The closet door was torn open, flooding the dark closet with light. I squeezed my eyes shut for lack of a better plan, but given the severity of the fucked up situation I found myself in it was a sane a plan as any. There were men talking over me thier deep voices sounding closer than they should be and thier words muffled by the ringing in my ears. I was too scared to open my eyes to cowardly to face death in the face. Something cold and clammy touched me and I shrunk further into the closet still keeping my eyes closed. I may not survive this but I'll be damned if my killers face was the last thing I saw.
As precious seconds ticked by the incessant ringing lessened but even then my brain could not comorehend what was going on. Then I heard an impossible muffle join the others. Like a ray of sunshine breaking through storm clouds her voice rebounded in my head clearing out the confusion. What she was saying was not clear but that gently hard voice was definitely Monica's. I peaked behind my lashes hoping to god the men would not notice my gaze. It was Monica. She was battered and bruised and bleeding but it was definitely Monica.
A huge wave of relief washed over me. Although the thought had yet to fully form absolute terror tightened it's grip in my heart at the abstract thought of Monica's death. Hearing her voice amidst all the chaos took the edge off my breaking psyche. It soothed fears I had not had the chance to contemplate. I attempted to get on my feet drawing attention to myself. Monica's eyes landed on me relief flooding her face temporarily before it was replaced with concern. She launched forward just as all feeling left my body and I descended into darkness.
.
When I woke up I was still in my apartment. A wet rug had been placed on my forehead and I was in an oversized T shirt that i definitely had not been wearing. I was all alone in my room and for a second it felt like I just woken up from a bad dream. The wet towel slid from my forehead as I tried to get up. My efforts were rewarded with vicious throbbing from my temples that had me dropping back into the bed reminding me of how real all this was. Without the threat of immenent death I began to wonder if not dying had been the better deal. I found the idea of dying comforting, because it meant an end to all needs and desires. Yet, when I come in close proximity to death my body's survival intinct kicked in.
The ringing in my ear was still present but barely registered in my mind. Despite being deterred by pain I gathered strength and managed to get out of bed. Other than an unforgiving headache the rest of my body was in one piece. Again I wondered if death was honestly the worst thing that could have happened. I have always been a pessimist with an undertaker's sense of humor. I took slow unsteady steps towards the door, intent on reaffirming that I was once again safe in my house.
I lay my ears against the door straining but praying against catching any sounds. My heart fell for a second before attempting to run away from my chest as I caught muffled whispers coming from outside my bedroom door. I stopped in my tracks too scared of alerting the people on the other side of the door. It was a redudant gesture, as my door creaked open and a stranger peered into the room. We locked eyes for a second before he recoiled surprised ,what by, I could not fathom.
"Monica! she's awake" he shouted loud enough for me to hear.
The dread and uncertainty that had gripped me from the moment I had opened my eyes slowly faded as Monica rushed into view. She was no longer covered in blood but her beautiful face still had cuts and bruises. She was wearing my vest, which exposed her heavily bandaged arms. She paused at the door taking me in, an unreadable emotion etched onto her face. Second dragged by and she remained motionless as if scared to approach me. In that moment after narrowly escaping death thanks to Monica pleasantly foreign feelings bubbled to the surface drenching my void soul and trembling heart. Not knowing how to handle the situation, I held out my hands towards her, wanting nothing more than to comfort her and be comforted by her . She had always been a sensitive soul and even though i was doubting her very existence, nothing mattered more than the warmth of her embrace.
She rushed into my arms then, accepting my silent invitation. She threw herself at me wincing on contact with my body. She ignored her pain, pulling me close until all I could see and breathe was her. I stood there in her arms as the alien warmth spread throughout my body. Then came the tremors. Like a silent trickle that had been ignored for too long and was now overflowing. It started as a little muscle twitch and a few seconds later my entire body was shaking. My vision blurred and for one glorious second I thought it was the end for me. That errant thought had panic settling heavily in my stomach. Why if it was the end for me?...Once again my body fought against what my mind longed for. Absolute peace. My teeth chartered painful against each other as quake after quake tore through my entire body until I was nothing but a lump of shivering flesh. The last thing I felt was Monica pulling me closer before it went dark again.
I woke up with a start. The uneven, cold, hard floor dug painfully into my back. I tried to adjust my position but was snapped back in place by restraints. My body warmed up thinking Monica had decided to get kinky only to be rewarded with a cold splash of reality when my eyes finally adjusted. I was in a strange room lying on the floor. My hands had been pulled back and painfully tied behind my back. The room was deserted save for me and the occasional rat that scurried past me. I fought against blind panic as I glanced wildly around the room looking for an escape route. I tried to stand once again but a vicious pain in my abdomen knocked me back onto the floor writhing in pain. A gush of air blew into the room from the space underneath me followed by water trickling in. I tried to sit up again ignoring the pain and would have succeeded if it were not for the fact that my legs had been bound too. I fell back onto the floor pain and fear clouding my judgment as my tears blinded me . The door on my far right swung open and a butcher walked in knife high up in the air. He charged straight at me...
I shot up from my bed and was rewarded with a vicious throb in my temple. I was in my room, my clothes drenched in sweat. The memory of my nightmare still fresh in my mind. Phantoms of horror still slithering on my skin. Monica's worried face hovered into view and rather than relief I felt annoyed. I slapped her hands that were going for my forehead. It was either an attempt to either calm me or check my temperature, neither one of those gestures were welcome. I had had enough of feeling weak and afraid. Those emotions were all but alien to me and I preferred for them to remain that way. She recoiled from my aggressive hands the lines in her forehead burrowing deeper.
"Am so sorry," her voice softly quivered as if she were on the verge of breaking down into tears. A day earlier I would have offered her some form of comfort. However, after recent events I could help but wonder if she only showed weakness to get the upper hand. Her hand hovered midair for a minute before she let them drop to her laps.
"Let me explain." She pleaded. I shook my head wanting nothing more than to crawl into my bed and forget the entire ordeal. More scaring to more was the fear I experienced. I wanted nothing that would make me feel so utterly helpless like that again. I was still terrified but aware enough to know whatever she had to say would only get me into trouble. She should have left me in a hospital and disappeared like she had previously done. The fact that she was still here meant she either did not want to or could not. I am hoping the former was true.
"I cant lose you again I dont want to." tears punctuated her sentence as she sobbed into her hands. I should have thrown her out, changed the lock or better yet moved to another country. I knew better and the universe had gone out of it's way to reaffirm my decision. She was stronger than she let on and if anything she was probably manipulating me. Despite all that I still pulled her close my aching body a reminder why this was a bad decision. I wrapped my hands around her neck and tilted her head up with my thumb until we locked eyes. She would not loose, was what she had said, her eyes said she could not loose.