The interrupted conflicts that have been going on through my head like a heavy tantrum started to calm down as the night's calm reached our state. I was more than just lost, I wanted this as much as Evangeline wanted this too. I couldn't just drag her from her perfect life to this.
"Mommy, I met a girl in the club!" I frowned when I told my mom, "she was mean to me!"
"Honey, that means she likes you." she smiled down at me the moment she responded.
"just the way daddy likes you?" I giggled at her as I said that and she ruffled my golden curls.
"Yes," she whispered with sad eyes.
The problem was in me, I had been involved in too much shit in my life that I couldn't try to escape nor be with a beautiful girl because of my dad's never-ending drug deals and because of the ruthless gang leader, I couldn't possibly do this for Evange, she was much worthy than this life I lived.
I sighed when I stomped on the cigarette and walked to my house with her on my mind like a junkie; was she alright? did she sleep? did she think about me like I to her? I was in too deep and I needed to get myself out or else she would get harmed, I would never allow that.
"The asshole came back." dad shouted as the smell of cocaine reached my nostrils, I was tired of coming back home and watching my dad waste his life on some cheap shit. He was sitting on his favorite couch with a small bag of popcorn and a sleazy smirk on his face. If I had the freedom to choose my dad, I wouldn't have chosen him. He hurt my mom, beat me up and forced me to lead a life like his. No more.
"Shut the fuck up and get out," I yelled as dad's face contorted into confusion and his bushy eyebrows were raised. It was all because of him that I was like this person; a person I never imagined myself to be, a person who couldn't have an angel and ruined way too many chances of a possible potential in university applications, the one who couldn't afford school because dad would spend my mom's savings for trash like drinks and women.
"But-" dad started as I grabbed him by the dirty yellowish collar of his top and made him stand up only to push him further to the opened entrance door.
"I should have done this a long time ago." I sneered as he turned around once I managed to leave him outside my door, his eyes glared into mine and the stale smell of cheap perfume made me want to have nose surgery.
"I will make sure you regret this." I was immune to his empty threats, like this one. I banged the door shut and groaned at the mess of the living room, I had to end this once and for all. The only reason I wanted to attempt piecing up my life was the spark that Evange had instilled into my soul.
One step at a time, I cleaned the floor with soap and water then brushed the contents of the table into the garbage bag I got from the kitchen, making the room look crystal clear and away from dad's traces of his party life.
This is all for you, Evange. One day, I will come to you and we would be together.
The chills on the back of my spine to where she touched me erupted, she managed to make my scars look beautiful by the magic of her fingertips, from the first day of high school, she made me feel alien things that were not meant for a deranged monster like me. It was curiosity then denial then sparks. I was not myself or what was left of me anyway.
Look at yourself, you have nothing to offer her, you can barely afford anything and the only way you go to school is your motorcycle, you can't give her anything. The demons inside of me whispered in my head as dread crept up on me once again.
I knew for a fact that Evange was hurt by me leaving her so suddenly but she made me believe in something that wasn't real, I walked into the bathroom and stared at my bruised reflection in the small mirror, it wasn't real because I could never be what she wanted me to be.
My demons were right. I couldn't promise her anything.
"Yes, we can baby," Evangeline said as she cupped my cheeks with a smile that graced her face like it was there all along.
"Mom, I don't know what to do," I whispered to myself as my amber eyes were vulnerable and my heartbeat increased the more that I remembered her. The wide smile she always had when she looked at me, her soft hair that flew against the wind as she laughed and danced in circles around me when I was a child, I used to sit on the sand and just watch the way she moved so gracefully. She was my only hope to be someone so good.
How sad, she left me and I remained broken.
I still stared at the huge sound of someone breaking the door was heard and the screams of the neighbors as they scurried to find the commotion. I still stared when the man barged into the bathroom to where I was and he was behind me with a white mask on his face. I still stared when he placed the gun on the back of my head.
All I could think about was me and my mom building sandcastles. There was someone who joined us.
My Evange. I am sorry baby.