The feeling drifted away once they left the apartment building, however. There were too many interesting things to see. She saw so many things she didn't understand. Boxes and cylinders seemingly placed at random and made of materials she'd never seen. To say nothing of the fie themselves. Most of them were in clothes that were just as striking as what Jaluadecen wore. They stared at her, too, though Mikan imagined it was because she was so obviously human. No fie shared her black hair or beige skin.
They got on one of the trains and Mikan got up on her knees on the seat to look out the window. Jaluadecen gave her an aggrieved look and she noticed that none of the other passengers were doing what she did, so she timidly sat back down. She still watched out of the window as they rode, though. At one point they passed by some place that had trees and grass and flowers. Or that's what Mikan assumed the things she saw were. There was no plant life on Ragrun but she'd heard about those things and wanted desperately to see them. She filed it away to ask Jaluadecen about. Maybe they could see it on their way back.
The train emptied over the next few stops and they were alone when they reached their stop. Mikan followed Jaluadecen onto the exit platform and looked around. They must have been pretty deep in the ship because Mikan couldn't see the sky when she looked up. There were two humans on the platform, talking with a fie. Mikan didn't recognize either of them. Only sixty people had lived in her village and most of them had refused to leave Ragrun. 'I hope the carcha didn't kill them.' Mikan glanced at Jaluadecen questioningly and he pointed to his left. "I think it's that way." The two humans peered at them curiously as they passed by but neither of them said anything.
They went down a covered staircase and out onto a street. There was a lot more bustle here, with humans and a few fie milling about, usually carrying something. Mikan supposed they were still getting settled in. There were squat multi-storied buildings on either side of the street with people carrying things in and out of them. Mikan looked up again and thought that maybe she could see the sky, very distantly. She supposed it was only natural that humans didn't get the best accommodations on the ship. 'Humans that can't pilot,' she amended.
Mikan stopped and frowned. How could she possibly even begin finding her family? She supposed the best way would be to just start asking people but the thought made her stomach tight. She surveyed the crowd, hoping that she would luck into seeing her brother or her parents. Instead she saw somebody she never expected. It made her heart lighter to see him, though, since she'd been worried about what had happened to him.
"Arrus!" she said, jogging to meet the dobed. He was a head taller than any human in the crowd and significantly wider, with dull brown skin and long, thick arms. His belly fell over the waistband of his knee-length tan skirt. 'I wonder if that's how dobeds dress on their homeworld or if he'll change into something else.' She also noticed he had a thick black boot on one foot, though his other was bare like usual. The boot was on the leg that had been shattered when he was thrown by Angra Mainyu, so she thought it must be protecting it. He hadn't been walking the last time she'd seen him.
"Mikan." The big dobed smiled, showing blocky white teeth. "It is good to see you." She was struck again by how pushed-in his face seemed. His carcha was also atrocious, sounding like somebody talking with a mouth full of food.
Mikan stopped short of hugging him, even though she kind of wanted to. Why, she wasn't sure. They'd only met a few times and she wasn't sure she could really even call him a friend. "Are you living here with the humans?" she asked, a little surprised.
Arrus nodded. "The fie did not know what to do with me so I volunteered to help the humans settle in here until such time as the carcha reclaim me."
Mikan tried not to grimace. She liked Arrus and found him interesting to talk to but he insisted that he was property of the carcha and expressed no interest in being free of them. Yet he didn't condemn Mikan and the humans for rebelling. It was odd–beyond odd–and he had never explained it. "That's good," she said, glancing at his boot. "Does that let you walk with your leg still broken?"
Arrus nodded. "The fie say it will still take some time to heal completely but the boot allows me to walk with little pain and no risk of furthering the damage."
"That's great news, Arrus!" Mikan suddenly remembered the man just off her shoulder and said, "Oh, Arrus, this is Jaluadecen. He's my, um, assistant until I get settled here." Jaluadecen inclined his head slightly. His face was blank.
"A fie assistant," Arrus rumbled musingly. "Because you are a pilot? It must be." He nodded as if it was settled, even though Mikan hadn't responded. "Does that make you a pilot, too, Master Jaluadecen?"
Jaluadecen went so still that Mikan could tell he was enraged. She had no idea why. "No," the fie said stiffly. "I am not a pilot."
Mikan's heart started thumping wildly in her chest and she fought down rising panic. Arrus was peering at Jaluadecen curiously and opened his mouth, likely to ask a follow up question, but Mikan cut him off. "Arrus, do you happen to know where my family is staying?" she asked hurriedly and too loudly. Her face colored.
Arrus's mouth snapped closed and he turned to her, seeming a bit out of sorts. He grunted a couple of times and then said, "I do. I met your brother Yukimura yesterday. I believed him to be you at first." Mikan nodded. That was understandable. They weren't identical twins, since they were different sexes, but she and Yukimura had always looked so much alike they might as well have been. That should have changed when they reached puberty but it hadn't really for whatever reason. Mikan was still boyishly slim and Yukimura had the same narrow shoulders and big, dark eyes. It would have helped if he cut his hair but he wore it the same length as Mikan and refused any suggestion that he wear it shorter.
