He wanted to touch the scars on Bingwen's back. He wanted to reach out and heal them, make them go away. Bingwen finished changing into his white sleepwear, turning to face Jinghua. His face was completely red, Jinghua could see it with the candle light. Jinghua's intrusive thoughts were going crazy. He wanted to just tackle Bingwen onto his bed. He couldn't. Not yet. Bingwen sat on his bed, fidgeting with his sleeves. Jinghua went to sit next to him, putting his hand on Bingwen's face, then to the ring on the chain, then Bingwen's face again. Bingwen sat still, staring at Jinghua. His hands moved across Bingwen's face, from his cheek, to his lips. Jinghua leaned in, Bingwen closed his eyes, waiting for something to hit his lips. But nothing did. Jinghua had paused.
"Bingwen, are you afraid of me?" Jinghua asked, Bingwen opened his eyes. He thought about it. Jinghua could definitely be intimidating and had scared Bingwen a few times before but was he actually afraid of Jinghua?
Bingwen put his hand on Jinghua's.
"What is there to be afraid of? You've protected me all this time, haven't you?"
Jinghua was surprised, he wasn't expecting Bingwen to say something like that. But with that he leaned in and kissed Bingwen, pushing his body onto the bed. Bingwen was struggling to keep up, holding onto Jinghua's shoulders. It was almost comforting. The two breathed heavily, stopping a few times to catch their breath. Jinghua was over on top of Bingwen, almost shielding him. They continued kissing and pecking at each other. Neither of them had done this before. Jinghua had only learned from erotic novels he had read. And Bingwen seemed to learn from Jinghua very quickly.
Jinghua began to lift Bingwen's ru as his hand quickly slipped up Bingwen's chest.
"Ning Cheng, wait!" Bingwen exclaimed, grappling for Jinghua's hands.
The candle had gone out, everyone else in the palace, in Yusheng, was asleep except for these two.
Bingwen squeezed his eyes shut, Jinghua paused, taking back his hand. The two were silent for a moment, settling themselves down. Bingwen got out from underneath Jinghua and sat at the front of his bed, his knees to his chest. He stared into the darkness of his room.
"Ning Cheng, what is this?" He asked,
Of course he was confused, Jinghua was too. It was…different.
"I'm not sure myself but I'm sure something will come to mind." Jinghua replied, adjusting himself closer to Bingwen. Bingwen put his head in between his legs and took a big, long sigh.
"I used to think," Bingwen began, "That being in love with a hybrid was weird. Of course, I don't think that anymore. I was young. And I know we shared memories that I'm slowly beginning to remember but I feel like I never thought you were any different from me when we were children. But now that I look at you, I keep forgetting that you're not human. Your ears, your nails, your hair, your strength and skin. But…it's all unique."
Jinghua smiled, he was glad Bingwen was starting to remember. He also kept forgetting he was different from Bingwen. Hybrids tended to have larger builds than humans, just like demons, but Bingwen had always been small for his gender. Then Jinghua began to think. If Bingwen were a girl, like Yuming, would Jinghua still feel the same? He remembered he used to have small feelings for Yuming but those were gone now.
"I guess I'm just confused," Bingwen continued on. "I don't know if we have started something and I'm scared. How far is this 'thing' going to go? It's all new and my head gets all fuzzy just thinking about it. I do admit when you…kiss me, it makes me feel a certain way. I guess what I'm looking for is why you chose me. The reasons you…like me like that."
Jinghua blushed in the dark room. He fidgeted with his earring trying to think of something to say. But all he managed to get out was, "You're eyes."
Bingwen took this in a different way, thinking Jinghua only liked his looks. He sighed and dove under his covers. Jinghua muttered, stuttering and trying to reword everything but Bingwen had already turned his back. So Jinghua got under the covers with Bingwen, wrapping an arm around him. This surprised Bingwen but he laid still.
"But not just your eyes." Jinghua said, finally managing to find the words. "I like the way they are bright. They remind me of jade stones. And I like your voice too. It's soft and mellow and soothing. Your hair is a deep black color, silky and always seems to be perfect. The way you see the world, though, is what I really like. You care for others and you feel the pain and pity people go through. You find beauty in cruel things and you make the best of every day. You're quiet and smart and…" He paused. There was so much he could say but he just didn't have enough time.
"Thank you." Bingwen said, "I don't often hear those things." He turned to face Jinghua, resting his head on Jinghua's arm.
"I guess it's my turn now." He said, laughing slightly. His eyes were closed so he was slowly dozing off as he spoke.
"At first, when I met you, from what I remember, I didn't really like you. I didn't trust you either. I guess something changed when you started protecting me. And something you told me a while ago, something that stuck in my heart, it was sweet. You told me, 'Please don't forget me that easily'. You speak your mind and care about one thing at a time. You try to do what's right despite your father and his ways. You stick up for yourself. Something I wish I could do for myself." He had stopped talking after that. Jinghua took a while to fall asleep. He processed everything that had been said and everything he had said. Was it right? What was this turning into? He wanted to cry almost. He was confused. But when he looked at Bingwen and held Bingwen he somehow felt a little better. So he did just that.