Mikan lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was very tired and her head still hurt–she really needed to be more careful about alcohol–but she couldn't sleep. Her mind was stuck in a loop, going over the same thing again and again. Should she sleep with Wu? It had plagued her since the man had first proposed it. Mikan had never even considered having sex with him before he said it but now she couldn't get it out of her head. Because she wanted to. She could admit that to herself. But should she?
Wu was a very handsome man, even at his age, and Mikan had seen his cock. What would something that big feel like? She'd seen him fuck Carmen with it and she had certainly made it seem enjoyable. Mikan was curious, she couldn't deny it. Moreover, she liked Wu. She knew Callum and Valencia didn't so she'd kept quiet but there was something so compelling about his cavalier arrogance. Wu seemed carefree. Mikan wished she could live like that.
And the power. Mikan would be lying if she said that wasn't part of what attracted her. Maybe most of what attracted her. The idea of having so much power that she could do what he did, blocking every attack that came her way like it was nothing. She'd never have to be afraid again. And she could help. She could be useful. Worth something.
She wanted for all those reasons but she was terrified to go through with it after the way Callum had acted. He'd turned Wu down instantly and all but called Wu sick in the mind. So if Mikan had sex with him, would Callum think she was sick? Would their relationship--whatever it was--be over? It was hard to imagine. He'd always been so nice to everyone. But she'd never seen him treat anyone with anything approaching disdain before they'd encountered Wu. Moreover, Mikan wondered if she should even care. He hadn't given any indication that he was interested in her as more than a friend and now he was sleeping with Valencia. Yet Mikan still treasured that friendship, still hoped that it blossomed into something more.
The same thoughts whirled in her head again and again. She couldn't come to any answers but she couldn't stop thinking about it. She didn't get any sleep and her head continued to pound. Eventually she got up and trudged to the mess hall. The smells of the food made her stomach churn but she managed to find some bland crackers and asked for the biggest cup of water they had. She sat, alone, slowly chewing her crackers and gulping down the water. It made her feel a little better.
"Hey, you alright?" Mikan glanced up. It was Deni.
"O-oh, hey," Mikan mumbled.
Deni slid into the seat across the table from her. He was wearing a different vest this time. Blue with green patterns. It looked good on him. He also had three necklaces now, all different than the two he'd had on the night they met. "Are you bummed out because you lost to Wu? You shouldn't be. That man is a fucking monster." He grinned, showing off his rows of small teeth.
"No, that's not it…I just feel a little sick after last night…the-the alcohol, I think."
"Oh, yeah? I've heard from other humans that the key is drinking water with your booze. I don't know if it really works. We icke process things differently."
"I see. Thanks."
Deni leaned back in his seat, dropping one arm behind the back of his chair. "That's not all you're dealing with is it?" Mikan looked down at the remains of her crackers without answering. "You don't have to give me the details but I may be able to help a little." He grinned again "I'm more than just a good fuck, I'll have you know."
Mikan considered it. She hadn't even thought about talking it over with anyone because there was no way she could bring it up with Callum or Valencia. And she had no one else besides her parents and brother--which was an even worse idea. But Deni certainly wouldn't judge her and she didn't see how talking to him would make it back to Callum. "Um...okay. What-what would you do if you had a chance to do something you really wanted to do. Something that might really benefit you but your friends might despise you for it."
"I'd do it," Deni said without hesitation.
"Just like that?" Mikan asked, blinking in surprise.
Deni nodded. "Listen, life is short. Especially for people like us who live on the fringes. There isn't time for hesitation and regret. Besides, if they are really your friends, they might disagree with what you do but they won't hate you."
"You think so?"
"Maybe!" he said brightly. "I actually don't know them. They might be real cunts." He patted her hand and then stood up. "Do what makes you happy. Why live any other way?"
"Thanks…" Mikan said as Deni strode away, shouting a greeting to someone else. She almost added, "for nothing" but there had been some good advice buried in there. She couldn't honestly see Callum hating her, even if she slept with Wu but she could see herself regretting not taking this chance. Her decision was made. Really, it had been made before she talked to Deni. Now she just had to find the courage to follow through.
It turned out that she had less time than she thought. It seemed that once Wu made a decision, he didn't waste a moment. Tianlong was in transit toward the system where Shimayasumota was just a few hours after she talked to Deni. The jump was instantaneous to the human mind so before she knew it, Mikan was packing up to return to the fie's ship in a kind of daze. She pushed her luggage out behind Valencia and headed for the mech bay with her stomach so tight she thought she might vomit up her meager meal of crackers.
Wu was waiting for them in the bay, with Joan. Callum went to talk to him but there was a sort of strange pressure in Mikan's head that made it impossible for her to listen. If she was going to say something, she needed to say it now. If she went back to Shimayasumota, she might never be on Tianlong again. 'Come one, Mikan, say it. Say it!' The words wouldn't come. She glanced at Wu, hoping he might say something, but he didn't. The offer was made, it was up to her to accept or reject it. Then they were on their way to the mechs and Mikan felt hope draining out of her.
"Wait!" a voice called out. It wasn't Wu but his daughter. Taka came sprinting across the bay. "Wait!" she called out again. She had a jumpsuit on and a large bag slung across her back. "Take me with you!"
"What?" Callum and Wu spoke at the same time, Wu angry and Callum confused.
