**David's POV**
I've walked along this path more times than anyone in our friend group, meaning that I've been through every single "era" of what Wynn liked to call us: "the squad."
In grade seven, I walked with Ashur. In grade eight, I walked with Shiloh, Brianna, Lith, sometimes Calvin, and sometimes Wynn. Grade nine was just Shiloh, Lith and me, sometimes Calvin or Wynn, and the same for grades 10 and eleven. This year, in the first year of the sixth form, I'm walking with Lith and Howin.
I don't like to be the one to complain about things, despite what Howin might say.. But really, can you listen to anything Howin says? Anything Howin says comes from lust or him not being able to pay attention for more than half a nanosecond. Anyway, I'm not one to complain, but things weren't always like this.
If I had to choose which year I enjoyed the most, it would be when I was walking with Lith and Shiloh back in grades nine and ten, before everything that happened in the friend group: Adrian's death, Lith's change, Lith and Shiloh's relationship, Tianna... Everything.
I guess it's just weird that despite everything that has changed between us, I'm still walking down the same path that I've walked in these past six years. If time is an illusion, then every step I take is also being taken right now by a younger David, a happier David.
'Does it even make sense? ' I thought. This wasn't the first time that I tried to organize a meetup between all of us from the friend group. Usually, only a few people would come, or everyone except Lith, or just Shiloh. From what I heard so far, it seemed like everyone would at least be there this time, but who knows what would happen if all of them were in one place. It's like putting eight tigers in a box and expecting that they won't kill each other, or kill me for putting them in said box.
I groaned internally. Why can't life just be more simple, like the old days when we would all just play hide and seek, hiding in the backyards of our neighbors, and then running away when they tried to get our parents to beat our asses for being there in the first place.
At the same time, I was kind of hopeful. It was a new opportunity for my friends to talk to each other again. It was easier being in one place than navigating between eight individual persons, so I was looking forward to a new beginning between us. For the first time in a long time, I was excited.
I made plans for everything that came to my mind, which was a lot. Wynn agreed to ask his dad to give him the keys to the park so we could use them. I planned where we would eat if we got hungry. There would be drinks if we got thirsty because I saved up enough to buy for the entire night. I planned games for us to play, and I made sure that all of them wouldn't cause anyone to get genuinely angry.
I honestly didn't see this going badly. I took all nine people into account when making these plans, so nothing could take me by surprise, and to top it all off, Lith just agreed to come. Even though he was usually stubborn and selfish, he doesn't like to say things he couldn't follow through on, so I could depend on him to be there.
Best-case scenario: Shiloh and Brianna become friends again, Lith and Ashur resolve their issues, Howin gets a girlfriend somehow (probably too hopeful, even for a best-case scenario) Wynn gets cured of his "Kool Kid Syndrome", Calvin develops a shred of empathy for other people, Rashidi's parents don't come to find him at the park and kill him for being around Lith, and then I actually get to sleep tonight.
Worst-case scenario: I kill myself tonight.
I just didn't want to continue being the glue that held these people together. When they told me that before, I thought of it as a good thing, but I didn't realize that I was being drawn out, becoming thinner and thinner. If I continued being pulled like this...
Over the years, things just seemed to only get worse, and it seemed like I was the only one who thought about my friends after we left each other's sight. I know Lith didn't think about us. He told me that, himself. 'Why am I even friends with this guy?' I thought. We are complete opposites. He's the most unsympathetic person in the world.
That day, as I was walking home, I realized that most of my problems stemmed from my own best friend. Some things were not his fault, but others were solely because of his decisions or his disconnection from the world around him.
I looked over at him while I walked. Shiloh mentioned to us before that his eyes always seemed unfocused, even Howin's eyes stared at the ground as if it had meaning. For Lith, it was like nothing had meaning around him.
He explained it to us once, actually: When you're looking at a tree, you don't give notice to the leaves. That doesn't mean that they aren't there, or that you can't see them, but your mind doesn't focus on a single leaf just because it's in front of you. You can see something, but not see anything.
I wish I could do something like that. Not that I want to be as apathetic as Lith, but he thinks my problem is that I try to give attention to every single leaf, to make sure that none of them ever falls off and hits the ground. He thinks I should focus on my leaf, but how can I when everyone's leaf is so dried up, especially his and Shiloh's? I was sure that his leaf was already on the ground, but he wouldn't admit that - not in a straightforward "I need help" kind of way.
Lith's relationship with Shiloh did more harm than good to them both, and to myself for other reasons.
He told me that their relationship wouldn't change things between the three of us, giving me the Jeden smile of reassurance. What he forgot to think about was the fact that he wasn't the only person who had to face the problem. Lith Jeden wasn't afraid of, or perhaps was used to, change, Shiloh and David hated it.
Long story short, that shit was like an airplane that fell out of the sky, hitting my house and then exploding. It would eventually take off again, and I would move houses, but as soon as I finished unpacking my things and was about to lie down in my comfortable bed, it would crash through my roof and blow my house up again.
Lith and I obviously stayed friends, but I and Shiloh drifted apart. Lith and Shiloh don't talk, period.
"Man! I can't wait to see Shiloh tonight!" A voice piped up from beside me.
Lith sighed exaggeratedly deeply. "Shiloh, I'm on my eighteenth rejection." He sighed again "I just want some pussy, god dammit. What do I do?"
The joke pulled me out of my thoughts. That impersonation was spot-on, so perfect that I couldn't help but laugh.
"Cap, I don't even sound like that."
I defended Lith's point. "Howin, I swear on everything that that is exactly how you talk to Shiloh about your girl problems. You always start with a long.." I sighed like Howin would.
"You'll see. I'll prove that I don't do that!"
"We'll see, he says." Lith laughed, dismissing Howin's fake pledge.
"Lith, if you keep talking, I promise you that David is going to get fucked."
"WHAT?!" I protested. "Why are you saying my name when I didn't even make the joke?!"
Howin didn't answer. He had a large, satisfied grin on his face. There was a moment of silence before I realized...
"You meant fucked up... Right?"
Howin's smile grew even larger. There was my answer. I facepalmed, and Lith laughed at my expense. Another reason to miss Shiloh.
"This is why you girls don't like you."