"He's...he's still in the yard yard. But he's...what the fuck...he's upside down..."
"Sir? Stay on with me, what is happening?"
"He's staring right at me...but he's...he's standing on his hands now. He's perfectly still, staring straight at me. He's doing a handstand and he's smiling at me and not moving."
"He's...he's doing a handstand, sir?"
"I...I don't know how he...yeah, he's facing me and standing on his hands and he's got this huge smile and he's perfectly still...what the FUCK...please get someone out here NOW."
"Sir I need you to remain calm. I've put out the call and an officer is on his way."
"His teeth are so huge...what the fuck, please help me..."
"Sir I want you to try and keep an eye on him but make sure your back door is locked again. We need to make sure all possible access points are secured. Can you talk me through and confirm that your back door is locked?"
"Okay...I'm walking backwards now and keeping him in my sight...
My hand is on the back doorknob now...it's locked. I need to check the deadbolt so I'm going to take my eyes off of him for a split second."
"Alright sir. Help is on the way. Just stay on the phone with me, everything's going to be alright.
Sir?