If his words had hurt her, Seol swallows it down with dignity. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her cower.
"Seo -" she says, her voice dropping. "Don't fight with me."
A muscle in his jaw twitches, tightens and then relaxes. The fury leaves him as fast as it had seized him and those silvery depths soften. Inadvertently she lifts a hand to his shoulder, placing it there to better balance herself.
"This isn't about you." With all her being she wills him to understand. "It's about me. I don't want to be the key to someone's treasury. I don't want a man who marries me for my dowry lands. And I would never live it down if - because of me - you have to bow to a man who hasn't done one tenth of what you have to your people."
Seo draws away. His gaze drops.
"They aren't my people," his voice is small and almost petulant. For a moment Kang Seo is stripped of his battle hardened rigor and what is left is the orphaned boy from Shinju, who did not truly belong anywhere. "This is all treasonous talk mama, and it's late." He has barely turned away when Seol holds him back.
"We've always been on the same side," she pleads. "Don't desert me now. Not when I know I'm doing the right thing." He doesn't reply, his face turned away from her pleading eyes. Seo doesn't wish to subject himself to that gaze of hers, which urges him to do ill-advised things such as gathering her into his arms. "Oh do you truly believe I'm being whimsical? That the present way of things is right? Do you truly believe I should just be grateful for having been legitimized through adoption and keep my mouth shut?"
Seol drags in a mouthful of air, her lower lip trembles.
"Look at me Kang Seo!" Her voice sharpens. "Tell me you'd rather have me live under the thumb of some man who has unvetted discretion over all my life decisions - say the words and I will drop this pursuit -"
He pauses the onslaught of words with a thumb pressed to her lower lip. Palm cradling her face and fingers combing into loose curls by her ear, it is the most intimate touch Seo had ever allowed himself and Seol presses her face into his hand - peering in with glistening eyes.
"Say the words."
"Grand prince Anjong."
"Huh?" Seol blinks. Seo allows his hand to drop, clenches his fist as he thinks over what the vision evoked by her well placed words had made him do. It was one thing to know that she could never be anything to him other than his duty; but another to imagine where life would take her afterwards. He had never tortured himself with such thoughts, until they were pressed into his conscious by her.
"You need someone to sponsor your law. Someone who is not your mother and definitely not your imperial father. Grand Prince Anjong is the best place to start."
Her smile in reply is iridescent. Seo blinks slowly, struck by the way her face transforms from gloom to glory. He shrugs as if to rid himself of the dragged stupor.
"So when are we leaving?" She asks eagerly.
"On our way back," Seo replies, his voice cautious and low. "It is a two day detour south from the mountain pass. And you should write to your cousin mama - you need a reason to visit."
"Kang Seo -?"
"Yes, mama?"
"Thank you."
He moves as if to touch her again, but leaves his hand hanging in the air.
"Your highness should know that I will be the last person to desert you, whatever your course shall be. You could command me to the ends of earth and beyond if you wish to." He sighs. "I may not have anything else to offer, but my loyalty has never been in question. There is no fight between us mama. I'd set the world aflame before you become any man's pawn."
Pulse jumps at the base of her throat at the intensity of that expression. Seol clutches a hand over her throbbing pulse and her lips part into a hasty inhale. How could he possibly expect her to turn away from and forget a man who is willing to set the world on fire for her? Seo may see the question at the tip of her tongue, for he cuts her off before she could formulate it.
"It's late," he repeats. "You should return to your pavilion mama."
"Will I be seeing you tomorrow?"
Seo hesitates for a moment before nodding.
"Enjoy time with your family - mama, despite anything you may say, it is one thing north could never offer." He casts his gaze down before she dicephers to much of his longing.
"Good night."
*
The twins Yun and Yeo had brought an embroidered silk ball into the spring pavilion. They make a right fuss over it, throwing the ball at each other over the tea table set out for nine people. The court ladies appointed for serving exchange dark looks when it goes over their heads in a neat projectile before landing on the oncoming tea service with a clatter.
