Spend the rest of the day just laying on the couch talking about different topics while at the same time watching. At some point, we both fall asleep for almost two hours. We wake up and continue with our conversations. I think we are both trying to make up for the time that we lost all those years when we rarely spoke or even see each other. At some point, the conversation steers to my academics. Am surprised that Tiramisu shows concern about my education. "So when are you set to go back to school?", she asks while adjusting the fleece blanket to cover both our feet. "in three weeks, though am not sure of the exact date." she turns to face me, "do you think by that time you will be in the right mind space to learn after everything that has happened and given that you this is your final academic year and you have to sit for the final exams?" wow, so she is also aware that I'll be sitting for my finals. That is nice, to me it always appeared like she did not care hence had no idea of what class I was in. That reminds me that I have not logged into any of my social media accounts for the past three days and I do not plan on doing so unless necessary " Yeah, I'm sure by that time I'll be better, I also want to get done with school so if I have to push myself through it, I will do exactly that." I tell her. "I wish you all the best Cyn and am sorry for everything I said earlier. I was being insensitive and not considering that everyone right now just needs a shoulder to lean on," she says while rubbing a soothing hand on my cheek. "Also stop doubting yourself, you're all that you've got for life, so believe in yourself."
I know it takes a lot for Tiramisu to show emotions and even apologize and am grateful for that. But I can't get my hopes high and expect that it will be like this every day. I still have to rely on myself to get me through everything no matter what, since this is new to her, and am not sure she will live up to it and be there for me anytime when I need her.
A few days have passed since I lost her and the dull pain in my heart is still present. I have seen Tiramisu around the house a couple of times and we have had conversations like normal siblings do unlike before where we would just shrug at each other. I just hope she sticks around though it is unlikely of her.
I finally managed to log into my social accounts and to say that it blew up with messages and notifications is an understatement. My inbox is filled with friends, classmates, and even strangers offering their condolences. I just did not have the energy to express my gratitude to each of them individually, so I just wrote a single message and forwarded it to everyone.
For the past few days, I have just been in the house spending most of my time with Lynne and sometimes Tiramisu. I also had a few conversations with my aunts who have been staying with us and it has been quite an experience getting to know my extended relatives better and also my sister. Lynne has been showing up almost every day trying to get me to go out and socialize but I just feel like am not ready. But yesterday she managed to convince me to take her grocery shopping today at our local market. I had denied it at first but then she managed to guilt trip me and it worked.
I already dropped off Lynne at their homestead gate and heading home with a few groceries since I decided to also purchase a few things go our kitchen. I see Lorenzi approaching me. I'm not that friendly with hey but we always say hi whenever we meet.
The moment she is closer to me she starts shouting, "so you decided to also snatch people's boyfriends?" I'm shocked and can understand what she is saying. "What do you mean Lorenzi? I have been barely out of the house for the past two weeks", try to tell her. "Do not play dumb bitch, everyone saw you together with Dylan on closing day" she shouts. The mention of Dylan's name makes me connect the dots and understand what she is talking about. On the day we left school for the holidays, Dylan came to pick me up. We had met before when he was trying to shoot his shot and I had told him to give me time to think about it. I had also told him jokingly that if he is serious maybe he should consider picking me up from school on the closing day. I was not aware that he was dating Lorenzi, I fact I had no idea that they knew each other.
"Lorenzi you've got to believe me when I tell you that I did not know that you two were an item," I tell her. That makes her even angrier, "stop pretending, you know you're just like your sisters, right. You just want to hoe yourself around." I cannot believe she can say that to me and what makes her judge me so harshly. If I had an idea that she was dating Dylan, I could not have agreed to Dylan's advances. The fact that she is also bringing my sister to the mix just makes it worse. I agree that both of them do not have a great reputation, especially in matters to do with relationships.
"Listen, Lorenzi, I don't want to have a fight with you over a boy, who in this case is the wrong one. He has made a fool out of us both so please let it go. The moment I get a hold of my phone I'm breaking it off with him." she sneers at me." you better," that is the reply she gives me before walking away.
It is incidences like this that make me realize how we as ladies like to blame each other for the mistakes made by the man. In this century, men should be held accountable for matters of cheating and not shift the blame to the lady, unless it is really clear that she is the one in the wrong.
