Junie Nelson took Nicolas' hands in hers as they walked. In a few minutes they rounded the bend that led towards the alley and she pulled him towards the exterior of the farmhouse, trying not to look at the spot where the poor girl's accident had happened. She felt the hesitation in the grip on her hands and she nudged him to just do her bidding. Everything she did for him was always for the best although it usually looked stupid or insensitive at first.
"She liked this place, Cole. She always did. You can always come here if you want to talk to her" Hearing that, he concluded that what happened in there in the dining room was simply an innocent coincidence. She had not heard Ashley ask about her health in the first place.
"Who knows? she might have dropped some notes for you in strategic places here" she smiled warmly pulling him into a old rocking chair. They both sat there for a few minutes, none of them talking to the other.
Junie Nelson was staring at the mild sunrise all the time and Nicolas' mind was on Ashley who was back at home.
For some reason, he feared getting back home and meeting her absence. He was going to be hurt all over again if she left him. He should talk to her about his confusion but he was a hundred percent sure Ashley was going to call him crazy.
He didn't think he would ever get comfortable hiding stuff from her.
"Are you scheming for ways to break up with me? Can you hear yourself telling me you watched me die at the accident? That's simply bullshit. If you're tired of being with me, just say so already. I'll just accept my fate coz I'm used to being alone, you know that more than anyone else" Nicolas could hear her words in his head. Those would be her exact response to him if he ever brought up what was in his mind.
Despite that it was a proven fact that he truly loved and wanted her, she still had her insecurities buried deep inside, and as much as she tried hiding them, Nicolas saw through her all the time. Who wouldn't be so insecure with all that experience?
"What are you thinking about?" The old lady's voice was soft and receptive. "Are you thinking about her? You know it's okay if you think about her all the time" she stared at the sunrise again and asked him, "Did she like the sunrise?"
"No. Except the wind and sunset" he mumbled. He had only been to the farmhouse twice.
First was the time she took too long to get back home and he had gone looking for her. Second time was at the time of her accident. It had been the worst day of his life and he knew he was going to have to relive that day till the end of time.
"I would say you should try thinking of your happy moments together. I'm sure you got a bunch of them.
I remember the other time I saw you playfully chasing her round your balcony and she was giggling non-stop. She even broke one of my vases in the process. I was indoors and sleeping but I had to come peep at my window" she said reminiscing the happy times.
Nicolas smiled because he remembered too.
The poor girl had brought life into his tough soul just by being her carefree, fragile self. Her giggle was enough to make his day most times.
"Did you kiss her yet?" She chuckled, holding her mouth immediately after. "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to cheer you up"
"Yes I kissed her already. I mean, we've been together for almost three years now" he said. "I love her very much, you know"
"I know, Cole. I know that without being told. I'm sure you gave her the best kiss ever. She must be very thankful for the gift of you" she looked around as the wind swished by, flying her blond hair like a kite.
Her words always had the tendency of melting your heart because she never flattered anyone.
"Ashley and I are alike in some ways. I love farms and barns too"
"You do?"
"Yes. I got my first kiss on a farm, it was beautiful and I was only 17 at the time" Junie blushed red, looking across the farm.
Both of them had heard a van pass by and they instinctively watched it go.
Nicolas was especially distracted by the white van that passed by, because it was the same van he saw at the scene of his girlfriend's accident. That van that looked exactly like his, the van that looked like life and death all at once.
"It feels like it was only yesterday ..." She continued, but his mind was not with her. He followed the van with his eyes. There was something sinister about it but he could not place his hand on it.
"Cole, have you told your family about her before now?"
"Yes. I took her home to dinner once and it was a disaster. They don't want us together" he muttered flatly
"I'm sorry,that must have been so hard on you" Junie mumbled, trying to keep the conversation going. She tried to read him every now and then but his face was expressionless, more like numb.
"How do you feel, like, I mean, right now? You know you can tell me everything" she faced him now and peered into his beautiful but numb pupils.
"Of course. I know I can tell you how sad I feel right now and how mad I am at my family, her family and the whole world, and how I badly want to call her name and wake up from this dream I'm in, but I don't know how to express myself" his voice was breaking and so he stopped talking. He seemed to be swatting at an invisible fly but Junie knew he was trying to hold back tears.
She didn't respond to him. Instead, she just took his hand and walked him to the open field there.
"Cole, I want you to stand here and scream at the top of your lungs at night and whenever you feel like it. Stand here and yell.
Shout everything you have in mind to no one in particular and only leave when you feel better" she said, getting up and Nicolas thought she was already leaving, but she only went two steps further and drew something in the sand.
He didn't know if screaming could help him or make him feel worse but he was going to try because he was starting to go berserk already.
