March,12,2012 (FLASHBACK)
(HANWOOL POV)
"Noona"! I ran across the corridor and jump in front of my best friend.
"Yah"! you almost make me have a heart attack, I already told you to stop running and jumping around. She told me while clenching her fist on her chest.
"Noona even though you are older than me, doesn't mean you are old enough to get a heart attack". I told her while sticking my tongue before running again.
YAH! HANWOOL! you come here! She shouted before started running to catch me.
TIME SKIP...
Both of us lie down on the practice room floor to cool off our sweat from our little marathon around the building. After a few minutes of silence, she started the conversation. "Hanwool, I think I already told you to just called me by my name right"?. I just stayed silent for a while before replying." I know, but I felt weird when other people called you formal while I just talk without any worry about it". I told her and sighed.
"Hmmm"... I chuckled when I tried to peek at her and saw her make expressions like thinking something.
AHA! she shouted and stood up before sitting down comfortably with a grin on her face.
"I have an idea since you are uncomfortable called me by my name, how about we make a nickname for each other".She told me with a wide smile.
"So that's what you think deeply huh".I told her with a smirk.
"A nickname huh...I continued
"Ok how about I called you Irene".After I told her that, she makes a confused face.
"Why Irene ?" she asked, "I called you Irene because she was the goddess of peace and the season of spring in Greek mythology". I told her with my proud face.
"Yah!, I told already to stop reading a book about Greek mythology".She told me while tried to slap my back." It makes you become obsessed with it" she continued.
"Why it suits you because when you are around me I feel very peaceful and calm also remember when we first time met in spring, "I told her while trying to avoid her slap. Thankfully, she stops from slap my back. She glared at me before she continues talking."Ok accepted that then I will call you Hestia the goddess of the hearth because you are very kind and I also saw you sometimes help another trainee even though you just finish the evaluation".She told me before looking at me with a smile on her face.
"Wait... wait...how do you know about Greek mythology?" I thought you did not interested in it..."I asked with a smirk on my face before continuing."Don't tell me that you...." before I finish she interrupted."oh look at the time right now, didn't you tell me that you have some photoshoot at 2 pm".
After she told me that, I look at the clock in the practice room, before rushing to pack my stuff in my backpack because I was almost late. Before I left, I remember something."It's ok if you don't tell me how you know about it, for your reminder Irene is also known as a beautiful goddess it almost makes me think you are a reincarnation of her"I teased her for the last time before running to the lobby.
(IRENE POV)
"It's ok if you don't tell me how you know about it, for your reminder Irene is also known as a beautiful goddess it almost makes me think you are a reincarnation of her," he told me before running away. Suddenly I felt my face become very hot which makes me fan myself with my hand.
(HANWOOL POV)
After I got out of the elevator, I saw the manager that will accompany me to the photo shoot, I went to him and apologized because coming late. He told me to relax because the photo shoot will be delayed for a bit. Both of us walk out of the building...
(FLASHBACK END)
November,3,2013
Before I walked out, I just got some flashbacks of how I and Irene give each other nicknames, that memory makes me unconsciously smile on my own. That memory also gives some thought to what I have done to Irene to make her sent a complaint that I didn't do and she knows me very well that I am not that type of guy. I continued walking out while not knowing what will happen to me after this and what will wait for me in this cruel world.
December,3,2013
It has been a month since I got kicked out of the company, I tried to apply to another company and called some of my friends that became a trainee in those companies. However, all of them ignored me when I called and some of them even blocked my number. The company that I applied to also rejected me because of the report that has been sent from SM Entertainment that contains a full bad evaluation of my behaviour and also contains a copy of the complaint from the trainee.
December,25,2013
Right now, I'm just holed up in my one-bedroom apartment that I managed to rent with my own savings money. I just wrapped my body with a blanket like 'ssam" to make sure my body gets warmed during this heavy winter. I stood up to wash my face in my bathroom. I saw my reflection in a mirror. I'm only 18 years old but my body started to thin and my face became concave due to a lack of sleep and lack of appetite. I can only sigh to myself and my fate.
I walked out of the bathroom and went to my backpack to get my medicine. Two weeks ago, I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My condition was right now opposite to mine when I was still a trainee. When I got out to find part-time, I could feel all eyes are staring at me, it makes me scared of others judging me. All of this happens because some articles about me with the title
"TRAINEE H FROM BIG3 COMPANY GOT KICKED OUT DUE TO PAST HISTORY AND BAD BEHAVIOUR FOR ENVIRONMENT IN COMPANY"
In the articles, it told about complaints that issue to me, it also has an interview with some trainee from another company that claimed that I threaten for money, there also a girl trainee claimed that I harassed her sexually. The most absurd accusation to me claimed that I bully my junior in middle school and even stole things from the convenience store. At the end of the article, it shows a picture of me in my middle school year.
Some people in the comment claimed that they are in the same school as me and told me that I was cocky and ignorant when they meet me in school. Some of them claimed that they are the junior that get bullied by me. Almost all the comments in the comment section insult me and what makes my heart hurt the most some of them even insult parents who already pass away.
Due to this, day by day I became more depressed and my room became a mess because sometimes I had nightmares.
December,31,2013
It was very shocking in just a month, my daily life full of happiness sink into the abyss because of some accusation. This day I decided to make the day full of torture for myself ending because I can't take any more insults and accusations. I already wrote the letter 'if' someone finds me. Yes, if. I already stood on the chair and put the rope around my neck. I kicked away the chair, and the rope around my neck started to tighten. My body keeps swaying front and back. Suddenly I heard my door get knocked down, I barely heard some voice but I'm sure it was a man's voice because I started to lose consciousness. But whose care, Mom, Dad see you soon...
Quotes Of Chapters:
"Losing your life is not the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing is to lose your reason for living."
― Jo Nesbo