Yul the third prince born after a hard labor that nearly cost the queen her life, had brought a heavy leather bound volume of war tactic to the table, had it propped open and was discussing a mind numbing siege formation theory with Yong - who looked near tears. Over the messy head of his paler, leaner younger brother Yong catches Seol's eye as she approaches the pavilion and rolls his eyes to mimic a dying expression.
Seol covers a grin behind her hand and gets hit square on the forehead with the silk ball being tossed around. Yeo taller but younger of the two pauses with his mouth agape, Yun comes running and collides against her. Seol has to reach out and grab her court lady's hand to remain upright. The lady - Min Ha, herself stumbles and sends a set of silverware smashing into the ground. The resulting clutter makes their ears ring.
Seol gets hold of Yun, stills him with all the force she could master while Yong stands up.
"Sort yourselves out," he says, calling the chaos into order. "It hurts if the imperial mother does it."
"Nui," Yun tugs at her sleeve. "Will you come with us to the lake later - to see the boats being set off?" Yun had one of his front teeth missing, he pressed his tongue to the gap it left out as he waited for her reply. The image of her younger brother makes laughter bubble out of Seol's mouth.
"Finally you could tell them apart," she tells Min Ha with a grin. "Yeo - I command you, don't lose your front teeth."
"I'm taller!" Yeo points out aggrieved.
"Mother said they grow back!" Yun is hysterical. "They do - aren't they? Am I going to be toothless for all eternity?"
Seol exchanges a wicked grin with Yong, before taking her place at his side. Min Ha arranges her skirts and fuss over her sleeves.
"Nui! Hyungnim*! Am I going to be toothless?"
"That's quite an interesting prospect though…" Seol comments evilly.
"Oh Nui, what will the nation say of our toothless brother?" Yong wonders out loud. "One by one he is going to lose them all."
"I'm going to die!" Yun squats on the floor, fists pressed to forehead. "I'm not going to live a toothless life."
Seol couldn't control it any longer. Her tea splattered everywhere as she doubled over laughing.
"Tooth - less - life!" she cackled. "Heavens, Yong - ah, I envy the life you live. With your teeth and all."
It takes them a while to contain their laughter. Yun watches them with large tear filled eyes that Seol feels guilty for laughing so much. Yun and Yeo had their mother's eyes, endearing them to anybody they turned that charm on. Seol reaches for him with a compassionate arm.
"Lady mother was right, Yun-ie, they do grow back. We were simply making fun of you."
"You are cruel!" Yun bares his teeth, "Don't want to play with you anymore!" He left stomping as Seol stood up.
"He'd need consoling - don't you think?"
Seol rushes after Yun but loses the sight of him once she has reached the labyrinth of passages leading to different courtyards. The passages are littered with court ladies rushing to and from - an occasional official hastily bowing past - but no sign of her brother. She is about to give up and return when the tail end of a conversation reaches her ears.
"That northern bastard..!" Seol pauses, craning her neck over the bushes that obscured her sight. The speakers, two ministers from the mid council, walked out from the war department, their faces dark. "This is blasphemous, why would his imperial majesty do this to us - bringing in filth from all over the country and filling ranks! That hojok* base-born, conferred with Jaesang* - where is this nation heading!"
The two men stop dead on their tracks when they notice Seol, watching them with her face red and fists clenched. The corner of her mouth twitches in a way that eerily resembles the emperor in his tempers. The oldest of the two bows with a flourish.
"In Ha gongjunim* mama," his reverence is as face as his icy smile. "Many felicitations on the double yang festival."
They hurry past her, not before Seol could hear their urgent murmurings.
"She's so well wrapped around his finger - poor lass. These base born filth know just how to manipulate things to their advantage."
Seol makes a move to march after them, half in mind to rip the men with her bare hands, only to have her held back by the upper arm.
"I'd keep my temper in check - mama," Seo steps into her path, advising in a low tone that remains between them. "Especially, if I had a law I want to pass through the mid council."
"Kang Seo!" Her voice rings sharp, she is well aware that the two ministers had paused to listen. "Come have tea with us -!"
**
Glossary:
Hyungnim - the respective form of address for older brother
Hojok - local gentry a level below noblemen,
Jaesang - a general term for high rank officials
Gongjunim - imperial princess/ emperor's daughter