He wanted to be alone but he didn't want to send Old Junie away because he was also scared of her leaving him there at the farmhouse.
Every minute, he felt like his life was slipping away. Every minute until he heard Ashley's voice in his bedroom. Even though she appeared to him at the oddest times and that still made him jitter, he wanted her around by nook or by crook.
His mind drifted off to the time he took her home for dinner. Before then, his mother Jenny and his father, Trevor had not known he had a girlfriend because he had always been a quiet child who liked to do things on his own and so, he only occasionally mingled with his family. He was also closer to his father than his mother.
It was a simple family dinner and it would have been a full house if his father wasn't busy hosting a conference somewhere in Bulgaria. His brother, Milo, and his sisters, Bridget and Cassandra were present, and they bred energy into the whole thing as usual. All of them were extroverted and sophisticated like Jenny.
Cassandra, the 'chef' in the family had prepared several delicacies and it only required a few mouthwatering descriptions of her delicacies and the make of the special wine she brought along to get Nicolas to attend the dinner. She knew he was a sucker for good food and good wine.
He immediately consented to coming, and informed them that, he was coming over with his girlfriend. He wanted her to meet his family. Of course they were shocked but eager to see them both.
When he told Ashley, she was nervous but he promised her that his family was one hell of an accommodating bunch. And sure enough, they were nice to her on her first night. Or maybe just indifferent.
Bur Cassandra did ask her to sleep over when she sensed the poor girl's nervousness.
Ashley had openly marveled at the interior decoration of the million-dollar mansion she was welcomed in.
The chandeliers, sofas, marble floors and the exterior were just too substantive. She thought she was in one of those houses on TV.
She knew well-to-do, noble and wealthy people in town but theirs was an extraordinary one. Each one of them exuded elegance with every letter of the word.
One of the rooms was almost the same size as the whole of her house. The poor girl kept hopping around the house, giggling and exhibiting her carefree nature. You wouldn't know she nursed the biggest traumas.
Jenny had liked her curves and beauty, she complimented her about four different times over dinner and after, by calling her a natural model, but, as soon as dinner ended, she had called her son aside and told him that Ashley was not enough for him,as he was the first son, and he would need someone more advanced, meticulous, sophisticated, and well-to-do by his side when he became the CEO of Newton Newborns, their automobile company or JenVor Fashion Shows or Trey iFitness, their popular gymnasium. Whichever one he wanted.
Jenny must have found out somehow, that Jeff Butler, the chef and notorious alcoholic was Ashley's father, and so she frowned at their relationship thereafter.
She didn't really have problems accepting the girl but her background was a bad omen for her son's future.
She had always wanted noble in-laws and she wasn't going to accept less. She thought both her parents were 'vagabonds and vicious neer-do-wells' who wrecked the society.
Nicolas had flipped his lid hearing his mother call her family names. He would never agree that Ashley was not good enough for him.
"All we have that she doesn't have is affluence, mom. I don't need her to be sophisticated or come from a noble family. It's not her fault that her parents are like that!"
"Nick, you have no idea how much the future holds for you here. I expect more from you! You need a supportive and stable partner, not a hot, sexy girlfriend to pass the time with.
Get someone who will last. Remember you can't stay CEO while you're unmarried!"
"You don't even know her yet. How can you judge her personality in one night? Don't be so unfair, mom"
Because of his anger, their secret talk leaked and that was how Ashley got to know that she was unwanted, despite her gracefulness.
She regretted eavesdropping on their conversation. Maybe she should have waited to hear from the horse's mouth but she was too heartbroken to wait.
She gave a flimsy excuse to let herself out of the house when it was barely 7am the next morning.
She had even thought Nick would call to break up with her after she left. She had mentally prepared herself for the bombshell because she had no courage to break up first.
She already knew as soon as she walked in that mansion that, she didn't belong and would never belong.
*******
Nicolas stopped his daydreaming all of a sudden, looking around him. He was on his knees and his shirt was ripped apart. Not only was it torn, it was dripping water
He felt a wetness on his face like dried tears and he looked at his fingers which were covered in soot. He realized he was kneeling in the open field covered with soot and petrichor from the last minute's rain.
He didn't know what just happened.
All he knew was he had been here at the farmhouse with Junie and he had drifted into a reverie, reminiscing the night he took Ashley to his family dinner.
He looked around, calling Junie Nelson but his voice came off very hoarse and strained.
It was starting to get dark, and the thick clouds were gathering again for another round of rainfall. He tried to get up but he fell back to the ground each time he tried.
Just then, he realized he must have been kneeling like that for a long, long time and that the old lady must have left already.