"I'm tired of living on this ship…with him," she shot Wu a venomous glare. "I want to meet other humans. Normal humans. Away from this fucking shit show. I can help you. I'm a pilot, too. I can carry my weight."
"I understand but…" Callum glanced at Wu uncomfortably.
"Please," Taka said. Mikan's eyebrows shot up. She had never expected to hear that word out of the acidic mouth of the young woman.
Callum glanced from her to Wu and back and then took a slow breath. "Alright. You can come with us." Mikan inhaled sharply and Valencia looked stricken.
"What?!" Wu roared.
"She wants to come with us," Callum said evenly. "I don't have a problem with it."
"Well, I do!" he shot back.
"She can make her own choice," Callum said, perfectly neutral. Mikan wondered what he was feeling below the surface. It was impressive that nothing was showing.
"She's my daughter, god damn it!" Wu snapped. "I don't want her joining a bunch of…a bunch of…terrorists!" Joan touched him lightly on the arm and whispered something in his ear. Wu glanced around and seemed to pull his anger back.
"You can't control me forever," Taka said softly.
Wu took several deep breaths and calmed himself. "No, I don't suppose I can." Then suddenly he laughed. "Too much of me in you." Taka blanched. "Fine, do what you want. I bet you'll be back before too long, though."
"Never," Taka growled.
Silence stretched as Taka hustled over to stand with Callum. 'Is she going to ride to Shimayasumota with Callum?' The stray thought gave Mikan an idea. Before she could think about it, she burst out, "Taka can take my mech back if she wants!"
All eyes turned to her and Mikan almost wilted under the scrutiny. "What are you talking about?" Callum asked.
"Um…she doesn't have her own right…a-and it would be awkward to ride in your mech and," Mikan tried to swallow past her dry throat. "And, I want to stay here for a little while longer."
Callum and Valencia glanced at each other and then both of them hurried over to Mikan. They interposed themselves between her and Wu. "You're not actually thinking of…being with him, are you?" Valencia asked.
"I didn't say that…" Mikan said, not meeting her eyes.
"You are," Callum said, softly. "You actually are."
His voice wasn't accusatory, just wondering but Mikan reacted defensively anyway. "So what if I am?"
"Well, first of all, he's old enough to be your grandfather," Valencia said.
"He doesn't look like an old man. He's handsome." Mikan's tone sounded petulant even to her. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to defend herself. She just wanted to be left alone to do as she liked.
"Don't let him trick you into being one of his whores," Taka said, moving to Valencia's other side. "You're not any more special to him than any other woman."
"I know. And he's not special to me either."
"Then how could you sleep with him?" Valencia asked.
Mikan didn't have an answer for that. Surprisingly, it was Callum that saved her. "She doesn't have to explain herself to us. If this is the choice she made, we should accept it." Valencia glanced at him and then shrugged and nodded.
"Well, I think she is a stupid slut and making a horrible decision. But it's no skin off my ass," Taka said. "Thanks for the mech, skank." Mikan was really starting to dislike her.
Callum reached out a hand and put it on Mikan's shoulder. "Be careful. And call us if you need anything." He looked troubled. Mikan was torn between relief that he was letting her do what she wanted without scorning her and heartbreak that he wasn't stopping her. The three of them, joined by Myna, entered their mechs and left the hangar. Mikan watched them go and began to feel very alone.
She jumped when Wu let out a huge sigh. When she looked at him, he seemed to be wobbling on his feet, shoulders slumped. "Am I really such an awful father?" he cried out.
"No," Joan said, patting him on the back. "No. Well, kind of. Yeah." Wu looked like she slapped him across the face and she laughed. "Taka needs to go find her own path. She wasn't happy here. You did a good thing, letting her go."
"Maybe," he muttered. Staring after the retreating mechs. He suddenly turned to Mikan and she almost jumped. 'So you decided to stay." He nodded in a sort of satisfied manner. "Good. I sensed you had more guts than you were letting on." He walked over to her and took her hand. He was gentle but Mikan was struck by how much bigger his hands were than hers and how calloused they were. Despite his fine robes and elevated manner, he was clearly a person who had worked hard in his life. He opened her virtual display and did something with it. Mikan couldn't take her eyes off his face long enough to see what it was. "There, now you have access to my quarters. Come to me in, let's say, two hours."
Mikan swallowed hard and nodded. Her heart felt like it was trying to pound its way out of her chest. Wu dropped her hand and walked away. He passed by Joan, who grinned cheekily at Mikan, and then followed him. Mikan waited until they were gone and her heart and legs were steady, before dashing back to her room.
She showered and applied the lightest makeup. She also decided to let her hair hang loose. Part of her was tempted to do herself up to try and impress Wu but when she thought about what she would be doing with him, it felt silly. Still, she wished the reflection she saw in the mirror was more impressive. Mikan spent a long time trying to decide what to wear as well. She tried on almost every piece of clothing she had brought. She wasn't sure if she should wear one of the formal outfits Jaluadecen had put together or one of more casual ones. What sort of meeting was this? In the end, Mikan went with the style she'd generally adopted; a sleeveless light-pink top with thin straps, a short lilac-colored skirt and white, heeled sandals.
Mikan glanced at the time and was shocked to see that she'd used up almost her entire two hours already. She had to dash to make it on time. In a way, it was beneficial because she was in too much of a hurry to be nervous. By the time she reached his quarters, after getting turned around a couple of times, it was ten minutes past the agreed upon time. The doors opened automatically and Mikan ran inside before she could think about it.