'It would be beautiful, if it weren't so horrifying.' The planet was burning. A roiling cascade of orange and yellow and red. The fires were so wide spread that he could see it from orbit. Sellatus, that was the name of the planet. It was a planet like many others: enormously wealthy, beautifully engineered, massively corrupt and beyond brutal for most of the populace. It was a world that belonged to the overlords of this part of the galaxy. The carcha. A species from a planet far from Earth, which had unlocked the secrets of space travel while humans still struggled to navigate the oceans of their homeworld. Most carcha were cruel and murderous by their very nature. Their various empires had spent several centuries crushing every species they came across into submission and slavery. But there had been innocent carcha down there too. He knew most humans would say there weren't any innocent carcha but he didn't believe that. 'Innocents, children...and slaves.'
He'd been a slave to them too, when he was young and powerless. He knew the cruelties of the carcha as well or better than most but this... 'This is too much.' How could she have done something like this? He hadn't seen anything like this in her. 'Innocent...' That is how he would have described her, too, and not so very long ago. He knew she was angry but so were they all. That wasn't enough to justify carnage on this scale. How many died down there? He shook his head. How did she even do it? He hadn't believed until he set eyes on the destruction himself.
He heard the clicking of her heels before he saw her. He'd turned the lights on the deck low so he could see Sellatus better. He glanced over as she emerged out of the darkness, making sure to keep his face passive. She was even more beautiful than he remembered, though there were deep bags under her eyes. 'Sleepless from celebrating or because what she did is keeping her awake?' He hoped it was the latter.
She put a hand on one hip and glanced out of the view port that stretched across most of the deck. The jumpsuit she was wearing was a red so dark it was almost black in the dimness of the deck. "It's been a while, Callum," she said. "It's good to see you. Your invitation almost sounded like a summons, though." She glanced at him. "And only for me. Is nobody else from the Seawolf welcome aboard?" That hit Callum like a punch to the gut. He knew exactly who she was referring to, of course. 'Were they a part of this? Did they approve? Did they encourage it?' Callum couldn't believe it but hadn't believed she was capable of something like this either.
"I wanted to talk to you first," he said.
She grinned but it didn't reach her eyes. "You could have come to me. You know you're always welcome on my ship."
'But then I might have run into them.' He shook his head. "This isn't a friendly visit. I'm not looking to catch up or chat about old times."
She arched an eyebrow. "Then say it," she said softly.
"What is this?" he said, his voice icy cold. "You destroyed an entire planet. Why would you do something like this?"
"You know why," she said. crossing her arms underneath her breasts.
"I know why you came here..." he said. The memory of the report of it made him sick to his stomach all over again. Bel hadn't been able to take it. She had been as upset as he'd ever seen her. "But we're not them. We're fighting to stop that kind of thing from happening."
"We're fighting to destroy the empire that would do something like that!" she snapped back, finally showing some agitation. "To break the power of the carcha!"
"What's the point, if we have to become like them to do it?"
"That's stupid," she fired back. "It's a false argument. You know we're not like them. You of all people."
"I'm not conceited enough to believe that I know how the universe works."
That amused her. "Conceited, am I?" She sighed and glanced back at the burning planet. "It's not like enjoyed it, Callum. There was some...grim satisfaction, I guess, but..." She closed her eyes and suddenly she seemed incredibly tired. Callum had to restrain himself from going to her. "They don't understand anything else. They need to fear..." She shook her head. "No, not even that's right. They need to respect us. And they don't respect honor or dignity or wisdom or kindness or mercy. They respect ruthlessness. They respect the ability to crush enemies underfoot." She opened her eyes. "They respect the ability to kill."
Callum's mouth tightened. He didn't have an argument for that. Logically, she was right but his gut told him she was wrong. He looked at Sallatus. "Well, you've certainly killed a lot of them." She snorted softly. "Men, women...children."
Her back stiffened and she glared at him. "Don't you talk to me about children," she hissed. "Don't you dare."
