***
Several years ago…
I wiped away the tears that had unconsciously run down my cheeks. I can imagine how pathetic I must have looked right now, so I chose to hole myself up on the academic building's rooftop. This is a restricted area, but I braved sneaking up here as I was sure no one else would be here. It was the University's Foundation Day, and everyone would be gathered at the open grounds, arranged and decorated to be used as the venue for the mini band concert happening tonight. I know how pitiful I look right now, and I never wanted anyone to see me like this. I just want a quiet time alone to try gathering my thoughts and calming myself.
I had found myself a corner away from the door and hidden behind a cluster of broken chairs. I sat on the floor without minding how dirty it was, hugged my folded legs in front of me, and leaned my forehead against my knees. A sob escaped from my lips just as I let my tears race down my face.
I just feel really heavy inside. Like something's squeezing my heart and refusing to let it go. Painful; why was my life so painfully miserable?
'I'm sorry, Chie. I just can't be with you anymore.' Those words kept repeating in my ears since I left him at the auditorium with the woman he had cheated me with.
We had been together for a couple of years. I thought he would be my escape from all the pain and pressure I had been enduring all my life, but I was wrong. Because he ends up being the one who shatters my heart the most.
Who am I kidding? Who would love someone as dirty as me? As poor as me. As damaged as me. I shouldn't have let myself believe that someone would accept me. I'm an extra burden. Being with me is exhausting, and everyone will eventually leave me because of it. Maybe I'm better off being alone.
But accepting it doesn't make it less painful. What have I ever done to deserve everything that's happening in my life? I never wished for great things. I just wanted to live as normally as possible. But no, I had to be the one to experience being…
My sobs grew louder. Remembering the most painful time in my life makes me want to end things once and for all. I have been trying to hold on these past few years, thinking everything will get better. But this horrible end to my relationship is proving it otherwise. Is my life still worth living? Am I just overreacting? If yes, then why does this feel so unbearable?
"Hey."
My sobs stopped abruptly as I flinched upon hearing the soft male voice. Shit! Am I busted? Great! This was the only time I had let myself out, believing no one would see me, and sure enough, I was getting busted. I probably look horrible, and to top it off, I might be getting into trouble too—just my luck.
I debated for a few minutes if I would keep my face hidden behind my knees or look at whoever had caught me, and decided to go with the latter. What's the use anyway? It's not like I could escape the place without him getting a glimpse of my face.
When I lifted my face from the safety of my knees, I was met with a mesmerizing pair of amber eyes. They were almost shining despite the little light being provided by the moon above.
"Sorry," he said when I jumped as he reached for my hand, but he didn't let go. Instead, he placed something on my palm. I squinted my eyes at the object and saw the brand of chocolate printed on the wrapper. I quickly returned my eyes to his handsome face. This face is something you will never forget once you've laid your eyes on it. It's simply… out of this world, but in a good way. "You can have it. You'll feel a lot better after eating."
"Uhm" was the only sound I managed. What do you even say in such situations?
"I don't know what happened, but I assure you everything will be fine. Just hold on a little more, okay?" he lifted his arm, and I felt his palm landing on top of my head, then started to pat it. A smile broke on his face, and I felt my heart tighten. But this time, it wasn't because I was hurting. It was because, for the first time, it felt like someone understood my pain. A stranger who doesn't even know what I'm suffering from but is not judging and is comforting me instead.
I sniffed and eventually ended up bawling. But this time, not just because I was feeling miserable, but because I was determined to cry it all out of my system before I start picking up my shattered self again. The handsome stranger was right. I just need to keep holding on more, and everything will be all right soon.
I didn't even notice when he left but only realized after a while that I was alone. I didn't even get to thank him for the kindest words I'd ever received from someone when I needed them most.
Was he a student at this University? It was the first time I had met him; I was sure, as his face was not something anyone could easily forget. But which department was he from?
His kind smile was all I could think of as I made my way toward the gates. As I passed the crowded and rowdy open grounds due to the ongoing concert, I did a double take at the white sheet beside the stage used as a projector screen as I recognized the face now projected on it. I will never forget that amber eyes and defined features.
"Hi, I'm Raiden Von Perez of Zenith. Please support us!"
***
Present…
I rested my elbow against the car's window frame and buried my chin in my palm while looking at the lines of buildings we were passing through. However, instead of admiring those tall structures, my mind was busy swimming through my memories of when I first met Raiden.
Yes, that's right. I met him way before he was branded the most sought-after celebrity in the country. Back then, he was still in the early stage of building up his name as the frontman of the rock band Zenith. They have long since disbanded, but he continued his rise to fame by being a solo singer and eventually a great actor.
Those were years ago, but I still remember the kind words he said to me, his mesmerizing eyes and encouraging smile. Since we met, I've supported him as a loyal fan. I go to his mall shows, watch his moves and dramas on television, and even attend his concerts with the little money I can spare.
But that stopped when I got the new job. Yes, I got a higher salary, but somehow, our expenses increased as well, and I was now feeling guilty about spending money on concert tickets or travel expenses when I tried to attend one of Raiden's gigs. I was also dead tired every day due to my stressful job and back-and-forth travel; hence I no longer had the energy to follow his activities. Heck, I don't even have the energy to take care of myself; what more of others!
Which was why I even felt more guilty when the news of his passing floated. I thought I was so miserable that I could no longer think of anybody else. How much more miserable did he feel to ultimately decide to end his life?
His kind words saved me once in my lowest times. Why couldn't I do the same when he needed it the most?
Maybe, this was why I had been granted a second chance. Perhaps it wasn't me who needed the saving this time. It was him. And if being his personal assistant would allow me to do so, then I'm all up for it. No matter how clueless I am about the job description.