A beautiful field full of dandelions and daisies with hints of Roses here and there The breeze in my hair, the touch of grass beneath my fingers, nothing in the air but peace I feel something brushing my hair. I turn to look, and I see Caden's face above me, but the sun is blinding me. I put my hand over my eyes to see better, but he took my hands and locked our fingers together. His hair is slightly blowing with the wind, and his hair is a bit lighter since the sun is shining through.
I feel a hand rub my temple, trying to get my frown to disappear. This almost feels too perfect, and it scares me.
"Just relax." I turn to his soft voice and look at him more closely by sitting up in front of him.
How can I relax after everything we've been through? I think back over everything: we went to the concert, he kissed me for the first time, and I helped him with his anxiety. He helped me in return and he had no idea.
I think about why it went wrong in the first place—oh yeah, the photo and the fact he never trusted me and skipped to conclusions without asking me what happened.
I realise I have been daydreaming, so I come back and blink the worries away and try to enjoy the moment. I look at him next to me, staring at me in a way that makes it look like I am the most important thing to him.
Caden is in much cleaner clothes than I have ever seen him in—a dark blue t-shirt and light blue jeans. His stubble is still there, but clean. His eyes are still so deep that I feel myself falling.
"I missed you." I know I shouldn't, but I do. As corny as it
sounds, these last few days without him have been hell.
"If you could have one wish, what would it be?" Caden looks at me intensely, and I then see his arm lift up with a dandelion.
I close my eyes and mean every word I say. "I wish that we could be like this forever—no worries, no anxiety, no secrets. I also wish Brody was here because he loves you almost as much as me."
My eyes shoot open; maybe I had been too into that wish and accidentally implied I loved Caden. I don't, do I?
He doesn't look shocked, but I can't tell what he is thinking. To forget my embarrassing moment, I decided to ask him the same question.
He doesn't even think before he comes close to my face, holds my cheeks in his warm hands, brings my lips close to his, and whispers,
"I wish for..."
"BREAKFAST!" My eyes shoot open and I look around. I see the sunlight through my bedroom curtains and my desk full of messy papers and drawings.
Reality has never hurt more.
It was just a dream, but it scares me how real it felt.
It's been three months since we last spoke, but in the dream it was a few days. I read somewhere that if you dream and remember it, it is supposed to be a message.
Do I really love Caden? No, that's wrong because I don't trust him, and he doesn't trust me.
I'm being an idiot, aren't I?
I stare at myself in the mirror while I brush my hair. I went to the hairdresser and got a bit of a trim just below my shoulders. I notice my eyes look tired, but I am actually doing okay, or I hope I look like I am.
"Brody, do you want to come with me to town?"
I wait for his response while I put my denim jacket on and look at my outfit. Jeans, a white lace shirt that will no doubt get dirty, but I think it suits me pretty well, and my jacket on top.
"Yes, please, Lala!"
I think I need a refresher, so I am going to head to the library to read my thoughts away. I start to descend the stairs. I see some of Brody's clothes on the stairs, so I pick them up and head to his room to see him trying to tie his shoes.
I enter his room, put his clothes down on his bed, kneel in front of him, gently push his hands away, and start to retie his shoes, which he struggled to do. He looks really down, and I can't help but feel like it is my fault.
I feel really guilty about not really paying attention to him since I have been stressing about Caden. Am I a bad person?
I know I have definitely been an awful sister.
I need to make it up to him, so I will bring him to town and maybe cheer him up if I call Caden to see if he wants to see Brody.
We decide to walk to town to get some fresh air, and as Brody and I are walking, I hold his small hand in mine, and he smiles up at me.
Now that's the Brody I know.
In my own thoughts, I can't help going back to how I left things with Caden. I may have overreacted about the whole me and Caden thing, but my heart misses him, and I know his self-esteem has gone down. When we are in class, he never looks at me; he bolts out of the room the second we are allowed to leave. He never sits under the tree anymore.
I want him to give me a proper explanation since I ran out and ignored him, plus it is long overdue and time for both of us to fix this or at least help it heal.
I want to start over. I just hope we can do it right this time. Of course, there are ups and downs, trust issues, and love triangles.
But if Caden and I can start over and build a stronger friendship and the possibility of a relationship after trusting again, maybe it will all be worth it.
But I will need to take slow steps. The one question I am asking myself right now is,
Will it be worth it?