If it weren't for snapchat, I don't know if we would have ever spoken again. I spent an hour, asking people if they had his, and finally Madisyn did. 5 days later, Hayden and I decided to give 'us' a try. It wasn't going to be the easiest thing, as I lived 20 minutes away, but we wanted to make it work. So we sent pictures of our days to each other, and facetimed some nights.
Our first date, was simple. We met at a park near my dads and we went on a late night walk. It was much nicer to walk late, because there was no one to bother us.
While I'm not sure if it was love at first sight for him, I believe it was for me. I knew that he was attractive at least. But that doesn't mean that's where the love started. Maybe the love only started while draining the noodles. Or maybe it hadn't even been love yet.
I've always stuck to the same routines while visiting my dad and they mainly consisted of cooking and cleaning for him. Once I started going out with Hayden, a lot changed. I wasn't home as much, so a lot of things went undone. My dad was no help, but I still didn't choose to stay home. I wanted to be out and I wanted to be with Hayden. I hadn't felt this excited to be with someone before.
Within the first few dates, him and I got to know eachother well. I knew that his favorite food was pizza, which I told him was cliche. I knew his favorite color is blue, but he looks best in red. And I knew that he had been struggling, stressed out by his mom and grandma.
I told him about my family, how school was the only stressful thing that made an impact. And I also told him about I was always the one my family didn't worry about. But that bothered him. He doesn't think it's fair that they just don't worry about me. To him, my parents choosing not to worry was like my parents choosing everyone else over me. I had never thought of it that way.
5 dates in and I made him cookies. Peanut butter cookies, because I knew he enjoyed them. He offered to take me to dinner for our next date but I said no. I told him I'd prefer dates that don't cost anything. He was upset because he thought I said so because I knew he was having money problems, but that wasn't it.
I've always struggled to accept gifts, and I hated when people bought me things. It makes me feel as if I need to worth that much more to them, or they'll see I'm not worth their time. While I know he'd never do that, I still wasn't able to accept it. Instead, I suggested we go on a picnic, one when I'd supply everything and he'd relax. He was hesitant but he could tell I needed to feel needed. So he accepted.