"Could you tell me where they are?" Mikan asked.
"I will take you to them," Arrus said. "This way." Arrus waved for them to follow and Mikan fell in beside him. Even though Arrus walked sedately and a bit awkwardly with the boot, his legs were so long that Mikan had to almost jog to keep up. Jaluadecen followed, glowering again. Mikan glanced at him quickly a few times, wondering what had happened. Clearly the pilot thing had set him off but why? 'And things had seemed to be improving,' she thought ruefully.
She had Arrus chatted as they walked, mostly about how the humans were settling in. It seemed pretty chaotic but everybody at least had a bed to sleep in and full bellies. The ones like Arrus who had been injured were swiftly taken care of and many of the miners with permanent disabilities were going to be given prosthetics or helped to rehabilitate in a hospital. It all sounded a little too good to Mikan and she wondered if another shoe was going to drop. 'Maybe I should talk to Bel.' Thinking of the other woman made her face heat.
They reached the building that Mikan's family was staying in. It was the same squat, pale red, four-story building as the others the humans were staying in. Arrus ducked under the small door frame and led them up a flight of narrow stairs. He had to hunch in on himself to climb them and Mikan hoped that wherever he was staying was a little more roomy. 'It would be nice if he could stay in the same apartment building as me.' It was plenty spacious enough. Mikan didn't know if dobed could pilot but she realized that it didn't matter. Arrus wouldn't fight the carcha anyway. 'Still, maybe I'll ask Bel.'
They stopped in front of a small door down a narrow hallway and Arrus gestured at it. With a smile, Mikan stepped forward and knocked on the door. They waited a bit but Mikan could hear movement on the other side so she didn't knock again. Finally the door opened a crack and her father peeked out. When he saw her, his eyes went round and he threw the door open. "Mikan?!" he gasped. There was a shriek from deeper in the apartment and her mother sprinted forward, shoving her father aside and throwing her arms around Mikan.
"My baby!" she cried, raining down kisses on Mikan's face and squeezing her tight. "My sweet child. You're alright. You're alright."
Mikan, completely off-balance, looked to her father questioningly. Unlike her mother, he was not happy. His face was tight. "Nice of you to finally make time for us," he said. "Your mother was sick with worry. We haven't seen you since you ran off to fight in those monstrosities. We only had Yukimura's occasional visits to tell us if you were alive and unhurt. And nothing since the last fight. We'd heard...we'd heard that two of the mechs had been destroyed in the fighting."
Guilt roared through Mikan. She hadn't even considered letting her parents know that was alive. It just hadn't occurred to her. There was too much going on. Even visiting them today had been a whim because she was curious how they were settling in. "I'm sorry," she said, hugging her mother back. "I didn't...I wasn't thinking."
That seemed to mollify her father a little. He stepped forward and enfolded both of them in his arms. He was only of average height but that still made him much bigger than either Mikan or her diminutive mother. Somehow that only made Mikan feel worse. She had been expecting a happy reunion. Maybe even some praise for what she'd done. Instead she felt like a terrible person. "Come inside," her father said, breaking the hug. Mikan followed him inside with her mother still hanging on her.
She pushed her gently a step away as Jaluadecen and Arrus ducked inside. She spotted Yukimura hovering behind their father, seeming anxious. "Um, I guess you've already met Arrus," Mikan said. "This is Jaluadecen. He's my assistant."
"Aide and guide," Jaluadecen said, as if he was correcting her. Mikan didn't see a difference. He bowed, sending his hair decorations chiming. "A pleasure to meet you."
Her mother, father and brother all bowed back awkwardly. "You have a fie assistant?" Mikan nodded, ignoring Jaluadecen's glower. Her mother and father glanced at each other. "Will we get assistants?"
Mikan looked to Jaluadecen for the answer. "No," he said sourly. "Only foreign pilots and dignitaries receive aides from Lady Tsyirinsaku."
Mikan turned back to her parents with her eyebrows raised. "What is he saying?" her father asked.
She realized they must not have auto-translators. "He said 'no,'" she said. "I guess only pilots get them." Mikan looked around. The room they were in was a mix of a kitchen and a living room, just like in her own apartment but it was about half the size. From what she could see, there was only one bedroom as well. The fie certainly gave pilots a lot of benefits.
"I see," her father said. And uncomfortable silence descended.
"Jaluadecen," Arrus rumbled, "would you be able to help me with something?"
The fie's dark eyes swept the room. "Yes...I think I will." The two men left the apartment, murmuring polite salutations.
It went quiet as soon as they were gone. Mikan hated it. She walked to her twin and held up her arms. "I'm so glad to see you, Yuki," she said. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. It's been crazy."
Yuki practically threw himself into her arms, hugging her fiercely. "I missed you so much, Mikan," he said. Mikan felt bad all over again. Maybe she could invite Yuki to stay at her apartment? It was strange not having him around. They'd been together literally since the moment they were born.
