
Not much had changed…until today.
Standing, Axel exhaled with a heavy sigh. He needed a shower and to ditch his blood-splattered clothes. Then somehow, he had to have a calm discussion with Gemma, despite the thousand-pound weight that lay on his heart.
After a hot shower and a self-pep talk, Axel pushed down his feelings as he trudged down the hall toward the kitchen.
He stood in the doorway, watching Gemma stir batter in a bowl. She swayed with each stroke of the spoon, and he couldn't not look at her pert ass…the one Zak had probably cupped in his hands as he'd tunneled inside her. Axel closed his eyes and counted to ten, silently chiding himself for reigniting his temper.
"It smells delicious as always, precious," he called out to her.
Gemma jumped and dropped the metal bowl on the counter with a little yelp. "Axel."
Her breathless tone rolled over him. Was that the same tone she'd cried out with when Zak had shoved his dick through her hymen? He gritted his teeth.
She put a hand to her chest. "You scared me to death."
"Sorry. Are you all right?"
"Fine." She didn't meet his gaze. "Did you have a good trip?"
"The usual. I'd rather not talk about it."
"You didn't want to last time, either." She anchored a hand on her hip. "Why do you go every year?"
"That's not what we need to talk about, and you know it."
"Don't," she implored. "You just got home. Why don't you sit and relax? You can pilfer some of my goodies while I slide in another batch."
When she gestured nervously to the batter, Axel raised a brow. "Rumor has it, Zak already pilfered your goodies."
He struggled to keep the savagery from his tone.
Gemma tensed. Guilt crawled across her face. But in typical Gemma style, the defiant minx banked her expression and lifted her chin to meet him head on.
"It doesn't matter."
"It should."
"It's my body to give away and he wanted it." She gave him a meaningless shrug he didn't believe.
"When I first took you in, I told you all the men here, especially the Doms, were off-limits, remember?"
"I was a minor then, Axel. I'm an adult now. Maybe you hadn't noticed."
How could he not? She had all the trappings of womanhood—a saucy attitude and curves for days—yet in so many ways she was still a girl. "Legally, yes. But were you really ready for what happened?"
"It's done. I'm fine," she insisted.
He saw right through her. The slump of her shoulders and the way she hugged herself said she regretted it like hell.
"What made you choose Zak? Or did you give it any thought at all?" he snapped, then wished he hadn't.
She bristled, and he realized that he'd hit a nerve. A selfish part of him wanted Gemma to suffer right alongside him. But her haunted eyes told him she already was. If he chastised her again, she would only put distance between them. That was probably for the best…but it would kill him.
He stifled the urge to bring her closer. No, to strip her naked, run his tongue over every inch of her satiny flesh, and show her in no uncertain terms that she was his.
But he couldn't. He'd only hurt her more because Axel knew that, unlike Zak, he had the power to crush her. And he'd already abused a woman's trust once.
He lived with the scars of that tragedy every day.
"Someone wanted me, Axel." She sounded tired suddenly. "Someone attractive who made me laugh. He thought I was pretty. I thought he was hot." She waved him away. "It doesn't even matter. I don't grill you about all the women you fuck. Take your muffins and leave."