Callum winced. That had been a misstep. 'The reason she is here is because of what these carcha did to the children...' His stomach turned. "What about the slaves?" he asked, changing course. "And the other non-carcha?" There were always slaves on carcha planets, as well as freeborn aliens of all kinds.
Guilt flickered across her face. "We did our best to hit areas with majority carcha populations. The military bases, of course, and the richest parts of the cities..." He just gazed at her. "I know, alright! I know! We killed thousands of non-carcha, I'm sure. Tens of thousands, maybe. I hate it. It makes me want to peel my skin off when I think about it. But what choice did I have? They all have slaves. All of them! I can't let that..." She met his eyes and suddenly her face twisted with an almost feral anger. "Do you really think your precious hands are so fucking clean? You know what Tsyirinsaku and the Free Fie have done. You even work with the fucking agomor! Maybe you stay out of the muck but only because they do the dirty work for you! Why are you acting like I'm the only one who crossed the line!?"
That hit close to home. 'And my hands aren't as clean as they used to be.' He wasn't naïve. Not anymore. There wasn't room for that in this universe. 'So why am I so upset? Why did I race here like a fool and summon her here like a disappointed father?' He glanced at her and said, "Because I thought you were better than this." The words tumbled out before he could stop them and he would have given anything to have them back.
Her eyes and mouth opened in surprise but she quickly covered it up with a bitter smile. That was new. That sort of emotional resiliency. Even a year ago, words like that from him might have destroyed her. It was probably a good thing but it made him sad. "Well, I thought I loved you. We all make mistakes," she shot back. Even though he knew she was lashing out because he hurt her, the blow wasn't lessened. Callum felt irritated with himself that it could hurt him at all. 'How many women do you need to love you?'
"I'm sorry," Callum said. "I didn't...I didn't mean like that..."
"No, you did," she fired back. "You--!" She stopped and then laughed suddenly. "Huh."
"What?"
She put her hands on her hips. "I eventually figured out I had an idealized version of you in my head but I never considered that you would have one of me."
The puzzled Callum. "Is it so surprising?"
"Yes," she said, without elaboration. Then she sighed and glanced out the viewport. "I don't want to fight with you, Callum," she said. "That's all I've been doing lately."
"I'm sorry," he said, not sure what else to say. He wasn't willing to end the argument there but he struggled to come up with a way to broach it again without enraging her.
"How is your family?" she asked. Her eyes crinkled up in a smile. "Your wives?"
"They're fine." He still felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea. 'Wives...' "Bel was asking after you. She wants to see you."
Her smile turned from mischievous to wistful. "Maybe later. I still have so much to do. Despite what you think of me, I've been leading rescue operations for the past two days."
'No wonder she looks like she's about to collapse.' "I know you're not an evil person. I never thought that, even for a moment." She seemed a little taken aback by his urgent tone but he needed to make sure she knew he was serious. "I understand why you did this, how they pushed you into it. But we can't win this way. We can't become them."
Instead of getting angry and defensive again, she seemed to absorb his words and consider them. She stared out of the viewport for a long time, at the burning planet. When she spoke, it was with the deliberateness of somebody who was considering every word carefully. "Despite how I might have sounded before, I do think it's a good thing you're keeping your hands clean. This galaxy needs that. A hero everybody can look up to. A beacon of light in the overwhelming darkness. And I know that's not what you're trying to do but it almost makes it more powerful. You should hold to a higher morality. You should scorn me."
Callum opened his mouth to argue but she continued before he could get a word in. "But there is evil in this galaxy, too, that needs to be exterminated. There are people that need to die, organizations that need to be destroyed and even planets that need to burn." Callum closed his mouth. The conviction in her voice was absolute. He didn't think he'd ever heard her talk like this before. She turned to him. Her face was expressionless except for the fire burning in her eyes. "You be a hero, Callum, and I...I'll do what needs to be done."
She turned and left before he could come up with a coherent argument. He watched her disappear into the darkness, heels clicking on the metal floor. He stared after for a long while until a surge of anger pulsed through him. He punched a steel strut, leaving a crater in the metal. 'Damn it,' he thought, 'God damn it.'