"Mikan," her father said sternly. "We should talk." Mikan's stomach tightened. They all seated themselves at the low table. Mikan couldn't help but notice it was kind of dingy compared to her own. Her father sat across from her, her mother to her left and Yukimura to her right. She reached under the table and took his hand. He squeezed it.
"I'm really sorry," Mikan said. "I wasn't thinking...I guess I just thought you would hear. That was stupid. I'll make sure to check in better from now on."
Her parents shared a significant look. "So you intend to keep piloting those...mechs...for the fie?" her father asked.
Mikan nodded. "Of course." She hadn't even really thought about it.
"That is not a good idea," Mikan's father said. "You need to come back and live with us."
"What?" Mikan stared at him. "Why?"
"Why?" her mother broke in, her voice thick with emotion. "You could die! It's madness for you to be fighting in those horrible robots!"
Her father laid a hand on her mother's shoulder, comfortingly but also to cut off her tirade before it got going. "We allowed it before because we didn't really understand what was going on. But we saw some of the...videos…" his voice held wonder as he said the word, "and we saw the destruction and damage. When we heard that two of the mechs fighting on our side had been destroyed…" He shook his head.
"Oh," Mikan said in a small voice. She glanced at the table. Yuki squeezed her hand again. Mikan gathered her courage. "I understand why you would be afraid for me but I want to keep piloting." Her mother opened her mouth angrily but Mikan hurried on. "I'm good at it…" Well, maybe that was a stretch but she was getting better. And she was powerful. Venus said she was just tapping into what she could do. That would be hard to explain, though. "And I want to repay the fie for helping us. I want to fight the carcha." Mainly, she wanted to keep feeling like she was valued.
"No!" her mother snapped. "No, I won't allow it!" Mikan's father stopped her again with a hand on her shoulder. She seemed to be barely restraining herself, though.
"Mikan, it is honorable for you to wish to repay the fie but piloting one of those mechs is not the way to do it. That is no place for you. You will come and live with us."
Anger started to creep into Mikan. "I want to pilot."
"You will do as you are told," her father said coldly.
Yuki's hand tightened on hers but she tugged it away and balled them up under the table. Before, she'd been resisting her parents' pushes to find a man and get married but only half-heartedly, since she knew it was inevitable. Now, though, she had a different path. She couldn't–she wouldn't–allow them to take it from her. "I'm going to be a pilot," she said, staring down at the table in front of her. Yuki gasped. Neither one of them had ever argued with their father after he had adopted that cold tone.
Her mother hissed sharply. "Mikan, you will listen…" But her father stopped her again. His face was an icy mask.
"This is not a debate, Mikan. This is ridiculous." He shook his head. "You are a girl, Mikan. Fighting is completely unacceptable. As is what you are wearing…not to mention that strange fie man that came with you. No. I am putting a stop to this now."
"No!" Tears were coming to Mikan's eyes and she dashed them away angrily. "You are the one that is being ridiculous!" Yuki and her mother both gasped in horror. "I fought to get us here and you haven't even said anything to me! I thought you would be proud of me. This isn't...you aren't…" the tears were coming faster now and she rubbed at her eyes furiously. Her brain seemed too overwhelmed to form anything coherent. She turned and stormed out of the apartment.
She didn't stop until she was out of the building altogether, ignoring her parents' demands for her to stop. Outside, she rubbed at her eyes savagely, trying to get the tears to stop through force of will. Her father had always been stern and demanding but she realized that she had thought her exploits might actually make him proud of her. She should have known better. 'I'm too boyish for him and Yuki's too girlish. We can never make him happy.'
Jaluadecen and Arrus were right outside of the building as well. She gave them a sour look, even though they hadn't done anything and turned to head back to the train. Yukimura caught her first. "Wait, Mikan," he said, grabbing her hand.
"I'm not going back," Mikan snapped, not looking at him.
"I know," Yuki said quietly. "But don't be mad at them. They're just worried about you." Mikan scoffed to show how far she believed that. "Come back after everybody has had some time to cool down."
Mikan sighed. Why was she being short with Yuki? He hadn't done anything. She turned and took his other hand in hers. "Come with me, Yuki. My apartment is more than big enough for two people." 'Well, I guess it would be three with Jaluadecen.'
Yuki's eyes brightened but then he sighed and shook his head. "I can't leave Mom right now. I think she would lose it."
"Alright," Mikan said with a sad frown. "But you have to come visit me. Soon. I'll let Arrus know where I am staying and you can both come." Yuki nodded eagerly. Mikan glanced back at the building, surprised her parents weren't already out and demanding she come back inside. Maybe her father was in shock. Her mother probably hoped Yuki could talk her around. She gave Yuki a quick hug and whispered, "Soon." Then she spun and walked away at a fast clip.
Jaluadecen and Arrus fell in beside her without a word. Mikan took in everything as she walked and used it to harden her determination. The ragged clothes, the squat buildings that would be crammed full, the lost looks of the people. None of that was her anymore. She was special. She was valued. She wouldn't give that up for anything. Not for anything!