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"Hae babe, how you doing?" Dylan asks. I do not plan to argue with him about anything. I'm at a point in my life where I do not want arguments and unnecessary grudges. "I'm good, you?" I force myself to ask. I'm not in the mood to talk to him. If there was any other way I could do this without having to talk to him I'd appreciate it. Seeing that there is no other way, I better get it done with. "I'm great, I've been thinking of you. Is it possible to meet anytime soon?" funny how he is talking of meeting while here I'm planning to drop his ass. "Dylan, I met Lorenzi," I ignore his question and go straight to the point. He is silent for some time. "it is not what you think babe. We are not together and I was planning to break it off officially with her." "can you hear yourself talking Dylan? how could you start a relationship with me yet you're still in another relationship?" I'm so angry, "let me explain, please Cyn. Give me a minute to make you understand." he pleads. I'm not having any of it. My life is already dramatic as it is now. I do not need any additional relationship drama. "there is nothing to explain Dylan, we are done. So please do not text me or call me, I have enough going on already." I hang up my phone place it on the nightstand. I pull my blanket over my head. I feel like crying but I stop myself. There is nothing to cry about I had not developed many feelings so it does not hurt that we are over. I go through Everything that has happened in my mind since the beginning of this holiday. A wave of emotions hit me but I'm determined not to shade a single tear. I got into a relationship that I had hoped was at least going to survive, only for a hit to end fast just as it had begun. I had a connection with my sister. That is the only good thing so far. The worst is that I lost her, my mum.
Her demise broke my heart since I was close to her, especially when I was young and she had not started drinking. During that time we bonded over a lot of things and she also did let me accompany her almost everywhere. Even after she started drinking, she was still like a friend to me. The only thing that lacked was the parental guidance that I needed to be given since I was a teenager. I know it will take lots of time to come to terms with the fact that she is gone. Ever since I got the news that she committed suicide, I've been deep in thoughts trying to figure out what had pushed her. I know alcohol played a part in it but I think there is something else.
Her death is the reason am grateful that Tiramisu started talking to me. I'm hoping that with time we will be able to understand each other more and maybe I will give her advice to consider rehabilitation. That is if I will be strong enough not to go down the same path as everyone else in the family.
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I enter the classroom and everyone is looking at me. That makes me feel weird, am not used to getting that much attention. I see my friend Liz look at me and then turn to talk to Mia. Waaait, how come they are sitting together and talking to each other? I thought they could not stand each other. Whatever got them being friendly must be some nice gossip and I suspect it is me. In our school specifically, our class sweet gossips make even enemies come together as friends. Owe unto you if you are the topic of the gossip cause you will automatically be the enemy.
I'm not surprised that they are together though I thought Liz was better than that. I know that the gossip going around about me is either about me pretending to be a 'good girl who does not drink or it is about Dylan and Lorenzi. The Dylan gossip I'm sure was brought on by Mia since she and Lorenzi are cousins.
I take the seat next to the class nerd Nelly since it is the only empty seat. At this moment I'm proud of myself for always being kind and friendly to everyone even those who 'school divas' tend to pick on otherwise I don't think Nelly would have let me seat next to her. 'Hello' I murmur to her, praying that I'm not disturbing her. "hae, how was your holiday?", she asks happily. She seems to remember something and her face changes from smiley to regretful, "I'm, sorry, that was so bad of me to ask, I tend to forget important details sometimes." She apologizes while making a lot of gestures with her hand. She looks cute and makes me smile. How had I not realized that in this class there are more people who I can be friends with? "I'm sorry for your loss Cyn, hope it gets easier for you. I cannot imagine what you are going through," she adds. "Thanks, Nelly", I do not have more to say to that so I change the topic. "I bet I am the only one who came in today everyone was here yesterday right?" I ask. Our school is an exclusive girls-only boarding school. I was late to report since I just did not feel like reporting on the first day. Anyway, normally on the first two days of reporting no real learning took place do students always pass that time with stories from their holiday encounters. "Yeah you are right, everyone reported yesterday except you." Nelly answer. "But it is not like you missed anything important, no teacher has attended their classes, she adds.
" what did you do to Liz? I thought you two were friends but she has been anything but acting like your friend from the way she was talking about you.". that alarms me so she is now bad-mouthing me. Am pretty sure soon the whole school will know my secrets." can you imagine that I did not do anything to her? " in fact I thought we were still friends until I arrived and saw her sitting next to Mia, that is how I knew our friendship was over." Really? " she asks as if she does not believe me. I'm glad that I can talk to her, I don't know how I would have handled everything." Yeah, I did not do anything to her, nothing that am aware of. "Now can you please tell me the sweet rumors she has been spreading about me? " I ask jokingly.
"you really wanna know?" she asks her expression telling me that whatever it is she has been saying it is not good. "it is that bad?" I ask just to prepare myself psychologically. She turns to me serious and says, "just know that it is not good", I wear my brave face and look her in the face, " bring it on" I tell her. To anyone else, it would have appeared that we were almost arguing.
"Yesterday, I overheard her telling Mia and another group of girls about how you are a big hypocrite," I knew this was coming. "She said how you are always telling her that you will never drink alcohol because you have experienced what it has done to your family yet there is a video of you taking alcohol shots."
"How did she get that video and who recorded it?" I'm so furious that someone came in the pretense of offering support on the day of mum's burial only for them to take advantage of my time of weakness take a video of me only to prove a point.
"She said that it was only a matter of time before you joined your family's way of living," Nelly adds.