Many emotions rushed through me as I got home after spending the day with Alissa.
I did have a good day with her, but something inside me still felt heavy.
Of course, it was because of Skyler. I guess I had become more sensitive since the day I figured my feelings out for him.
I could have just told him everything. It would just end all of this, but something inside me just didn't want to end my current relationship with Skyler.
(No…I have to stop this.)
Another day pass by and it was Monday again. It was one of those days when I was supposed to meet up with Skyler.
Though I wanted to go meet him, I decided not to. I thought it was better for me to stay away from him now. These feelings would eventually fade away if I stopped meeting up and talking to him.
On Tuesday when I entered the class, my eyes met with Skyler's but I quickly broke our eye contact.
Just like that Days passed by and I didn't visit him on the cliff nor did I try to interact with him.
I also started to spend more time with Alissa. We started to go home together when we could, ate lunch together, and were together almost all the time.
I thought maybe spending more time with her would make me think less about Skyler.
At one point everyone on the campus thought Alissa and I were a couple.
One day, I was walking with Alissa when a group of girls stopped us. They were Alissa's friends.
"Are you guys really in a relationship?"
"You guys are such a cute couple!"
"Alissa you lucky bitch"
Alissa and I just looked at each other nervously. She was blushing a bit, though I was just uncomfortable with all the extra attention.
Just then someone bumped into me, they forcefully, but secretly handed me a paper in my hand.
"Hey! watch it!" Alissa said as the person rushed off.
I looked at the paper in my hand and then at the person.
"Excuse me I'll be right back" I excused myself to check what was written on the paper.
"Ah okay..." Alissa said looking a bit concerned.
I looked at the paper and it said "I'm not even a threat to her."
(Skyler...it was him.)
I clenched the paper in my hand.
(You are not a threat. You are far worse than that idiot.)
I thought about that as I went back to the group I was with before.
The paper made me realize I missed him....a lot.
After classes were over, I went to the bus station and got on the bus.
My initial plan was to go home and not think much about it.
But when I reached my stop, my legs didn't move, to step out off the bus. It was as if my body was telling me to go to the cliff, but my mind was telling me not to.
In the end, I missed my stop.
I stopped in front of the path that led to the cliff. A sense of disappointment filled me.
(Who are you kidding Alex, he wouldn't be here, he probably hates me now, I should just head back home.)
Disappointed in myself, I decided to turn back and go back home.
"Are you not coming?"
I heard a familiar voice. A voice, so calming yet so sad. The person to who this calming voice belonged, walked ahead of me without looking back and stopped.
"Are you not?" he said with his back towards me.
"S-Skyler..." I whispered.
He turned around and looked at me, his head tilted as if he was waiting for a response but I couldn't say anything.
After a moment of silence, he turned back and started to walk upwards.
I followed him quietly without exchanging a single word.
It's been more than 3 weeks since we last talked, I was uncomfortable following him but my body just wouldn't stop.
The silence was broken by Skyler when we reached the end of the cliff.
"I didn't expect you to follow me," He said, his back still facing me.
"Yeah.." I replied in a low tone.
"You probably had fun," Skyler said as he calmly took off his coat.
I couldn't reply.
(I left him alone, there is no excuse to tell why I did it)
"I just…felt like I was invading your privacy". I said looking down
He looked at me, his expression turning into a frown.
"And when the hell did I ever say you were invading my privacy?"
I could tell he was angry but controlling himself.
"Look I did what I thought was right" I replied.
"Who are you to decide what's right and what's wrong? Are you just trying to hide the fact that you did all this for that girlfriend of yours?" he said, his tone getting higher.
(Girlfriend? I did this for you and your boyfriend!)
"I told you about my parents, my aunt heck I even went out with you! I don't go out with anybody all for you to ghost me?" his tone went as higher as he spoke.
(No...)
"I avoided you! Because you were in a relationship! I didn't want your bf to get the wrong idea."
"Now I have a bf? wow, Alex are you fucking with me right now?"
"That Blond guy from the day we went out, I saw you introduce him to your aunt!"
"THAT GUY IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND! HOW CAN I DATE SOMEONE I MET JUST A DAY AGO!?"
I had never heard Skyler's voice raised that high, he had an angry and annoyed expression but his eyes were showing nothing but sadness. Looking at him made my heart ache.
(He looks so broken...is this because of me?)
He was right, how could I assume something I know nothing off?
Silence took over again.
The heavy weight on my chest was lifted when he said that he had nothing to do with that guy and the fact that I hurt him all this time for nothing came ringing in my head.
It was worst than the pain I had before, the fact that I hurt him knowingly...
Skyler just turned around and sat on the edge of the cliff again facing the other side.
(I-I was only thinking about myself all this time. I didn't think about how lonely he would have been. I'm so selfish.)
I walked towards him and sat behind him and lightly put my head on the back of his shoulder.
My heart felt so heavy at that moment my eyes filled up with tears.
"I'm sorry," I said "I was selfish, I was wrong".
Skyler stayed quiet.
"Skyler...please..." I said my voice cracking a little.
Still no response from him.
"I...I'm sorry Skyler...please ...I'm sorry don't hate me I beg you...*hick*" tears started rolling from my eyes.
"Skyler...please."
He slowly turned around and grabbed my face lightly to make it look towards his, his face an inch farther from mine. Tears were still running down my eyes as I looked at his beautiful face.
"you really are an idiot". he whispered as he looked in my eyes.
By now the sun was down and only a cold breeze could be felt in our surroundings.